


Pretend and Make Believe

by somanyfeels



Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Child Abuse, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Graphic descriptions of abuse, Guardian-Ward Relationship, Hurt Tony, Implied Sexual Content, Kid Fic, Kid Tony, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Non-Consensual Bondage, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Orphans, Parent Bucky Barnes, Parent Steve Rogers, Past Bucky Barnes/Natasha Romanov, Past Drug Use, Past Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Tony Angst, Tony Has Issues, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2018-04-07 02:50:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 39
Words: 90,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4246644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somanyfeels/pseuds/somanyfeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Howard and Maria Stark were in an accident, they died at the scene.  Bucky barely had time to grieve before gaining custody of Howard's young son, whose destructive behaviors and dangerous activities just might put him into an early grave as well.  Between dealing with Howard's former business partners and Tony's constant attitude shifts, Bucky's pretty sure he hates parenting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry but I'm writing a bit of a dark and angsty fic. There will be nothing explicit but it might be a bit much for some so please read the tags.

The call came in the middle of the night, waking Steve and Bucky from a deep sleep.  That should have been the first hint that something was wrong.  People didn’t call at two in the morning with happy news.  That phone call had been the beginning of a parade of mourning, one that started with two funerals and lawyers talking about wills and death.

 

“Wait, can you repeat that?”  Bucky asked quickly.  Steve reached over and grabbed his hand, gently stroking his thumb over the trembling fingers.

 

The lawyer looked between them slowly and smiled sadly.  “In the event of Mr. and Mrs. Stark’s deaths, custody of their son passes on to you, Mr. Rogers.”  She said.  Her voice was calm and steady.

 

Silence fell over them.  Steve squeezed his hand tighter, providing an anchor for Bucky’s spiraling thoughts.  He wasn’t prepared for Howard and Maria to die, at least not like this.  An accident, a collision of vehicles killed them while they were still in young with half a lifetime in front of them.  Bucky didn’t know how to feel, he wasn’t as close to them as Steve was.  He knew Howard over talks of military spending and prosthetic blueprints, Steve knew him for years longer and Bucky couldn’t even begin to imagine how he must be feeling.

 

“I’ll just give you two a moment.”  The lawyer said, she gave both of them a gentle smile before leaving the room.

 

“I don’t get it.”  Bucky said slowly, watching her leave.  “He’s giving you his kid, Stevie.  How the fuck are you supposed to take care of this kid?”

 

Steve looked away, his eyes drifting over the room in search for nothing at all.  “I don’t know.  We’ll figure it out.”  He said.  He looked back at Bucky, his face pleading.  “We’re financially stable, we have a good house in a nice neighborhood.  Tony needs us.”

 

Bucky sighed.  He didn’t know the first thing about taking care of a kid.  His experience with kids revolved around screaming siblings in cramped apartments and wary children in bombed out villages.  Tony Stark was a sixteen year old celebrity, in the papers every other week to either celebrate his genius or shame him for whatever barely legal shenanigans he had gotten himself into.  Bucky didn’t want to be anywhere near Howard’s train wreck of a kid, let alone right after he lost his parents.  He was either going to lash out at them or hide away and ignore them.

 

One look at the determination the settled in Steve’s eyes and Bucky knew he couldn’t argue enough to change his mind.  Steve was going to take the kid.

 

“Look, baby.  I know you and Howard were friends, I know you and Maria got along like a house on fire, but that doesn’t make you responsible for taking care of his son.”  Bucky said.  “He’s the son of a billionaire, we can’t move him to two bedroom townhouse in Brooklyn and expect him to adjust well.”

 

Steve shrugged.  “Howard asked me to and after everything he’s done for the two of us I can’t imagine turning the boy away.  He’s a good kid, I’ve met him a few times.”  He said as he took Bucky’s face in his hands.  He blinked quickly, his voice was getting shaky, and Bucky knew that the moment Steve started crying he would fall to pieces and take in any kid he wanted.  “The Starks are good people, we can’t just abandon their son when he needs us.”

 

He wrapped his arms around Steve, pulling him close and pressing his face into the warmth of his neck.  He could feel Steve’s rapid pulse, the tension of his muscles.  He wanted to see him relax, have him smile at him like he always did when everything was happy and going exactly how they wanted it to.  Those moments didn’t happen as often anymore.

 

“Fine, we’ll take in the kid.  But he better behave himself.”  Bucky whispered.  He could feel the stress physically drain from Steve’s body and calm washed over them both.  “I’m not gonna sit by and let him walk all over us.  He’s our kid now, going to be living in our house, and he’s going to follow our rules.”

 

“Thank you.”  Steve said as he pulled back just far enough to pepper Bucky’s face with gentle kisses.  “Thank you.  I love you so much, Buck.”

 

“I know you do, Punk.”  Bucky said.  He pulled Steve closer and melted into their embrace.  “I love you too.”

 

 

\---

 

 

Bucky hated the kid the moment he stepped foot in their house with one of Howard’s business partners, a large duffle bag slung over one shoulder and a cigarette dangling between his lips.  He was shorter than Bucky ha expected, skinnier.  All of the interviews and photos of the kid that sometimes popped up while he was watching tv or reading a magazine always portrayed him as larger.  It took him surprise how small and young he looked, after years of hearing about the kid’s extraordinary accomplishments and how he was the most brilliant mind of his generation, but at the moment he looked like a tired sixteen year old who hadn’t had enough to eat and hadn’t slept in a while.  He felt sorry for him up until the moment he raised a lighter up to his cigarette to light it.

 

“There’s no smoking in the house.”  Steve said lightly as he stepped forward to pluck the cigarette from his mouth.  “It’s good to have you here Tony.”

 

“Yeah.”  Tony said.  His face scrunched up in annoyance as Steve took his cigarette from him.  It was pointless, Tony probably had more stashed away somewhere and a kid with his wealth and influence would have no problem getting more.  “I’ll go find my room.”

 

He didn’t even acknowledge Bucky nor did he ask where his room was.  Steve walked over to take his bag from him, only to have his hand pushed away as Tony slung his duffle bag over his shoulder and marched towards the stairs.  Bucky was half tempted to yell after him, call him back into the room so he could apologize to Steve.  That man was kind enough to let that kid into their home, take care of him and give him everything he needed, and Tony had no right to be so rude.  As far as he knew, Tony had never been inside their home.  He didn’t know where his room was or where anything was located.

 

“I’ll go help him get settled.”  Steve said quickly.  He walked up to Bucky and gave him a gentle peck on the lips before leaving the room.

 

Bucky watched him go, anxiety curling tightly in his stomach.  Tony didn’t seem pleasant.  He seemed angry, rude, and dismissive.  Considering the fact that both of his parents were killed in a car accident very recently, Bucky could understand.  He was probably confused, lost, and now that he was in a new place with people he hardly knew it made sense that he would be a little on edge.

 

The other man cleared his throat and captured Bucky’s attention.  He recognized him around the Stark Industries offices whenever Bucky had stopped by with Steve to talk about one matter or another.  He was a large man in an expensive suit, his bald head clashing with his carefully trimmed beard.  Bucky didn’t like the way he was holding himself, the man’s back was too straight as if he was trying to make himself taller as he looked over every inch of the house with a critical eye.

 

“I don’t think we’ve been introduced.”  He said.  Bucky walked up to the man and held out his hand.  “Bucky Barnes.”

 

“Obadiah Stane.”  The man said, taking Bucky’s hand in a firm grip.  “It’s a shame we had to meet on such unfortunate circumstances.”

 

Bucky nodded.  “I’m sure we all wish circumstances were different.  I certainly didn’t want to meet Stark’s kid like this.”  _Or at all,_ Bucky thought.  This was a mess, not to mention unsafe.  Everyone in the world knew about the Starks, one day they were America’s sweethearts, the next they were mocked for any sort of outrageous behavior, the next they were attacked by assassins, and then they cycle continued.  Bucky didn’t think he could handle it if the media’s attention followed Tony here.  “Hopefully he settles in well.”

 

“He won’t.”  Stane said calmly.  He turned and walked out of the living room and into the kitchen, his hands trailing over the counters.  He inspected the room closely, frowning as his eyes scanned the room carefully.  “So how did you know Howard?  I would have never expected him to leave his son with just anyone, so the two of you must be special.”

 

“Steve and I met Howard in the military about four years ago.  He went missing for a little while, our team was sent to retrieve him.”  Bucky said.  He walked over to the coffee pot, coffee already made and ready, and poured himself a cup.  “Got my arm blown off for our troubles, Stark built me a new one.”  He looked down at his metal hand, curling the shiny fingers slowly as he remembered that mission.

 

Stane hummed slowly.  “I remember that.  Tony was twelve at the time and terrified he wasn’t going to see his dad again.  I did my best to comfort him, but children at that age are difficult.”  He said.  He turned towards Bucky with a large, toothy grin.  “I’m afraid he hasn’t gotten any easier to deal with.  He’s stubborn and angry and he’ll drive you both crazy.  It is just the two of you, correct?  You’re together?”

 

Bucky nodded.  Stane took a step closer to him so that he was now towering over Bucky.  He was willing to admit he was on the shorter side, he was fine with it, but he still didn’t like it when people got close and looked down at him.  He took a step back and nodded.

 

“Yep, him and me have been a thing for a long time now.”  Bucky said.  He carried his coffee back into the living room to wait for Steve, tensing as Stane followed close behind.  “Someone has to keep that little punk out of trouble.”

 

Stane opened his mouth to say more as he took another step towards Bucky.  He was halfway tempted to punch the guy, he had no business invading his personal space and asking so many questions.  Bucky prepared himself for whatever Stane was going to say next when a door upstairs slammed closed and Tony came rushing down the stairs with Steve trailing behind him slowly.

 

“All I’m saying is that it would be better for everyone if I could stay at MIT.”  Tony said casually.  “No offence, but I don’t need you guys.  I would be perfectly fine all on my own.”

 

Bucky frowned at the frustrated tone in the kid’s voice, he sounded annoyed.  He didn’t like him speaking to Steve that way.

 

“No, you’re underage.”  Steve said.  He shot Bucky a sympathetic look.  “You can’t stay in Boston when you have no classes and are under the age of eighteen.  This is going to be good for you, for all of us.  We’re even having spaghetti tonight, Jarvis said you love spaghetti.”

 

Tony rolled his eyes.  “I like Jarvis’s spaghetti, not some pasta some random man managed to throw together while forcing me to stay in some shithole in Brooklyn.”  He said, lasing out harshly.  Bucky managed to stop himself from yelling at the kid with another soft glance from Steve and a silent reminder to himself that he was in a stressful position, probably scared and feeling alone.  “I don’t need you, I don’t need your boyfriend.  I don’t want to be here.”

 

“Listen here, Tony.”  Steve said, his voice firm and his glare hard.  “Your parents trusted me to take care of you and that’s what I’m going to do.  While you’re in my house you will treat me and Bucky with respect, you will follow the rules, and you will behave.  If you can control yourself for the next few months you can go back to MIT in the fall.”

 

That was good, that was what Bucky was waiting for.  Steve may understand that the kid had just lost his parents, but he wasn’t one to stand by and blindly take verbal abuses.  The sooner they got this kid settled and calmed down the better.  Tony groaned in annoyance and stomped off towards the kitchen.  Stane followed him without a word.

 

Steve turned to Bucky and smiled sadly.  “I think he’s just a bit stressed.”  He said as he walked up to Bucky and wrapped his arms around him.  “He just needs time.  You didn’t see him while he was up there.  He only brought a handful of clothes and his computer, I don’t think he knows what to do or how to feel about all of this so he’s scared.  It’ll get easier.”

 

“The kid has no manners.  Didn’t Stark teach his kid manners?”  Bucky asked as he buried his face into Steve’s neck.

 

Steve shrugged.  “From what I’ve heard, Tony and Howard didn’t get along too well.  I understand not getting along with your dad, just imagine how he feels now that his parents are gone and they’ll never reconcile.”  Steve whispered.  “He’s hurting.  He’s lashing out.  We have to help him.”

 

“And you’re going to help him by yelling at him?  Honestly, Steve, it’s like you turned into a strict parent.  It was kinda hot.”  Bucky said, smiling into Steve’s neck.

 

“Helping him could also be giving him some boundaries.  We have to give him some structure and let him know that we’re on his side.”  Steve said, pulling away slightly.  “We just have to teach him that he can’t be a huge jerk to us in our own home.”

 

“Or at all.”  Bucky said.  Steve nodded quickly.  “Maybe this isn’t a good idea.  This kid needs special attention and we don’t know how to handle him.  What if reporters come by, pressing microphones into Tony’s face like they always do?  What if he gets sick of our middle class lifestyle and runs off?  We can’t handle this kid, Stevie.”

 

They were both silent for a few long minutes, nothing but the sound of Tony and Obadiah speaking softly to one another in the kitchen could be heard.  Steve appeared to be lost in thought and Bucky shamefully hoped that he had changed his mind.  They weren’t even married yet, they weren’t ready for kids at all much less this shitty one.

 

“Let’s just give it a few weeks.”  Steve said.  “Howard trusted us with him, we have to at least try to honor that.”

 

Bucky sighed, but nodded.  He liked Howard, he really did.  After spending a few nights stranded in the middle of nowhere with him on a rescue mission and then him building a whole bionic arm as thank you was enough for Bucky to like the guy.  That didn’t mean he was willing to put up with his teenage kid who couldn’t listen.

 

“Fine.  A few weeks, but I’m not gonna stop myself from yelling at the kid if he keeps up his behavior.”  Bucky said.

 

Steve chuckled.  “I wouldn’t expect you to.”

 

They stood close to each other for a while, basking in each other’s warmth until the voices in the kitchen died down and Stane walked out with a smug smile on his face.  He nodded at the two of them as he made his way towards the door.

 

“Like I said, he’s a difficult child, but I know how to handle him just fine.”  Stane said.  “Give me a call if he keeps giving you trouble.”

 

They both nodded.  Once Stane had left they both turned to Tony, who was leaning on the entryway to the kitchen with his arms crossed over his chest and a lit cigarette hanging from his mouth.  Bucky could feel Steve tense behind him as the disgusting scent of the smoke made it to them.  Tony wasn’t going to make this easy on them and Bucky wasn’t too thrilled to have him here in his home making things difficult.

 

“So, spaghetti?  Come on, Goldilocks and Buckaroo.  Which one of you is cooking?”  Tony said as he turned on his heel and sauntered back into the kitchen.  Bucky hated this kid.


	2. Chapter 2

“I don’t see why we have to do this.”  Tony said.

 

While the rest of the mansion was clean and spotless, Tony’s room was cluttered and felt stuffy.  Large dark curtains blocked out most of the natural light and the small lamp in the corner wasn’t enough to significantly illuminate the room.  There were stacks of books and broken machine parts on every surface and the adjacent bathroom had dirty clothes lying across the floor.  It looked very much like a teenager’s bedroom, it was almost enough to forget the kid had just inherited billions of dollars and a Fortune 500 company.

 

“We didn’t have to come back here.”  Tony muttered as he dug through his drawer.  “We could just go to the mall and get me new clothes.  This isn’t necessary.”

 

“You’ve been wearing the same outfit for a week.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s a very nice outfit, but you can’t wear a tattered Metallica t-shirt and torn jeans all the time.  You have to have variety in your outfits, what if you have someplace important to be?”  Steve said.  He walked up to the windows and pulled back the curtain.  When the sunlight poured into the room it looked even messier.  Dust covered almost every surface and everything looked poorly cared for.

 

“Then I’ll go in this.  I don’t go places to impress people, people show up to impress me.  Besides, it’s not my fault I look so good in this outfit I decided to do the world a favor and continue wearing it.”  Tony said, a hint of annoyance in his voice.  “You guys should feel lucky, you get to see me every day.”

 

Bucky rolled his eyes.  “Oh yeah, it’s been a dream.”  He mumbled.  He hoped his sarcasm was easily understood, but he also didn’t.  On one hand, he wanted Tony to know how much he hated having him around, how he hated the constant smell of cigarette smoke, the messes left abandoned all throughout the house, and the fact that he and Steve hadn’t had sex since he moved in.  But he also didn’t want to add any additional stress to the kid.  He had just lost his parents and was forced to move in with two people he hardly knew, Bucky didn’t want to make the kid feel unwanted now that he had practically no one.

 

He walked around the perimeter of the room, studying the multiple posters that hung on the wall of rock groups and violent action films.  They all seemed rather old with the edges torn and worn down.  In fact, not a single thing in the room looked new.  It all looked expensive and probably had amazing resale value, but none of it was shiny or well-kept.  It sent a new wave of irritation through Bucky.  Tony moved around his room with complete disinterest in everything in it.  He and Steve grew up with secondhand things or nothing at all and here Tony was taking everything he had for granted and treating it like garbage.

 

“What about this shirt?”  Steve asked, holding up a wrinkled AC/DC t-shirt up in front of him.  “This is nice.”

 

Tony took one look at the shirt and he wrinkled his nose in disgust.  Bucky didn’t understand it, the kid had three AC/DC posters up so he should like the shirt.  Tony’s eyes scanned the shirt quickly as he shook his head.

 

“No, not that one.”  He said.  “I told you, we should just go buy me new clothes.  I don’t wear most of this garbage anyway.”

 

“You should learn to respect your shit, Stark.”  Bucky said, keeping his voice as calm and even as possible.  He turned back to the wall and continued to look at everything hanging up as he ignored Tony’s annoyed huff.

 

There were a few ribbons hanging up, first place prizes in science fairs and robotics competitions.  That was good, it meant Tony had hobbies.  If they could get him doing that sort of stuff again then maybe he would stop being such a prick around the house.  If Bucky had to listen to one more complaint about the house or the neighborhood then he was going to call up Howard’s lawyers himself and tell them they could have the kid back.

 

Tony was wading through his stuff.  Bucky raised an eyebrow as he watched the kid carefully avoid touching most of it but eventually picked up a few pairs of pants from a pile in the corner.  He muttered again about how it would be better to just buy new clothes and it was starting to annoy Bucky.  Buying new things weren’t the answer to everything.

 

He turned his back to Tony and Steve again, this time noting the busted light switch.  It was just another broken thing in a room full of neglected objects.  This didn’t even make sense though, why would Tony break his light switch?  It was probably an accident, but it still didn’t explain why a family that had all the money in the world didn’t get it fixed.

 

Moving on, his eyes passed over the door.  Bucky couldn’t help but smile at the large poster of that film with the robot that went into outer space taped to it.  Of all the things Tony appeared to be interested, loud rock music and films about things blowing up, a heartfelt child’s film seemed out of place.  He was going to keep looking, trying to find some other hint into Tony’s psyche through his possession, when his eyes locked on a small piece of silver attached to the door.

 

“Kid, why do you have a deadbolt on your bedroom door?” Bucky asked.

 

Tony’s head snapped up, a brief flash of panic in his eyes as he glanced between Bucky and the lock.  The look vanished almost as quickly as it appeared, cold hostility took its place.  “Maybe I like my privacy, Barnes.  Why don’t you mind your own business?”

 

“Why don’t you stop acting like an asshole?”  Bucky barked back.

 

“Why don’t you both get out of my fucking room?!”  Tony shouted.

 

“Why don’t we all stop arguing?”  Steve said.  He was calm, his voice steady and commanding.  “If you guys can’t talk to each other like reasonable people then we’re not going to get ice cream later!”

 

Bucky’s mouth snapped shut in an audible click.  That was really the only reason he bothered going to the Stark mansion to begin with, the promise of ice cream.  There was this special place in Queens that handmade its ice cream in the shop and Bucky and Steve liked to save it for special occasions.  Tony had never been and the idea was that it would help with the stress of going home to get his things.

 

“Do I look like I give a shit?”  Tony said quickly.  “I don’t care about ice cream, I don’t care that you guys want to pretend we’re a big happy family and that we don’t hate each other.  All I care about is getting you both out of my room now please leave.”

 

He sounded almost desperate, his hands were clenched into fists and shaking at his sides.  His stance was defensive, as if he was ready to fight them if they didn’t get out.  It was more startling than annoying.  Bucky nodded and opened the door, walking through it without hesitation.  Tony was feeling threatened, Bucky would give him space.  Steve paused for a moment, watching Tony with curious, concerned eyes before following Bucky out of the room.  When the door closed behind them the harsh click of the deadbolt locking in place rattled in their heads.

 

They both stood in the hallway for what seemed to be too long of a time, listening as loud music started blaring in Tony’s room.  Bucky and Steve shared a look before they started down the hall, not really sure where they should go now.  They had no business being in most parts of the house, too much evidence of their gone friends for any room to feel very comfortable.  The kitchen was the safest place.  There was food and the last of the staff had packed up for the day.

 

“Do you want cocoa?”  Bucky asked as they walked into the kitchen.  Steve smiled softly and shrugged.  “Come on, Punk.  You always drink cocoa when you’re stressed, helps clear your head.”

 

“You think I’m stressed?”  Steve asked.  Bucky nodded as he started getting out everything he needed.  “I’m not stressed.”

 

“Oh right.  How could I forget that you’re the most relaxed person in the world?  You’re always so mellow, so easy going.”  Bucky said, rolling his eyes.  “You’re just so chill all the time.  Ever since the day I met you it’s been one long vacation.”

 

Steve scoffed and rolled his eyes.  “No need to mock me, Barnes.”

 

They fell into silence as Bucky sprayed whipped cream onto their cocoa and placed both the mugs on the kitchen island.  He reached across the countertop until his hand hit Steve’s, their fingers instinctively curling around each other.  This was nice, this was good, a small comfort and gentle reminder that they were still together after everything that had happened.

 

Bucky leaned forward and captured Steve’s mouth on his own, tasting the hints of chocolate and whipped cream on his tongue.  He loved kissing Steve, reveled in the way the man leaned into his touch and ran his tongue over Bucky’s bottom lip.  Bucky lived to kiss Steve and feel the warm press of his lips against his own.  It was comforting, peaceful.

 

They pulled apart slowly with a few more lazy pecks and wide smiles.  Their hands stayed firmly interlocked as Steve ran his fingers over Bucky’s cooler, metal ones.

 

“I’m sorry.  I know this must be hard on you.”  Steve whispered softly.  “I know you and Howard were close.”

 

“The man built me an arm.  To be honest, I liked Maria more.  She made better coffee.”  Bucky said, taking a large sip of his cocoa.  “Howard built me an arm, a second chance.  It’s different and it still feels alien on my body, but I’m so grateful to him for giving me the opportunity to still wrap my arms around you and hold you securely against me.  Besides, I know the two of you were closer than me and him could ever be.  He did give you his kid.”

 

Steve sighed and shook his head.  “I didn’t realize we were that close, honestly.  I always thought he would trust Peggy the most with his son, not me.”  Steve said slowly.  “She was the one who spent the most time with the boy.  Howard and I never even brought him up, we mostly just talked about the wars and how the world was compared to how we wanted it to be.  We talked about protecting people, not whether or not I’d be fit to take care of his kid in the event of his death.”

 

“Well, he trusted you.  Apparently when you talked about protecting the whole world he must have figured you were a good guy to protect his kid.  Now he’s your problem.”  Bucky said.  “What are you going to do?”

 

Steve paused, his eyes growing distant as he searched his brain for an answer.  “I have no idea.  But I have to keep him safe.  Find a way to make him happy.”  He whispered, leaning in to once again press his lips against Bucky’s.  He continued speaking between each gentle peck.  “He’s scared.”

 

Bucky nodded, that much was obvious.  He didn’t know how teenagers were generally supposed to behave, his experience with kids revolved around siblings in cramped apartments and wary children in bombed out villages.  As he closed his eyes he could still see it, the crumbling buildings, the destructive fires, and the small children who run and hid as he walked by.  He had no idea how he was supposed to handle rich teenagers who recently lost their parents.  The only thing that was coming to mind was making him some cocoa as well.

 

He had just gotten the third mug of cocoa ready when Tony came stumbling into the kitchen, his dark hair messier than it had been before, his eyes red and bloodshot, a thin backpack slung over his shoulder, and he carefully cradled his left hand close to his chest.

 

“I kind of… um burnt my hand.  On a soldering iron.”  Tony said, his voice flat and tired.

 

“Where the hell did you get a soldering iron?”  Bucky asked quickly, forgetting the mugs on the counter.  He marched up to Tony quickly, reaching out to inspect his hand closer.

 

Tony jerked away, narrowly avoiding his touch.  “It was in my room.”  Tony mumbled.  All the previous anger he had had earlier during their argument in his room had vanished and in this moment Tony looked more exhausted and sheepish than the arrogant and misbehaving kid Bucky had been living with.  “Where’s Jarvis?”

 

“Why the fuck do you have a soldering iron in your bedroom?”  Bucky asked.  He reached out again, this time successful in grabbing Tony’s wrist and pulling his hand up to inspect the burn.  It was small, just about an inch of skin was red and inflamed and it looked like it hurt.

 

“Because they’re fucking useful, Barnes.”  Tony snapped, a bit of his irritation coming back to him.  “Where’s Jarvis?”

 

“He moved.”  Steve said.  “He and his wife moved out of the guest house this morning.”

 

Tony paled and allowed Bucky to drag him over to the sink and force his hand under a cold stream of water.  He was too quiet, too still, something Bucky didn’t think was possible for him.  He remained completely motionless as Bucky went hunting for the first aid kit, Steve watching him with curious eyes.  Tony tensed when Bucky returned and pulled his hand out from under the spray of water.  Tony was nervous, uncomfortable, and Bucky wasn’t going to keep touching him for longer than necessary.  Once the burn was dealt with, ointment gently spread over the sensitive skin and bandaged securely, Bucky backed away.

 

Tony stared down at his hand, his brow furrowed in confusion as he glanced up at Bucky and then back down to the clean white bandage that circled his palm.  “Thanks.”  He muttered.  “Where’s Jarvis?”

 

“He’s still in the city.  Don’t worry, he didn’t leave completely.”  Steve said, his voice soft.  If he noticed the strange change in Tony’s behavior from loud, rude, and brash to quiet, confused, and timid then he didn’t mention it.  Bucky noticed it though, he didn’t like it.  Tony wasn’t shouting or insulting for once and Bucky didn’t like it at all.  “He said it just didn’t feel right staying in the house anymore.  He and Anna found a house in Queens, they promised to have us all over for dinner once they get settled.  Jarvis didn’t leave you.”

 

That seemed to be the right thing to say because the tension drained from Tony’s body and he nodded quickly.  “Of course he didn’t leave me.  I’m the sunshine of his life, what on Earth would he do if he didn’t have me there to make the world right again.”  He said quickly, all of his attitude coming back in the blink of an eye.  “Well, I got my stuff.  Let’s go back to your place.”

 

Tony threw the backpack over his shoulder and stepped towards the door.  The backpack looked nearly empty, a lot of things from Tony’s room was probably deemed either useless or worthy of being forgotten.  That wasn’t preferable, Tony would need more than a handful of outfits.

 

“Is that all you’re bringing?”  Steve asked, gesturing towards the bag on his shoulders.  Tony nodded.  “Okay, fine.  We’ll go get ice cream and then we’ll get you some new clothes.”

 

Tony grinned smugly.  “Thanks, big guy.”  He said as he turned to walk out the door.

 

Bucky rolled his eyes as he left.  “The fuck just happened Rogers?”  He asked.  “The kid’s head is all over the place and your solution is buying him whatever he wants?”

 

Steve shrugged.  “He wasn’t going to take any of his old clothes, maybe buying new ones will help make him more comfortable.  I want Tony to like living with us, I want him to talk about whatever it is that’s bothering him because he obviously isn’t having an easy time with everything.”  He said, opening his arms as Bucky stepped closer.  They held each other, Steve was still sitting and Bucky was in the perfect position to just bury his face into Steve’s hair and inhale his scent.  “This is going to be good for all of us.  We just need time to adjust.”

 

Just as the words left Steve’s mouth a loud honk came from outside.  Tony was in the car and he appeared to be done with waiting.  Bucky groaned.  He hated this kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Speedy update. I hope you liked it. I'm really trying to develop this AU as much as I can while I can still see it clearly in my head. Feel free to leave feedback and tell me how you think it's going.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for everyone leaving feedback and kudos, it really is amazing.  
> I love this au and I can't seem to stop myself from writing it so here is another update.

_The world was on fire, the dirt exploding at his feet with every step.  He was carrying someone, they were kicking and screaming as Bucky ran through the gunfire.  They were begging, praying to make it through this and Bucky couldn’t help but hope whoever was listening would give them that.  Bucky didn’t want to die in a shower of bullets in a desert far away from home._

_Where was Steve?  He couldn’t find Steve?  Bucky had gotten the package, if he can get to safety then the rescue mission would be successful.  Things weren’t going the way they were supposed to go, it was supposed to be easy.  ‘Just in and out’ they had said.  Steve and Dugan were supposed to take out the guards, Morita and Jones were on stand-by in case they needed a medic and call for backup, Bucky and Falsworth get the package.  It worked, they had gotten in.  The package was currently panicking across Bucky’s back as he tried to carry him to cover._

_They hadn’t expected the ambush.  There were more mercenaries in the rundown building than they were briefed on.  There were too many screaming men and threatening gunfire and Bucky could hardly hear a damn thing.  And where the fuck was Steve?_

_Falsworth lead the way to a large rock formation, ducking behind it and helping Bucky along as well.  He dropped the package into the dirt next to him, making sure to keep the man’s head down and his body covered.  It wouldn’t do them any good to have him die now._

_“I can’t die yet.”  The man whispered behind him, his hands curling around the front of Bucky’s uniform.  “I can’t leave things the way they are.  My boy, I need to talk to my son.”_

_“You’ll talk to him.”  Bucky said quickly.  The gunfire was getting closer, bullets hitting the rocks they were hiding behind with increased frequency.  An explosion sounded not too far away.  “Whatever’s wrong, you can fix things with him when you get home.”_

_Bucky needed the man to let him go, he had to go look for Steve.  But the iron tight grip on his uniform wouldn’t budge.  Instead the man just continued muttered to himself about a wife and kid he hasn’t done right by and a business he needed to clean up._

_The man lifted his head and looked Bucky in the eye, his shaggy dark hair falling over his forehead.  “My son can’t stand me and it’s my fault.  Now I’m going to die out here and he’ll think I hated him.”  He whispered, his voice barely loud enough to be heard over the gunfire.  “I’m gonna die out here.”_

_He was panicking.  A completely normal response for a civilian who had spent the last week in enemy hands, even if it wasn’t the image that usually went along with the great Howard Stark.  “You’re not going to fucking die, now shut your mouth.”  Bucky snapped.  He barely lifted his head above the rocks, ignoring the bullets that hit the stone near him as he scanned the area for Steve once again.  “You’re gonna go home, hug your fucking kid and stay out of war zones.”_

_Bucky grabbed Howard by the front of the shirt and shook him, hoping it would help his words sink in.  Howard paused, his focus solely on Bucky as if the warzone around them had ceased to exist.  His hands shot up and gripped Bucky’s shoulders.  “You’ll take care of him?”_

_He didn’t have an answer.  He was being shot at, he wasn’t about to promise the guy he just dragged out of an enemy base that he’ll take care of his piece of shit kid.  Bucky couldn’t handle kids.  He was about to tell the man just that when he saw the missile fly and dig into the ground not far from them.  Falsworth shouted, trying to grab Bucky and pull him away but missed as Bucky jumped on top of Howard.  This was a rescue mission, they had to protect the package.  Heat and pain exploded over his left side as the body bellow him grew too cold._

 

 

\---

 

 

Bucky jerked awake, a scream caught in his throat.  It was the dream again, the same nightmare of the same career ending mission.  It was different this time, though.  Usually his nightmares revolved around him having his arm blown off and then stumbling into the battlefield, unable to find Steve.  This time it was different.

 

Waking up was the same though, his shoulder was sore where the prosthetic met flesh, his stomach churned as it tried to keep its contents from coming up, his breathing was labored, and Bucky couldn’t stop the trembling of his hands.  He hated nightmares, four years after that mission and they were still happening.  Blindly, he reached out for Steve.  He usually woke up before Bucky did when there was a nightmare, gently coaxing him awake and reassuring him that he was awake and that they were safe.  Steve wasn’t lying next to him though, a glance at the clock told him it was nearly half past ten.

 

The smell of bacon and pancakes had wafted into the room by the time he managed to calm just a bit and stumble into the bathroom.  He needed a nice, relaxing shower before he had to go downstairs and deal with Tony.  The kid was bearable on a good day, he wasn’t in the mood for him right now.

 

It was a hot shower, one that helped calm his shaky hands and soothe the aching muscles of his shoulder.  He spent several long minutes massaging the part of his shoulder where scarred skin turned into smooth metal and reminding himself over and over that he was safe.  He was home and nothing was going to hurt him.  He and Steve were both safe.

 

Breakfast was finished by the time he got downstairs.  Steve was placing a large plate that was stacked high with pancakes down on the table.  Bucky paused in the doorway, Obadiah Stane was sitting at his kitchen table next to Tony.  He hadn’t come around since the day he dropped Tony off and of all the days he could stop by he had to wait until Bucky had a bad night.

 

“Tony, have you been behaving yourself.”  Stane asked.  He ignored Bucky as he came into the kitchen, gave Steve a gentle peck on the cheek, and sat down to enjoy his breakfast.

 

Tony shrugged.  “Oh, yeah.  I’ve been a dream.”  He muttered, cutting his pancakes into small chunks and pushing them around aimlessly with his fork.

 

Stane laughed, dropping his hand onto Tony’s shoulder and squeezing tightly.  “I doubt that, Tony.  We both know how… stubborn you can be.”  He said, his voice low.  “I bet you’ve been just driving these men crazy.”

 

“You can say that again.”  Bucky said, smiling as Steve passed him a cup of coffee and sat down.  “How can we help you?”

 

Bucky watched as Stane’s hand dropped from Tony’s shoulder.  There had to be a reason for Stane to be here, he didn’t seem like the kind to just drop by for a friendly visit even if he and Tony were close.  Stane was in charge of Stark Industries until Tony turned twenty-one and was able to take over, a thought that terrified Bucky considering how irresponsible the kid was, so he was too busy to just randomly check in.

 

“Tony has to go to the eye doctor today.”  Obadiah said, turning his cool gaze to where the kid sat with his scarcely eaten pancakes and his untouched pieces of bacon. 

 

“We could take him.”  Steve said.  “It would be no trouble.”

 

“I don’t mind.  I’ve taken him to all of his doctor appointments since he was a kid.  In fact, I tried to be there for him as much as possible, science fairs, piano recitals, graduations.  Howard and Maria were always a bit too busy.”  Stane said.  Tony shrugged, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a cigarette.  He looked Steve in the eye as he popped it into his mouth reached for his lighter.

 

“Tony, I’ve told you a million times.  You can’t smoke in the house.”  Steve said, sighing.  “You shouldn’t be smoking anyway.  You’re sixteen.”

 

Tony pretended not to hear him and just as he was about to light his cigarette Stane’s hand landed on his wrist, stopping the lighter from reaching its target.  “Tony, there are rules.  What have I told you about behaving?”  Stane said, his voice almost a whisper as he leaned in closer to Tony.  The kid rolled his eyes, taking the cigarette from his mouth and putting it back in the pack.  Satisfied, Stane turned his attention back to Bucky and Steve.  “We should be leaving soon.  After his appointment I thought I would show him around the Stark offices.  I will run the company until he comes of age, but it’s never too early for him to get a feel for the business.”

 

Bucky frowned as he carefully watched the way he smiled at Tony with too many teeth and the way his hand landed on his lower back.  “Why do you need to go to the eye doctor?”  Bucky asked quickly.  He hoped to catch a glimpse of Tony’s face and decipher whatever was going on in his head.

 

Tony didn’t look up, instead he kept swirling around his little pieces of pancake.  “I have to get new classes.  Howard always wanted me to wear contacts but I hate sticking my finger in my eyes.”  Tony said, popping a small chunk of pancake into his mouth.  “I broke my last pair.”

 

“How did you manage that?”  Steve asked.  He raised a questioning eyebrow as he sipped his coffee.

 

“I got in a fight at school.”  Tony said calmly, as if it was an obvious answer.  “Some kid tried to grab my ass.”

 

“And you hit him?”  Steve asked calmly.  Tony hesitated, glancing up at him quickly with a soft frown, but nodded.  “Good.  That was entirely inappropriate behavior.  What was their name?”

 

Bucky rolled his eyes.  “He doesn’t need you calling up the kid’s parents and fighting his battles for him, Rogers.”  He said calmly.  He was tired, he may have just woken up but it wasn’t from a peaceful sleep.  He could use a nap and the sooner Tony left the better, he could get a few minutes of shut eye without worrying when he was going to start playing that loud, obnoxious music of his or start screaming at him or Steve for one thing or another.

 

Tony glanced up at them, frowning as he looked between Bucky and Steve.  He didn’t say anything, his eyes just dropped back down to his plate.  Bucky was concerned, Tony wasn’t usually this quiet.  He wanted to ask what was wrong, if that kid had hurt him in the fight, or if something was going on inside his head that they needed to worry about.  Tony didn’t look happy, he didn’t even look his usual annoyed and angry.

 

Before Bucky got the chance to ask Obadiah stood up and clapped his hands.  “Well, we better get going.  Doctors don’t wait for anyone, not even the Starks.”  He said.  He reached his hand across the table, Steve took it and shook it quickly.  “Come on Tony, we have stuff to do today.”

 

Tony sighed, dropping his fork onto his plate.  “Don’t wait up.”  He told the two of them and turned to follow Stane out of the kitchen.  “I got more important things to do than wait around this piece of shit house with you two absolutely fabulous individuals.”  He muttered quickly, his voice deep in sarcasm.

 

Bucky was about to call him back, yell at him for the disrespect.  It didn’t matter though, Tony wasn’t going to listen to him because he never did and at least now they got a few hours alone in the house without him stomping around and causing trouble.  As soon as he heard the front door open and slam shut.  After that the house seemed quieter than it had been in a long time.  Tony wasn’t insulting them about every little thing he could find, Steve wasn’t busy trying to get the kid to stop being such a bully and attacking them, and Bucky no longer had the temptation to scream at the top of his lungs and punch something.

 

Steve’s mouth was on his before Bucky had time to savor the peace and quiet.  He wasn’t going to complain though, due to the stress of taking in Tony, the grief of sometimes pausing and realizing they both lost a few good friends recently, and the anxiety of having someone else in the house, the two of them haven’t been in the mood for doing anything intimate.  As Steve’s tongue pushed its way into his mouth Bucky felt a wave of arousal rush through him.

 

“We have the house to ourselves for a few hours.”  Steve whispered against his mouth.

 

“Yeah, dream come true.”  Bucky said.  “This is nice.  I missed this.”

 

Steve leaned back, extracting himself from Bucky’s kiss, and pulled him into his lap.  It was times like this where Bucky remembered how small Steve used to be back when they were kids, he never would have been able to have Bucky sit on his lap without being crushed.  Bucky latched himself onto Steve’s neck, peppering it with gentle kisses.

 

“Miss you.  Miss you so much.”  Bucky whispered.  “Miss waking up with you beside me, miss being able to do whatever I wanted to you at any moment, miss the quiet where the only sound was your desperate moans.”

 

“I know, baby.”  Steve said, reaching up and curling his hands into Bucky’s hair.  “I know.  It’s gonna get easier though.  Things will start to settle down soon.”

 

Bucky pulled back and shook his head.  He was tired, Tony had been staying up late and getting up early and keeping the whole house up with his loud music.  In the short time that he has been here, Bucky had caught him twice either sneaking out or sneaking back in.  The kid was a menace.

 

“It’s not gonna get easier, Stevie.  I hate him, I can’t stand having him in our house.”  Bucky said.  He felt guilty for saying it, but it had taken him over a year after his injury to allow himself to be selfish and state clearly when he did and did not want something.  He had been so worried about being a bother to people but now he was willing to be honest.  Tony was disrupting his life and he didn’t want that.  “I don’t know what we’re supposed to do with him.  He’s walking all over us.”

 

“We just have to be stricter.”  Steve said, giving Bucky a small smile.  “We have to let him know he has to control himself.  He’s used to being able to do whatever he wants, we can’t let him do that.  It’ll calm down in a few weeks.  Just give it a few weeks.  Please, baby.”

 

Bucky nodded.  When Steve begged like that he would be willing to give him the world.  If he wanted Bucky to be strict he would be, if he wanted Bucky to be nice he could do that, and if Steve wanted him to give this a chance, no matter how much of a brat the kid was, he would.

 

Steve’s smile widened and he leaned in again, kissing Bucky slowly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things aren't going well with the three of them, maybe Bucky and Tony need to actually talk about things instead of fight.  
> Please comment and let me know what you think. Feedback is amazing a fuels the writing.


	4. Chapter 4

Bucky did get his nap.  Steve was sprawled out next to him, naked and sweaty, still enjoying his own euphoric nap when Bucky woke up.  It was a beautiful sight to see him laid out next to him and getting the rest he needed.  Bucky was tempted to either kiss him awake so they could go again or just lay there and watch him sleep.

 

A sound from down the hall caught his attention.  It was probably what had woken him up, otherwise he would still be asleep.  Two hours for a nap isn’t much rest but he certainly did feel refreshed.  It was probably Tony, Bucky felt the peace and comfort he had been feeling just moments before slowly start to slip away.  He should probably get up and check on him, Tony was like a toddler in that if you leave him alone for too long he’ll burn the house down.

 

He was careful getting out of bed, Steve was probably just as tired as he was and deserved a rest as well.  Once he was up he slipped on his boxers and an old t-shirt and crept towards the door.  Down the hall, Tony’s door was open and a small stream of light had filtered through.  Tony was definitely home, he should go say hello.  If Bucky was going to try, at least for the next few weeks, then he had to at least try to be civil.  He walked down the hall and pushed open Tony’s door.

 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”  Bucky asked when he caught sight of Tony, sitting by his bed with a bottle of liquor in his hand.

 

“I think I’m getting drunk.”  Tony mumbled, shooting Bucky a smug grin.  “Care to join me, Optimus Prime?”

 

“No, I wouldn’t care to join you.  I don’t drink much these days, you shouldn’t be drinking at all.”  Bucky said quickly.  All thoughts of being civil disappeared from his mind at the simple robot joke.  He pressed the cold metal arm against his side, attempting to hide it from view.  “Underage drinking is illegal, Tony.  I won’t have any of that shit going on in my house, give me the bottle.”

 

Tony shook his head and pushed himself up slowly.  He was wobbly, his legs unstable underneath him.  Bucky wanted to kick himself, if he would have been awake by the time the kid got home he wouldn’t have gone crawling to the bottle.  He was supposed to be with Stane, he wondered if it was him or one of Tony's friends who managed to sneak him alcohol.

 

Tony held his arms out, the bottle still clutched tightly in his hand, and shrugged.  “Who cares?  The only person getting hurt by me drinking is me.  I’ll get a fucked up liver and die before I’m fifty.  It’s no big deal.”  He said as he brought the bottle back up to his lips. 

 

Bucky wanted to be quiet, he wanted to be considerate of Steve sleeping down the hall, but those words struck a chord somewhere inside and his hand smacked around Tony’s wrist, yanking his arm and the bottle down.  “What the fuck is wrong with you?  You have a death wish, huh?”  He said quickly, all of his anger and annoyance flooding him at once.  “I don’t care what you want to do, you’re not dying and you’re not bringing alcohol into this house.  If you would have stopped and thought about anyone but yourself then maybe you would have realized that there was no alcohol in this house.  Maybe you would have realized there was a reason for that.”

 

In his anger, Bucky hadn’t noticed at first how still Tony had gone.  The moment his hand had wrapped around Tony’s smaller wrist the kid stopped moving, stopped breathing, and just stared at Bucky’s large, metal fingers that were gripping him firmly.

 

“Let go.”  He whispered.  Tony’s wide eyes looked up from Bucky’s hand and into his face.  “Please let go.”

 

There it was again, the raw fear and desperation that Tony had showed when they were at the mansion and Tony was screaming for them to get out of his room had come back.  This time instead of loud shouting it was a soft, terrified whisper.  All the anger drained from him at once.  His grip significantly loosened, but he didn’t let go.  He hadn’t been squeezing hard enough to hurt, but he could understand how it could be scary regardless.

 

“Give me the bottle, Tony.”  Bucky said, his voice no longer laced with rage. 

 

It was in this moment that Bucky realized just how much Tony looked like Howard.  If not for the glasses that now hung from his face, he would have been the spitting image of the man when he was younger.  Bucky had seen the photos, Tony looked like his father.  Bucky wasn’t angry anymore, he was worried.  This kid was in trouble.  Drinking, smoking, and fighting them every chance he got wasn’t a good indicator of what was going on with him.

 

“Please, just give me the bottle.”  Bucky said again, hoping Tony would listen.

 

Tony paused, looking at Bucky with curious, wide eyes, and shook his head.  “Why?  ‘m not hurting anyone.”  Tony said as he narrowed his eyes and tried to yank his arm away.  “Why do you give a fuck if I want to have a bit to drink?”

 

“Because alcohol may be all fun and games for you but for everyone else in this house it’s uncomfortable, horrible.  We don’t like drunk people so please just give me the bottle.”  Bucky said.  He wasn’t going to go into detail.  It wasn’t his story to tell, it was Steve’s.  It was Steve’s past, Steve’s dad, and Steve’s displeasure of the drink.  Bucky just wanted to get the bottle out of the house before he wakes up.  Tony shook his head again.  “You’re a brat you know that.  Steve’s doing what he can for you and we let you into our home, can’t you just do as we ask for once?”

 

His voice was calm, Bucky just wanted to get the bottle out of the house, instead he just angered Tony further.  The kid cried out, trying desperately to yank his wrist out of Bucky’s grasp while using his other hand to smack uselessly against his chest.  Tony didn’t hit very hard, but Bucky let go of his wrist anyway.

 

“You expect me to say thank you?”  Tony asked quickly.  He took several steps backs once he was free, never once taking his eyes off of Bucky.  “The two of you hate me, you can’t stand the sight of me.  The only reason I’m here at all is because of whatever Howard said or did to convince you to take me.  I’m not gonna fall to my knees and thank you for not throwing me out on the streets.”

 

It was the truth, but how was Bucky supposed to look this scared kid in the eye and tell him that he didn’t want him here.  If he knew Bucky hated him then it was no wonder he was so defensive all the time.  It wasn’t an excuse though, the kid needed to pull his act together.  This was falling apart, it was his fault and he had to fix it before things got out of hand.

 

“We don’t expect you to say thank you, we don’t expect you to do anything.”  Bucky said, raising his hands in front of him in a placating manner.  Tony was jumpy, his eyes darting all around the room as if looking for a path to escape.  He reminded Bucky so much like a startled animal backed into a corner.  “I just want us all to be happy in this house together.  I want us all safe, healthy, and not drunk.  Please.”

 

There was a long moment where Bucky didn’t know what was going to happen.  He didn’t know if Tony was going to run, or try to fight him, or give up and hand over the bottle.  Tony was unsteady, his eyes weren’t focused and his balance was thrown off.  He had had enough to drink, it was time for him to stop.

 

“You just want the bottle?”  Tony asked, his voice soft and slurred.

 

Bucky nodded.  “Yeah.  Just give me the bottle and I’ll leave you alone.  I don’t give a fuck if you smoke or play that loud music you like, just please don’t drink.”  He said quickly.

 

“That’s all you want?”  Tony said.  His eyes roamed over Bucky’s face, searching for something he appeared wary to find.  “Nothing else?”

 

“All I want is for you to not drink.  Not in this house and not anywhere else.”  Bucky said.  He would prefer Tony not drink at all, but that was unlikely.  Fear spread through him at the thought of Tony lost and alone out there, drunk and unable to protect himself.  “Please don’t drink anymore.”

 

“Okay.”  Tony said calmly.  The bottle dropped from his hand, what little was left in it splashed against the carpet.  “Get out of my room.”

 

Bucky nodded, bending down to grab the bottle and quickly making his retreat.  Tony was in trouble, something was going on with him and Bucky couldn’t tell half the time if he was angry or terrified.  The door slammed shut behind him and Bucky immediately felt guilty.  Of course the kid was scared, he was drunk and out of it and Bucky had marched in there screaming at him.  What was he thinking?  No one had told him that there was a rule against alcohol, Tony was too young to be drinking in the first place but he should have expected this to happen eventually.

 

He went down to the kitchen and poured the remaining contents of the bottle down the sink before tossing it into the trash.  Bucky’s mind was a whirlwind of confusing thoughts.  Tony had seemed fine this morning before he left with Stane, a little quiet but not as belligerent as he usually was.  It was like someone had taken Tony and watered him down into a more bearable version of himself.  As pleasant as it had been at the time, not it was a little worrying.  Bucky had woken up from his nap and Tony was already home, half drunk and on the defensive.  The kid’s mind couldn’t find a mood to latch on to, he was constantly swinging back and forth.

 

“Hey, what’s going on?”  Steve asked, stumbling into the kitchen and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

 

“Tony came back.”  Bucky said.  Technically, Steve was Tony’s guardian.  He had the right to know, even if Bucky didn’t want to tell him.  “I think we should just let him smoke whenever he wants.”

 

Steve groaned.  “Really?  Those things will kill him, he’s too young, and you’re always complaining about the smell.”  He said.  He walked up to Bucky and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling Bucky close and bending down slightly to kiss his neck.

 

“I know, but I think he needs something.”  Bucky whispered.  “I caught him drinking in his room.  If it was between that and cigarettes I think I would rather he smoked.”

 

Steve pulled back, his eyes dark.  “You caught him drinking?”  He asked quickly.  Bucky nodded.  “How bad was it?”

 

“Not too bad.  I don’t think he had been drinking for very long, enough to be unsteady.  He was angry, not that much and only when I started yelling at him.  I know you don’t like alcohol after all that stuff with your dad, but I took the alcohol away so it probably won’t be a problem anymore.”  Bucky said.  Steve nodded.  It was true, Tony had been smug and playful until Bucky had started yelling at him and then Tony returned his anger in full force.  “Mostly he was scared though.  I’ll admit it was my fault, I was coming off a bit aggressive, but I think something’s going on with him.”

 

“Do you think the accident is affecting him more than he’s letting on?”  Steve asked.

 

Bucky shrugged.  “Probably.  I mean, his parents died.  He doesn’t know us and he’s been forced to move in with us.”  He said.  Bucky could understand how this would all be scary for a teenager, how he may lash out.  “What do we do?”

 

“You think we should spend more time with him?  Get him used to us?”  Steve said, giving him a hopeful smile.

 

Bucky sighed, he really wanted to spend as little amount of time with the kid as possible, but this could be helpful.  Tony was loud and obnoxious but maybe if they understood each other more things would be easier.  Bucky wouldn’t have the constant need to yell at the kid for being stupid and Tony would be less likely to run around and willingly cause problems.

 

“Alright.  Sounds fine.”  Bucky said.  He leaned in quickly to steal a short kiss before he pulled away.  “You think of fun activities we can do with the kid, I’ll go check on him.  I need to apologize anyway.”

 

Steve smiled and nodded.  Bucky took his time climbing the stairs, slowly thinking over what he was going to say.  He shouldn’t have yelled so much, he shouldn’t have made the kid feel like he wasn’t wanted, and he definitely shouldn’t have grabbed Tony no matter how gentle his grip was.  Bucky didn’t expect an apology in return.

 

He pushed open Tony’s door and froze.  This was the first time he had ever bothered to look around the room.  Tony’s been with them for over a week and the place still looked exactly the same.  No posters, no pictures, absolutely nothing personal in the entire place.  The only indication that Tony had been there was a suitcase piled with folded clothes and a messy bed.

 

Tony wasn’t in the room.  A lamp was knocked over and there was broken glass in the corner, but no Tony.  The only hint of where he might have gone was the wide open window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos. You're all amazing and I love you.  
> A lot of you are leaving amazing feedback and I really appreciate it, it really helps with the writing process. I'm trying to update as fast as I can before I get busy and you're all amazing.


	5. Chapter 5

“Thank you so much, Peg.”  Steve said into the phone, relief clear in his voice.  “We’ll be by to pick him up soon.”

 

 

Bucky sat next to Steve on the couch, his face buried in his palms as he tried to steady his rapid breathing.  “He’s there?”  Bucky asked.  Ever since he walked into Tony’s room to find him gone his mind had gone into overdrive, bringing forth one worrying thought after another.  “He’s safe?”

 

 

Steve nodded as he placed a hand on Bucky’s back and gently started rubbing circles.  “Yeah, he’s safe.  He’s a smart kid, goes straight to the great Peggy Carter when he needs help.”  Steve said softly.  “He’s safe.  Apparently he’s been sleeping on their couch for hours.”

 

 

Bucky rubbed his eyes with his palm and stood up.  Tony was okay, he was fine.  They had been up half the night calling everyone they knew, everyone Howard and Tony could have known, and waited.  Bucky even checked the neighborhood, every alleyway and convenience store looking for the kid.  He wasn’t going to calm down, not until he saw Tony with his own eyes.  Until then there was no way for him to know for certain that he was alright.

 

 

Steve drove, Peggy’s place was only a few blocks away but Bucky didn’t trust his shaking hands to get them that far.  Peggy lived in a far nicer house, it was larger with spacious rooms and although she and Steve had stopped seeing each other some time back they still went over there to have brunch.  Peggy was one of the best people Bucky had ever known, if Tony had gone to her it meant he was most likely alright.  He still had to see him though.

 

 

He wasted no time in rushing up the stairs and just barging into Peggy’s house as soon as Steve pulled into a parking spot.  Angie was at the door, opening it for them as soon as she saw the car pull and shooting him a lopsided grin as soon as he burst in.

 

 

“Where is he?”  Bucky asked quickly.

 

 

“Passed out on the couch.”  Angie said, cocking her head in the direction of their living room.

 

 

Bucky nodded and walked quickly towards the room.  Tony was there, his limbs hanging off the too small couch and a blanket wrapped securely around his shoulders.  He looked tired.  The deep purple circles under his eyes stood out against his pale skin and Bucky realized just how unhealthy he appeared to be.  Tony was thin, his skeletal frame almost visible from under his blanket and clothes, and his skin was clammy.  He looked as if someone had locked him away, refusing him any food or sun and neglecting his basic needs.

 

 

Something was going on with him.  Kids don’t just turn out like this, they may start smoking and drinking because of teenage rebellion but they don’t run away in the night and panic when someone touches them.  Tony’s behaviors were painting a confusing and worrying picture that indicated he was in trouble, and Bucky didn’t know what it was that was messing with the kid’s head but he was going to find out.

 

 

“How is he?”  Bucky asked when he noticed someone moving in his peripheral vision.

 

 

He looked up and Peggy was smiling calmly at him.  “He’s fine.  He showed up late last night a bit exasperated and with a nasty cut on his arm.  All he told me was that he jumped out of a window and needed a place to sleep.”  She said.  She dropped a hand onto Bucky’s shoulder and squeezed it gently.  “He’s been doing this for years, just dropping by unannounced.”

 

 

“Why?  Why did he leave and come here?”  Bucky asked.  Bucky wasn’t entirely sure what the nature of Peggy’s relationship with the Starks were, but if it meant Tony trusted her enough to go to her when he felt like he needed to run off, then he wasn’t going to complain.

 

 

“I assume he likes Angie.  Ever since he was a small boy and Howard was too busy with his company and Maria off doing one of her charity events or another, Tony either came to stay with me or Howard’s CFO took him for a few days.  Sometimes he would go live with relatives out of state, but he never spent more than a few weeks a year in that mansion with his family.”  Peggy said softly, her voice nowhere near loud enough to stir Tony.  “That always bothered him, that if he wasn’t away at boarding school then his parents were pushing him off on one family friend or another.  Angie has wonderful with him these past few years, dragging him off to the theater and teaching him how to play the piano.  Now if he ever feels like he needs to run away he just shows up without a word and he knows he is welcome here.”

 

 

The thought of a young Tony, confused on why his parents didn’t want him and being shuffled around from one person to the next, saddened him.  No wonder Tony was so upset being sent to Steve after his parents had died, they were just another set of strangers he was being forced to live with.

 

 

“If Tony’s so much happier with you, why did Howard make Steve his guardian?  Tony doesn’t even know Steve.”  Bucky said slowly.

 

 

Surely if Tony was so desperate to run away from Steve and Bucky then it would have been better for Peggy to take him.  He clearly didn’t feel safe with the two of them and instead felt the need to fight them every chance he got.  Maybe they weren’t the best thing for him.

 

 

Peggy shook her head.  “I can’t take him.  My work is very dangerous.”  She said softly.  “I’m doing a lot of important things, important things that many people don’t like.  I’m putting Angie in enough danger as it is, if they were to find out that Howard Stark’s only child was in my custody then I might not be there to protect him.  I’m away a lot, I couldn’t ask Angie to step in and keep him safe when people are trying to kill them.”

 

 

“I still don’t get it.  Steve works for SHIELD too.  His job is just as dangerous.”  Bucky said, shaking his head.

 

 

“Yes, but you’re a civilian now.  You retired from the military.  You would be home with him, if anything were to happen you would be there to protect him.”  Peggy said.  “Howard and I discussed it in great detail after what happened four years ago.  He wanted Tony to be safe in case something like that ever happened again and he didn’t make it.”

 

 

“Yeah, but Steve and I weren’t even together four years ago.  You and Steve were.”  Bucky said.  He looked back at Tony.  The only movement the kid showed was the steady rise and fall of his chest.  It was the stillest Bucky had ever seen him and it seemed strange to see someone he associated with perpetual movement and energy to be so frozen in place by sleep.  He was half tempted to shake him awake.

 

 

Peggy shrugged.  “Well, it’s funny how perfectly things worked out.”

 

 

Bucky sighed, turning away from Tony and facing Peggy directly.  “Perfectly?  It turned out horribly.  We’re not really getting along with him and he fucking ran away.”  He said, forcing his voice to hush into a whisper.  “He was drunk and I screamed at him, I grabbed his arm, I made him run away.  He wasn’t sober enough to take care of himself, what if he had walked into traffic?  What if he had talked to the wrong people or said the wrong things?  What if he had been kidnapped or killed?  Oh god, you said he cut his arm!  This is my fault.”

 

 

“It’s not your fault.  Tony’s behavior has been on a downward spiral for a long time now.  There’s the drinking, the drugs, the late night parties.  I once had to pick him up from jail because he got into a fight in a bar.”  Peggy said, clearly worried.  Bucky looked back to Tony.  He couldn’t imagine this kid fighting anyone, he seemed so small and fragile that the slightest pressure could break him in half.  “If you’re the type of people to step in and try to stop him then he would have run away eventually.”

 

 

“What do we do?”  Bucky asked.  “Steve thinks that eventually, if we’re strict and let him know his behavior is unacceptable, then he’ll settle down eventually.  I’m not so sure.”

 

 

Peggy looked at him, frowning slightly as she waited for him to continue.  Bucky wasn’t quite sure what to say.  He had known the kid for little over a week, he wasn’t an authority on how he acts or what he should do.  Something had to change though, if Tony kept doing everything he has been then he won’t make it.  He’s going to end up killing himself one of these days.

 

 

“I think something’s going on with him.  I don’t know if someone is threatening him or hurting him, but he definitely acts like he doesn’t feel safe.”  Bucky said.

 

 

Peggy nodded.  They stood in silence for a while, listening to Tony’s breathing and Steve and Angie’s quiet talking in the kitchen.  By the time the two of them joined Peggy and Bucky in the kitchen delicious smells were wafting into the living room.  Steve walked right up to Peggy and embraced her, whispering a quiet thank you.  Angie went to Tony and placed a gentle hand on his back.

 

 

“Hey there, sunshine.  It’s time to wake up.”  She said gently.  “I didn’t slave over a hot stove for you to sleep through breakfast.  You know the rules, if Angie cooks everyone has to eat and talk about how marvelous it is.”

 

 

Tony groaned and rolled over.  “No thank you.”  He murmured.  He curled in tightly around himself and pressed his face into the couch cushion.

 

 

“Come one.  James and Steve are here to have breakfast with us and then take your lazy butt home.”  She said.  Tony lifted his head slightly and cracked open his eyes.

 

 

“James?”  He said, his voice cracked and tired.

 

 

Bucky waved his hand, capturing Tony’s attention.  “Yeah, that’s me.”

 

 

Tony stared at him, his eyes droopy from sleep, as he pushed himself to sit up and stretch.  “Thought your name was Bucky.”

 

 

“My name is James Buchanan Barnes.  Bucky is a nickname.”  He said.  Tony didn’t seem so scared anymore now that he had sobered a bit.  Though he did still look tired and if Bucky looked carefully at his downcast eyes and slight frown on his face, a little sad as well.  He had to find a way to help this kid.

 

 

Steve patted Bucky on the shoulder and leaned in close.  “Why don’t all of you guys go get the table ready for breakfast?  I want to talk to Tony for a bit, explain to him a few things.”

 

 

Bucky could guess what Steve wanted to talk about, maybe explain why they didn’t want alcohol in the house, tell him how worried they were when they couldn’t find him.  “Okay, Stevie.  But go easy on him, I want him to stay with us.”  Bucky said.  The truth to his words caught him by surprise.  Bucky hated Tony, hated living with him, but the idea of him leaving now sent a wave of worry and fear soaring through him.  If he was to leave, Peggy wouldn’t be able to take him for an extended period of time.  He could end up with anyone, perhaps a person who knew Howard who was much more vicious and threatening than Bucky or Steve.  “I want him to stay with us for a while longer.”

 

 

Steve nodded, leaned forward and gave him a kiss on the cheek.  Bucky turned and walked into the kitchen.  Steve had made pancakes, Angie made frittatas.  It was looking like a delicious breakfast.  Peggy and Angie had joined him in the kitchen and began setting the table.  Bucky tried not to listen in on the quiet conversation going on in the kitchen, but he couldn’t help himself.  He caught parts of an apology, mentions of broken glass, a long explanation from Steve that Bucky couldn’t make the words out of, and a calm agreement from Tony.  After that they joined the rest of them in the kitchen.

 

 

As soon as Tony was sitting down Angie set a plate piled high with food in front of him.  Tony stared at it for a moment, blinked, and then began shoveling the food into his mouth.  He looked like he was starving and although Bucky had seen him eating snacks or a bit of food here or there he couldn’t quite recall the last time he had seen Tony eat anything substantial. 

 

 

“I’m sorry.”  Bucky said quickly.  Tony looked up at him, frowning in confusion as if seeing him for the first time.  “I may have overreacted yesterday.  I hadn’t been sleeping very well the past few days and I took that out on you.  I’m sorry.”

 

 

“You’re sorry?”  Tony asked.  Bucky nodded.  “You’re apologizing?”

 

 

“Yes, I am apologizing.”  Bucky said.  The fact that Tony sounded surprised by that didn’t sit right with him.  “But that doesn’t mean your behavior is okay.  I still don’t want alcohol in our house.  But if you’re willing to talk about it later I’m sure we can come to a compromise.”

 

 

Tony looked over to Peggy, who was giving him a stern look, and nodded.  “Alright.  Steve-o already gave me the ‘no drinking’ talk, but I’m sure I would just love to have it again.”  Tony said, only a hint of sarcasm in his voice.  “Repeating myself is always a favorite pastime.”

 

 

Bucky sighed, it was like nothing had changed.  Tony didn’t mention running off, he didn’t mention being gone all night, he didn’t mention the period of time between him slipping out the window and showing up at Peggy’s.  There were so many questions that would be inappropriate to talk about over breakfast and that he was unlikely to get answers to.  Tony seemed alright, he was talking and eating and acting as if nothing had happened and if he was willing to come back with them to Steve’s then it would be wonderful.  It would give Bucky time to figure out what was going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment, kudos, or anything else you want. I'm loving writing this and it's always great to know you guys like reading it as well. You're all wonderful.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fast update with slightly longer chapter than usual. I hope you like it.

“What’s the problem with him?”  Clint asked.  He made himself right at home, walking into Bucky’s kitchen and digging through the cabinets.  He pulled out the coffee and turned on the machine.  “Is he like one of the obnoxious rich kids who think they can do whatever they want because their daddies have all the money in the world and didn’t hug them enough?”

 

 

“That’s what I thought at first but now I’m not so sure.”  Bucky said.  Clint and Natasha were good friends, they knew each other back before Bucky had retired from the military.  There had been so many missions that he probably wouldn’t have survived if not for those two.  “I think something serious is going on with him.”

 

 

Natasha hummed as Clint passed her a steaming mug of coffee and she leaned forward to grab a muffin off of the plate on the counter.  “Do you want me to talk to him?  I’ll figure out what’s wrong.”

 

 

“No.  I don’t want him to feel like we’re tricking him into giving up his secrets, I want him to trust me.”  Bucky said.  Clint passed him a cup of coffee and pushed himself up until he was sitting on the counter, his own mug in hand.  “It’s just, I hate the kid.  He’s loud and obnoxious and rude, but when he ran off like that and Steve and I couldn’t find him for hours it was one of the most terrifying moments of my life.  I’ve been in the middle of warzones and here I am scared about some dumb kid getting himself hurt.”

 

 

Clint chuckled.  “Aww, that’s adorable.  The big, bad Winter Soldier developing fatherly instincts.”  He said mockingly.  Bucky groaned and rolled his eyes, internally cringing at the use of his old code name and the implications of the statement.  Bucky did not have fatherly instincts, he simply didn’t want the sixteen year old kid of one of his departed friends to be hurt and afraid.  That just makes him a somewhat decent human being.  “Where is he now?”

 

 

“Tony went out with a few friends.  He said he would be back by four so we have a few hours.  Probably some hooligans who’ll help him buy more cigarettes and god knows what else.”  Bucky said.  They both paused, Natasha raising a questioning eyebrow.  Bucky sighed at the word ‘hooligans’.  Maybe this kid was just aging him.  “Anyway, Tony’s in trouble.  Something is definitely wrong with him and I’m worried about what it might be.”

 

 

Clint smiled as he pushed himself off of the counter and left the kitchen without a word.  Bucky was going to call after him when Natasha reached over and grabbed his hand, gently stroking her thumb over his metal knuckles, examining them.  She turned his hand over and looked at it closely.

 

 

“Is it bothering you?”  She asked.

 

 

Bucky shrugged.  “The joints are getting a bit stiff.  It’s not really a problem right now.”  He said softly.  His arm was nothing to worry about at the moment.  It could potentially turn into a problem if things didn’t sort out on their own.  Howard had made him this arm, after his flesh one was blown off in a desert half a world away on a mission to save his life.  It was completely unique, nothing in the world was quite like it.  If it started to fail there would be no one to fix it.

 

 

“You need to take care of yourself, James.”  Natasha said, leaning in to wipe the hair from his face and kiss his cheek.  “You’re going to fall apart one of these days.”

 

 

Bucky loved Natasha, he had loved her for years ever since the day he first saw her and even now, years after any physical and romantic relationship had ended.  But she worried too much.  His arm will be alright, he was taking care of himself, all he needed now was help with Tony.  She was just trying to distract him, clear his head so he can talk about things easier.  This was important, she understood that.

 

 

“I’m stronger than you think.  After everything that’s happened over the years I doubt a bratty teenager is going to wear me down.”  Bucky said.  He glanced back at the door, waiting for Clint to come back into the room.  He either went to the bathroom or was hiding embarrassing toys and magazines around his bedroom again.  Clint couldn’t be seen in the living room and he couldn’t hear him.  “I want to talk about Tony.  I’m worried he’s not telling us something important.”

 

 

“What has he been doing?  What was the first thing that made you really worry?”  Natasha asked.

 

 

Bucky let out a relieved sigh and let his head fall forward.  This was great.  Natasha was an expert at understanding behavior, if anyone could figure out what was wrong it would be her.  Maybe one day, when he knows she won’t terrify the poor boy, he might put the two of them in the same room.  But not today, he doesn’t need Tony to feel like he’s being sent to an interrogator, and a terrifying Russian one at that.

 

 

“He’s freaking me out, Tasha.  Half the time he’s either terrified or angry or a mixture of both and the other half he’s avoiding us all together.  The first time I was legitimately worried was about a week after he moved in.  We wanted to get his stuff from the mansion because he hadn’t brought a lot.  He was showering every day but that didn’t change the fact that he had only one outfit with him.”  Bucky said.  Natasha leaned forward and sipped her coffee, actively listening and waiting.  “While he was looking through his stuff I glanced around his room and he had a deadbolt on his door.  What kind of teenager has a deadbolt on their bedroom door?  I asked him about it and he got this scared, desperate look on his face and yelled at us to leave his room.”

 

 

“He was trying to keep people out.  He was probably hiding something he thinks is important and didn’t want you two asking too many questions about it.”  Natasha said calmly.  “The Starks were a very private people.  You know how paranoid Howard could be.  Tony probably just learned how to hide things at a young age.”

 

 

Bucky sighed.  This was the problem with second hand information.  Natasha had to go off of textbook behaviors and logical answers without seeing Tony when it had happened, without even seeing how delicate Tony was now.  One wrong move and the kid could fall apart, whether he would run away in fear or scream and break things when it happened wasn’t the issue.  The issue was when things were going to start being too much for him.  Tony was getting worse.  Bucky needed to fix it.

 

 

“No, it was worse than that.  You didn’t see his eyes.  He was terrified of the two of us, practically begging us to get out of his room.”  Bucky said quickly.  “He was scared of us, Natasha.  I don’t know how to fix this.”

 

 

“Okay.  What else?”  She asked.

 

 

Bucky sighed as he started racking his brain for worrying things Tony has done the past few weeks.  Apparently he had built up a whole mental list of behaviors and events without even being aware of it.  “He’s throwing out his clothes.  He refused to bring most of them from the mansion over to our house so he’s been buying himself a whole bunch of new clothes.  Every few days one outfit or another is in the trash.”

 

 

Natasha frowned, humming slightly as she thought.  It didn’t make sense to Bucky either, Tony had bought most of those clothes himself.  He picked them out and paid for them with his own money.  Yet so quickly he was willing to get rid of them and have them replaced.  It didn’t make sense.

 

 

“It’s probably a money thing.  Tony is the only son of the seventh richest man in the world.  He probably had a lot, is used to constantly replacing things, throwing out the old and getting the new.”  Natasha said.  Although her voice was gentle and reassuring, Bucky couldn’t help feeling like he was being mocked.  “I don’t think it’s something to worry about.”

 

 

He groaned.  She wasn’t believing him.  Something was wrong with Tony and he couldn’t express his concern correctly.  He wasn’t making her understand how Tony was behaving.  The kid was in serious trouble and Bucky couldn’t figure out how to help him.

 

 

“I caught him drinking.”

 

 

“Teenagers drink all the time.”  Natasha said.

 

 

“Yeah, but this wasn’t like that.  I’ve been around drunk teenagers.  They want to have fun and party.  Tony looked like he was drinking for the sake of being drunk.  He looked devastated.”  Bucky said.  He remembered the look he had, sad and scared and lonely.  “I grabbed his hand to take the bottle from him and he just froze.  He begged me to let him go as if he thought I was going to hit him.”

 

 

Natasha paused, her jaw going hard and her eyes searching.  Bucky had a lingering hope that this was it, that she was finally going to believe him and realize how much help Tony needed.  “Maybe…”  Natasha started, slow and cautious.  “Maybe he thought you were going to hit him.”

 

 

“Tasha, that’s the point!”  Bucky said loudly.  She was so close to understand but she wasn’t.  “He expected me to hit him.  What if someone is out there hitting him and now he just expects it from everyone?”

 

 

The idea was a fairly new one in Bucky’s mind, but a startling one.  Tony had gone off to MIT just last year at the young, delicate age of fifteen.  He was pretty much alone out there.  Anything could have happened to him.  Maybe drunk frat guys got angry at the money, fellow students jealous of his brilliance.  They could have beaten him down so many times that now Tony is jumpy, especially now that he doesn’t have the immense power of his parents behind him.  The story of Tony’s losing his glasses in a fight just added fuel to the fire.

 

 

“James, maybe it was just that he was scared of you.”  Natasha said, gently easing the sentence out.  “You’re an absolute teddy bear, you would never hurt anyone unless you were given a mission and had absolute proof that they weren’t good people.  You would never raise your hand to a kid, but Tony doesn’t know that.  From what I’ve heard, the two of you have been fighting nonstop.  He hasn’t been given a chance to get to know you yet, Steve either.  All he knows is that two fairly large and intimidating men with military backgrounds have taken him in and been arguing with him.  It makes sense that he’s scared.”

 

 

Bucky was taken aback, not only by the gentle calm of her words but at the sheer indication that he had somehow misread the situation.  At first he was angry that Natasha would imply such a thing.  That she could take something as serious as the possibility of Tony being hurt and twist it around to make it seem like nothing was happening.  As he thought about it though, it made an odd amount of sense.  He and Steve could be intimidating, especially to strangers.  They had bodies built for power, they had to have the strength and training to trek across harsh landscapes and still complete whatever mission needed to be done.  They were trained to kill and although most people didn’t know that they could still at least pick up on how dangerous they were.  Tony probably had, if he was scared of them then it made sense for him to be testing his boundaries, scared they would hurt him but curious as to where the line was.

 

 

“What do I do, Tasha?”  Bucky asked softly.  “How do I fix this?  This is his home now, I don’t want him scared to be here.”

 

 

“You talk to him.  No, scratch that.”  Natasha said, shaking her head.  She looked up and smiled a greeting and Clint came back into the kitchen.  “Have him talk to you.  I want you to listen to everything he has to say, no matter how mundane it sounds.  You listen, you don’t react, you add only as much commentary as necessary to keep the conversation going.  You let him know that you value his opinion and you never raise your voice to him.  Alright.”

 

 

Bucky nodded quickly.  He could do that, it sounded easy.  Natasha knew what she was doing, if she said this would help him then it would help.  Clint put his coffee mug in the sink and pushed himself back up onto the counter.

 

 

“I didn’t find anything in the kid’s room we need to worry about.  Just a few packs of cigarettes and the usual mess and clutter that should be in a teenager’s room.”  Clint said calmly.

 

 

“You looked through his room?”  Bucky said.  He didn’t know much about raising a teenager, but he was pretty sure that was a breach of trust.

 

 

“Relax, he won’t even know I was there.  Besides, you said you were worried so I went looking for signs that he was in trouble.  I didn’t find much.”  Clint said, shrugging.  “It’s probably nothing but we’ll look into it just in case.”

 

 

Natasha nodded.  “There is still a chance that you were right, someone is messing with him.  If that’s happening we’ll figure it out and get back to you.”  She said.  “But try not to worry so much, the stress isn’t good for you.  It’s probably what’s messing with your joints.”

 

 

They left shortly after that with promises to be in touch.  They would look into it, if something was going on with Tony then they would find it and let him know.  Until then he just had to work on what the problems most likely were.  He had to work on making Tony feel comfortable here, help him feel safe.  Bucky would have to talk to Steve as well, see if those two could start getting along so that eventually the three of them could be happy together without all the strain they had now.

 

 

Tony came home three hours after he said he would.   Steve was still with SHIELD, probably being briefed on a mission or filing paperwork.  Bucky wouldn’t know until Steve either calls him to say he’ll be gone for a few days or comes home within a few hours.

 

 

Tony ignored him, walking straight past where Bucky sat in the kitchen and heading for the fridge.  Bucky watched him carefully, looking for any sign of distress.  Tony looked the same as he always did.

 

 

“Did you have a nice time with your friends?”  Bucky asked.  He tried to sound as friendly as possible without making it seem fake.  Tony looked back at him, his eyebrows furrowing down in concern.

 

 

“Oh, yeah.  Had the time of my life, Jared Leto.”  Tony said, rolling his eyes.

 

 

Bucky paused for a moment, letting the sarcastic words roll over in him brain for a few seconds.  “Is that a joke about my hair?”  He asked.  Tony nodded as he pulled the orange juice out of the fridge and turned to face him.  “He has great hair.  I’ll take that as a compliment.”

 

 

He hoped he was doing it right.  Natasha would have wanted him to be civil, silently try to coax Tony into talking with him more and inevitably form a stable foundation to build their friendship on.  He didn’t know if it was working because at the moment Tony just looked confused.  He opened the orange juice and drank straight from the carton, his eyes never leaving Bucky’s face.  When Bucky didn’t respond, probably expecting a comment about how disgusting it was to just drink straight from the juice carton because that was disgusting.  Tony stood there for a moment, waiting.  After a while he put down the carton of orange juice and pulled out a cigarette.

 

 

The rules had changed recently.  Tony was allowed to smoke in the house as long as he had opened a window first and never smoked more than half a pack a day.  It was their little compromise so that Tony didn’t bring alcohol into the house again and Bucky had serious doubts Tony smoked as little as he promised he would.  Right now, as Tony stared at Bucky intently, he didn’t open a window.  Bucky was trying hard, he didn’t want to snap at the kid.  He wanted to hear everything he had to say, not close him off to the idea of having a conversation because they were both too stubborn.

 

 

“You’re doing something weird.”  Tony said, frowning at Bucky.  “Stop doing it.”

 

 

“I’m not doing anything.  I’m just waiting for you to tell me how your day went.”  Bucky said calmly.

 

 

Tony’s frown deepened, his eyes cautious as he scanned Bucky’s face.  “It was fine.  Nothing really out of the ordinary happened.”  He said.  Bucky waited, unsure of what he could add to the conversation to keep him talking.  Tony seemed to sense this because he shifted awkwardly from foot to foot as he spoke again.  “How was _your_ day?”

 

 

“It was good.  I invited some friends over.”  Bucky said.  He couldn’t tell Tony exactly what had happened, but he had to still be honest if he was going to get Tony to trust him.  “They think I’m stressing out over nothing, which is really annoying.  They also think my arm is starting to cause me problems because of it.”

 

 

“Is it?”  Tony asked, his eyes darting down to his left arm with renewed interest.  “Is it bothering you?”

 

 

Bucky smiled to himself, realizing the opportunity.  “Yeah, a little bit.  The joints are a bit stiff.”  He lifted the metal arm into the air to show it off and wiggled his fingers.  They weren’t moving as smoothly as they usually did.

 

 

“Can I look at it?”  Tony asked suddenly.  Bucky blinked, wariness settling in his stomach.  He wanted the kid to trust him but he wasn’t so sure he trusted Tony.  Not with this at least.  The arm still felt foreign to him, it ached on bad days and felt cold and detached from him on good days.  He didn’t want anyone poking around in there.  Tony noticed his hesitation and started to backtrack.  “It’s cool if you don’t.  I’d probably just mess it up anyway.”

 

 

He sounded honest and considerate.  That was more surprising than anything else.  Tony had realized Bucky’s discomfort and backed off instead of willingly trying to antagonize him.  This was improvement.  This was good.  Bucky felt immediately relieved.

 

 

“It’s fine.  It’s not a problem right now.”  Bucky said.  “Maybe later.”

 

 

Tony nodded slowly.  He tossed his cigarette into the sink and picked up the juice carton as he walked towards the door.  He gave Bucky a lazy wave over his shoulder as he passed and disappeared from the room.  Bucky smiled to himself.  They had talked.  It was short, unproductive, but they had had an actual conversation that didn’t end in someone screaming.  They could make this work.  He couldn’t wait to tell Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are going well. I promise, they'll start getting interesting really soon.  
> Please leave a comment, tell me what you think. What do you guys think will happen?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends. The next few updates will be more spaced out. I start work tomorrow and now I can't write just all day every day. I hope you like this though.

Bucky fell back onto the bed with a gasp.  “Holy shit.”  He mumbled to himself.  Steve rolled over into the space next to him, his own gasping breaths and moans filling the room.  “Tell me what I did to deserve that because I will do it every day for the rest of my life.”

 

Steve chuckled and pressed his face into Bucky’s neck, lightly kissing the skin there.  “Nah, stuff like that is for special occasions. We’re celebrating.”  Steve said.  He whispered into Bucky’s ear and then trailed his mouth across his jaw, leaving a trail of gentle kisses.  “Happy three years.”

 

Three years seemed like such a short time, considering the two of them had grown up together and practically spent their entire lives with one another.  Over twenty years of friendship, six years of military service together, four years of Steve helping Bucky through the recovery of his amputation and retirement, and the past three years of their relationship.  They had history together, they were strong together.

 

“Happy three years, Punk.”  Bucky said.  He reached out blindly until his hand knocked against Steve’s and he quickly slid their fingers together. 

 

This was nice, their little period of peace.  Tony was gone, out with whoever it was he wanted to spend time with.  Today would be a good day.  Bucky and Steve had spent hours in bed together, worshipping one another.  It was relaxing and Bucky was as happy and as comfortable as he could ever be.

 

Steve rolled over, draping Bucky with his body, and traced the seam of his shoulder where the flesh ended and the prosthetic began with his lips.  It tickled, the skin was still sensitive after all this time, but it wasn’t uncomfortable.  Steve’s touches always made Bucky like the arm just a little bit more, he made it feel like less of foreign hunk of metal fused into his body and more like another piece of himself that Steve loved.

 

“You’re so beautiful.”  Steve whispered.  He planted a kiss on one of the largest scars and pulled back.  “Come on, baby.  We’re gonna be late for dinner.”

 

It took a moment for Bucky to comprehend Steve’s words.  He blinked several times, watching Steve get up from the bed and slowly pull on his clothes.  “What?”

 

“We have dinner in half an hour.  We’re meeting Peggy and Angie at the restaurant.”  Steve said.  He smiled at Bucky as he pulled on his pants.  His face was flushed, his hair a mess, and Bucky was about ready to just pull him back into bed.  He would call Peggy and Angie later to apologize for ditching them, but Steve standing naked in front of him took precedent.  “Come on, baby.  It’s time to get out of bed.”

 

Bucky groaned and complained the whole time he was getting dressed.  Steve nodding along slowly at each of his mutterings and humored him until they climbed into the car and drove to the restaurant.  Bucky really didn’t want to go out, he wanted to spend his three year anniversary in bed with the man he loved and enjoy the peace and quiet while it lasted.  He needed to go out though.  Weeks cooped up in that house making sure Tony doesn’t burn it to the ground had exhausted him and he owed Peggy.  Her and Angie found Tony, brought him in, and took care of him until they got there.  This was as much a thank you dinner as it was an anniversary dinner.

 

The restaurant was Italian, it was somewhere in Manhattan and probably cost more than their mortgage to eat there.  But they were celebrating, so it was alright.  With the amount of money Bucky had from the military after his injury and retirement, Steve with his secret job doing whatever, and the bit of money Howard left them to take care of Tony they were more than capable of going out to nice restaurants as often as they want. 

 

“You boys are late.”  Peggy said, smiling at the two of them as they walked in and sat down.  “Must have been terrible traffic because certainly the two of you would respect your appointments enough to be on time.”

 

There was something very dry and humorous about Peggy’s sarcasm, the way her eyes widened obnoxiously as she spoke and looked over the very noticeable marks on Steve’s neck.  Angie smiled smugly and laughed.

 

“Give ‘em a break, English.”  She said, turning towards Peggy and leaning in closer to her.  “The boys are celebrating.  Pretty soon they’ll be getting married and having little ones.”

 

“Oh, no little ones for us.”  Bucky said quickly with a shake of the head.  “And we haven’t been talking about marriage just yet.”

 

Steve hummed in agreement and smiled up at the waitress when she came up to the table.  Oddly enough, Angie was the one who knew all about wine and she ordered for all of them, except for Steve who had water.  It was one of those high class restaurants where the menus were in Italian and all the rich people around them were ordering in Italian and for once Bucky didn’t feel out of place while in public because he spoke Italian and so did everyone else at their table.  It felt almost natural to fall into another language with a group of people he trusted, even if it was strange and awkward being out like this.

 

Their glasses were filled and they were given the plateful of bread.  After the waitress took their dinner orders and left them with a smile Peggy and Angie had leaned in close and were whispering sweet nothings to each other, Steve was shoving bread into his mouth, and Bucky just allowed himself to relax and stare adoringly at Steve as he ate the bread and muttered about how delicious it was.

 

His phone vibrated in his pocket.  He ignored it.

 

“So, how have you two been doing?”  Bucky asked, turning back to the two women.  Angie was nuzzling Peggy’s neck with a flirtatious grin on her face.  “My two best girls doing alright?”

 

Peggy rolled her eyes.  “We’re doing lovely.  The two of you may be ignoring the possibility of marriage, but we are not.”  She said happily.  At her words Angie thrust out her had.  A diamond adorned her finger, glittering in the dim light.  “We expect you all to be there.  Make sure Tony wears slacks.”

 

Bucky laughed and shook his head.  “We can’t make Tony do anything.”  He said, smiling fondly.  “Congratulations.  Do you guys have a date?”

 

Angie nodded quickly, her smile showing a bit too many teeth.  “October 30th, it’ll go all night into Halloween.  I hope it’ll scare the kids.”  Bucky laughed again.  Angie got this excited look in her eyes simply talking about it, which was what probably caused Peggy to smile warmly and look at her like she was the whole world.

 

He turned to look at Steve, surprised to find the same dorky, loving smile directed at him.  Bucky felt his heart flutter as he leaned in and kissed those happy lips, Steve’s grin only widening against his mouth.  Bucky felt like an idiot, like one of those teenage couples that were always hanging off each other that he and Steve used to laugh at when they were both gangly kids in high school, and if they had loved each other half as much as Bucky loved Steve then they were probably still living happily together.

 

“How are you feeling, darling?”  Peggy said, she reached out and laid her hand on Bucky’s.  “You’re looking a bit stressed.”

 

“I am not stressed.”  He said, rolling his eyes.  “Everyone is thinking I’m stressed, I’m fine.  Doing great.  Super relaxed.  I’m taking naps now.”

 

Steve chuckled and nodded.  “I think we’re doing okay.  Things have definitely gotten easier around the house now that Tony has calmed down some.”

 

Angie hummed and raised an eyebrow.  “You got that kid to calm down?  I always thought he was a ball of perpetual energy unless he was sleeping.”  She said, shrugging.  “What did you do?  Work him to death?  Brainwash him?  Make him watch reality television?”

 

Bucky’s phone vibrated in his pocket.  He was on his anniversary dinner, so he ignored it.

 

“I put him in time out for a little while.”  Bucky said, rolling his eyes.  “No, I just tried talking to him.  The kid really likes to try to pick a fight but when you don’t take the bait he just gets really confused.  It usually defuses the situation within ten minutes.  After that he’s just sitting around and trying to avoid small talk.”

 

Peggy chuckled and shook her head.  “I’m surprised by you two.  Usually when someone is trying to pick a fight Steve jumps in and Bucky follows shortly after.  Domesticity is changing you.”  She said.  “If I didn’t know any better I would think the two of you were becoming parents.”

 

Bucky groaned and rolled his eyes, he was not under any circumstances becoming a parent.  “Highly unlikely.”  He said.  “I hate the kid.”

 

Steve chuckled into his water.  The waitress came back then, carrying their plates and gently placing them down in front of each of them.  How Steve managed to still be hungry after all the bread he had eaten, Bucky will never know.  Ever since he went from being that scrawny kid he had grown up with to the muscular giant he was now, it seemed like his stomach was a bottomless pit.

 

With that, the topic of conversation shifted to the food.  It was pretty good, but considering how much they were paying for the meal Bucky would be annoyed if it wasn’t good.

 

His attention was immediately captured by the way the pasta sauce dripped down Steve’s chin.  He was a mess, Bucky couldn’t take him anywhere.  He looked beautiful and Bucky couldn’t stop himself now that he was staring.  Steve caught his eye and smiled warmly.

 

The moment was ruined by the sound of Nicki Minaj’s fast rapping.  Steve flushed brightly as his hands dug through his pockets and quickly pulled out his phone.  “Sorry, I thought I had silenced it.”  He stammered to the group as he answered it and pressed it to his ear.  “Hello?  Oh, hey Tony.  Yeah, we’re busy.”

 

Bucky sighed.  Of course, the kid couldn’t give them one lousy night of peace.  For all he knew, Tony was calling and asking them to come pick him up from a police station or a meth lab.  Or he was calling just to piss him off.  Half the time it seemed like everything Tony did was just for the sake of pissing him off.  Bucky hated this kid, he didn’t care what anyone else thought, the kid was a menace and he hated his guts.

 

“Really?  Okay.”  Steve said, his face going hard.  He raised his hand and waved over the waitress.  “No, it’s fine.  Where are you?”

 

Bucky immediately deflated.  It looked like they were going to a police station or meth lab after all.  He put down his fork and drained his glass of wine, Steve’s drink as well.  Peggy smiled in sympathy.  Once Steve hung up he gave Bucky an apologetic smile and leaned forward to kiss his cheek.  Once the whole meal was paid for and they were back in the car Bucky pulled out his own phone.  Sure enough, several missed calls and all of them were from Tony.

 

“He’s on the Upper East Side.”  Steve said.  He started the car and pulled out into traffic.  “I’m really sorry about this.”

 

There wasn’t really much Steve could have done, Bucky either.  Tony was out of control.  “It’s not your fault, Stevie.”  Bucky said.  “I still had a great time.  At least now we get to go home early and have more mind blowing sex.”

 

They circled the area for a while until the found him sitting cross-legged on the ground not far from the park.  He looked terrible, his hair was sticking up in a wild mess, his shoes were missing, and he looked completely exhausted.  Bucky’s anger flared, but as he watched Steve struggle to find a parking spot and then climb out of the car and kneel down next to him his frustration faded into worry.  Tony didn’t pull away as Steve reached up and started lightly stroking his hair, usually Tony skillfully avoided their touches.  He looked up at Steve in surprise as if he didn’t call him and see them pull up.

 

Steve was talking to Tony in a calm, patient voice and Bucky couldn’t quite make out the words.  By the time Tony nodded and allowed Steve to help him up Bucky’s worry had consumed all other emotions, even the anger and annoyance he had just been feeling.  Tony climbed into the backseat and dropped his head onto the window.  He looked exhausted and as soon as they had started driving again he seemed to lull to sleep.  Bucky glanced over to Steve, who shook his head quietly.

 

Tony hummed in his sleep, it had no rhythm or pattern, it was just an occasional, soft sound as he breathed.  It was calming, reassuring.  Bucky listened to each gentle sound intently until they finally made it back to Brooklyn and back home.  Tony was curled up in the back, his knees pulled up in front of his chest.

 

“Wake up, buddy.  We’re home.”  Steve said.  He reached back and gently shook him.  Tony opened his eyes and slowly looked back at the house, staring at it blankly.

 

Bucky sighed as he climbed into the car.  “I got this.”  He said to Steve.  He slowly opened Tony’s door, careful so he wouldn’t fall out, and wrapped his arms around the kid.

 

He felt like he weighted nothing, Tony went into his arms easily and Bucky had no problem carrying him into the house.  Tony curled around him and let his eyes fall closed once more.  Steve trailed ahead of him closely, opening every door that was between them and Tony’s room.  By the time they reached it Tony had gone almost completely slack in Bucky’s hold.

 

“What are you doing?”  Tony asked softly when Bucky set him down on the bed.  His eyes went from showing pure exhaustion to being mostly alert and suspicious in a matter of seconds.  There it was again, the fear.

 

“Don’t worry, kiddo.  I’m just putting you to bed.  You’re tired.”  Bucky said.  Tony hesitated, his eyes staring into Bucky’s for a few seconds before he nodded.

 

 Tony’s shirt was filthy, but he was holding it so close to his body in such a tight grip that Bucky didn’t even consider trying to take it off of him.  Tony leaned away every time one of their hands came a bit too close and Bucky had started to slowly back towards the door.  Steve fluffed up his pillows and pulled back the blankets, trying to get it as comfortable as possible before slowly trying to coax Tony under the covers.  It took a few minutes, Tony looking between the blankets and Steve holding them, but eventually he went and curled into a tight ball.

 

They left then, leaving Tony’s door open a crack in case he called for them.  Bucky grabbed Steve’s hand and dragged him towards their room, dozens of questions speeding through his mind.  Once the door was shut behind them Bucky wiggled his way into Steve’s arm and breathed in his scent.

 

“What happened?  What did he say?”  Bucky asked.

 

“He apologized first, which threw me off.  Then he simply said he was hanging out with friends and things got out of hand and he lost his shoes.”  Steve said slowly, his arms coming up to curl around Bucky.  “I asked him about it further but he kept telling me to drop it.”

 

“Something is going on with him.”  Bucky murmured.  Steve nodded.  “I think we should keep him home for a few days.  Talk to him about it.  If he tries to pick a fight we just ignore him and stay calm.”

 

“Do you think this is about his parents?”  Steve asked. 

 

Bucky shrugged.  He had no idea what this was about, what Tony could possibly be trying to be saying with his emotional extremes and contradictory behaviors.  One moment Tony hated their guts and the next he was trying to call them to come get him when he was in trouble.  Tony was completely fine with being carried but then he jerked away whenever one of them tried to put a calming hand on him.  Tony wasn’t making sense.  Something was happening to him.

 

“We’ll figure it out in the morning.”  Bucky whispered.  They tried to relax for the night, get comfortable, and just wrap around each other as they tried to sleep.

 

The next morning, Tony’s outfit from the night before was found in the trash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Tony. Poor Bucky and Steve. They all just had an interesting day.  
> Hopefully the next chapter helps all of them  
> Comment please, it fuels the flames of my writing passion.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, I had time for an update anyway.

Bucky didn’t want to be that kind of person.  He didn’t want to be like all those people out there raising kids and treating them like shit by going through their stuff.  Bucky wanted to be the kind of person who respected his kid’s privacy, but something was going on with him and it was bad.  Something terrible was going to happen if he didn’t figure out how to fix it soon.

 

Tony’s abandoned clothes sat in the trash can, just another outfit he had up and gotten rid of with no explanation.  He had thrown them out in a hurry, Bucky just hoped he had forgotten some clue in the pockets about what had happened.  The first thing he noticed was the smell, usually everything on and around Tony smelled like cigarettes.  These didn’t smell like that at all.  The clothes still smelled like tobacco, but instead of the cheap convenient store cigarettes that Tony smoked, this smell almost like cedar and was slightly sweet.  The clothes smelled like those expensive cigars Howard smoked with his colleagues when the prosthetic he had built was a success and there had been talk of mass production. 

 

Bucky had hated that meeting, how he sat there and was ogled at like a fancy new prototype that meant they would make money.  He would never forget Howard’s board of directors, whether it be their greedy stares or the horrible smell of cigars.  And here it was lingering on Tony’s clothes to offer that harsh reminder.  It still didn’t mean anything, Tony said he was out with friends and things got out of hand.  The kid clearly had rich friends so maybe they were just sitting around and smoking cigars.

 

Ignoring the sinking feeling in his stomach he started digging through the pockets of Tony’s jeans.  The first pocket he checked had Tony’s phone.  Bucky was tempted to look through it, see who he had been talking to, but he just shook his head and placed it on the counter.  He continued checking the pockets, mindlessly hoping for anything that could tell him what was wrong.

 

There was nothing.  Not a single receipt, no money, nothing.  There was no trace of where Tony was or who he was with, so many unspeakable things could have happened and Bucky would probably never know.  He sighed as he threw the clothes back into the trash and left the kitchen.  The house was eerily quiet this morning, nothing was on and no one was speaking.  Tony was asleep, had been since they brought him home and somehow managed to sleep well into the morning.

 

“How is he doing?”  Bucky asked as he walked into Tony’s room.  Steve sat in a chair in the corner, casually sketching as Tony continued to lie completely still, curled up into a tight ball on his bed. 

 

Steve looked over at Tony with a frown.  “He’s awake now.  He just seemed to want to stay in bed at the moment.”  He said softly.  Sure enough, Tony’s eyes were open and staring blankly out the window.  “He was talking for a little bit not too long ago.  He asked me to get out of his room.”

 

“Which you didn’t.”  Tony mumbled.  He sounded utterly exhausted and beaten down and Bucky was halfway tempted to go find the kid some more blankets to try and make him more comfortable.  “Just leave.”

 

“No.  I think we need to talk about what happened.”  Steve said.  He closed his sketchbook and set it on the ground.  He reached out for Bucky, who took several long steps and grabbed his hand.  “You really scared us last night.”

 

“My bad, but nothing happened.  Everything is fine.”  Tony said quickly.  He didn’t sound very convincing, it was like he was reading from a script but had gotten tired of acting.  “You can go now.”

 

Steve frowned, squeezing Bucky’s hand.  “Is this about your parents?”  He asked.  Tony’s back tensed, but he didn’t comment.  “I know this has been hard on you.  You probably feel very confused, very lonely, but just know that you can come to us with anything and we’ll listen to you.”

 

Sometimes talking to Tony was like talking to a very angry brick wall.  He never listened to what either of them had to say, but sometimes he would just start shouting back at them.  It usually always happened whenever they asked something from him when he wasn’t in a good mood.  Bucky had expected the anger and the shouting, but it never came.  Tony just continued to stare at the window in silence.

 

“Do you want to know about how we met your folks?”  Bucky asked, desperately looking for a conversation piece.  “I don’t think you know that story.  Come to think of it, we don’t know much of anything about each other.  That must be stressful.”

 

Bucky had never considered just how traumatic the whole situation must be for Tony.  His parents were killed and almost immediately he was handed off to two people he had never met and knew nothing about and neither him nor Steve had tried to explain to him who they were and what they did to gain Howard’s trust with him.  They couldn’t get Tony to talk about himself if they didn’t say something in return.

 

“We were both in the military at the time, on a special strike team that went on dangerous missions a lot.  Bucky and I worked well together, always had since we were kids, and so the two of us were paired up with five other guys just as crazy as we were and it was great.”  Steve said, smiling fondly up at Bucky.  “About four years ago we were assigned a rescue mission, it was pretty standard.  We go in, get the package, and get out.  It turned out your dad was the package.”

 

Tony shifted slightly, not completely turning around but he did roll onto his stomach and turn his head so his face was pressing into his pillow and his eyes were peeking out at them.  “Four years?”  He asked, his voice muffled.  “Wasn’t that when he went missing for a week?”

 

Bucky nodded, ignoring the wave of relief that shot through him as Tony spoke.  “Yep, probably.  I had to carry his stupid ass on my back for a while and he did nothing but kick around and cry like a baby.”  He said, hoping to earn at least a smile from Tony.  He didn’t.

 

Steve chuckled and shook his head.  “Don’t exaggerate.  Howard didn’t cry like a baby.  He was more in shock if anything.”  He said as he pulled Bucky closer to sit on his lap.  He leaned forward and kissed Bucky’s shoulder.

 

“Anyway, I carried the bastard to cover and then someone fired a missile.  It landed a bit too close, Falsworth tried to drag me away but I jumped on Howard to protect him.  It blew up, my arm went flying off, burnt a pretty big portion of my side, and then Steve carried me to the rendezvous spot while Howard cried like a baby.”

 

“No, I cried like a baby.”  Steve said.  He pulled his mouth off of Bucky’s shoulder and smiled up at him.  “Howard just apologized the whole time and promised to make things right again.”

 

Tony pushed himself up until he was sitting up.  He was frowning in confusion and didn’t look either of them in the eye, but it was better than it was a few minutes earlier.  “He apologized?”

 

Bucky nodded and smiled at him.  “Yeah, he felt bad.  The two of us were stuck in a military hospital together and he promised to make me a new, better arm to pay me back for rescuing him.  He talked about you too.”  He said.  Tony’s eyes snapped to his as he waited for him to continue.  “He just went on and on about his smart little boy and how proud he was of you.”

 

“That’s enough.”  Tony said.  All the fatigue and exhaustion disappeared from Tony’s expression, all the anger and agitation Bucky had been expecting had finally surfaced.  “I don’t have to take this shit from you. Get out.”

 

Bucky shook his head and climbed off of Steve’s lap.  “No, not until you tell us what happened last night.  You really scared the two of us.”  He said as he took a few careful steps towards the bed.  Tony’s eyes widened, his hands twisting tightly into the blankets.

 

“Nothing fucking happened last night!  Just drop it.”  Tony said quickly, the volume of his voice steadily rising.  “This isn’t family story time, alright.  You guys think you give a shit, but you don’t.  I’m just a tough kid to handle and you’re all feeling guilty about Howard’s little dirt nap that you think you have to involve yourself with all of my problems.  Well you can stop pretending like you give a fuck and get out!”

 

“Tony, we’re not pretending to care about you.”  Steve said calmly as he stood and followed behind Bucky.  “We really do worry about you.”

 

Bucky took another step closer to him and Tony jumped out of the bed and backed away.  “No, you don’t.  This is just something you feel obligated to do.  In a few weeks you’ll both get so sick of me you’ll be calling up the lawyers and be begging for them to find someone else to take me.  Then I’ll pack up my crap and be sent off to someone else I hardly know.”  Tony said.  He held his hands out in front of him, as if to stop them from getting any closer to him.

 

Tony’s words rang in Bucky’s ears.  This kid really did think they hated him, Bucky had said that he did often enough and most of the time he was fairly sure it was true, but Tony didn’t deserve to be in a home where he knew people hated him and didn’t want him there.  “No, Tony.  We’re not gonna get rid of you.  We want you to stay here with us.”

 

“Why?”  Tony asked quickly, his eyes growing suspicious. 

 

Bucky’s heart was breaking for this kid.  He didn’t trust a single one of them, he doubted all of their intentions.  They couldn’t even try to help him without him thinking they had some sort of ulterior motives.  Someone messed with this kids head pretty bad and it just made Bucky angry and concerned.

 

“Look, we just want…”  Bucky trailed off, his eyes catching something as Tony’s hands stayed raised in front of him.  He barely managed to stop himself from grabbing the kid’s arm again, but it was a close thing.

 

There, circling his wrist, was a large purple bruise.  It was wide and several parts of it almost looked like finger marks.  Someone had grabbed Tony hard enough to hurt him.  A brief wave of panic had hit him at the possibility that it was him, that when he had grabbed Tony’s wrist to stop him from drinking he had squeezed harder than intended, but he quickly dispelled the thought from his mind.  He had grabbed Tony’s other wrist, that and there was another, similar bruise that was older and yellowing just a few inches above the one displayed in front of him.

 

“We care about you.”  Bucky said slowly, his eyes not leaving Tony’s arm.  “We just want you to be okay.  We’ll give you some space, just please don’t go anywhere.”

 

Bucky waited for Tony to relax slightly and nod before dragging Steve from the room.  The door closed behind them and the loud, obnoxious music that Bucky hated started blaring from the room, it made him relax slightly as he led Steve downstairs and into the kitchen.

 

Tea was good for stressful situations, with a little honey and it would be soothing.  He put the kettle on and let his head fall against the counter.  Steve’s hand curled into his hair and he started rubbing small circles into his scalp.  Bucky didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know how to fix this.  Tony was getting worse every day and it wouldn’t be long until he fell apart completely.

 

“Someone’s hurting our kid, Stevie.”  Bucky muttered.  The hand froze in his hair.

 

“What are we going to do?”

 

Bucky pushed himself up and looked Steve in the eye.  “We’re going to find out who, we’re going to figure out what they’re doing, and then we’re going to kick their ass.”

 

Steve smiled, it was small and it was strained, but it was still a smile and Bucky leaned forward to kiss those lips.  His phone rang just as their mouths met, he pressed them together firmly before pulling back and glancing at the caller ID.

 

“Tasha, please tell me you have news.”  Bucky said when he answered.  Natasha would have answers, she’ll help them figure out what was going on.

 

“Oh, I have news.  It might not be particularly good news.  It’s concerning how easy it is to find things about rich kids.  I just had to make a few calls and even sealed records were being laid out in front of me.”  She said.  Bucky hummed, preparing himself as he waited for her to elaborate.  “There is definitely something going on with him.  We have school reports from elementary school about violent outbursts and unhealthy attachments to female teachers.  They suspected that he was missing his mother since he was sent off to boarding school and his parents didn’t visit as often as the other children.  There’s a police report from a few years back stating that he had run away from home when he was ten and hid in the woods for a few days.  He came back fine.  When he was fourteen he overdosed on heroin, the hospital thought was intentional but he never mentioned anything alarming to the psychologists.  He was in rehab last summer and supposedly had been clean ever since.”

 

Bucky could feel his hands start to tremble worse and worse as Natasha spoke.  Tony was fourteen and on heroin?  There had to be a reason for that.  It very well could have been just the stress of growing up in the spotlight, being treated like public property and used for entertainment since the moment of his conception, but why hadn’t anyone been looking out for him?  Surely there had to be someone around him enough to notice the fact that he was doing drugs like that.

 

“Anything else?  Do you know if anything is going on with him now?”  Bucky asked, his voice shaky.

 

“Nope.  He spent a few months in a great facility in Canada and hasn’t had any drug issues since, at least not any that would require a hospital visit or any kind of intervention.”  Natasha said.  “In fact, the whole year at MIT his behavior record was spotless.  It’s like going to school was exactly what the kid needed.”

 

“Yeah, but he’s not at school anymore.”  Bucky said, sighing.  All he had now were more questions and not enough answers.  “Thank you so much, Tasha.  It was a huge help.”

 

“Do you want me to talk to the kid?”  She asked, concern clear in her voice.  “I can probably figure out what’s going on.”

 

Bucky was familiar with Natasha’s methods of interrogation and he was pretty sure that wasn’t what Tony needed.  She could be gentle, considerate to those who she didn’t want to scare, but the last thing he wanted was for Tony to be used.  “I don’t know.  Maybe.”

 

They exchanged pleasantries and hung up.  The kettle was howling, the water was boiling, and Bucky dropped a few tea bags into some mugs.  Maybe Tony was on drugs again.  He didn’t have MIT as a distraction anymore, he had just lost his family, and it would be all too easy for him to fall back into that.  Perhaps the bruises were just from some drug dealer who got a bit too enthusiastic.  It would explain Tony’s rapid mood swings, his aggression, his suspicion and paranoia.  Bucky didn’t know, it could be something else entirely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment for the poor author who writes fics with nothing but her love of writing and the joys of getting feedback.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible Trigger Warnings for this chapter. Please look at the end of chapter notes if you're worried.

“Where is he?”  Clint asked.  It was different than their last visit.  Clint, Sam, and Natasha had come right over when Bucky called everyone to ask for their help and he had taken his usual spot on the kitchen countertop.  He was calmer though, his tone serious and his body rigid.  He wasn’t nearly as relaxed and carefree as he had been on his first visit.

 

Bucky sighed.  “He’s sleeping in his room.  Tony’s had a rough few days and seems to have just run himself into the ground.  He needs to rest so no one bother him.”  He said slowly.  “I don’t know what to do.”

 

“Send him away.”  Clint said quickly.  Natasha sighed and murmured her agreement.

 

Bucky blinked, trying to process the statement.  “Are you serious?”  He asked.  Clint nodded.  They couldn’t possibly mean that.  “No!  I’m not sending him away.  Why would I do that?”

 

Clint sighed, he looked genuinely sorry but determined.  “You said someone is hurting him.  Given that he went straight from some fancy Canadian rehab facility to living at MIT and that his behavior and mood drastically improved while at these places, we can determine that his attacker is here in New York.”  He said calmly, his voice flat as if he were teaching something in a classroom.  “Not permanently, just send him to some relatives for a little while until you figure out who’s trying to hurt him.”

 

“I can’t do that.  Tony already thinks he isn’t wanted here, if we send him away that will just confirm his suspicions.  He’ll never feel secure in our home again.”  Bucky said quickly.  For the past few days after everything had calmed down Tony had been wandering around the house like a ghost.  His witty and slightly insulting commentary had decreased greatly.  He had stopped trying to fight them altogether, even when Bucky willfully made innocent comments he knew would annoy the kid, like asking him to do the dishes or get a haircut.  Tony was a watered down version of himself, it was unnerving.  “I want him to be happy here, I want him to feel like he belongs.”

 

Sam hummed.  “So go with him.  It’ll be like a bonding thing for the three of you.”  He said.  The microwave beeped and four steaming mugs of hot chocolate were pulled out.  They weren’t nearly as good as the coffee Clint had made at the last visit, but this also was a more serious occasion.  “The three of us can handle looking into things further.  Nat has already seen all the red flags in Tony’s records, we just need to find reasoning for why he’s so troubled.”

 

Bucky frowned.  Steve was busy with SHIELD, if Bucky and Tony left it would probably be just the two of them.  He could hardly stand the kid on a good day, being alone with him for a long weekend would end up killing one of them.  The last thing Bucky wanted was to be charged with murder.

 

“Okay.  So we leave town for a little bit and you guys figure out what’s going on.  Where would we go?”  Bucky said.  Sam shrugged.  Everyone Steve and Bucky knew weren’t exactly the kind of people he would take his kid to go visit when they wanted to lay low, they were all spies or assassins with many safe houses far away from anything interesting.  Tony would hate it.  “We should stay here.  He’ll be more comfortable in places he’s familiar with.”

 

“Fine.  Keep the kid in New York.”  Clint said, rolling his eyes.  “Just keep a close eye on him.  If he slips away whatever’s going on could happen again.  Get him off the streets.”

 

Bucky nodded, feeling warmth spread across his chest.  These three hadn’t even met Tony, they had all simply heard Bucky’s horror stories about what a little monster the kid was and don’t hesitate to help him out.  He didn’t know if it was because Tony was in fact just a kid being hurt or because Bucky and Steve needed their help, but he wasn’t going to question it.  They had good friends and that was the most important thing.

 

Natasha frowned at her hot chocolate.  “I’ll go to MIT, speak to his peers and professors and see what they all think of him and how he interacts with everyone there.”  She said, her voice commanding as she took control of the conversation and turned to everyone to form a strategy.  “Sam, you look into the facility in Canada.  Clint, I want you to find out who Tony is spending his time with here in New York.  Bucky and Steve should get Tony to relax, stabilize the relationship between the three of them, and see if he’s willing to talk about anything.  Call if you guys find anything.”

 

Bucky nodded quickly.  “Thank you all so much.  This means a lot.”

 

“I’m not doing this for you.”  Sam said, his voice managed to sound both friendly and mocking.  “I remember when we first met and you almost killed me.”

 

“Well, next time to start flying around above me without warning while I have a weapon in my hands.”  Bucky said, smiling smugly.  “And you know you love me.”

 

“No.  I love helping the children of the world.”  Sam said.  His smile was teasing and Bucky couldn’t help but laugh.  “You, Sergeant Barnes, can suck a dick.”

 

Bucky’s gaze was blank, his voice steady.  “I already have.”

 

They all groaned and muttered in disgust.  They stood up and said their goodbyes, leaving to go do what they didn’t have to do to help him, Steve, and Tony.  How he had ended up with such amazing friends was beyond him, he probably didn’t deserve these people’s care and affection but he would forever be grateful for it.  They were going to help Tony.  Everything was going to be just fine.

 

He poured the rest of his hot chocolate into the sink.  It wasn’t that good and he wasn’t that thirsty.  He decided to check on Tony.  He took his time, climbed the stairs slowly and quietly.  If Tony was still asleep then he didn’t want to wake him.  Whatever was going on had seemingly drained the kid of his energy.  Sleep would do him some good, maybe it’ll help clear his head.

 

Sure enough, Tony was still asleep.  He was curled up tightly on his bed, blanket kicked to the ground.  He seemed so much smaller like this.  Tony was usually energetic and loud, running around from one place or another causing trouble.  Now he was so still, his legs pulled up to his chest and his face buried in his pillow.  It must have been a hot night because Tony’s shirt was thrown haphazardly into to the corner.

 

Tony’s back was covered in scars.  Most of them small and fading, but lined up one by one like a pattern of purposefully placed cuts.  The rest of the scars were larger, more visible.  They were long and curved over Tony’s skin like viscous snakes trying to make what was theirs.  Some of them looked deep, some long, and some fresh.  Bucky was frozen in the doorway, his eyes were locked onto one that curled over Tony’s shoulder.  It was new, barely scabbed over and the area around it red and blue as they were dotted with more of those finger shaped bruises.

 

“Tony?”  Bucky asked, his voice soft as he took a single step into the room.  Tony didn’t move.  “Tony.”

 

He must have finally woken up because his steady breathing stilled and the muscles on his back tensed.  He didn’t get up.  Bucky walked further into the room.  Was Tony hurting?  In pain?  How did this happen?  Who did this to him?  Did he do this to himself?  A thousand questions ran through Bucky’s mind too quickly for him to be able to spend much time looking for answers.  Some of the scars were old, years old.  How did something like this get so bad and no one notice?

 

Tony’s eyes were open, his body still, and he seemed to be focused intently on staring out the window.  Bucky didn’t know what he seemed to be waiting for.  Him to leave?  Say something?  Do something?  Tony was patient, unmoving, and Bucky just wanted him to jump up and scream at him to get out of his room like he always did.

 

“Sit up.  You’ve been sleeping all day.”  Bucky said, trying to keep his voice light.  Tony pushed himself up.  Once he was sitting he looked up at Bucky, his expression blank.  “Where did you get this?”  He asked as he reached out and almost touched the fresh, healing scar on Tony’s shoulder.

 

Tony’s eyes followed Bucky’s hand, but he didn’t say anything.  He didn’t touch, Bucky was afraid of what would happen if he did.  Something would happen, he didn’t know what, but he was sure that if he touched Tony right now it would be bad. 

 

“It’s fine.”  Tony said.  He shook his head as Bucky quickly drew his hand back.

 

“It’s not fine.  It looks like it hurts.”  Bucky said slowly.  He wished Steve was here.  “How did you get it?”

 

Tony pauses, blinks a few times as he processes the statement.  Hid eyes hardened and all of a sudden it was like the life was breathed back into him.  “Nowhere.  It was my fault.  Not a big deal.”

 

With the tone he had used, Bucky knew that pressing further and demanding answers would not have a desired effect.  It would lead to an argument, which although would be familiar and at least let him know that Tony is being himself again, it would also probably push them further apart.  Bucky wanted to be close to Tony, earn his trust, and not make him feel like he just wants to yell and fight with him.

 

“Okay.”  Bucky said.  He wasn’t to ask more, because the freshest wound in no more than a week old.  But there is another injury that catches his eye and he has to ask about this one.  He has to know the answer.  He reached for Tony again, fully noting the way the kid’s muscles tensed up on instinct, and let his palm hover over his chest.  “What about this one?”

 

There, almost perfectly in the center of Tony’s chest was a large, circular burn.  The skin was thick and shiny, lines indented inward to indicate that whatever had burnt him had a specific shape to it.  This was deliberate.  It was thought out, planned, someone had heated up some round hunk of metal and branded Tony like an animal, like property.

 

“Where did you get it?”  Bucky asked, his voice flat and his hands shaking in rage.

 

Tony moved quickly, his hand shooting out to slap Bucky’s away.  “You seem to have boundary issues, Barnes.  Why can’t you ever mind your own fucking business?”  Tony shouted.  He jumped up from the bed and grabbed his shirt, pulling it over his head awkwardly in his rushed and angry movements.  “You are unbelievable Sergeant Bitch Face.  I can’t even take a fucking nap without you barging in here all high and mighty, wanting to know absolutely everything.”

 

Bucky had never thought he would be happy to be yelled at, but this was much more preferable than the quiet, suspicious Tony he was seeing too often these days.  The angry words held no weight to them, Tony was shouting it seemed for the simple sake of shouting.  He wanted to yell and scream and Bucky found that nothing Tony said was in an insulting tone, just a frustrated one.  Tony seemed to have calmed down as well, even if he was angry he didn’t seem too distraught.  He left his room in a loud hurry and practically ran down the stairs.  Bucky followed.

 

“We’re gonna stay in for a few days.”  Bucky said as they went down to the kitchen.  Tony took out the orange juice and drank straight from the carton.  He looked back at Bucky and raised an eyebrow.  “Until things settle down.  Just for a few days.  A week at most.”

 

“I’m not allowed to leave?”  Tony asked, his voice steady.

 

Bucky sighed.  He didn’t want to make it seem like he was keeping Tony trapped, he just wanted him to be safe until they figured out what was going on.  He wanted Tony to feel happy and safe, not like he was being locked away and controlled.

 

“You can leave, if you really want to.  Just please talk to me before you go.”  Bucky said slowly, testing to see how Tony would react to the idea.  “I don’t think it’s… safe.  I don’t want you to get hurt.”

 

Tony’s eyes narrowed, his frown deepened, but after a few seconds of hesitation he finally nodded.  “Sure, if you like having me around that much I can’t really blame you.”  He said, rolling his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING: Implied self harm and implied abuse
> 
> The next chapter will be posted soon. I just want to apologize in advance.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> super big warnings for this chapter. If you want to check them out they'll be in the end of chapter notes, if you don't want spoilers than just keep reading.
> 
> :)

“This is the worst show ever.”  Tony groaned.  His feet were hanging off the edge of the couch.  “It’s entirely inaccurate, no science actually works like that.”

 

Bucky glanced up from his book.  He had no idea what they were watching, but Steve had picked the show and he seemed to be really enjoying it.  The slight scowl that adorned Steve’s face was beautiful and Bucky leaned over quickly to kiss those lips.  Steve melted against him.  “It’s fiction, Tony.  Nothing is supposed to be accurate.”  Bucky said as he pulled away.

 

Tony groaned and rolled his eyes.  “I just don’t think how something so ridiculous could ever actually be entertaining.”  His attention was drawn from the television and down to the phone in his lap as it lit up and vibrated.

 

The past few days Tony had seemingly come out of the hazy, tired period he had seemed stuck in.  He was louder now, more talkative, but surprisingly not angry.  He made the occasional comment, sometimes got frustrated, but mostly living in this house had become relaxing and enjoyable again.  It was like isolating Tony from whatever the problem was had cleared his head and calmed him over the past few days.  It was a temporary fix, but Bucky was relieved to see that they actually could all get along.

 

The annoying sound of rapid typing was distracting Bucky from his book.  He glanced up at Tony, who was frowning down at his phone with his eyebrows drawn together.  “Everything alright?”  He asked.  Tony’s eyes shot to him, probably surprised by the question.

 

“You know it.  Everything is fine and dandy.  A-okay.”  Tony said, his attention slipping back to his phone.

 

“That’s good.  Can you turn off the sound on your phone?”  Bucky said as he turned back to his book.  “It makes that clicking sound whenever you type a letter.”

 

Tony snorted.  “Aww, but Bucky-boo, I like the clicking sound.”  Tony said.  “It makes me feel all fancy, like I’m writing something important.”

 

He listened though, because although Bucky could see Tony still illuminated by the light from his phone there was no more obnoxious clicking sounds as he typed.  This was good.  Tony was listening.  He may still have a smart mouth and was being difficult, but he was starting to listen and trying to be considerate to him and Steve.  This was a sign of things getting better.

 

The whole scene seemed oddly domestic, Tony on his phone, Bucky with his book, and Steve watching some apparently scientifically inaccurate tv show.  They were all just relaxing together, something they were incapable of doing a few weeks ago.  If the next several months were like how things were going now then Bucky would have no problem putting up with Tony until it was time for him to go back to MIT.  Then perhaps next summer would be even better.

 

Tony’s phone vibrated again.  As he looked at the text he shifted uncomfortably, catching Bucky’s attention.  He was still frowning at the screen, but didn’t look upset.  If anything he looked completely calm, if somewhat restless.  He shifted again, probably just to find a better position.

 

“You okay?”  Bucky asked.  Usually he didn’t like asking similar questions over and over again, nobody did because it made him sound like an idiot.  However, with Tony there was no telling.  He could be perfectly fine one moment and falling apart the next.  Circumstances change rapidly and Tony’s moods change just as often.

 

Tony looked over at him and sighed.  “Do you make a habit of asking stupid questions?”  Tony said, rolling his eyes.  “I’m fine.”

 

Bucky turned back to his book because Tony really did seem fine.  Everything was alright.  In a day or two Clint, Sam, and Natasha would call with news.  They can find out what’s going on, how long it’s been happening for, and how they can stop it.  Things will be great after this, Tony will feel safe.

 

One tv show faded into another and Steve turned to prop his feet up on Bucky’s lap.  Tony continued to type away on his phone.  “I’m starving.”  Tony said finally.  “We should get food.”

 

Steve hummed.  “I could order a pizza.”  He said.  At the mention of food, Bucky could hear Steve’s stomach growl loudly.

 

Tony shook his head.  “No.  I’m thinking Chinese.  From that place next to the market.”  He said, his voice flat and his gaze unfocused on his phone.  “I want Low Mein and egg rolls.”  Tony wasn’t moving, all of his previous twitches and shifting had disappeared.

 

He didn’t sound very enthused.  Bucky was tempted to ask once again if he was alright, but Tony had already said twice that things were fine and off all of his weird behaviors, him being too calm wasn’t even on the list of alarming ones.  Besides, he was probably tired.

 

Steve groaned.  “But that place is always so busy and it takes forever.  And they don’t deliver.  We’ll be there for half an hour waiting on our food.”  He said

 

“Yeah, but they have the best food in the city.  I’m willing to wait a while for food as long as it’s their food.”  Tony said, a small smile spreading across his face.  “Come on, I’ll even pay.”

 

Bucky rolled his eyes.  Tony had already won, there was no point in arguing now.   Bucky wanted to get food from that place as well.  He sighed and went upstairs to his room to get changed, Steve following behind him.  To Bucky, the hardest part of being in love with and sharing a space with a man as beautiful and perfect as Steve was that at times like these when they both had to change, he couldn’t focus on anything other than Steve’s movements.  The next moment they’re both standing there, half naked and almost entirely wrapped up in one another.

 

When Steve moaned against his mouth, Bucky pulled back and smiled.  “Food.”  He whispered.  He leaned back in for one last, brief kiss and then went back to getting dressed.

 

“Fine.  Food now, but we’re going to pick this up again later.”  Steve said, giving Bucky his dorkiest, lopsided smiles that he loved so much.  Bucky nodded and laughed, Steve wasn’t playing fair.  He readily agreed.

 

They finished getting dressed and went back downstairs.  Tony was still sitting on the couch, the remote in his hand and he still had on his baggy pajamas.  He had spread himself out to take up the whole couch, which was an accomplishment considering how large the old thing was.

 

“What are you doing?”  Bucky asked.  Tony shrugged and waved the remote at the tv.  “Are you not coming with us?”

 

Tony shook his head.  “Nope.  I already told you what I want and I don’t feel like going out.”  He said, not taking his eyes off of the television.

 

Steve shrugged and went to get his keys.  Bucky frowned.  Tony had been great about staying in and keeping safe.  After two days of not going out things had leveled out, the house was peaceful, but Bucky didn’t want Tony to think he couldn’t go out at all.  “Are you sure?”  He asked.  Tony nodded.  “Do you want me to stay with you?”

 

“No.  I’m not a child, I can get by for an hour on my own.”  Tony said, his voice soft but relaxed.  Something didn’t sit right with him though, Bucky couldn’t quite understand the unsettling feeling that settled in his stomach.  “Get me some shrimp too.”

 

“Okay.”  Bucky said slowly.  “Stay here though.  Don’t go anywhere, but if you have to I want you to call first.  In fact, just call if anything happens and we’ll be right home.”

 

Steve chuckled and jingled the car keys.  “Ready to go, baby?”  He asked as he wrapped an arm around Bucky’s waist and pulled him in closer.

 

They locked up the house before climbing into the car.  Tony could still get out if he needed to, but no one could get in without Tony letting them in.  Their work can cause paranoia, Bucky’s retirement from special ops and Steve’s secret assignments from SHIELD eventually ended up with them having a great security system for their house.  Tony was absolutely safe.

 

Steve chuckled again as they pulled out into the street and started to drive for the restaurant.  “What is it?”  Bucky asked.  “Did you think of another joke to tell Tasha?  You know she’s funnier than you.”  He smiled as Steve scoffed and rolled his eyes.

 

“First off, she is not funnier than I am.  And my jokes are hilarious.”  Steve said quickly.  “Secondly, I just think it’s funny how much of a dad you’re turning into and adorable how you keep denying it.”

 

“I am not a dad.  You take that back, Rogers.”  Bucky said quickly, reaching over to lightly smack him on the shoulder.  “If I’m a dad that means you’re a dad as well.  More so, because Tony is legally your kid and not mine.  You’re his parent.  You’re stuck with him, Punk.”

 

Steve’s smile widened.  “You like him.”

 

Bucky shook his head.  “Nope.”

 

Steve just kept laughing.  He was wrong, Bucky wasn’t a parent.  He wasn’t good at those sorts of things.  Bucky was good at shooting a guy from a mile away, he was good at crawling through tunnels he could barely fit in, he was good at waiting, strategizing.  Bucky was good at taking a life with his bare hands.  He wasn’t a parent and if he was he certainly wouldn’t want a kid as annoying, self-centered, and stubborn as Tony.

 

They pulled into the restaurants parking lot, the smell of food being prepared already hitting them.  Inside, there was a line of about five people, all of them waiting on their food.  They ordered their food and went to sit down and wait, they’re hands intertwined as they rest on the tabletop.  Steve’s thumb was gently running back and forth over Bucky’s knuckles, humming as he held tightly to his hand.  It was nice, this is what their relationship used to be like.  Nothing to worry about, no angry teenagers disrupting their home life, just the two of them sharing their affections every chance they got.

 

“You’re happy, right?”  Steve asked softly.

 

Bucky looked up, seeing the hope and worry evident in his face.  “Of course, I’m happy.  You’re too perfect and beautiful and amazing for me to be unhappy.”

 

Steve’s smile spread across his face and reached his eyes, relieved and thrilled all at once.  “That’s good.  I love you and I’m so happy as well.”  He said.  He pulled Bucky’s hand up to his mouth and kissed it gently.  “So you’re okay with how things are going now?”

 

“Yeah, things are going alright.  It’s just weird, considering where I was and what I was doing a few years ago then now I’m making sure a piece of shit teenager isn’t drinking in the house and is eating all of his vegetables.”  Bucky said, rolling his eyes.  “It’s strange, I never thought my life would end up being this way.  But if things keep getting better the way they have been, then things will be great.”

 

“So you don’t mind Tony living with us?”  Steve asked slowly.

 

Bucky shook his head.  “Not as much as I did in the beginning.  He’s alright.  Once we fix whatever’s going on I’m sure it’ll all get much easier.”  He said.

 

Steve nodded and squeezed his hand.  They just smiled at each other for some time.  He was right, things were getting easier.  Tony hasn’t shouted all day, he’s been relatively calm, and being home has stopped feeling like such a minefield where he had to worry about doing something wrong and having Tony blow up in his face.  If Tony’s behavior kept improving then he would have no problem keeping an eye on him for the rest of the summer until he leaves for MIT.  He would be happy for him to come back the summer after.  Then he’ll turn eighteen and this will all be over.

 

Their order was called out.  Steve grabbed the bags full of food and smiled at him as they made their way out to the car.  It wasn’t as long of a wait as they expected it to be.  The delicious smells filled the car and tormented them the entire drive back home.  If he snuck a few of Tony’s shrimp, then no one had to know.

 

The front door was unlocked, Tony probably had unlocked it to get the mail and forgot to lock it again, he did that often.  Steve hummed as he carried the food into the house and towards the kitchen.  The tv was still on, a documentary about penguins playing loudly, but Tony wasn’t in the living room watching it.  Bucky had a brief moment of worry, perhaps he had left without calling them.

 

“Tony’s probably upstairs.”  Steve said.  “Why don’t you go get him and I’ll set the food out.”

 

Bucky nodded as he turned and headed for the stairs.  He smelt it as soon as he got upstairs, the disgustingly sweet and familiar scent of expensive cigars.  Tony didn’t smoke cigars.  An unsettling feeling washed over him as he made his way down the hall and opened Tony’s door.

 

He froze, unable to comprehend what was in front of him.  Stane was here, standing in front of Tony’s bed as he buckled his belt.  Tony was sitting up against his headboard and staring blankly out his window, a deep red mark spreading over his left cheek and eye and curving over his nose.  Neither of them noticed Bucky walking in.  Stane walked up to Tony’s bed and curled his hand through Tony’s hair, yanking the kid’s head back violently. 

 

Tony’s head went willingly, putting forth no effort to fight or pull away.  Bucky’s focus snapped back into him, anger flooding him as he took another step into the room.  His eyes didn’t leave Tony as he came closer.  They didn’t see Bucky until his metal fist slammed into the side of Stane’s head.  He toppled to the ground, kicking wildly as Bucky curled his fists into Stane’s open button down and dragged him away.  Bucky didn’t know he was capable of lifting a grown man into the air but he did, pulling him to his feet and slamming him against the wall.

 

“I’m going to kill you.”  Bucky said, his voice cold.  It was a miracle he hadn’t killed him already, Bucky wanted to do nothing more than beat his fists into the man’s face over and over until he stopped moving.

 

Stane’s eyes widened as he looked quickly between Bucky and Tony, who hadn’t gotten up from his bed.  His hands tightened around Bucky’s wrists and he smirked.  “You can’t do anything to me.”  Stane said, his voice only slightly shaky but still loud and demanding.  “I _own_ him.  I control his company, his lawyers, everything that kid has is mine.”

 

Bucky drew his fist back, his flesh one this time, and punched the ugly smirk off of Stane’s face.  “I’m going to kill you.”  He said again.

 

Stane spat blood into Bucky’s face.  “If you want to ruin his life, then go ahead.  He’ll lose everything.”  He sneered.  “Then you can have the little slut all to yourself.”

 

Bucky punched him again, with as much force as he had been putting behind his fists he’s surprised he actually didn’t end up smashing his skull in.  Stane fell to the ground, his face covered in his own blood.  Bucky was vibrating with carefully controlled rage.  “Get out.”  He said slowly, carefully.

 

He turned around, not wanting to watch Stane scramble around on the floor and rush to leave.  His attention was turned back to Tony.  He hadn’t moved at all throughout the entire altercation.  His blank gaze was still directed towards the window, his arms at his sides, red and purple blotches were darkening all across his exposed skin.  Tony was naked, his lower half barely covered by the sheet from his bed.  He reached out but stopped as his hands came within inches of Tony’s shoulders, unsure of what kind of reaction his touches would bring.

 

“Tony.”  Bucky said softly.  He didn’t move.  “Tony, look at me.”

 

Tony turned his head towards him, his eyes staring blankly past him.  He was still, everything about him seemed calm and relaxed, but terrifyingly empty.  “You weren’t supposed to be back for at least another fifteen minutes.  He was just about to leave, I was going to clean up.”  He mumbled, his voice quiet.

 

“What happened?  Tell me what happened.”  Bucky said quickly.  He finally let his hands fall to Tony’s shoulders, his skin was hot to the touch and his flushed skin was dotted with small round bruises across his chest, shoulders, and neck.  A few of the marks looked peculiarly similar to teeth.  He reached up and gently brushed his thumb over the large mark that was spreading across the left half of his face.  “What did he do to you?”

 

Tony shook his head slightly.  “Obie was just angry.  I didn’t show up yesterday like I was supposed to.”  He whispered.  Bucky wanted to shake him, bring back the attitude and the anger.  Right now Tony just seemed so lifeless and so lost.  “I didn’t go out.  You told me I didn’t have to go out if I didn’t want to, so he came over.”

 

“Steve!”  Bucky shouted.  Tony flinched at the noise but continued to stay as still as he could.  “Come on, kiddo.  You’re gonna be alright.”

 

He didn’t know what to do.  Should he call the police?  Get Tony to the hospital?  Should he hunt the bastard down?  Bucky wanted to get Tony off the bed, get him as far away from this room as possible.  He tried to pull Tony up.  He was worryingly pliant in his hands, Tony’s limbs and body turning whichever way he wanted with only slight pushing.  His arm moved as far as it could before stopping.

 

“Jesus, Tony.”  Bucky breathed out.  Steve came running into the room and stopped dead when he saw the two of them.  Bucky didn’t look over.  “That bastard handcuffed you to the bed!”

 

There it was, curing around Tony’s wrist were shiny, police grade handcuffs.  There were on too tight, the metal edges digging into Tony’s skin.  Steve came up next to him, Bucky could feel the tension rolling off of him.

 

“What happened?”  Steve asked quickly.

 

Tony looked up at him and frowned, surprised to see him here.  “He doesn’t like it when I move around too much.”

 

Bucky wrapped his metal hand around the piece of the headboard the handcuffs were locked to and yanked, the wood breaking easily for him.  Now that Tony was free, Bucky lifted him into his arms, careful to keep the bed sheet wrapped around him, and got him away from the bed.  He only carried him a few feet away from the bed and propped him up against the wall, desperate to look him over again.  Tony could be hurt, he could be far more injured than he looked and Tony didn't seem aware or interested enough to tell him if he was.

 

“Steve, get the car.”  Bucky said quickly.  Hospital, they had to get Tony help right away.

 

Steve looked lost and confused, but nodded and rushed from the room.  Tony was looking at him now, he still barely moved a muscle, but he kept staring at Bucky and waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING: Sexual assault of a child and abuse.
> 
> I'm sorry.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. But look, a long chapter.
> 
> *Warnings at the end of chapter notes, please look at those before reading unless you don't want spoilers.

“Tony, are you listening to me?”  Bucky asked.  He was trying to get Tony into some clothes.  Not the ones he had been wearing earlier, Tony looked at those in disgust and jerked away when Bucky tried to put them on him.  He was limp and malleable in Bucky’s hands, allowing his arms to be pulled into the fresh shirt.  It was disturbing.  “You in there, kid?  Can you put on your pants yourself?  I’ll turn away if you want.”

 

There was a small pause, but then Tony nodded.  He refused to meet Bucky’s eyes as he took the pants from his hands.  Bucky looked away and waited.  When Tony was finally completely dressed he was still motionless and quiet, but Steve came running back into the room.  The three of them just waited for a few minutes.  Tony dropped his head so his chin was resting against his chest, not looking at anyone or anything. 

 

Bucky worried about all the times this could have possibly happened, where Obadiah tied Tony down and took what he wanted and no one came to Tony’s rescue.  This couldn’t be the only time Stane had done this, but a cold feeling curled around his heart and constricted tightly as he wondered about how young Tony was when it did happen for the first time.

 

“Tony, can I ask you something?”  Bucky asked slowly.  Tony was still looking at the ground, his eyes blinking every so often but unfocused and seemingly taking nothing in.  He shrugged.  “Was… did Stane just show up or was he about to leave?”

 

“He was leaving.”  Tony muttered.  “You guys weren’t supposed to be back so soon.  I was going to clean up.  You weren’t supposed to know.”  He slowly reached up to brush the hair off of his sweaty forehead. 

 

Bucky sighed, desperately trying to ignore the pounding in his head.  This was bad.  This meant that all was said and done, Stane got what he came here for and now he and Steve had to try to fix it.  Tony was clearly scared, no matter how calm he seemed.  That was probably an issue as well, so soon after his assault he wasn’t thinking clearly enough to fully understand what was happening.

 

He reached out slowly and curled his hands around Tony’s elbows, gently trying to lift him off the ground so he was standing.  “Come on, Tony.  We have to go to the hospital.”

 

“No.”  Tony said, his voice still soft but his words quick and eager.  “It’s fine.  I’m okay.”

 

“You’re not fine.  I promise no one will hurt you, but please come with us.”  Steve said.  He walked up behind Bucky, he stopped just when he started to press against Bucky’s back, the touch both calming and stressful.  Bucky worried that Tony would feel too crowded, like they were ganging up on him.  “I’m not too sure what happened, but I promise we’ll do anything possible to make you feel safe and comfortable.”

 

Tony’s body seemed to freeze while he simultaneously allowed himself to be led to the door.  “Nothing happened.”  He whispered softly, his hands beginning to shake.  “You weren’t supposed to see.”

 

“Well, we did see.”  Bucky said quickly.  It wasn’t entirely true.  He had seen once it was all done and he was getting dressed to leave, Steve was downstairs in the kitchen setting out the food and sadly had missed Stane’s escape, either too confused or too distracted to do anything.  They’ll have to talk it out later, not around Tony and not while everyone was on the verge of either falling apart or punching something in a fit of rage.  “You’re okay, kid.  It’s never going to happen again and we’re going to take care of you now.  We have to go to the hospital.”

 

They had made it out of Tony’s room and were slowly walking down the stairs.  It was alarming how Tony seemed willing to allow himself to be dragged anywhere, Bucky feared it was years of conditioning telling him to just allow whatever was going to happen to happen and he briefly wondered what had happened when Tony wasn’t feeling so willing.

 

They paused on the stairs and Bucky got a good look at him.  It was almost like seeing him for the first time.  Tony wasn’t like the arrogant teenager he had been up to this point, he didn’t look like an angry asshole who was setting out to piss off everyone around him.  He looked like a scared little kid, a lonely little boy who doesn’t understand what was happening to him and why.  He didn’t look at anything around him with a sense of focus or understanding, Tony was looking around in blind confusion, he wasn’t as alert as he usually was, wasn’t focused.

 

“Come on.  Hospital.”  Bucky said softly.

 

Tony shook his head.  “No.  I have to take a shower.  Need to be clean.  Dirty.”  He whispered quietly.  “I need to clean up.  Everything will be fine then.”

 

“No, everything won’t be fine.”  Steve said.  He looked towards Bucky, every line of his body stiffening in determination.  “But we’re going to help you.  Please, just let us take care of you.”

 

Tony’s mouth snapped shut and he nodded.  They continued on down the stairs and out the front door.  As Steve started helping Tony into the car and buckling him in, Bucky stopped.  All the adrenaline that had just been coursing through his system was gone, now he just felt exhausted and confused and afraid.  He probably didn’t feel nearly as shocked and stressed as Tony did, but he felt about ready to collapse. 

 

The car ride was too quiet, even with Tony’s soft mutterings about how he needed to clean up and take a shower.  He didn’t respond every time Bucky asked if he was alright.  Tony wasn’t acting normally, something was going on inside his head, he was too lethargic, too quiet, and had become just a faded imitation of himself.  He looked the same, had the same voice, but it was almost like there was no one on the inside.  He was doing what little he could do without any complex thought and was blocking out everything else.

 

“No hospitals.”  Tony said softly.  “They’ll know.  It’ll get out.  People can’t know.”

 

Steve sighed.  “We’re not going to a hospital, sweetheart.  We’re taking you to someplace that will help and you’ll be safe.”

 

Bucky realized they weren’t going to the hospital when they were about two blocks away from the SHIELD building.  He should have expected it.  Tony wasn’t just a normal kid, his face had been all over the papers since the moment of his birth, if something like this was exposed then it could destroy him.  SHIELD was discrete, they would help.  They pulled into the parking garage, Steve’s ID getting them past all of the security gates.

 

Tony didn’t say a word as they climbed out of the car, he just stayed in his seat with his head resting against the window.  “I’m fine.”  He said as Bucky opened the door.  “Nothing’s wrong.”  He didn’t move or try to get away as he was lifted into the air and carried into the building.  He just whispered mindlessly into Bucky’s shoulder.

 

The medical center in this SHIELD building was small, not nearly as large as a full hospital, but better equipped.  Technically, Bucky and Tony weren’t supposed to be here.  SHIELD didn’t take civilian patients, only their own agents.  But this was the only place they could go.

 

“Good evening, Captain Rogers.”  The nurse at the reception desk said, with a wide smile.  “How can we help you?”

 

“I need a doctor.”  Steve said quickly. 

 

The nurse’s smile stiffened.  “Have you been injured?  I wasn’t aware you had an assignment.”

 

“No.”  Steve said.  He shook his head forcefully.  Eventually he glanced back at the two of them, his eyes full of worry.  “It’s not for me.”

 

Bucky quickly deposited Tony into a nearby chair and marched up to the receptionist.  “It’s for our kid.  He’s been attacked.”  He said quickly, noting the way Steve stiffened next to him.

 

The nurse frowned and sighed.  “I’m sorry sir, but this medical center is only for SHIELD agents.  If it was Captain Rogers who was injured we could gladly accept him, but we cannot take in your son.  This is a safety concern.”

 

Bucky’s hand slammed down onto the desk, the room immediately had grown quiet and all eyes turned to him.  “Fine!  Then why don’t you walk up to that kid and tell him he’s not welcome here.”  He whispered harshly.  “Tell some poor kid who was just fucking raped that you’re not going to help him.”

 

The nurse froze, her eyes settling on where Tony was no longer sitting on the chair but on the floor with his legs pulled up to his chest and his face buried in his knees.  They all looked and a new, fresh wave of worry shot through him as he looked at him.

 

“Fuck.”  Steve said quickly and was by the kid’s side in an instant.  “Calm down, Tony.  Don’t do that.”  Tony’s fingernails had curled into his arms, leaving behind inflamed scratch marks that were just deep enough to bleed lazily.  Steve grabbed onto Tony’s hands and held them tightly against his chest.

 

“I’m fine.”  Tony whispered.  “I just… let go please.”

 

This was bad.  They were just causing him more distress, stopping him from doing what he felt he had to do.  But this would be better for him, a doctor to look at his darkening bruises and check him over thoroughly.  They could get him help here.

 

“Get a doctor.”  Bucky said quickly.  The nurse hesitated for just a second, her hand hovering over the phone, and then finally nodding.

 

They were taken to a private room, it was empty and sterile and it made Bucky’s arm and shoulder itch uncomfortably for the first time in a long time.  The three of them were left alone for a long time.  Tony sometimes fluctuated from calm breathing to panicked huffs, but always stayed too quiet and too still.  Steve was tense, angry, staring at Bucky in confusion.  He didn’t know the details, he hadn’t seen, he probably didn’t even know it was Stane.  Bucky could imagine that the only thing running through Steve’s head was that little word he had said to the nurse.

 

“What happened?”  Steve asked.  His voice was carefully controlled and demanding.  “What’s going on with him?”

 

“It was Stane.”  Bucky said, glancing over to Tony.  The kid was hunched in on himself, his hands gripping tightly onto the fabric of his shirt.  “I walked into his room, he was sitting there, naked, and Stane was standing next to him and getting dressed.”

 

Steve sighed, rubbing his hand over his face.  “Did you kill him?”

 

“Almost.  I hit him a few times and then he ran away.”  Bucky said slowly.  Tony wasn’t moving at all, he was stock still and waiting.  “Tony was more important.  I had to make sure he was okay.  He’s not okay.”

 

The door opened finally.  Two women walked in.  One was short with her hair pinned up and she immediately walked up to Tony, the other woman Bucky recognized from before his retirement.  Maria Hill was a SHIELD agent, not a doctor, but she was trustworthy with this.

 

“You do realize that you’re not supposed to bring him here.  We’ll make exceptions for Barnes since he’s a former agent, but Stark shouldn’t be anywhere near this building.”  She said calmly.  “It’s a security risk.”

 

“Tony isn’t going to attack any injured agents or go snooping through your stuff.”  Bucky said quickly.  “He’s hurt and he needs help.”

 

Hill sighed.  “Regardless, we need to talk about this.  Rogers, I need you to come with me.”  She said.  Steve froze up, Bucky reaching over to rest a hand on his shoulder.  “Relax, we’re not going to arrest you.  We just need to discuss what’s happening here.  You bring Howard Stark’s son into our headquarters for immediate medical attention and we would like a few answer.”

 

“It’s fine.”  Bucky said, giving Steve’s shoulder a light squeeze.  He nodded towards Tony.  “I’ll stay with him.”

 

“Are you a parent or guardian?”  The doctor asked.

 

That wasn’t good.  Bucky wasn’t actually Tony’s guardian, Steve was.  He had no legal right to Tony and if they weren’t going to let him stay then Steve couldn’t leave.  Tony shouldn’t be alone with strangers right now even if they were SHIELD.

 

“I’m his guardian.”  Steve said quickly.  “And I give him permission to stay.”

 

The doctor paused and turned around to look at them.  Her eyes narrowed as she took them both in, but eventually nodded.  Bucky relaxed and pulled Steve into a hug.  He kissed him, a chaste press of the lips and then he was pulling away, Steve leaving to talk about the issue and Bucky staying to look after their kid.

 

“Tony, can I take any photographs of you?  It’s simply to document your injuries and they’ll be classified.”  She asked softly.  Tony shook his head.  “Alright then.  I’m going to touch you now.  I’m going to check your injuries and see if anything needs any extra care.  Is that alright?  Do I have your permission?”

 

The edges of Tony’s mouth turned down into a soft frown.  “Do whatever.”  He muttered. 

 

The doctor was poking carefully at the large bruises that circled around Tony’s wrists.  Some of them looked like hands while the worst on was thin and looked like the handcuffs.  Her hands moved skillfully and carefully and Tony hardly seemed to notice she was touching him at all.

 

“Tony, are you with me?”  She asked.  Tony didn’t respond at first, but eventually nodded.  “Can you tell me what happened?”

 

“Nothing.  I’m fine.”  He muttered softly.  He kept his gaze blank and unfocused on the far wall.

 

“Alright.  I’m going to continue examining you though, alright?  Is it alright if your friend stays or would you like another person with you?”  She said calmly.  Tony shrugged.  “I’m going to have to ask you to remove your clothes and if I do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable I want you tell me.”

 

He looked back at the doctor and glanced up at Bucky quickly.  He hesitated for just a small moment, a little bit of the attitude and stubbornness visible in him once again, but then he deflated again.  “Okay.”  He said as he pulled his shirt up over his head.

 

All of the small bruises that had dotted his chest and neck were slowly turning purple, Bucky didn’t want to spend too much time thinking about where they might have come from.  Tony lifted himself off of the examining table just enough to pull off his sweatpants before settling back down and looking back at the wall.  Bucky understood why he would have to be naked for this, but it didn’t make it any easier.  The doctor took his clothes from him and shoved them into a separate bag.

 

“How long has the abuse been occurring?”  The doctor asked.  Bucky suppressed a shiver, Tony seemed unaffected.

 

“I don’t know.”  Bucky said.  He hunched his shoulder and crossed his arms, desperately trying to sooth the shaking in his hands.  “I suspect a while.”

 

The doctor hummed and began rubbing ointment into the scratches on Tony’s arms.  “None of the bruising appears to be serious. They should fade within a few weeks.”  She said as she bandaged him.  There were a few sheets of paper placed on a table next to her.  Once she was with Tony’s arms, she picked up a pencil and scribbled quickly.

 

Her hands started to roam over Tony more.  Bucky didn’t want to look, he wanted to block it all out and pretend like it wasn’t happening, but he had to pay attention.  If Tony showed any signs of discomfort he would step in.  Tony did everything the doctor asked him to do as she collected samples, examined his injuries, and wrote everything down on a piece of paper. 

 

After what seemed like forever, she finished.  She handed Tony a fresh set of scrubs to change into and packed up all the samples and evidence she had collected.  Tony still seemed confused and not altogether present, but his eyes were more focused as he looked around the room.

 

The doctor left, not saying a word to Bucky about what she found or what she thought had happened.  Bucky wasn’t sure what to do, he walked back up to the examining table and looked Tony over carefully.  Tony was trying to put on the shirt he had been given.  Once he finally got his head through he stood up to slip on the pants.

 

“Are you alright, Tony?”  He asked slowly.

 

Tony looked up at him and frowned.  “What?  Yeah.  Of course.”  He said quickly.  “Why are we here?”

 

“Tony.”  Bucky said.  “You’ve been acting weird the past few hours.”

 

Tony groaned and quickly sat back down.  He was pale, his eyes sunken in and still unfocused, his hands were trembling slightly, and he was breathing forcefully through his nose.  “I’m fine.  Nothing happened.”

 

“Something happened.”  Bucky said.  He walked up to him, reaching out slowly and letting his hand fall onto Tony’s shoulder.  The kid immediately shrugged it off.  “I saw it.”

 

“You don’t know what you saw.”  Tony said quickly.  “Just drop it.”

 

“Tony…”

 

“Please, just let it go!”  Tony said.  “Nothing happened, everything is fine and under control and I don’t fucking need you.”

 

Bucky backed away as Tony slowly became more aggressive.  Crowding him wouldn’t do any of them any good.  Tony didn’t feel safe, he was partially to blame, and Bucky just hoped that if he calmed down later they could get him to talk about what had happened and what’s been going on.  Tony turned around so his back was facing Bucky, completely content to just ignore him and the whole situation.  The kid was in trouble.

 

Steve finally came back.  His hands were curled into fists and his jaw was clenched, but he relaxed as he saw the two of them.  Bucky walked up to him quickly, allowing himself to be pulled into a calming embrace.  He wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist and buried his face into his neck.  This was good, this was safe.  The familiar and wonderful feeling of being held by the man he loved would help him through this.  He could help Tony.

 

“What did they say?”  Bucky whispered.  They were far enough away from Tony to have a private discussion, but close enough to keep an eye on him.

 

Steve kissed his forehead.  “They said we were free to go.  SHIELD understands the need to stop bad people like him, but they can’t have any issues with Stark Industries.  They won’t stop us and even promised to help us if things get messy, but they can’t actually interfere.”  Steve said slowly.  Bucky understood.  They were on their own, whether they wanted to put Stane away through the justice system or hunt him down and kill him themselves.  “I also spoke with the doctor.  She said there were clear signs of sexual assault, evidence of long term abuse, and that Tony is displaying a few closed off behaviors common in people who’ve been recently raped.  They’re testing for STDs, but so far none of his injuries are too serious that they would need to keep him.  He was given a prescription though, in case he's been exposed to anything.  We also have to come back in a few weeks for a follow-up doctor visit.  She emailed me some information and gave me a number for a psychologist she wants me to send him too.”

 

“They want him to go to counseling?  Yeah, that makes sense.”  Bucky said.  He buried his face further into Steve’s shirt.  “He needs help, Steve.  I don’t know what to do.”

 

“We’ll help him.  We need to talk about this, all of us, but we’re going to do what’s best for him.”  Steve whispered.  He squeezed Bucky tighter, gently placing soft kisses into his hair.  “Come on, let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING: Rape Aftermath, Medical Examination after Rape, Child Physical/Sexual Abuse, Brief Self-Harm
> 
> The next few chapters are going to be rough. I'm sorry, they'll all have warnings at the end of them for you guys to look at. Things aren't going to go smoothly for these guys, but hopefully it'll end okay. Feel free to leave a comment, I'm sorry for everything.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. Writing is hard, working in fast food is hard, and doing anything productive is hard. I am going to take a nice long nap. I hope you like the chapter.
> 
> *warnings at the end of the chapter

“Should we call the police?”  Steve asked. 

 

Bucky sighed and ignored the question, turning towards the stairs to go up and check on Tony.  He could still hear the water running in the bathroom, the shower Tony insisted on taking once they got home and had been in for the better part of an hour.  While it was worrying, Tony responded every time one of them knocked to see if he was okay and they were given plenty of time to clean things.  Tony’s clothes, left abandoned and wrinkled in the corner, were put into a plastic bag and stashed away in case there was more evidence on them.  They found Tony’s glasses in the living room, lying under the coffee table with one of the lenses cracked.  He put those aside as well.  Everything else they found should quickly be gotten rid of.

 

Steve was the one who threw out the disgusting cigar that was sitting on Tony’s nightstand, Bucky was the one who scrubbed away the little trail of blood that led out of Tony’s room, down the stairs, and out the front door from Stane’s quick escape.

 

Even after everything was cleared away and the only thing that indicated that Stane was ever in his house was the horrible image of him burned into Bucky’s memory, standing over Tony like a predator over his kill.  Their house didn’t feel the same anymore, it didn’t feel safe or comfortable.  Bucky hardly recognized the place, even if he was slightly pissed off about how everything still seemed to be exactly the same.

 

He knocked on the bathroom door.  “Tony, are you okay in there?”  He called out.  “It’s been almost an hour.”

 

There was a small silence that was quickly followed by a loud groan and the sound of splashing.  “I’m fine!”  Tony called out.  “Jesus, can’t I shower in peace?  Go bother someone else and stop hanging off me like a dog in need of attention.”

 

Bucky sighed and rolled his eyes, that was almost a too normal thing for Tony to say.  He was going back to the way things used to be, where he was loud and obnoxious.  Considering the circumstances, Bucky wasn’t at all surprised that Tony’s behavior was the way it was.  He was a scared kid who was being hurt for who knew how long, he was going to lash out.  Bucky wanted to kick himself, he had been so busy thinking Tony was just a dick that it never occurred to him that there were reasons for how he acted.  He figured it out too late.

 

He went downstairs and found Steve in the kitchen, throwing out the last of the cold food that was left forgotten on the kitchen table.  Bucky felt the overwhelming urge to be held and collided against Steve’s chest, melting into him as his large arms wrapped around his shoulders.  Steve was safe, he had always been safe, and being close to him and feeling his warmth gave Bucky the smallest bit of hope that things will be okay, that they’ll all get through this in one piece.

 

“Should we call the police?”  Steve whispered, repeating his unanswered question.

 

Bucky sighed and buried his face into Steve’s neck, his lips brushing against his pulse.  “I don’t know.  I don’t think they’ll be any help.  They probably won’t do anything to help him, won’t believe him.”  He said softly.  Steve’s body tensed against him.  “I mean, who’s going to arrest the man in charge of a multi-billion dollar weapons company.  Stane has all the money in the world, I don’t know what we should do.”

 

“Certainly money shouldn’t stop people from arresting a guy like him.”  Steve said, his voice shaking with anger.  Bucky almost hoped they would see Stane again and he could see all that anger explode on him.  “Tell me again what you saw.”

 

“Stane was getting dressed.  Tony was naked on the bed, bruised up and disoriented.  He grabbed Tony by his hair and yanked, whispered something I couldn’t hear, and then I punched him.”  Bucky said.  He tried to keep his voice flat, a careful control over his emotions.  “It was too late.  We got there too late.”

 

Bucky didn’t want to think about how many times this could have happened.  They had left Stane alone with Tony before, let that man into their house and around the kid.  They even let them leave together, with nothing more than a likely lie about doctor appointments.  Steve and Bucky had been enjoying the peace and quiet, relishing in their alone time together while that man was doing unspeakable things to Tony.  He had let this happen.  There had to be some way he could make this right, help Tony feel safe.

 

“Peggy.”  Bucky said.  He pulled away from Steve, just enough to stay wrapped up in his arms but far enough to look up at his face.  “We should call Peggy.  Tony likes Peggy, he trusts her.  Hell, he disappears off to her place every time he feels like he needs to run away.  Peggy can help.”

 

Steve nodded quickly.  “I’ll call her now.  Do you want me to get ahold of Clint, Nat, and Sam too?”  He asked.  His arms fell from around Bucky and started to rummage through his pockets, pulling out his phone.  “They can help.  They’re good at helping.  But… do you think we should keep this quiet?  Tony might not want it to get out.”

 

As if on cue, Tony walked into the kitchen.  His messy hair was damp and falling over his face, he had changed into a too large hoodie and a stained pair of sweatpants, and the bruise on his face had darkened into a deep purple.  His skin was bright red, as if the water from his shower was too hot and he had scrubbed a bit too hard.  “No, it would be better if as little people as possible knew about this.”  He said flatly as he walked up to the fridge.

 

Tony looked almost normal, like he had any other time he had walked past them with barely any greeting.  That was more disturbing than it should have been.  Tony had normalized this whole thing, had been raped and within hours he was walking around as if nothing had happened.  Bucky couldn’t do that, he couldn’t just let Tony pretend this is a normal thing and forget about it.

 

“I think we should talk about what happened.”  Bucky said calmly.  “Because it’s been a very busy and stressful day for me and I know something is very very wrong and I just need answers.”

 

Tony sighed, as if annoyed, and slammed the fridge shut.  “Nothing happened.  The only thing wrong is the fact that we’re out of chocolate milk.”  Tony said.  He opened a cabinet with more force than was necessary and carefully avoided making eye contact with either of them.  “Now I have to stir chocolate syrup into white milk like an animal!”

 

It was a poor change of subject, Tony was trying to deflect the conversation.  He wasn’t doing it well.  Bucky wasn’t going to allow this to be swept under the rug.  “Something did happen.  It’s a whole lot more serious than just chocolate milk.”  Bucky said slowly.  “I’ll buy you all the chocolate milk you want if you please tell me what happened today.”

 

“Nothing happened!”  Tony said loudly as he pulled the milk out of the fridge and started to pour it into his glass, spilling most of it onto the floor.  “I just need a few hours, okay.  Just a few hours to clear my head and everything will go back to normal and no one has to worry about a thing.  Let’s just drop it.”

 

Steve shook his head.  “We can’t do that, Tony.  We can’t forget this.”  He said calmly.

 

“What if he tries to do it again?”  Bucky asked, frowning as Tony seemed to flinch and his whole body tensed quickly.  Perhaps it was too much too soon, it had only been a few hours so maybe they were ganging up on him when he really needed to calm down and take a deep breath.  But Bucky couldn’t quiet the constant questions running through his mind.  Questions about how many times this had happened, how young he was when it started, how often it happens, how rough it gets, and what he could possibly do to make sure it never happened again.  This wasn’t the first time, he didn’t need proof or evidence of that, all he needed was the tired, defeated look in Tony’s eyes to know this wasn’t the first time.  “What if Stane tries to get at you again?”

 

Tony didn’t say anything, he didn’t turn around to look at them.  Instead he slowly reached out for his glass of milk.  His movements weren’t angry, they were careful and thoughtful, even as he casually placed his hand on the side of his glass and pushed it off the counter.  It hit the ground with the loud sound of it shattering against the tiles.  Bucky frowned at the sight of the small pile of broken glass at Tony’s feet, the kid simply stared at it in fascination as the white milk spread across the floor.

 

“Nothing happened.”  Tony muttered.

 

“Should we call the police?”  Steve asked.  Tony’s head snapped up, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.  “They could put him away for what he did.”

 

“That’s not how this works, Rogers.”  Tony said, his voice too soft, too void of emotion.  “They’re not going to arrest him because he didn’t do anything worth arresting him for.  He’s the superrich CEO of my dad’s company.  I’m troubled teenager with a history of drug abuse and sleeping with half the women on my campus.  Don’t you read the papers?  I’m a slut, I was practically begging him to fuck me.  He didn’t do anything.”

 

Bucky’s metal hand clenched into a tight fist.  He hated how helpless and matter-of-factly he sounded.  Bucky hated that Tony had gotten it into his head that this was okay, that it was his fault, and that no one was going to help him.  Mostly Bucky just hated that it was probably true.  SHIELD wasn’t going to do anything to help them put Stane away, they promised not to stop them and to maybe add some legal help if things got messy or violent, but other than that they were on their own.  The police were probably a dead end, if Tony was going to tell them that nothing had happened, which was a lie that Tony seemed content in trying to make himself believe, then there was no way they were going after someone as influential as Obadiah Stane.

 

“Okay.”  Steve said, breaking the silence.  “Maybe we should talk about this later.  It’s getting late.  Tony, you can sleep in our room if you want.  Bucky and I will take the couch.”

 

Tony’s eyes narrowing as he looked at Steve.  “Why?  Why does it matter which room I sleep in?”

 

Steve closed his eyes and ran a hand over his face.  “I just figured you wouldn’t be very comfortable in your room after what had happened.”  He said calmly.

 

“Nothing happened!  Jesus, the two of you don’t know how to fucking listen.”  Tony shouted.  He turned away from the broken glass and spilt milk and leaned against the kitchen island, his head in his hands.  “If you treat it like a big deal then it will be a big deal, but it’s nothing.  I’m fine.  Everything is okay.”

 

“No, it’s not okay.”  Bucky said quickly.  “Stuff like this isn’t okay, you’re a fucking kid, he shouldn't be doing that shit with you.”

 

“I’m not-“  Tony said. His voice sounded oddly relaxed.  He was still very close to yelling, but his words came out firm and steady.  “I’m not an idiot.  I know what I’m doing, I know that it was nothing.  I’m fine.”

 

Steve sighed, shaking his head.  “No, Tony.  You’re not fine.”  He said.  “Let’s just go to bed, we’ll talk about this more in the morning once we’re all rested and thinking clearer.”

 

He took a single, aborted step in Tony’s direction.  The kid immediately backed up, his eyes growing wide as he walked around the counter to put the island between him and them.  “Why?  Huh, why are you both so nosey and demanding?  Acting like you know what’s best for me, you don’t.”  He said quickly.  All perceived calmness had disappeared, replaced by very clear signs of stress and anxiety.  Tony’s hands were shaking, his eyes were darting around the room quickly, his breathing was far too quick.  Bucky wanted to hug the kid, but he figured that would just make it all worse.  “The two of you can’t stand me.  I’m some fucked up kid who got pushed off on you and I’m surprised you’ve both lasted as long as you have.  I _hate_ both of you and you both can’t stand me.  Let’s all just stop pretending like we care about one another.”

 

“We do care!”  Bucky said, his voice rising up to be heard over Tony’s shouting.  Tony’s mouth snapped shut.  “If we didn’t care we wouldn't put up with all the shit you pull!  You just broke one of our cups for no damn reason, but we care about you so we’re just going to focus on what actually matters.  Someone is hurting you and we can’t let that happen anymore.  You’re not an easy kid, but that doesn’t mean we’re gonna let that man take advantage of you like that.”

 

Tony blinked, his shoulders drooping and his eyes falling down to the floor.  “Nothing happened.”  He said quickly. 

 

With that he rushed from the room, not stopping to look back.  Bucky and Steve didn’t go after him, Tony needed to get away, he needed a chance to relax, and they understood that he wasn’t going to get that with them hovering over him.

 

“We’re keeping the kid.”  Bucky said calmly.  The past few weeks he had given Steve what he had asked for, just a little while with him.  Keeping Tony was never a permanent thing, just a temporary occurrence that could have ended at any time if it all became too much.  He had promised Steve that he would give it a chance with Tony, and he had, but there was always the possibility that they could call the lawyers and tell them they couldn’t take care of him anymore.  “I don’t want him going to anyone else.”

 

Steve turned towards him and buried his face into Bucky’s hair, inhaling deeply.  “Okay.  Good.  We- we have to take care of him.  He’s scared and confused and I don’t know how to help him.”  He said in a soft whisper.  “I’m going to call Peggy, Nat, Sam, and Clint.  Tasha and Sam should be back in New York soon anyway.  They’ll know what to do, they’ll know how to help Tony.”

 

Bucky nodded.  That sounded like a plan.  If they said to call the police, that there was enough evidence to put him away no matter how much money he had then Bucky would do it.  If they decided to kill him, even better.  He took a deep breath as Steve pulled away and started typing on his phone.  Things were going to work out, Tony would be okay.  He walked over to the leftover mess and gingerly started picking up the large shards of glass from their broken cup. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *WARNINGS: Victim Blaming, Rape Aftermath
> 
> I hope you liked the chapter. There will be a lot more talking, hopefully something good will come from this. Maybe they'll have a productive talk, or a relaxing and therapeutic moment in the midst of all this chaos, or murder plans. We'll see.  
> ~Please Comment~


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *bursts in like father christmas with a new chapter right away*  
> Sorry, I'm in a writing mood so here we go. It's most just dialogue, but it's important dialogue.  
> As always, warnings in the end chapter notes, (please read those first, unless you want to remain mostly spoiler free)

Everyone was eerily quiet after Steve said it.  Tony was raped.  Obadiah Stane had been hurting him.  These were the truths, the problems, and now they needed a solution.

 

“I’m sorry.”  Peggy said quickly, raising her hand in front of her and swiping it back and forth, as if to wipe away the words that she had just heard.  “Can you repeat that?  I think I may not have understood correctly.”

 

Steve’s chin dropped to his chest.  Bucky reached out and put his hand on his shoulder, he loved this man and he wasn’t going to make him say it again.  He had been strong enough to announce it, in as much of a commanding voice as he could muster, and now their friends knew and they could help.  Now they could think of a plan.  Once everyone had a chance to think over the situation they could fix it.

 

Angie was crying, her face buried in her hands and her body shaking violently.  Natasha barely seemed affected, if not for the small moment where she had frozen completely, her mug inches from her face, Bucky wouldn’t have known she was upset at all.  Clint’s whole body had tensed, his fingers rubbing against each other in a way that they only did when he wanted to shoot something.  Sam had dropped his head and hunched his shoulders, carefully trying to control his breathing.

 

“Are you sure?”  Clint asked.  He ran his hands over his face and sighed.  “Like, are we 100% certain?”

 

Bucky nodded.  “Tony has refused to confirm it, he keeps saying nothing happened and that he’s fine.”  He said slowly.  “But I walked in and I saw it and there is no mistaking what it was.”

 

Peggy stood up quickly, knocking her stool onto the ground.  “I’m going to kill him.  I’m going to cut off his head and throw it into the East River.”  She said, her voice a forced calm.

 

“Sounds like a good plan, but we should probably wait for a little while.”  Natasha said.  She had pulled out her phone and was texting furiously, not bothering to look at them as she spoke.  “If he ends up dead now, he’ll be remembered fondly.  He’ll have a nice funeral and papers all across the country will talk about what a great man he was and what a tragedy his death is.  I want to destroy him first and make it so no one is surprised by his death at all.  I want the world to hate him.”

 

“That sounds fantastic.”  Bucky said.  Steve nodded quickly.  “How do we do all of that without hurting Tony further?”

 

That was his main concern, getting rid of Stane without causing Tony any more distress.  If the man was murdered there would be an investigation, if they found out what was happening to Tony then not only would it blow up in the media but the kid might also be to blame.  If they somehow managed to prove that Stane was a disgusting monster then the authorities wouldn’t blink an eye to his death, but how were they going to do that without releasing Tony’s personal business to the world.  They wanted to help him, not push his secrets into the spotlight.

 

Angie lifted her head and quickly wiped away the tears from her cheeks.  “Where is he?”

 

“Stane lives on the Upper East Side.”  Natasha said flatly, still staring intently at her phone.  “If he’s not there then he’s probably at Stark Tower.”

 

“I don’t care about that disgusting sack of useless brain cells!”  Angie shouted.  “Where is Tony?  Is he okay?”

 

Steve shrugged.  “I have no idea.  He’s been the same as he’s always been, and that’s more worrying than it should be.”  He said.  “I think he’s about as okay as you can expect.  He’s up in his room now if you want to check on him.”

 

Angie practically jumped from her seat and ran out of the kitchen.  They could hear her stomp up the stairs.  Peggy stayed where she was, her fists clenched at her sides and shaking violently.

 

She cleared her throat and gave a slight nod.  “Alright.  I’m going to go check on him, make sure he’s at least a little bit okay.  I’m going to talk to him and hug him and promise him that nothing bad will ever happen to him again.”  She said slowly.  Peggy paused, taking time to glare at everyone in the room.  “If by the time I come back downstairs there isn’t a plan to handle this, then I will hunt that man down myself and I will destroy him, to hell with the consequences.  None of you will stop me.”

 

Bucky nodded as she left, half of him completely agreed with the ‘hunt him down and kill him’ plan.  The other half was completely concerned with how Tony would react to something like that.  Would he feel safe with the men who killed an old family ‘friend’?  Stane was an abuser, a rapist, and he deserved to be wiped off the Earth, but Tony also deserved to feel safe.  How was he supposed to feel safe if killing Stane would freak him out but keeping him alive would just continue to threaten his sense of security?

 

He looked over to Steve, hoping to convey a silent message.  Bucky let his hand drop from Steve’s shoulder and down to grab his hand, giving it a light squeeze.

 

“Should we call the police?”  Steve asked.  Bucky almost smiled, the punk’s never ending faith in the justice system would almost be endearing if not for the circumstances.

 

Sam sighed and shrugged his shoulders.  “I don’t know.  The police are useless.”  He said slowly.  “Do you have any physical evidence?”

 

“We took him to the hospital.  Well, the medical center in SHIELD.”  Steve said.  He looked down at his hand, the one curled tightly over Bucky’s, and stroked the metal knuckles with his thumb.  “They collected a lot of DNA evidence.  There’s that, but Tony refused to let them take photographic evidence of any bruising.”

 

“Well, if the police get here they could just look him over themselves.  They might not be too willing to go after one of the most influential men in the country, they might also arrest the two of you if they decide you’re the ones who’ve actually been hitting him.  There are a lot of ways this could go wrong.”  Clint said calmly.  “Or, I could find out what other kids he’s been hurting because I highly doubt it’s just been Tony.  These types of assholes don’t just go after one.”

 

Steve turned around, closing his eyes and turning his back to everyone.  Bucky could still see his face though, he could see how tightly his jaw was clenched and the wrinkles that formed around his eyes and he squeezed them tightly shut.  It was obvious, how much Steve cared.  Howard was a close friend, Tony was their kid.  This man was trying to tear the poor boy apart, probably had been doing the same thing to other nameless children somewhere out there, and Steve probably felt like he had failed.

 

No one spoke for the longest time.  To Bucky the whole situation seemed like too much.  He felt alone, the authorities weren’t likely to help, SHIELD was going to stay out of this, and Bucky had no idea how to fix this.  He wondered if this was how Tony felt all the time, having horrible things done and being completely helpless in getting it to stop or finding someone who was on his side.  They had to help him, no one was alone in this no matter how much it felt that way.  Tony had Bucky and Steve now and they were going to stop it.  They had a team of SHIELD agents on their sides, Clint, Nat, and Sam were some of the best in the world at what they did.  Peggy and Angie would always be there for them.  They were going to get through this.

 

“What did you find?”  Steve asked after a while.  “You guys went to investigate, did you find anything?”

 

Natasha nodded as she dropped her phone into her pocket and turned to the group.  “I went to MIT.  I spoke to his peers and his professors and anyone else he may have had contact with.”  She said calmly.  “According to his roommate, Tony isn’t what he expected.  He’s loud, drinks too much, smokes too much, and is breaks enough rules to probably get him kicked out, but is altogether a nice kid.  He said Tony was generous and considerate when the situation called for it and he hadn’t touched any drugs his entire time there.”

 

Bucky smiled slightly at that.  Of course Tony would smoke and drink too much, although he appeared to have stopped drinking after they explained to him why they didn’t like it, he still smoked far too often.  It was nice to know that was a normal behavior for him and not just something he did simply to piss them off.  Hearing that Tony was also kind to his roommate also sent a small wave of joy through him.  Tony was a good kid, he just didn’t like to show it too often.

 

“His professors all said he either a complete disruption in classes or didn’t even bother to show up, but he always turned in his assignments and did well on all of them.”  Natasha continued.  “A lot of the students were still there even though it’s the summer.  Half of the female student body claims to have slept with him, the other half at least admits he had flirted with them.  Besides his roommate and one of his lab partners, all the male students say they have had little to no interaction with him.”

 

“Has he?”  Clint asked.  Natasha glanced over to him, raising an eyebrow.  “Has he slept with half of the female students?”

 

Bucky groaned.  “I don’t see how that’s relevant.”

 

“Well, if the kid’s been sexually abused then how he views sex and sexual relationships can really help us understand him and help him.”  Clint said, shrugging his shoulders.  “If he’s being raped by his dad’s old business partner and then goes out and sleeps with a bunch of women then that’s pretty telling.  He could be trying to hide the abuse, or cope with it, or he’s trying to convince himself that it’s not happening or it could be an attempt to change sexual acts from something horrible and terrifying in his mind to something normal and okay.  It could be any number of things and if we figure out what it is then we can actually help him overcome it and convince him not to do shit that makes him uncomfortable.”

 

Bucky sighed.  That actually made a whole lot of sense.  As uncomfortable as it was talking about his sixteen year old kid’s sex life, and ignoring how pissed off it made him that he was sleeping with a bunch of college aged women.  He wasn’t sure what the age of consent was in Massachusetts, but Tony shouldn’t be having sex at all if it was for any of the reasons Clint stated. 

 

“Most of them were just exaggerations or lies.  Tony hasn’t slept with nearly as many women as everyone lets on.”  Natasha said.  “But it still has happened quite a few times.”

 

“Did he have any friends out there?”  Bucky asked.  He wanted to steer the conversation away from this subject.  It was relevant and important, but he didn’t want to spend any more time on that right now.  There was more they needed to discuss.

 

Natasha nodded.  “A lot of people claimed to be his friend, I could count about three that actually showed any actual fond and familiar feelings towards him.”  She said slowly.  Bucky sighed.  Three people weren’t a lot, but at least he had friends, people who cared about him other than him and everyone else in this house.  “His roommate, James Rhodes, seemed to really like Tony.  One of his classmates and lab partners, Bruce Banner, had a lot of nice things to say about him that didn’t involve money, partying, and a fancy family name.  The third was a lovely young woman named Pepper Potts, who wasn’t an MIT student but is actually a Harvard Business student.  I’m not quite sure how they met but apparently the two of them are pretty friendly.”

 

“They sound nice.”  Bucky said, deep in thought.  Tony had friends, people he apparently trusted.  That was good, made things at least a little bit easier.  “Sam, did you find anything in Canada?”

 

“Oh yeah.”  Sam said quickly.  “They weren’t all that willing to talk about it, which is actually pretty good because they were serious about keeping client information confidential.  I was both annoyed and relieved about that.  Luckily my girl, Natasha, gave me a government ID and a warrant and everything I needed to get in.  Which is pretty messed up, but it’s to help the kid so I’ll live with it.”

 

Steve chuckled softly and shook his head as he turned back to face the group.  His eyes were sad, but his face was visibly less tense.  Bucky reached out and slid his arm around his waist, smiling as he felt the muscles of his back relax under his touch.

 

“So his parents sent him there last summer after he overdosed.”  Sam continued, his voice calm and serious.  “At first it was apparently a nightmare.  He would have violent outbursts, refused to participate in activities, and was downright insulting to the staff.  He calmed down after a few weeks, went to the group meetings, and by the end of his 90 days Tony was clean and his therapists had high hopes for him.  They did note some continuing odd behavior, he would only interact with the female staff members, rarely talked about personal things, even in his private sessions, and refused visitors.”

 

“From his behavior since returning to New York, there aren’t any signs of continued drug use.  Unless any recent blood or hair samples have shown it then I think he’s still working on staying sober.”  Clint said.

 

“Also, it said in his records that although Tony kept denying that the overdose was deliberate his therapists believe otherwise.”  Sam said slowly, crossing his arms.  “He has a lot of destructive habits and I guess given what we know now it would make sense.  The kid needs help, he needs to get as far away from that man as possible, and he needs it now.”

 

Steve’s body was tense again, his hands were clenched tightly into shaky fists and his breaths were coming in quick gasps.  He was angry, Bucky hadn’t seen him this furious in years, since someone who used to be a friend had called Peggy derogatory names after her and Steve had broken up.  He looked about ready to smash a hole through the side of the counter.

 

“We’re going to get rid of him.”  He whispered.  “After what he did, I want him gone.”

 

Everything considered, Bucky couldn’t help but agree.  Stane had to go, one way or another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *WARNINGS: Implied Suicide Attempt, Referenced Past Drug Use, Referenced Underage Sex
> 
> Like I said, mostly just talking this chapter, but things will get interesting again really soon.  
> Thank you so much!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Working in fast food is hard. No one do it! It seems easy and like only teenagers do it, but it's hard and stressful af! Work somewhere else! Work at a bookstore or a makeup store!!! Don't go into fast food!! ~This has been a public service announcement.

Tony was sick.  It certainly put a hold on their plan to gather intel on Stane and find out what exactly had happened, how longs it’s been happening for, and if there were any other kids out there he had done it too.  A delay in that meant a delay in getting rid of him.  Bucky wasn’t entirely sure what ‘get rid of Stane’ really entailed, but if it involved getting him far away from Tony and anyone else he could hurt for the rest of eternity, he didn’t much care.  But they could worry about that later.

 

“I’m fine.”  Tony muttered.  He was wrapped up in a few blankets as he sprawled out on the couch.  Sweat covered his face and, although Bucky feared he was overheating, he kicked away anyone who tried to uncover him or fan him in any way.  “Not sick at all.”

 

It was a pointless lie.  They had woken up this morning to the horrible sound of retching.  Tony had locked himself in the bathroom and puked up everything he had eaten the day before.  He didn’t come out until long after he had quieted down and Steve had spent some time talking to the closed door, begging him to come out.  Bucky was on the phone with one of the few people he thought could help at the moment, the only person who could be discrete and know how to help Tony in case this was something serious.  The door was finally unlocked just as Steve looked like he was about ready to cry and Tony came stumbling out, not even protesting has he was lifted off of the ground and carried to the living room.

 

“I don’t doubt it kid.”  Sam said, his hand resting on Tony’s forehead.  “You’re probably just tired, you’ve had a busy week after all.  You just relax, okay?”

 

Tony hummed, his eyes unfocused as the stared in the general direction of the tv.  “Yeah.”  He said softly.

 

Sam was gentle as his hand trailed down from Tony’s forehead towards his cheek, his fingers tracing over the large, purple bruise that covered half his face.  They never figured out how it had happened, Tony still keeping up his never ending silence and denial on the matter.

 

Sam didn’t look away from Tony when he spoke again.  “Any broken bones?”  He asked.  Tony just blinked at the tv, apparently not even listening anymore.

 

Steve shook his head.  “No.  He’s been moving just fine and he hasn’t been complaining about any pain.”  Steve said.

 

“Just because he’s not complaining about pain doesn’t mean there isn’t any.”  Sam said.  He reached down and lifted one of Tony’s hands, carefully prying them from where they were curled around the largest blanket, and turned the wrist over as he studied it.  A dark mark circled Tony’s slender wrist, standing out like a purple brand from where the handcuffs had been.  “Any infections?”

 

“No.”  Steve said again.  “We took him to a doctor right after it happened.  They tested his blood for just about everything.  No drugs, no STDs, and no signs of infections.”

 

The news had been welcome when they first received it.  A little bit of happiness and relief after everything that had happened.  Bucky had even had a brief thought, that Tony had been lucky that his bloodwork came back so great.  The moment was short lived, because Tony hadn’t been lucky and Bucky almost hated himself for thinking it.  He wasn’t going to look this kid in the eye, after he had been assaulted, and tell him that he was lucky.

 

“Has he been eating?  Sleeping?”  Sam asked calmly.

 

“Not as much as we’d like him to.”  Bucky said.

 

“It’s probably stress.”  Sam said as he gently guided Tony’s hand back to the blanket.  The kid curled himself tighter into his cocoon of warmth and closed his eyes.  “A lot has happened and he had gotten used to a certain way of life, a very bad one.  Now that you guys know and are making a big deal out of it, Tony’s not handling it well.”

 

“I’m fine.”  Tony mumbled, not bothering to look at either of them.  He was so still he almost looked like he was asleep.

 

Bucky sighed and rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand.  “No, you’re not.”  He said.  “But we’re going to take care of you.  You’re going to be okay.”

 

“Nothing happened.”  Tony whispered sleepily. 

 

It was always the same.  One of them just had to hint at the incident, ask Tony if he was okay, subtly try to see if he could tell them a little more about Stane, or anything at all that could be implied to be about the assault, and Tony would close himself off and tell them he was fine and that ‘nothing happened’.  Bucky was sure he was trying to make himself believe it, just as much as he was trying to get them too.  Although he didn’t know if ‘nothing’ was supposed to imply that legitimately nothing had happened and this was all just a misunderstanding or that Tony just wants to think his rape was nothing important or worthy of mentioning.  Both were startling, one more so.

 

Bucky didn’t know if he wanted to shake the kid until he understood how none of this was okay and how it is a very big deal, or if he should hug him and promise that it’ll never happen again.  Tony probably wouldn’t accept the hugs as he hoped, it would probably just make him more uncomfortable.

 

“How is this stress?”  Bucky asked quickly.  “He can hardly get off the couch.”

 

Sam frowns as he looked down at Tony’s arm in his hand, blinking slowly.  He pulled Tony’s arm closer to him, and it had moved effortlessly.  Tony even sat up a little bit to follow through with the movement.  Bucky’s heart picked up as he watched Tony stare blankly into the distance and just allowed whatever was going to happen to happen.  It was a mindset he had probably developed over a long time, that he could just block everything out and let himself turn into a malleable thing that could be formed to someone’s specifications.  Bucky had seen the scars, seen the bruises, if things were that rough when Tony was like this, he could only image how horrible things had been when Tony was tense and stubborn.

 

Sam seemed to have noticed Tony’s odd behavior as well, because he unceremoniously dropped the kid’s hand and stood up.  “Stress weakens the immune system.”  Sam said slowly.  “Leaves you open for a lot of nasty little germs to slip through.  Not really much I can do about it.  I was a pararescue, I had to become a certified EMT responder for that.  I can help if he’s had any serious physical trauma, but I can’t do anything for a kid who’s just sick.  I mean, if it gets worse you can call me, but right now just make sure he rests and drinks a lot of water.”

 

“Alright.  Bucky can handle that.”  Steve said, a smug grin spreading across his face.  “He’s the best in the world at getting stubborn, sick kids to stay in bed and take their medicine.”

 

Bucky rolled his eyes.  “Thank you for coming, Sam.  It means a lot to us.”  He said, ignoring Steve.  “I’ll make sure Tony does everything he has to do.”

 

Steve and Sam started walking towards the kitchen, muttering amongst themselves about situation and how everything was going to work out.  Neither of their tones were very hopeful, but they did sound angry, which was the next best thing.

 

He sat down on the coffee table across from the couch.  Tony was still curled up tightly on himself, his eyes bloodshot and drooping from exhaustion.  His hands had returned to the blanket, curling into them tighter than before.  Now, even with Tony’s attention still someplace far off, Bucky wasn’t sure if they could pry his fingers off of the plush fabric.

 

“Tony.”  Bucky said slowly.  Tony didn’t move.  “Hey buddy, look at me.”

 

He reached out slowly and tapped Tony’s chin, trying to call back his focus and attention.  Tony blinked once and then looked at Bucky as if seeing him for the first time, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.  One moment Tony was calm and relaxed on the couch, the next he was jerking away and slapping Bucky’s hand away from his face.  He barely managed to sit up before he had to stop, a coughing fit taking hold of him.

 

Bucky reached out and started rubbing a circle onto Tony’s back.  When the couching died down and Tony’s breathing evened out, they just sat there in silence for a few long minutes.  Tony’s head was tucked down so his face was buried in the blanket, his shoulders were trembling, and somehow Tony’s hands had gone from being curled around the blanket to gripping tightly at the front of Bucky’s shirt.  Neither of them spoke for a while, not until Tony’s breathing had evened out and he lifted his face to look Bucky in the eye.

 

“What do you want?”  He asked, his voice raspy.  The tips of his mouth had turned down into a slight frown and his eyes squinted in confusion, Tony was trying to figure something out and Bucky wasn’t quite sure what it was.

 

“I kind of want to get you a glass of water.”  Bucky said slowly.  “You’re sick and you probably need it.”

 

Tony shook his head, grimacing at the movement.  “No, that’s not wh-“  He said, cutting himself off. 

 

The grip on Bucky’s shirt tightened as Tony’s body seemed to relax and his eyes widened.  It was only because of the sheer surprise of it that he didn’t pull away immediately when Tony yanked on his shirt to pull him closer.  It was when their mouths slotted together, Tony’s lips were just still and waiting, that Bucky jerked back and pushed Tony’s hands away.

 

“The hell do you think you’re doing?”  Bucky said quickly.  He put his hands on Tony’s shoulders and tried to separate them.  Tony went easily back onto the couch, allowed himself to be pushed into a lying position.  “Tony, no.”

 

“What?  I was just- I thought-“  Tony murmured.  He blinked quickly, his eyes narrowing again.  “Do you not like kissing?  Shit.  Just forget that.  We can still get this over with.”

 

Bucky paused, the words tumbling around inside his head as he tried to decipher the meaning.  When it hit him, it hit hard.  Tony was waiting, expecting, for something terrible to happen.  He thought Bucky was here to take advantage, one way or another, and the thought had gotten so stuck into his head that he was not only just going to let it happen, he was trying to initiate it.

 

“Tony, no.  Fuck, okay, we’re not going to do any of that.”  Bucky said.  He pulled his hands off of Tony’s shoulders as if the contact burned him.  “We’re not going to do anything, okay?  You’re just gonna lay here and watch- do you like cartoons?  Yeah, you’re going to watch cartoons.  I’ll get you some orange juice and, I don’t know, some toast.  We’ll have a nice relaxing day and none of that shit is going to happen.”

 

He was rambling, but he didn’t care.  A weird sort of feeling had fallen over him, like a thousand tiny bugs had crawled under his skin and started running around.  He felt guilty, concerned, and disgusted with himself all at once because somehow over the past few weeks Tony has been here he had gotten the idea in his head that Bucky was just another person who would hurt him.

 

“Wait, no.”  Tony said slowly, wrinkling his nose in annoyance.  “Don’t act like you’re not going to do it.  I keep waiting and you guys always keep touching me and being nice when I know you guys can’t stand me.  You want this and I’m tired of waiting for you to take it so I’m giving it to you.  It’ll be fine, I won’t move, I won’t talk, and then you’ll be done and we could all go back to normal.”

 

Bucky didn’t stand up, he didn’t walk away.  He probably should have though, he probably should go tell Steve what was happening so they could talk about it, they should probably send Tony off to someone he might feel at least a little safe with.  He should probably do a lot of things but the raw and vulnerable look on Tony’s face kept him firmly in place.

 

He shook his head.  “Tony, kid, no one is going to touch you like that again.  No one is going to do anything like that.  I promise, okay?”  He said slowly.  Tony didn’t move a muscle, but his face relaxed completely and blocked any emotion from showing.  It was more worrying than calming.  “We don’t want that from you.  And yeah, most of the time we can’t stand you because you’re a huge asshole who goes out of his way to cause trouble, but that doesn’t mean we don’t like you.  We’re nice to you because we care about you, we don’t want anything from you.”

 

Tony didn’t believe him.  Instead of persisting, Tony simply rolled his eyes and turned over so he could press his face into the back of the couch.  “Don’t you have something important to be doing?”  He muttered.

 

“Nope.”  Bucky said as casually as he could.  “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“Why?  I’m fine.”  Tony said.

 

“Right.”  Bucky said slowly.  “But you are going to stay on that couch and rest.  No exceptions.  Steve’ll make lunch, something nice and easy on your stomach.  We’ll all just watch cartoons all day.  It’ll be fun, like what normal fucking families do.”

 

Tony didn’t say anything, he didn’t even move.  The way his body was curled loosely on the couch and how his breathing had evened out, Bucky was going to guess that he was asleep.  It was probably for the best.  He was stressed and exhausted and sick and sleep would do nothing but help him at this point.  He stood up from his seat on the coffee table and took a few silent steps towards the kitchen.  He could still hear Sam and Steve talking, their words muffled and unintelligible, but they sounded relaxed.

 

“Hey, Barnes ‘n Noble?”  Tony muttered.  Bucky looked back at him, Tony’s body was still curled on the couch, but his face was visible.  He looked calm, but confused and a little bit nervous.

 

“Yeah kid?”  He asked softly.

 

Tony frowned, his eyes unfocusing slightly as he thought.  Bucky prepared himself, whatever it must be has got to be important.  “You’re a fucking loser.”

 

A moment passed between them after Tony spoke.  Then Bucky burst out laughing.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I got caught up in something else, started school, and just life happened. But now I have an update!!!!!!  
> Serious stuff in this chapter, as usual trigger warnings are in the end of chapter notes to avoid spoilers and I'm letting you know now so you don't get triggered.  
> Reminder TRIGGER WARNINGS ARE IN THE END OF CHAPTER NOTES!!!

Tony was still sick after a few days, he had gone quiet and didn’t move off the couch except for rare occasions to shower or use the restroom.  He wasn’t throwing up any more but Bucky could guess it was because he wasn’t eating.  Tony wasn’t even talking anymore.  He would just lie on the couch, his eyes darting to the phone every time it rang or staring suspiciously at Bucky and Steve whenever they got too close too quickly.

 

It damn near broke his heart.  Steve had understood, Tony didn’t trust them.  It wasn’t even that surprising when Bucky took a step back to look over the past few weeks.  Tony had been wary of them from the start, he just didn’t see it.  It was almost too much to look at him now, sick and exhausted with just enough energy it seemed to be on guard for a possible attack even if he showed no interest in deflecting it.

 

“You should eat something.”  Bucky said as he sat down on the loveseat, Tony’s eyes snapping to him in an instant.  The kid didn’t move, still sprawled out casually on the couch.

 

“If you really want me to throw up on you, then okay.”  He mumbled. 

 

Bucky shrugged.  He wasn’t going to make the kid do anything and shoving food down his throat would probably not help in their cause to make him feel safe.  He kept a close eye on Tony, noting his flushed cheeks and trembling shoulders, but always focused and alert gaze that kept flickering to Bucky ever so often.  How long had it been going on?  How long had he been in the same room as them and waiting for one of them to make a move, an inappropriate and harmful gesture that he seemed certain would come.  Probably since the moment he moved in.

 

Natasha strolled into the living room, a plate of pizza bagels in hand, and plopped down in the seat next to Bucky.  She seemed casual enough, almost completely nonthreatening.  As nervous as he was about introducing Natasha to his kid, it seemed to be going well.  Tony didn’t look at her with the same piercing suspicion as he did with Bucky and Steve so hopefully they’ll get along.

 

“Hey.”  Tony said slowly.  “You know, normally I look better than this.  I’m Tony, rich genius.  What’s your name?”

 

His voice was still gravelly and hoarse from being sick, but his tone had developed a certain lightness to it, an ease that Bucky hadn’t seen before.  He rolled his eyes.  “Don’t flirt with her, kid.  She’s not your type.”

 

Tony hummed and pushed himself up slowly until he was sitting against the couch, his eyes grew distant for a moment as he swayed slightly.  Bucky thought he was about to get sick again.  Instead he shook his head and frowned.  “How do you know what my type is?  Maybe it’s cute redheads.”

 

Tony didn’t sound very enthused.  He sounded tired.  Flirting for the sake of flirting, now that Bucky was listening for it he thought it seemed more like a defense mechanism more than an attempt to get with Natasha or be an asshole for flirting with Bucky’s friends.

 

“How are you feeling?”  Natasha asked calmly, as if the whole thing hadn’t happened.  “You look like garbage.”

 

Tony let his head fall back until it rested on the couch.  “Expensive garbage.  High class trash.”  He muttered.  “What’s your name, gorgeous?  Kinda weird I have to ask twice.”

 

“Natasha.”  She said calmly.  “And you can stop now.  I don’t sleep with children.”

 

Tony’s face seemed to flicker, his mouth twitched, his eyes widened, and every part of him seemed to immediately flinch back into place.  He almost looked like nothing had happened at all.  “Where’s Steve?”

 

“He’s out with a few friends.”  Bucky said.  It was the truth.  Steve was out with Sam and Clint, either thinking of a plan or getting prepared for one they already made.

 

“So you invited a very attractive woman over.”  Tony said.  “You guys have a cool relationship.  You can just have sex with anyone you want?  Who’s Steve banging?”

 

The annoyance was back, even when sick and tired the kid still made an effort to be an asshole.  “It’s not like that.  Why do you have to be s-“  Bucky cut himself off quickly.  It was hard living with this kid, he was difficult.  He wanted to hate him but oddly enough found that he couldn’t.  He was like a stray cat that snuck into your house when you left the door open and refused to leave, and although it hissed and scratched you when you came too close too quickly you still fed it every day.  Tony wasn’t a cat though, he was a scared kid who was expecting to get hurt by everyone near him.  “We’re here to help.”

 

As if it was possible, Tony seemed to grow paler.  “I don’t need help.”  He said quickly, shaking his head though.  “Just drop it, okay?  Take your fuck buddy and leave me alone.”

 

“When did Stane start putting his hands on you?”  Natasha asked, her voice flat and her face not revealing any emotion.  She took a bite of her pizza bagels.

 

Bucky’s mouth dropped open.  He didn’t know who to be angrier with, Tony for being rude and lashing out to one of his friends in hopes of hurting Bucky or at Natasha for being so calm when she threw the questions at him without warning.  This was something they needed to talk about, to get out into the open so they knew what exactly needed to be done and how they could help.  Still, they could have been gentler with it.

 

Tony’s mouth snapped shut with an audible click.  “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”  He said coldly.

 

Bucky sighed.  “Tony, stop being an ass.   We just want to help.”

 

“Well, you’re not helping!”  Tony shouted, his voice breaking and his words disappearing into a coughing fit.  His shoulders heaved as he doubled over and hacked.  Bucky was on his feet instantly, walking up to him and reaching out to put a hand on Tony’s shoulder, to pat his back and to make sure he was okay.  His hands were smacked away before he even made contact.  Once the moment passed and Tony was once again able to breathe deeply without coughing, Bucky sat back down.  “What do you want?  Why do you care?”  He said, his voice hoarse and broken.

 

“Kid, you’re a piece of shit and you’re annoying and destructive and you’ve really turned our lives upside down.”  Bucky said.  It was the truth because although he knew for a fact that he couldn’t hate Tony even if he wanted to the kid was still hard to live with.  “But we like you, you’re a part of this household now.  I got used to you and I have a problem with people messing with you.”

 

Tony frowned, not looking up at either of them.  Natasha decided to move first, she stood up and took slow, careful steps towards the couch.  Tony didn’t flinch away from her touch, instead he seemed to lean into it.  She held him close and tucked his head against her shoulder and rocked him gently.  Bucky knew what Natasha was doing, Tony was in desperate need of comfort and didn’t want it from Bucky.  It probably made sense in Tony’s head, Bucky wasn’t to be trusted even though they had known each other for a little while now but apparently Natasha was safe even though he had just met her.  He was more sad than jealous.

 

“Just drop it.”  Tony whispered, almost begging.  “It’s nothing.”

 

“We have to talk about this.  We’re not going to just let it become something that eats you away inside without giving it a chance to get out.  That man hurt you.  It’s not nothing, Tony.”  Natasha said softly.  “It’s illegal and it’s wrong.”

 

A pause, Tony blinked quickly but didn’t lift his head from Natasha’s shoulder.  “Well, yeah.  I know that.”  He said calmly, matter-of-factly, and it took Bucky by complete surprise.  “I’m not stupid.  Let’s just ignore it or you’ll make it worse.  Things were fine the way they were, it’s nothing.”

 

Bucky looked to Natasha, silently asking permission to respond.  She knew how to talk to people, she could make anyone in the world feel comfortable and safe, even if they weren’t.  That’s why she was here, to help Tony feel safe as Bucky tried to get him to at least talk about it so they knew how bad it all was.  She nodded.

 

“I’m not going to drop this Tony.”  Bucky said quickly.  Probably too loudly based on the way Tony’s body immediately tensed as he spoke and his eyes snapped to him.  Steve was better at this stuff, he was great at making people feel safe and comfortable.  Natasha seemed to be just as good, if not better, so he should feel lucky to have gotten this far into the conversation.  “No one is ever going to touch you like that again, I just want to know what’s going on inside your head.  I need to know you’re okay.”

 

“For fuck’s sake, I’m _fine._ ”  Tony said.  He pulled away from Natasha then, reaching up and pushing her away by her shoulders and seemed surprised, but relieved, that she easily backed away.  “Let’s not blow this out of proportion.”

 

“Tony, you were raped.”  Bucky said, immediately regretting the forcefulness and bluntness of the statement when he saw Tony’s eyes widen and his hand curl into fists around his blanket.  “It’s a very big deal.”

 

Tony shook his head quickly.  “And we can handle it by not talking about it.”

 

“That’s not how this works.”

 

Tony’s head dropped as he curled in on himself and crouched down on the couch with his face pressed against the cushion, his hands gripping tightly on his hair.  “Just stop.”

 

Bucky couldn’t stop though.  Not when Tony was so certain that he and Steve only cared about him because they wanted that.  Not when Tony was physically sick because of all the stress of this whole thing finally getting attention.  Not when the kid looked so scared, lost, and confused.  And definitely not when he couldn’t even touch him innocently without him expecting things to take a turn for the worse.

 

“We have to talk about this.  You had a drug overdose at fourteen!  You were in rehab.”  Bucky said loudly, his voice rising into a desperate shout.  “You’re falling apart and I don’t want to see you get hurt.  I want you to be okay and you’re clearly not.  Something is going on inside your head and I’m scared about how bad it might be, about how long Stane’s been doing this to you without anyone there to help.  W-“

 

“Oh my god, just stop!  What the fuck is wrong with you?”  Tony shouted so forcefully that Bucky was surprised he didn’t start coughing again.  “What do you want to hear?  That he started touching me when I was eight?  You know, since my parents couldn’t fucking stand me they just pushed me off on him since he was close to the family and Howard’s business partner and could do whatever the fuck he wanted.  Or maybe you want to know that after a few months when I saw mom again and when I told her she freaked out and told me that if the wrong person heard me making up stories like that then it’ll destroy the family.  Perhaps you’d like to hear the story where he wanted to use my mouth for the first time.  That’s an interesting one, I threw up for a week and Jarvis wanted to take me to the hospital but dad told him not to because I was ten and probably get something from a kid at school.  My skin felt wrong after that, like it was too tight or something was crawling underneath it.  That feeling never really went away so I found ways to cope with it, but you don’t want to hear that story.”

 

Bucky didn’t know what to do, Tony was yelling and pulling harder at his hair.  If he stepped in and stopped him then things would just get worse, Tony would lash out and attack him and whatever trust he had managed to build between them would be destroyed.  He wanted him to stop, didn’t want to hear anymore, but he didn’t know how to let Tony know he could stop without making everything worse.  The kid was finally venting, Bucky just hoped this did more good than harm.

 

“You remember that week when my dad was missing?  The one where you talk about it being the time you rescued him and lost your arm and became friends with the guy?  I remember it, I was twelve and since the family was considered ‘under threat’ then we had to lay low for a while.  Mom was with guards in our vacation home in the mountains and they just stuck me with Obie again.”  Tony said, he wasn’t shouting anymore but his voice cracked with what Bucky could only guess was barely contained sobs.  His shoulders shook and his face was hidden.  His hands were pulling a bit too roughly on his hair.  “That was the week he started giving me heroin.  I moved around too much, he didn’t like that.  He liked it when I was still and usually he would just hit me until I would stop wiggling but then he realized drugs work just as well.  It was great, got me out of my head and he could do whatever he wanted.  Since I wasn’t quite aware enough to cry or call out he just got more violent with it all after that.  He just kept giving more from then on, wasn’t as nice when I took it and nothing was happening, but I couldn’t stop.  So, a few years later I figured I might as well take all of it.  He usually gave me enough to last me a few days until our next ‘appointment’ and I would space it out to last but I thought that the worst that could happen was I fail and everything stays the same. I'm kinda disappointed.”

 

Tony didn’t sound like he was about to cry anymore.  He sounded completely calm.  His shoulders weren’t shaking anymore with sobs and his voice was clear and emotionless.  He didn’t lift his head up off of the couch or let go of his hair, but he seemed almost relaxed.  Talking about it was either helping tremendously or it was making everything horribly wrong, it was hard to tell.

 

“Howard was on a parenting kick ever since you brought him back.  Of course, his idea of fatherhood involved buying me anything I ever wanted and giving me one hug.”  Tony said, slowing down his words as if he was thinking hard.  “The best thing he ever did for me was sending me to that place in Canada.  Made it so that only he and mom could come visit.  They thought getting me away for a little while would help calm me down and get me to focus on my recovery.  It was lonely seeing as I was there for three months and mom visited me once and dad visited me three times. I didn’t see Obie the entire time.  Then immediately after I was off to MIT and I was so busy that even when he came to find me I wasn't around.  It all started up again when I came home for the summer and then they died and now I’m here.”

 

Once he was done he rolled over onto his side and untangled his hands from his hair.  Now that he had a clear view of the kid’s face, Bucky could see how tired he looked.  It wasn’t the kind of tired that could be fixed with a light nap, it was the world weary kind of tired he could remember off of battle hardened soldiers or refugee children.  It broke his heart to see it on Tony’s face.

 

“That shit’s never gonna happen again, you hear me?”  Bucky said, his voice firm.

 

Tony hummed.  “Whatever.  Nothing will change, nothing ever changes.  Just go away.”

 

Somehow the whole thing had ended exactly the same as it had begun, with Tony curled up on the couch under too many hot blankets and staring blankly at the tv.  Bucky wanted to hug the boy, stroke his hair and tell him that he was going to be okay just like his mama would do when something bad seemed to happen.  It wouldn’t be welcome though, not with Tony so uncertain of his touches.

 

Bucky walked into the kitchen without another word, uncaring if Natasha followed behind him or not.  He quickly dug through his pockets for his phone, fumbling with it and promptly dropped it onto the ground.  He bent down to pick it up and by the time he was standing again he was curled around Natasha, his face buried in her hair as he let the tears fall.

 

“I’m going to kill him, Nat.”  He whispered.  “I’m going to find him and I’m going to kill him.”

 

He could feel Natasha’s head move in what he knew was a nod.  “I know, Yasha.”  She said softly.  “You did very well.  I told you, all you to listen while he talks and you did.  We’re going to fix this.”

 

Bucky didn’t answer.  He didn’t want to vocalize his fears that this couldn’t be fixed.  That everything was too broken to be put back together.  If he said it out loud then it would all be real.  There would be no taking it back.  It was all truth whether he wanted it to be or not, that had happened and Tony had been struggling to live with it since he was eight years old.

 

Bucky threw up in the kitchen sink.  He would clean it up, he just had to call Steve first, or text Steve, or hunt him down and hold him for a few hours.  He couldn’t leave Tony alone, not now, not after everything he’s heard.

 

He looked down at his phone, ready to call Steve and beg him to come home and make everything right.  He froze when the screen lit up, showing a text from an unknown number that claimed to be someone very important.  His hands shook as he read it over and over again.  Obadiah Stane wanted to meet with him, if that man had any sense at all he would know that being anywhere near Bucky wouldn’t go well for him.  Bucky started typing a reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING: RAPE AFTERMATH, REFERENCED AND DESCRIBED CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE, REFERENCE DRUG USE, AND REFERENCE SUICIDE ATTEMPT*
> 
> I hope you liked the chapter. Things aren't going too good for the boys, hopefully everything works out. Natasha met Tony, so now they can become best friends :)  
> Comment please.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have emotionally hit the dirt so I don't really have the energy to do much. I'm sorry for taking so long to update and not replying to your comments. I barely have the motivation to write and really only the ones I feel like writing. I'm still going to update everything else, but please be patient. Sorry.  
> Trigger Warnings at the end.

Stark Tower was larger than Bucky had expected.  He had been there several times before back when Howard was working on his arm, but the sheer size of the place always caught him off guard.  He didn’t want to be back, not with Howard gone and certainly not with Obadiah Stane in the CEO’s office.  He had a special card that got him passed the security guards at the entrance without having to go through the metal detector, a prosthetic like Bucky’s would have kept him waiting for damn near an hour as they tried to determine if it was safe for him to pass or not.  He considered sneaking in a weapon and getting rid of Stane himself but decided against it.

 

Killing Stane now wouldn’t work out the way they wanted.  He was one of the wealthiest and most powerful men in the country, there would be an investigation and Bucky would be arrested, Steve too depending on how things turned out, and then who knew what would happen to Tony.  Bucky had to be there for the kid, just the thought of him going to someone else who he didn’t know for sure was trustworthy was enough to keep him up at night.  Also, Stane didn’t deserve to die and have the world grieve for him.  He didn’t deserve memorials in papers and magazines and news broadcasts to spend hours of their time talking about what a great man he was and that the world wouldn’t be the same without him.  Bucky wanted to see Stane go down like the disgusting trash he was.

 

Obadiah’s secretary was a smiling woman who simply waved him into the office, not bothering to ask for ID or if he had an appointment.  The moment he stepped into the room he was assaulted with the stench of expensive cigars and the surprise of how different the room looked.  Howard’s large mahogany desk was replaced by a steel one, the bookshelves that used to line the walls were gone and in their place was several couches and a few bottles of what Bucky would guess as expensive alcohol.  Everything from the color of the walls to the fabric of the carpet had changed.

 

“Sergeant Barnes, how lovely of you to join me.”  Stane said.  He was standing off to the side, his back to Bucky, as he poured himself a large glass of what looked like whiskey.  If Bucky wanted to stab him in the back, now was the perfect time.  “Can I get you anything to drink?”

 

“This isn’t a fucking social call.”  Bucky said quickly.  “Tell me what you want before I kill you with my bare hands.”

 

“So violent.”  Stane said.  He turned around and shook his head.  Barely visible bruises littered the side of his face, carefully hidden under layers of makeup and Bucky would have missed them entirely if he hadn’t been the one to put them there.  The deep bruises that Tony had gotten from that day were still dark and clear and Bucky had to see them every day and remember what that man had done.  “Honestly, that behavior is worrying.”

 

“If you don’t tell me why I’m here in the next ten seconds then I will strangle the life out of you.  We’ll see how violent I can be then.”  Bucky said, his hands curling into fists.

 

Stane hummed, lifting his glass up to his mouth.  He walked away from the drinks and around his desk, taking a seat with the view of New York at his back.  He motioned towards one of the chairs, waiting for him to take a seat.  Bucky stayed standing.

 

“I would like to continue my regular visi-“

 

“No, absolutely not.”  Bucky said, cutting Stane off before he could finish the sentence.  “Are you out of your mind?  I’m not letting you anywhere near him again, you’re lucky I haven’t killed you for what you did.”

 

Stane laughed at that, Bucky wanted to take the last few steps up to him, reach across the desk, and kill him like he should have done days ago.  He would never make it out of the building if he did, but then Tony would be safe from him.  There were so many situations running through his head, all the possible ways he could take the bastard out, and imagining them almost put him at ease.

 

“Mr. Barnes, you can’t do anything to me.  I have everything in the world and all you have is a whore sleeping in your guest bedroom.  I could give you all the money in the world and all you have to do is let Tony out of the house every once in a while.”  Stane said, smiling with too many teeth.

 

Bucky punched the side of his desk, breaking apart a piece of the metal and severely denting the rest.  The action caused further strain to Bucky’s metal hand and it was almost too difficult to uncurl his fingers.  Stane leaned back, but didn’t look too frightened or distraught.  If anything, the edges of his mouth hardened.  Bucky wanted to kill him, get the plotting smile off of his face and the sharp, predatory look out of his eyes.

 

Bucky took a deep breath and forced his body to relax.  “I told you, you’re not going to be allowed anywhere near Tony again.”  He said, trying to breathe deeply and calmly.  “You’re a rapist and a pedophile.  Tony is a good kid, and you damn near destroyed him.  I’m not going to let you do that to him again, I would rather die than have you touch him.”

 

There was a small moment of silence after Bucky stopped talking, one that was broken with the cruel sound of Stane chuckling.  “He really did get into your head, didn’t he?  Convinced you that he was the victim and needed protection from the bad man that was hurting him.  Did he cry?”  Stane said slowly.  Bucky’s fists curled tightly as he contemplated how the glass of Stane’s tumbler might break if Bucky jammed it into his face.  “Or did he tell you about how much he liked it?  About how he moaned like a slut as he let me run my hands all over his body.  He never told me to stop, in all the years we had our arrangement he never once said ‘no’, and he liked it.”

 

Before he even knew what was happening, Bucky had walked across the room and was now holding Stane by the color of his shirt.  His left arm was up, his fist ready, and all he needed to do now was connect the hard metal against the man’s face.  It would be easy, it would make everything better.  Stane was a monster and he deserved a good punch to the face.  The image of little eight year old Tony was still fresh in his mind, a confused and scared child who didn’t understand what was happening to him.

 

“You took advantage of a kid.”  Bucky said, clenching his jaw as he tried to maintain control.

 

Stane seemed frozen, his hands were curled around Bucky’s wrists and his eyes were contemplating as they scanned over his face.  “If you’re going to hit me, then do it.  The courts will find the whole thing very interesting.  Certainly the press would be concerned about poor Tony Stark living with a man who had such violent tendencies.”  He said slowly.  “What will you do then, Sergeant?  Spend your days knowing that Tony lives in my house, knowing full well that the world went back to the way it was as if your little intervention had never even happened.  I could call Tony up right now and he would drop to his knees for me without argument.  You’ve done nothing for him.”

 

Bucky felt an eerie sort of calm wash over him, the kind of calm that comes out when you go past being angry and on to something else, something far more deadly and vicious.  He thought that maybe if he had a knife with him then he could gut Stane like the pig he was, keep it clean and make cleanup easy.  Then he could go home and tell Tony that everything was going to be alright.

 

“You’re never going near him again.  I’m only here to tell you that, make sure you know, and tell you that the next time I see you or hear that you’re trying to get near him, I will kill you.  It will be so slow and so painful that you’ll think I’m ripping your skin off of you, piece by tiny piece.  Maybe I will.”  Bucky said, all of his rationality and compassion had locked itself away somewhere inside his head.  “Tony will never see you again, you’ll one day just be a faded, disgusting memory, and he’ll be okay.”

 

Stane laughed again, a hoarse and cutting sound that made his stomach turn.  “You really think I was the only one with the idea to use the boy?  The whore practically opened himself up to anyone who was willing to put a hand on him.”  He said, his tone was mocking.  Bucky wanted to leave.  He wanted to go home to his family and pretend everything was okay.  He let go of Obadiah, forcefully pushing him away.  “You think you’re the first person to figure it out?  Plenty of people have, they were just easily bought, easily gotten rid of, or wanted a piece of the action.  Honestly, I’m surprised you haven’t fucked him yet.”

 

Bucky turned around, he suddenly didn’t feel like leaving anymore.  He walked up to Stane quickly and grabbed his arm, holding the man’s wrist tightly in his metal hand.  “Tell me the names of everyone who ever put their hands on him, or I’ll break your wrist.”  He said calmly.

 

“And I’ll press charges.”  Stane replied.

 

“I don’t care.  I’ve been in a warzone, you think prison scares me?”  Bucky said.  It was the truth, he didn’t care about prison at this point.  As a younger, more naive boy, the thought of being arrested terrified him even though Steve got into trouble almost every other weekend.  “If I go to prison because I hurt a bunch of child rapists then I’ll be perfectly happy.”

 

Sadly, he didn’t get the chance to break Stane’s wrist.  Instead the security of Stark Tower bust into the room, terrible reaction time if they wanted Bucky’s opinion, and dragged him out of the office.  He wasn’t arrested and, as far as he knew, the police weren’t called.  Bucky was just thrown out the front door by about ten security guards.  Stane was being overly cautious it seemed, which meant he was scared.

 

It would take him a while to get home.  Steve had the car and Bucky didn’t want to call him until he had significantly calmed down.  It hadn’t been this bad since he had been discharged, the mindlessness and the relaxation that always seemed to come whenever he thought he would have to kill someone.  Back then, they all had their own little ways of coping, Bucky’s just so happened to be blocking out the world so that nothing really existed except the mission and the belief that he was doing the right thing.  Protecting Tony didn’t seem like a bad choice for a new mission.

 

It took him nearly ten minutes of wandering to finally decide to take the bus, another ten minutes of waiting, and over half an hour to get home to Brooklyn.  He wasn’t as calm once he finally made it back to the house.  His hands shook and he felt close to hyperventilating.  What if Stane was being sincere?  What if he was going to take Steve to court and take Tony away?  They couldn’t let that happen, moving in with that man would kill him.  The abuse would no doubt start again and Bucky wasn’t going to allow that, he had promised Tony that no one would ever hurt him again and he took promises very seriously.

 

Tony wasn’t on the couch when Bucky finally went inside.  His blankets were right where they had been, Steve was fast asleep on the recliner.  Bucky was almost shocked at how peaceful he looked, all the stress of the past week had melted from his features and if Bucky sat down to watch him for a little while then he was sure that he’ll begin to believe that this all might work out.  He didn’t have time for that though.

 

Tony was in the kitchen, which was surprising since he had been too sick to hold anything down or eat the past few days.  If he was feeling well enough to eat then that was a good thing, but it also meant there was something in his stomach in case another wave of nausea hit him.  If him eating meant that he would have his head buried in the toilet for the rest of the night, then Bucky would be there to comfort him.

 

He was looking a little better, his face was still pale and his checks were still bright red against the pale skin, but his hair had been washed and the bags under his eyes were gone.  “Stop staring.  I know I’m hot stuff, but you’re being weird.”  Tony muttered, not bothering to look in Bucky’s direction.

 

He seemed so small, he had always seemed small but now it felt so much more important.  Tony was thin and lanky, slight definition to his muscles but with just a bit of baby fat.  He looked like he still had a lot of growing to do, still far from being an adult.  The thought of Stane, and possibly numerous others, holding this small boy down and hurting him in every way they could, was sickening.

 

“You know I would never do anything to hurt you, right?”  Bucky said, surprised at the sound of his voice.  It was weak, shaky, and hoarse.  Tony looked up at him quickly, probably just realizing he was there.  “I won’t ever touch you and I won’t ever hurt you and I’ll die making sure no one ever does that shit again.”

 

Tony paused, a spoonful of cereal suspended just inches from his face.  He licked his lips and cleared his throat, as his eyes squinted in thought.  “Wow, overdramatic much.”  He muttered as he turned his back to Bucky.

 

“Can’t you see I’m trying to have a sentimental moment here?”  Bucky said, shaking his head.  “I just want you to be okay.”

 

“Why?”  Tony asked.  “Why do you honestly give a fuck about who does what?  It’s just a thing that happens.  No big deal.”

 

Bucky would have been relieved that he was actually talking about now instead of repeatedly saying ‘nothing  happened’ if not for the hallow, exhausted sound of Tony’s voice.  He seemed about ready to fall apart, as if a soft wind would blow him over and break him to pieces that would be too small to put back together.  There were so many questions that ran through Bucky’s head, he wanted to know if Tony was okay, what he was thinking about, he wanted to ask about Obadiah and how many times he had been assaulted since he moved in.  Stane had supposedly taken Tony to the eye doctor, something they should probably do soon since the most recent attack had broken them, and he and Steve had napped and cuddled and celebrated the peace and quiet while Tony was probably being hurt.  Tony was gone on when they celebrated their anniversary, where they made love and then went out to dinner, where Bucky had ignored each and every one of Tony’s calls, all while Tony was being raped.

 

“You do understand it was illegal, right?  That it was wrong and people shouldn’t have done that to you?  It’s important to me that you know this.”  Bucky said slowly.

 

“Yes, for fuck’s sake.  I know.  ‘No means no’ and consent and underage bullshit, okay.  I know about all that stuff, but it doesn’t matter because it never made a difference.  He fucked me, I lived with it.  People found out, they fucked me too.  It’s not all that surprising, it’s just how things worked.”  Tony said, his voice calm and flat as if he were stating a simple fact.  “Sure, it hurt and I was scared but I grew the fuck up.  Shitty things happen and it’s better to just ignore them.  So, if you can stop being such a nosey asshole, let’s just stop talking about it.”

 

Tony’s behavior almost made sense.  He had normalized it in his head, assured himself that it was just the way things were and even when he found out that the world said differently he still tried to rationalize it.  He wanted to believe that it was just how things had to be because if things didn’t have to be this way then how was he supposed to survive knowing that it was.  Bucky didn’t care about what Obadiah had to say, Tony wasn’t a ‘slut’ or a ‘whore’ or any of the degrading names he had ever called him.  It didn’t matter that Tony had supposedly ‘never said no’ because how was he, a child, supposed to reject what was happening when he was given no room to believe it was wrong.  Tony wasn’t to blame, not for any of this.

 

“Can I hug you?”  Bucky asked.

 

Tony sighed and pushed his cereal bowl away.  “Why the fuck are you asking?”

 

“Because I’m not going to touch you if you don’t want me to.  I won’t if you tell me not to.”  Bucky said slowly.

 

Things were silent again and Tony somehow seemed to shrink smaller.  He hunched his shoulders and let his head fall into his hands, his sweatshirt was one of Steve’s and seemed to swallow him whole, his ratty sweatpants were unrecognizable, but the large bed socks that were hanging off of his feet were Bucky’s.  Why he was wearing their clothes, or where and when he had gotten ahold of them, was a mystery, but it was heartwarming.  Tony was seeking out comfort and if he didn’t trust them then at least he trusted their socks and sweatshirts.

 

Tony stood up and turned to face him.  “No.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for Victim Blaming. A lot of Victim Blaming. Sorry.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> Trigger warnings in the End of Chapter Notes! (you might want to read them if you're triggered by anything in the tags)

Tony was scratching the back of his neck, it was such a simple, innocent movement that captured Bucky’s eye.  The kid was awkwardly shifting his weight form foot to foot as he stood in front of Bucky and waited.  It was simple.  It was complicated.  It was a mess of things that he wasn’t prepared to deal with.  Bucky wasn’t sure what Tony was waiting for, maybe for the tension to break and for Bucky to take those fatal steps closer and ruin everything.  Maybe he was waiting for the moment to pass so he could be certain that Bucky meant it when he said that no one would touch him if he didn’t want them to.  Tony has said ‘no’ and Bucky would respect that.

 

“Well, alrighty then.”  Tony said finally.  His shoulders slumped and his whole body seemed to go slack.  He turned back to the counter and looked down at his food.  “Don’t think we’re friends because of this.  Because you’re the only one who ever asked before touching me.  This doesn’t change anything.”

 

Then the moment shifted.  Tony was just staring down at the cereal bowl in front of him, his arms and shoulders shaking more and more until his whole body started trembling.  Bucky wanted to reach out to him, ask if he was alright.  Tony was crouching down now, slowly lowering himself to the floor, his hands curling around the back of his neck and his fingernail digging into the soft skin.

 

Bucky was on his knees next to him, his hands hovering over Tony’s shoulders as he looked for a way to comfort him.  “Don’t touch me.”  The boy whispered.  “Please don’t touch me.”

 

So Bucky didn’t touch him.  It was horrifying, watching Tony tremble and curl into himself and he wasn’t able to do a damn thing to comfort him.  All he could really do what give Tony what he wanted, the security of knowing he wasn’t going to be touched.

 

“Don’t worry, kid.  You’re alright.  No one is going to hurt you.”  Bucky said, his voice soft.  “You’re safe here.  I’m not gonna touch you.”

 

Tony didn’t relax at that, if anything it just made him tremble more.  “Yeah.  Yeah.”  Tony kept repeating to himself, over and over in a voice that was barely loud enough to be heard. 

 

Steve was in the doorway, his eyes focused on Tony before darting up to Bucky questioningly.  He didn’t have an answer.  All he had was Tony’s incoherent mumblings, which were quickly growing frantic as Tony appeared to try to burrow himself into the linoleum.  His face was pressed against the cool tiles, and his legs were pulled up against his chest.  Tony had rolled into a tiny ball and just laid in the ground as he panicked.

 

“What happened?”  Steve asked, walking into the kitchen quickly and dropping to his knees next to Bucky.

 

“I don’t know!  He just told me I couldn’t hug him and then he went back to his cereal and now he’s panicking.”  Bucky said.

 

It didn’t make sense, at least not to him.  Steve simply nodded, a deep frown spreading across his face, and bent down so his head was on the ground next to Tony’s.  “Hey, Tony.  Can you hear me?”  He said.  “Are you there?”

 

Tony didn’t answer.  Instead, he rolled onto his side to face away from Steve and Bucky.  His gasping breaths were filling the room, a sound that was blocking out everything else and demanding Bucky’s attention.  For a moment he was frightened that Tony wasn’t getting enough air and that he would pass out if he kept that up.

 

“Come on, kiddo.  You gotta answer me, otherwise I’m going to think that no one’s home.”  Steve said, sounding surprisingly calm considering the situation.

 

“Yeah.  Yeah, just shut up already.”  Tony said.  He sounded terrible, his voice hoarse and shaky.  “I don’t know.  I don’t know, I can’t breathe.”

 

“Has something like this ever happened before?”  Bucky asked, looking over to Steve in a silent plea for help.  He looked back down to Tony just in time to see the boy’s gentle nod.

 

Tony was curling in tighter, his face now completely hidden from view.  He was slightly calmer though, less likely to hyperventilate and pass out, but still far from being okay.  Tony’s fingers were still digging into the back of his neck and Bucky was halfway tempted to reach out and rip his hands away.  He was hurting himself, whether he realized it or not, his fingernails had cut into his neck hard enough to draw blood.

 

Bucky lowered himself onto the floor as well, their faces now on equal ground so he was no longer towering over Tony.  “Hey.  I know you’re listening.  You could hear Steve so you can hear me too.”  Bucky said slowly, hoping his voice was calm and soft enough to be reassuring.  “Okay?  I think you’re having a panic attack.  Maybe, I’ve had plenty of them the past few years.  I know that it can be scary and confusing.  But you’re here and you’re gonna be safe now.  No one is ever gonna fuck with you again.  I promise with everything I have that no one will do that to you again.  If you want us to leave you alone, we’ll leave you alone, but please let us help you.”

 

As soon as Bucky was finished talking, Tony’s hand darted out and latched onto Steve’s shirt.  Then he was pushing himself up off the floor and burying his face into his chest.  He whined and shook his head when Steve tried to wrap his arms around him and hold him, but didn’t try to move away.

 

“Rhodey.”  He said, his voice muffled.  “I want Rhodey.  I want it to _stop._ Please make it stop.”

 

“He’s your friend at school, right?”  Steve asked, looking over to Bucky.  He nodded.  Rhodey was Tony’s roommate at MIT.  Natasha had told them, he was one of Tony’s few, actual friends.  Tracking him down shouldn’t be too difficult.

 

Bucky moved to stand up, his hand already in his pocket to pull out his phone, when Tony pushed away from Steve and shook his head.  “No!  No, don’t call Rhodey.  I’m fine.”  He said.  Leaning against the side of the counter now, he pulled his knees up to his chest and appeared to try to make himself as small as possible.  He was the opposite of fine, his voice was shaking, his hands trembling, and his eyes darted between Bucky and Steve, waiting.  “Why don’t you just do it?  It’s fine.  Just… do it and stop lying to me!”

 

That was it, of course that was the reason.  Tony’s world had been so carefully built up in his head, all of the thoughts and emotions carefully balanced to make it all okay.  He had rationed it all out, that the abuse was okay, that the pain was fine, and that it was what was supposed to happen.  Stane had did it, it had been heavily implied that others had done it, and now Tony just expects that from them.  A brief thought, one that left almost as quickly as it had appeared, wondered if Howard had known.  If he had participated at all.

 

“Tony, we don’t want that from you.  The people who did do that were bad people, they were sick and disgusting and they were wrong.  It wasn’t your fault and we’re not going to hurt you.”  Steve said.  He hadn’t tried to approach Tony, his arms lying at his side motionlessly.  Despite his size, Steve looked completely harmless.

 

“No.”  Tony said, shaking his head as he dropped his chin down to his chest and hiding his face from view.  “It wasn’t bad.  It was fine.  I just need a shower.”

 

He sounded so desperate that Steve wasn’t sure if he was asking for permission or making a statement.  He sounded like he was trying to plead with them, make them understand something or beg them for some unnamable thing.  Bucky’s had his heart broken so many times for this kid that he’s not even surprised that it keeps on happening.

 

“No, it was very bad.  It’s the farthest thing from fine or alright there is.”  Bucky said slowly.  “They took advantage of you.”

 

“No!  I liked it, I enjoyed it.  It can’t be so horrible if it felt good.”  Tony said quickly, lashing out.  His foot shot out to kick Bucky and Steve further away from him.  He smacked his fist against the side of the counter in a wave of panic, anger, and fear.  “None of it matters.  Everything else is just a footnote.  What’s important are those time when he wanted me on my back, so he could look at me, so he could touch me.  I would close my eyes, and pretend that I was okay, and then it would feel nice.  It was just sex.  It didn’t matter that afterwards I felt like I had to claw out of my skin, or that I would do almost anything for it to never happen again, or all the other times it happened where it was just for himself, where he was brutal and just wanted to put me on my stomach and fuck me like I was nothing.  It didn’t matter that I hate it before it happens and I hate it after it happens.  No one cares about that shit.  All that matters is that I liked it while it happened those few times.  When he touched me like that, it felt okay.  It’s not bad when you enjoy it.  So it’s fine.  Let’s just forget about it.”

 

The room fell into silence once Tony stopped talking.  Bucky had to rip his eyes away from Tony to look at Steve, who was breathing heavy.  His hands had curled into fists at his sides, his body tense, and Bucky could see the fierce anger in his eyes that were almost made more intimidating by his tear stained cheeks.  Bucky probably knew how he was feeling, furious, terrified, and a bit remorseful that he didn’t kill Stane when he had the chance.

 

“Tony.  You said you wanted it to stop.  You said that you always hated it before it happened.”  Steve said slowly.  “That makes it rape.  Sometimes our body and our mind aren’t always on the same page, yours was reacting naturally to stimulus.  It didn’t mean you enjoyed it, it meant you were responding to it.  It is still bad, it was still unwanted, and it hurt you.  It’s not your fault.”

 

Tony shook his head before burying his face in his knees.  “You’re not understanding.  I’m not saying it right.  My mind’s not working right now, I can’t breathe.”  He whispered.  It was the residual effects of Tony’s panic attack.  His breathing was heavy, irregular, but he was still getting air.  “I just need a shower.”

 

“You’re not dirty.”  Bucky said quickly.

 

“You’re not listening!”  Tony was yelling now.  It was understandable, this had to be really scary and emotional for him.  Bucky was just about ready to start breaking things, tear the whole house apart because of how emotionally draining the day had been for him and he wasn’t even the victim here.  Tony had a right to be angry.  “I just-“

 

He didn’t bother finish the sentence, Tony cut himself off and then quickly began climbing to his feet.  His legs were shaky and for a moment Bucky was worried that he would just fall right back down onto the ground and then either panic or sink into conditioned immobility if one of them tried to catch him.  It was a difficult situation to handle and Bucky wasn’t sure how to help Tony if he had to keep him at arm’s length.  Tony was steady enough to get out of the kitchen and head for the stairs with little support.

 

Bucky reached out and wrapped a hand around Steve’s arm, holding onto it like a life preserver that would keep him barely above water.  His ears were ringing, his lungs burned, and there was no denying the hitch in his breaths or the tears spilling down his cheeks.  The world was falling apart and Bucky didn’t know what to do.  This wasn’t something he could fix.  This was Tony suffering from years of abuse and it was going to take a whole lot more than a handful of kind words and heartfelt promises to fix this.  Steve wrapped around Bucky and held him close.

 

It was always warm when they hugged.  Steve’s body temperature always made him feel like a furnace and it was fantastic in cold, dark forests during winter missions and when the world became almost too much to handle.  A pang of sadness and pity shot threw him as he thought about Tony, and how he wouldn’t consider a hug like this to be safe or comforting.

 

“What are we supposed to do, Stevie?”  Bucky whispered.

 

“I talked to Natasha earlier.  She got into Stark Industries.  Stane’s PA had to take a sudden leave of absence and he just hired a young, attractive redhead to take her place for a while.”  Steve said, his voice hard and cold.  “We’re gonna find incriminating evidence on him.  We’re gonna make him pay.  And when we kill him, he won’t be memorialized as a hero or revolutionary.  He’ll be regarded as a monster and a pig.”

 

Bucky took a deep breath.  That sounded wonderful.  Everything would be so much better once that man was gone and couldn’t hurt anyone anymore.  They could kill him then, no one investigates the murder of a pedophile thoroughly.  Then they wouldn’t have to worry about going to prison and leaving Tony here all by himself.

 

“We should call his friend Rhodey.”  Bucky said, distantly recalling Tony asking for him in the middle of his panic attack.  He had to be important.  “Tony obviously trusts him.  Maybe he can help.  Maybe he knows something.”

 

Steve nodded and kissed at the sweaty skin on Bucky’s neck.  “That sounds good.  Yeah.”  He said softly.  “I’ll make the call, see if we can get him out here.  You go check on Tony.  He likes you more.”

 

“No, he doesn’t.”  Bucky said.  “He refuses to let me near him.  You’re the one he wanted to burrow himself into.  We gotta be careful with him.  Don’t touch him unless he says it’s okay.  He doesn’t want it and we can’t make him think that we’re gonna take advantage of him.”

 

“Yeah.  I can do that.  He should be in control of that, decide who gets to touch him.”  Steve said.  He pulled back and kissed Bucky softly, it was loving.  It was reassuring.

 

Bucky could hear the shower as he went up the stairs.  He knocked on the bathroom door, nobody answered.  He knocked again, still no response.  Nerves started to dance around in his stomach, whispering that something was wrong.  The door was locked when he tried to open it.

 

“Tony.”  Bucky called.  No answer.  “Come on, we don’t have to talk about anything and I promise I won’t touch you.  Please, just tell me you’re okay.”

 

No answer.  Not even the sound of movement.  There was nothing on the other side of the door but the sound of water.

 

“Say something before I kick down this door.”

 

When once again there was no answer, he made up his mind.  He didn’t have the time and he wasn’t in the mood to wait around for Tony’s antics to make him worry.  He had met with Stane today, he had listened to that man speak poison, he had witnessed Tony’s breakdown, he saw the results of eight years of abuse, and right now he wasn’t willing to wait outside of the bathroom door.

 

It came off its hinges easily.  All the air rushed out of his lungs and his heart felt like it stopped once he got a clear view into the bathroom.  The image in front of him had burned into his mind the moment he laid eyes on it.  Tony was still fully clothed, he was just sitting in the bathtub with that water washing over him, the sleeves of the hoodie he had on were pushed up his arms, and blood was swirling around the drain.

 

He rushed inside, a shout for Steve tore through his throat.  His first thought was to lift Tony into his arms and drag him out of the bathtub, they ended up huddled in the corner with Tony’s back pulled against Bucky’s chest.  His hands were large enough to wrap around the deep gashes on Tony’s wrists, held tight enough to hopefully slow the bleeding.

 

“Why did you do that?  Fuck, kid.”  Bucky whispered quickly.  “Steve!”

 

Tony was still lucid, awake, and his head fell back against Bucky’s shoulder as he looked up at him.  “I shouldn’t have talked about that.  It was better left unsaid.  I can’t do it anymore.  I can’t do it again.”  Tony said calmly.  “Just let go, Robocop.”

 

Bucky was crying again.  “I’m not fucking letting go, punk.  No!  I’m-“  Bucky stopped and took a deep breath.  His heart was beating too fist, everything was moving too quickly and the room was too loud.  “I’m so fucking mad at you right now.”

 

Steve ran into the room, stopping in the doorway with a horrified expression and then ran back out of the door.  He was going to call an ambulance.  Tony was going to be okay.  This was just a bad dream.  He had had nightmares like this.  Of hot deserts with explosions and gunfire, failing to save Howard, which recently had somehow led to failing to save Tony.  This was just a very bad dream.  He would wake up any moment now.

 

“Why didn’t you do it?”  Tony whispered, his words slurring slightly.  “You found out.  You should either be ignoring me completely or you should be joining in on the party.  You’re not playing a long.”

 

“Jesus, Tony.  I don’t know what to do to convince you that I’m not gonna fuck you!  You’re a child.”  Bucky said.  He was sobbing now, too much emotion and too much pain and all of it seemed to be crashing down on him at once.  There was just too much blood and Bucky didn’t know what to do.  “You’re my kid and I’m not gonna do that to you.  Okay?  My kid.  Why won’t you fucking believe that we care about you?  Why can’t you trust us?”

 

Tony wasn’t answering, he was just blinking slowly as his blank, unfocused gaze wandered about the bathroom.  They didn’t sit like that for long.  In practically no time at all, Steve was back and had several EMTs trailing behind him.  Bucky wasn’t willing to let go of Tony, his hand had an iron grip around Tony’s wrist, trying desperately to keep the blood from flowing freely.  If he let go, it would all come pouring out and then it would be over.  Steve had to pry his fingers open, whispering softly the entire time that it would be okay, over and over again as if he was trying to convince himself as well.

 

The EMTs took Tony, Bucky and Steve ran after them without second thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *TRIGGER WARNINGS: Panic Attacks, Discussion/Reference of Past Sexual Abuse, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt*
> 
> I'm sorry. It'll get better, I promise. Bad things in this chapter, very bad things and I feel bad for doing this to them. But it had to be done. Feel free to comment and yell at me. Comments keep me going. I'm always ready for comments.


	18. Chapter 18

Tony had asked the doctor to make Steve and Bucky leave the room.  He had miraculously remained conscious, if uncharacteristically quiet, throughout the entire ride to the hospital and the moment the doctor came to them he had asked for Bucky and Steve to leave.  Bucky wanted to argue, Tony was a minor and therefor they had the right to stay, but what Steve had to say on the matter was more important and he quickly agreed.  It felt like a betrayal, after Bucky had held on to Tony’s wrists to stop the steady flow of blood and did everything possible to keep him alive all Steve had to do was agree with Tony to give him some privacy and then he was forced to leave.

 

They really knew nothing at that point.  Tony was still bleeding, his face was ghostly pale and his arms shook as the doctor gently cradled his wrists in her hands.  Tony looked broken when they left, about ready to fall apart, but still very much alive and allowing the doctor to look him over.  They were led to a small, private room somewhere in the hospital.  It had a few couches and a broken coffee machine.  Steve tried to hold his hand, but Bucky went to sit down instead.  It was petty, he knew.

 

Peggy and Angie joined them in the hospital waiting room after several hours of not knowing if Tony was alright or not.  Peggy and Steve whispered angrily in the corner, Angie held Bucky’s hand.  All Bucky could think about was Tony, the blood pouring out of the deep gashes on his arms and the desperate way he begged Bucky to just let go of his wrists and let him bleed out.  Tony had made a decision to die in that moment, and Bucky couldn’t help feeling like he had unintentionally pushed him to do it.

 

Angie’s thumb ran over Bucky’s knuckles soothingly.  She didn’t seem to mind the specks of dried blood under his fingernails, the stains of red along the smooth metal of his left hand.  She simply kept Bucky’s shaking hands in her steady ones and hummed a sad sounding song. 

 

“It was Tony’s favorite.”  She said after a while.  “Back when he played the piano this was the one he always loved to fill our house with.  I always thought it was too melancholic for such a young boy, but he always played so beautifully.  It was a shame he stopped.”

 

“When did he stop?”  Bucky asked, surprised by how his voice sounded.  It was scratchy and hoarse, he sounded tired and aged.  More importantly, he sounded cold and dead, his voice holding none of the emotion he felt crashing through him.

 

Angie hummed.  “He stopped when he was twelve.  This was before English and I officially got together, we were just roommates then.  She and Howard knew each other for a while and sometimes little Tony with his fat cheeks and gangly arms would come stay in the guest room and constantly tell me how pretty I was.”  She said, a sad smile spreading across her face.  “He is such a great kid, you know?  This was back before all the trouble started.  Well, back before all the trouble was visible.  I guess that actual problem started long before Tony gave up piano.  He just stopped playing one day, and started falling apart, running away, getting into so much trouble all the time, and there was no more music.”

 

Bucky could hear the remorse in her voice, the regret.  Heavy with the knowledge that they couldn’t go back and stop what had been happening the whole time.  They had been there, Tony had gone from being hurt one moment to hanging around people who cared about him and no one had done a thing to help him.  It was no use now.  They couldn’t change the past and they couldn’t save Tony.

 

“He’s gonna be alright.”  Bucky said slowly.  He didn’t quite believe his own words.  Angie probably didn’t believe him either, she just smiled and started tapping her fingers along Bucky’s hand.

 

“I always knew that man was no good.  He smiled with too many teeth.”  Angie said.  “My mama always said that when a man smiles with too many teeth he was just thinking about eating you alive.  That’s never a good thing.  Never trusted him from the beginning.  I should have done something, should have known.  Why didn’t Tony tell any of us?”

 

Bucky closed his eyes.  He had an idea, all of Tony’s words were running through his head.  Every time Bucky had pushed hard enough for answers and Tony shouted out the truth in anger and fear, he listened carefully and memorized each sentence.  Tony had told his life story in a series of rushed, clipped sentences that were told simply to shut him up and get Bucky to stop asking questions.

 

“I think it was his mother.  Tony told me once, that after Stane started putting his hands on him he tried to tell Maria.  She told him to stop making up stories.  Didn’t want it to get out to the press.”  Bucky said slowly.  It was so obvious, they had all failed Tony since the beginning.  All of them have.  Tony never really stood a chance.  “We should have been better for him.”

 

When the door finally opened and a flat faced doctor walked in, he went straight to Steve.  Peggy turned away and joined Angie and Bucky off to the side, she wrapped her arms around Angie and held her tight.  Bucky kept his eyes on Steve, trying to decipher his expressions.  He didn’t find anything, not relief or pain.  He had no idea what Steve was thinking or what the doctor was telling him.

 

It felt as if his blood was freezing in his veins and Steve turned away from the doctor and walked towards Bucky.  Right now, it was like that stupid cat in a box experiment, where they didn’t know if the thing was alive or dead until they opened the box and looked inside.  Tony was either alive or dead and right now, in Bucky’s mind, he was both at the same time. 

 

“He’s stabilized.  They think he’s going to be okay.”  Steve said.  Bucky felt about ready to collapse right then and there.  What little energy he had left was just sucked right out of him.  It had been a horrible day and a sleepless night.  The conversation with Stane had beaten him down but Tony had torn him to pieces.  “They have a psychologist talking with him now.  They want to make sure he’s alright before they start giving him visitors.”

 

Angie and Peggy sighed in relief and wrapped around one another, putting distance between themselves and Steve and Bucky while they went to cuddle on the couch and let all the emotions and stress of the day wash over them.  Bucky couldn’t do that yet, he felt that if he stopped to relax and unwind after everything that had happened then he might as well never get up again.

 

“Do we get to take him home?”  Bucky asked quickly.  He hated the hospital, the dull colors and florescent lights and the overwhelming scent of chemical disinfectant.  The place seemed more likely to drag Tony’s mood down further rather than bring it back up.  They couldn’t really take him home either.  Now that Bucky was thinking back on it, they should have moved out the moment Stane had hurt Tony under their roof.  No one had been back in that room since it happened, the door stayed shut and locked, but it didn’t change anything about how ruined the house was for him.  “We should take him to that place in Colorado, the one we went to back when I was having trouble.  Get him out of New York for a little while.”

 

Steve nodded slowly.  “That might be a good idea.  Nat’s busy getting dirt on Stane so we can expose him, Clint’s out looking for other possible victims who might need help or will be willing to testify.  Sam’s on speed dial, hell it might even be best if he came with us.”  He said, thoughtfully as he considered the option.  “We should talk to Tony though, we don’t want to drag him across the country without hearing his thoughts on the matter.”

 

Bucky gritted his teeth.  He didn’t quite understand where it had come from, his sudden flare of annoyance and frustration with the man he loved and would give everything for.  That was a lie, he knew exactly where it came from.  Tony was as much of his responsibility as he was Steve’s, the only difference was that Steve had legal right, and Bucky was just the boyfriend.  He wasn’t Tony’s legal guardian.  He was nothing to the kid.  It was a painful thought and although he knew that asking Tony would be best, Bucky still held onto the bitterness.

 

“Yeah, right.  That sounds good.”  Bucky said quickly.  He understood he was being petty and difficult for no reason.  Steve cared about Tony as well, he was their kid.  He didn’t want to start problems or an argument, he could just pretend like everything was fine for now and eventually it would be.  Things would settle down inside his head once he knew for certain that Tony was alive and breathing.  “Sounds like a plan.  Whatever you say, Captain.”

 

Steve’s frown deepened and he grabbed onto Bucky’s hand before he had a chance to walk away.  “Bucky, baby, are you alright?  I know this is tough but we’re gonna get through this.”  Steve said slowly.  “This is scary and horrible, but Tony is going to be alright.  He’s going through a really tough time right now but if we give him all of the love and support he needs, be there for him when he wants and needs us to, then he’ll learn to trust us.  Things will get better.”

 

“Our kid took a razor blade to his wrists, Stevie.”  Bucky snapped, with more attitude than Steve probably deserved.  “None of this is okay, stop acting like this is all going to work itself out.”

 

Maybe it was the stress or the misplaced anger, but Bucky almost felt like screaming at the man when he wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled him close.  Steve seemed too calm, too unaffected by what had happened, but Bucky could see the fear in his eyes and the barely present shake in his voice and just wished that he would let it all out and they could grieve together.  He was overreacting, that much was obvious to him, but he couldn’t really stop himself.  He had walked in on his kid covered in blood, had held his wrists tight as he waited for help, and was then forced to leave his side here in the hospital without any thought about whether or not Bucky wanted to stay.  Just this once, he thought he was allowed a little bitterness.

 

Hugging Steve always made things better.  He may have felt frustrated with the man, but there was a certain comfort that came along with his sweet scent and the familiar way his body curved into Steve’s.  There wasn’t enough anger in the world to make him not want this.

 

“Excuse me, you can go see him now if you wish.”  A nurse said, walking into the room and smile at the two of them.

 

Peggy didn’t get up from the couch, Angie curled up asleep on her chest.  “You boys go on ahead.  We’ll have some words with Ducky once he’s feeling a bit better, right now we don’t want to overwhelm him.”  She said calmly.

 

Bucky felt bad for leaving them behind, Angie had held his hand throughout the long night and shared nothing but good stories and reassuring words with him.  Tony had more history and fond memories with those two amazing women than he did with Steve and Bucky, it almost seemed like a disservice to everyone to visit him first.  But Steve called out his thanks and appreciation and then pulled Bucky out into the hallway.  His grip on Bucky’s hand was firm and desperate, the only bit of feeling about the situation that was noticeable under the carefully constructed persona of a leader who was capable of handling extreme stress and trauma, Bucky could see right through it.  He hated it.

 

Tony was in a private room in some distant corner of the hospital.  The only person in the room with him was a nurse in the corner reading a book, she didn’t greet them as they walked in and she didn’t even acknowledge their presence.  Tony was asleep, curled up on his side with his bandaged arms lying next to him.  He looked smaller than he ever had, which was really something considering that Bucky always thought of Tony as small.  He used to look like a skinny child, but right now he looked like such a little kid that Bucky could pick him up and hold him on his hip like a baby. 

 

A sudden epiphany rushed over him, realization struck him like a bolt of lightning when he finally saw how much of a parent he really was turning into.  Tony was his kid and he was going to protect and care for him for the rest of his life.  Bucky couldn’t think of anything he would rather be doing.

 

“He’s going to be fine.”  The doctor said as she walked into the room.  “The cuts weren’t deep enough to cause him to bleed out, but enough to cause alarm.  I’m glad you brought him in.  We stitched him up, bandaged him, and gave him a prescription for anti-biotics to prevent infections.”

 

“Is that all you’re going to do for him?”  Bucky asked quickly.  Certainly there had to be more they could do.  “You’re not just going to leave him like this, he hurt himself.  What if he tries again?”

 

The doctor shook her head and sighed.  “I’m sorry Mr. Barnes, but all of his physical injuries were treated last night when you brought him in, he spoke briefly with a psychologist so we could get an assessment of his mental health, and once we make sure he has healed enough we’ll let you take him home.”  She said calmly, her voice flat and overly professional.  “If all goes well then he will be discharged in a few days.”

 

“What did the psychologist say?”  Steve said quickly, squeezing Bucky’s hand.  “Certainly you guys have noticed that he’s not okay.  You have to have an idea of why he did it and if it might happen again.”

 

Bucky cringed.  He knew why Tony did it, Bucky pushed him to do it.  With his constant questions and demands for details, he forced Tony to consider the abuse, to talk about it, and to make all of his feelings about it bubble up to the surface until Tony couldn’t handle it anymore.  Tony had spent eight years burying it all under dismissive reasonings and normalization, ignoring that it was happening and pretending like it was all okay.  Then they started pushing Tony, demanding answers and forcing him to think about things again, and it all became too much for him and he felt too alone and frightened to talk to them.

 

“We believe it has to do with his parent’s death.  With such a recent loss he may be feeling confused, frightened, and abandoned.  That alongside his history of fighting, emotional issues, and violent outbursts, it was only a matter of time before something like this happened.  He’s been in this hospital plenty of times for injuries, he’s not an easy kid.  He looks like he had been fighting recently anyway.”  She said, her tone flippant.  Bucky’s mouth snapped shut, they would be getting no help here.  “The psychologist thinks that this was just a self-harming ritual that went too far.  Tony said that he hadn't meant for it to be that serious and wasn't intending to actually commit suicide.  Has also mentioned that this whole experience has opened his eyes and he's willing to look into getting some help for his problem.  He does have quite a few previous injuries that look self-inflicted.  We are a public hospital, we’re stretched pretty thin, but we can give you a list of places that could help him upon being released.”

 

Steve squeezed his hand harder, an anchor and a pillar of support all at once.  “That would be great, thank you.”  He said sternly.  “Can the two of us have a few moments alone with our boy?”

 

The doctor nodded and left quickly with the nurse following behind her.  Then it was just the three of them, Tony’s soft snores filling the silent room.  If not for that gentle sound, Bucky would have thought he was dead.  Tony was far too pale, almost blending in with the white sheets of his bed, and completely still.  Bucky wasn't an idiot.  Tony didn't want to be hospitalized so he once again talked his way out of it, minimizing it to make it seem as either an accident or the last time.  Bucky wasn't going to let Tony just walk away free to try again.

 

Bucky’s knees felt like they were going to give out on him if he didn’t start moving, so he dragged the now vacated chair left by the nurse over towards the other side of Tony’s bed.  The kid stirred at the sound of metal scraping against the tiled floors, but didn’t open his eyes.  It probably wouldn’t be long before he woke up and started talking around the issue, excusing the whole event away and pretending like nothing serious had happened at all.  Bucky wanted to delay that as long as possible, Tony needed rest after everything he had been through and hopefully he was having peaceful dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are going to start looking up for our boys soon, I promise. Thank you for reading and thank you who commented.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still alive, sorry for the silence and lack of updates. I've been busy and tired and having a bit of a tough time but writing always makes things better so here I am.
> 
> *trigger warnings at the end of chapter notes

Tony slept most of the next day, sometimes he would grumble or roll over slightly, but he stayed asleep.  Bucky was relieved.  The kid was pale, thin, and seemed so tired that a few extra hours would do him some good.  He wasn’t going to admit that he found comfort in the fact that the longer Tony slept the more they could put off dealing with what had happened.  Too many unanswered questions were floating around in his head and he wouldn’t be getting any peace until he knew for sure whether Tony was trying to hurt himself or kill himself.  Neither were good, but both needed to be handled differently and with care.

 

“He’s going to be alright.”  Steve said softly from his seat on the other side of Tony’s bed.

 

Bucky didn’t answer him.  Instead he gently let his fingers brush over the bandages on his kid’s arm and down to his hand.  The healing scar was still visible from weeks before, where Tony had yelled at them until they had left his room at the mansion and somehow burnt his hand on a soldering iron.  It was probably done on purpose.  Bucky eyes the cut on his other arm, where he had run away from their home and went to Peggy’s and had supposed gotten cut while getting away.  It was likely that he did that on purpose as well.  Bucky wondered what else he had done, how long he had been doing it, and what he could possibly do to help.

 

“We’re going to get through this.”  Steve muttered.  “He’s going to be okay.”

 

The heart monitor kept up a steady rhythm, a constant _beep beep beep_ that reminded him every second that Tony was still alive.  He could barely feel the pulse under his fingers on Tony’s wrist and he didn’t dare try to press down harder to feel it better.  The kid was alive, Bucky was going to keep him that way.

 

“This is just a rough time and it’ll pass.”  Steve said.  “Things will get better.”

 

“Shut up, Steve.”  Bucky said quickly.  He cringed, hadn’t meant to snap but he didn’t think he could handle any more of it.  He was sick of hearing Steve try to make himself feel better.  “Things aren’t okay, they aren’t going to be okay.”

 

Steve paused, looked over to Bucky with wide eyes.  He didn’t say anything, didn’t do anything, just sat there.  Then his mouth snapped close with an audible click and he turned back to Tony.  Bucky wanted to apologize, he wanted to tell him he was sorry for getting angry, but he couldn’t.  A larger part of him wanted to yell and scream and fight the whole world for being so damn unfair.  He wanted to be angry with Steve for ignoring his right to be by Tony’s side and separating him so soon after they got him to the hospital.  He wanted to mean something to the kid, to be able to help him without having to tip toe around Steve’s decisions on how they should handle the situation.  He didn’t want to listen to Steve give pep talks to himself.

 

He wanted to take it all back.  He didn’t hate Steve, he may have been a little irritated, but he still needed Steve by his side for all of this.  With everything he had, he loved Steve.  If there was anyone in the world who could help Tony, it was him.  Bucky just wanted a say in how to help.

 

“You’re upset.”  Steve said, his voice completely calm.

 

“Of course I’m fucking upset.”  Bucky said quickly.  “Look at our kid, he almost died!”

 

“I didn’t.”  Both of their heads snapped to where the soft voice had come from.  Tony was awake, his eyes just barely open.  He carefully lifted his arm into the air, eyeing the bandage in surprise.  A few seconds later, he lifted his other are in the air and hummed.  “I thought they would have restrained me.”

 

No one said anything.  Bucky couldn’t find the words and Steve appeared almost frozen in his seat.  He had never felt so much relief in his life, although the doctors had told him repeatedly that Tony was stable and would be fine, it was nothing compared to seeing the kid alive and awake in front of him.  Bucky could still see it when he closed his eyes, all the blood, the water running in the shower, and Tony at the center of it all.

 

“Are you…”  Steve said slowly, his voice rough and shaky.  “Do you know what happened?”

 

Tony nodded.  “Yeah.  I know what happened.”  He frowned to himself, then looked quickly between Bucky and Steve, looking for something in their faces.  “When are they going to let me out of here?”

 

Bucky took a deep breath and tried to calm his shaking hands and rapidly beating heart.  “Soon.  A few days maybe.”  He wanted to reach out and hold him.  Tell him that everything would be fine, even though he didn’t quite believe it.  Bucky wanted him to feel safe, protected.  “We’re thinking about getting out of the city for a little while.  You ever been to Colorado.”

 

“We have a house in the mountains.”  Tony said simply. 

 

“Yeah, Howard lent it to us a few years back.  It’s great for getting away and clearing your head.”  Bucky said.  It was a perfect place, up in the mountains and surrounded by forests.  The closest town was nearly an hour’s drive away and had a fantastic hospital just in case.  “Peggy got the house in the will, I guess she used it to hide out a few times as well.  She said we could have it for as long as we want.”

 

Tony blinked, frowning.  “What makes you think I want to go to Colorado?  What the fuck is even in Colorado?”  He said quickly.  “Skiing right?  People ski there.  I don’t know how to ski.”

 

Steve reached out to hold his hand, his movements slow and he doesn’t continue when Tony jerks away.  He sat back and frowned.  “I just thought it would be nice to get away from the city.  Get away from-“  He didn’t finish, Bucky isn’t surprised.  He doesn’t want to speak Stane’s name either.  “I just want you to be happy.  You’re a good boy.”

 

Tony’s face scrunched up, his nose wrinkling and his eyes squeezing shut.  “Eat a dick, Rogers.”  He said, his voice laced with anger.  “I don’t care what you want.”

 

This needed to stop.  He was sick of Tony fighting them on every turn, but he understood why he was doing it.  He wasn’t trying to be difficult, he was just doing what he thought he should.  Bucky didn’t know why he thought this was the best course of action, but it must have made sense in the kid’s head.  It was just something he thought he should do to take care of himself, but it wasn’t working anymore and Bucky needed it to stop.  He needed Tony to be calm.

 

“Steve, leave.”  Bucky said, it came out angrier than he meant it to, but he didn’t care.

 

Steve froze, his eyes snapping to him in confusion.  He didn’t move at first, his hands clenching and unclenching in his lap as he waited.  He was searching Bucky’s face, looking for an explanation he didn’t give.  After a few minutes, he nodded and stood up, walking out of the room.

 

The tension in the room seemed to vanish when he did.  Tony didn’t completely relax, but his hostility and anger subsided.  He turned his eyes towards Bucky, his expression holding a dozen different emotions, curiosity, confusion, suspicion, and fear were the most notable.  His hand reached over to grab the IV sticking out of his arm and Bucky shook his head.  Tony didn’t bother reaching all the way.

 

“What do you want?”  He said slowly.  Tony sounded tired.

 

Bucky sighed.  “I want you to chill.  You don’t have to yell at people every time they get on your nerves.”  He said.  “Seriously, kid.  If I yelled at everyone who annoyed me then I would never stop shouting.  Trust me, you would know.”

 

That seemed to be the wrong thing to say, but instead of getting angry Tony’s head dropped.  He pressed his mouth into a thin line and waited, his fingers picking at the thin hospital blanket.  Bucky watched him, the defeated slump of his shoulders and the trembling of his hands.  He’s scared, but silent.  Bucky didn’t like it.

 

“Steve’s trying.  A bit too hard and he’s got a one-track mind, but he really does want to help you.”  Bucky said.

 

“You’re angry with him.”  Tony said slowly, he glanced over to Steve and frowned.  “What did the boy scout do?  Did he burn the marshmallows on the annual summer camping trip?  S’mores were ruined, weren’t they?”

 

“No.  I mean, yes.  I am angry with him, but it’s more complicated than s’mores.  Where do you even come up with this stuff?”  Bucky said, he couldn’t stop the fond feeling that overcame him.  “I’m angry with him because he’s a control freak.  Thinks he knows what’s best all the time and, damn it, you’re my kid too so maybe I think there should be some conversation before he just decides what’s best for you.”

 

He didn’t mean to rant, but it was all the truth.  He was frustrated with Steve, and although he felt like he was overreacting, he also felt just a bit justified.  This was a distraction, Tony was trying to talk about something easy for him.  It was a pitiful attempt at self-protection, avoidance, and Bucky wasn’t going to let him have it.

 

“Did you try to kill yourself?”  Bucky asked.  There probably should have been more lead up to that, instead of him just throwing the question out.  Tony was probably going to deny it, explain it away as exactly what he told the doctors, he was trying to hurt himself and went too far.  Either way, both were serious and Bucky needed to know.

 

“Yeah.”  Tony said simply, as if it was the easiest thing in the world to say.  The whole thing just damn near ripped Bucky’s heart out.  “I mean, of course I was.  Hospital staffs are easy to trick but if they thought I was actually suicidal then they wouldn’t let me leave.  I’ve been doing this shit for a long time, I don’t just _accidently_ cut too deep.  But, you know, I guess I accidently didn’t cut deep enough.”

 

Tony sounded calm, but his hands were shaking harder.  Bucky pressed on though.  “Are you going to do it again?”  He asked, fearful of the answer.

 

Tony shrugged.  “I don’t know.  Maybe.  Probably.”  He said, his whole body seemed to be shaking at this point.  “I mean, it’s not like this was the first time I ever tried it.  I just keep failing.”

 

Bucky was surprised, but thoroughly grateful, by the honesty.  He had been expecting Tony to lie.  To tell him that he was ‘fine’ and that ‘nothing had happened’ just like he always did.  He hoped Tony had finally accepting it, knew how wrong the situation was, and couldn’t hide it from himself any longer.

 

“I want it to stop.”  Tony whispered.

 

“Can I give you a hug?”  Bucky asked slowly.  Tony looked up at him and paused.  It wasn’t a surprise that he shook his head, Bucky wasn’t going to force a hug on the kid.  “Okay then, can I tell you a story?”

 

Tony nodded.  He seemed tired, his body seemed as if it was seconds away from shaking apart, and Tony just stared down at his trembling hands with a frown.  This wasn’t something Bucky ever wanted to talk about again, something that had happened and he was content in leaving in the past.  He needed it now though.  He couldn’t think of a better way to help Tony.

 

“I tried to kill myself once.”  Bucky said slowly, contemplating his words hard before he said them.  “Right after I lost the arm.  I was having trouble, I was feeling pretty hopeless, was missing something I would never have back again, and I swallowed a few dozen pain killers.”

 

Tony was looking at him now, but didn’t say anything.  Bucky took it as a sign to continue.  “I didn’t die though, and I was actually disappointed at the time.  The hospital staff was nice, Steve was there.  Steve was always there.”  Bucky said slowly.  “I was struggling and it’s hard to put it into words now that it’s all in the past, but it was real and it tore me apart.  Howard let us use his mountain house.  They all thought it would be a good idea to get me out in nature, away from the city and the excitement and the nonstop… everything.  It was good for me.  I learned how to be myself again.”

 

He stopped.  There was so much more to say, but he couldn’t find the words for it.  He wanted to talk about how scared he had been, that even though he swallowed those pills with full intent on dying, he had almost hoped that it wouldn’t work.  He wanted to talk about how he felt after his injury, like a big piece of him, not just his arm, had disappeared.  How he had felt incomplete and broken, how his body didn’t feel right on his skin.  Mostly he wanted to talk about those few months in the mountains, where he had broken up with Natasha because he didn’t think he was good enough and Peggy eventually broke things off with Steve for some assortment of reasons.  He wanted to mention all the hiking trails he had found and the little stream where there were always birds singing.  There had been this special feeling of being separated from the world, where it was just him and Steve and they could build each other up without having to worry about what was going on around them.  He wanted that for Tony, but he couldn’t say it.

 

“This is different.”  Tony said, his voice rough.

 

Bucky nodded.  “I know.”

 

Tony started scratching at his elbow, his nails raking over the skin over and over as he stared off at nothing.  “Alright.  I like vacations.”  He mumbled, mostly to himself.  He seemed to have forgotten about Bucky, completely oblivious to his presence and just continued on with his distant gaze.  He scratched his elbow until it bled, Bucky wanted to jump forward and rip his hand away, but didn’t.  He stayed in his seat and waited because Tony was thinking.  He didn’t want to invade his space.  Tony’s gaze was back on him, his eyes sharp and focused.  “Tell Rogers not to call me ‘good boy’ anymore.  It makes me feel like a dog.”

 

Bucky nodded.  Tony laid back down against his pillows and rolled onto his side, closing himself off to further conversation.  This was progress, he hoped.  Tony had talked to him, at least for a little bit, but most importantly he had listened.  They weren’t quite seeing eye-to-eye, they weren’t going to start getting along after this, and Tony still didn’t trust them, but they were closer than they had been before.  They were going to help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR: SUICIDE ATTEMPT, SELF-HARM*
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with this story for so long, you're all amazing.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back and I'm on a writing spree. Can't stop won't stop!

The day Tony was discharged from the hospital, Bucky’s arm stopped working.  It wasn’t for long, just a few minutes.  His fingers curled up and then stopped.  The panic lasted far longer than the failure did, it was breaking.  His arm was corroding away and the only person who knew how to fix it was dead.  It seemed oddly appropriate.

 

He knew the arm was failing, he just didn’t like to be reminded that the only person on the planet who could fix it was dead.  Panic rose in his chest, his breathing quickened, and he tried to will movement back into his fingers.

 

No one seemed to notice at all.  Tony was staring at his phone and Steve was driving to Peggy and Angie’s, where they would be staying before they packed up and headed out to the mountains.  Bucky didn’t want to ruin it, the calm that had settled over them after Tony was discharged from the hospital.  It wasn’t that simple though, the joints in his fingers had just stopped, his wrist and elbow losing its mobility.  He had to say something.  Bucky had just opened his mouth to speak, to call attention to the malfunction of his arm, when it came back online.  Not all at once, just slowly he willed his fingers to twitch and eventually his wrist was moving in circles again.  It was fine.

 

It would be a problem soon, without regular maintenance it would quit on him and he would be left with nothing but a limp, useless metal thing hanging off of his shoulder.  He bit his lip and tried to calm his steadily quickening breathing.  His fingers, both metal and flesh, curled into tight, shaking fists.  It was going to fail, it was all going to fall apart, and there was nothing he could do to fix it.  There was nothing he could do to fix any of this. 

 

Peggy was waiting for them when they pulled up.  As soon as Tony was out of the car, he rushed into her open arms and allowed himself to be held.  Bucky frowned slightly.  She brushed back his hair and kissed his cheek, little pieces of physical affection that Tony didn’t seem to want from anyone else.  She whispered something into his ear and he nodded, quickly going inside.

 

“Thanks for letting us stay here, Pegs.”  Steve said as he stepped into her arms next.  “We can’t go back to that house and it’ll only be for a few days until we finish getting ready to go.  Besides, I know you wanted to spend time with him.”

 

“You boys are welcome here anytime you like.”  Peggy said.  The smile on her face was stiff, her eyes were tired, and she looked like she needed a nice long rest.  “And yes, I would have been quite angry if you dragged him to the other side of the country without allowing me to actually spend time with him first.  After what happened, I just need to make sure he’s okay.”

 

Bucky didn’t say anything.  There was no way for him to communicate that Tony was the furthest thing from okay without making everything worse.  All he had was the silent hope that if they kept trying to help then they eventually will.  It was unlikely and seemed like a farfetched dream, but even if it was the only good thing he ever did with his life, he would make sure that Tony was safe and never got hurt like that again.

 

They went inside.  Angie and Tony were in the kitchen, a feast of random bits of food spread out around them.  There was a half-eaten pie, an open can of refried beans, leftover turkey, and so much other food that Bucky didn’t bother to look at it all.  It didn’t matter what it was, what mattered was that Tony was eating, stuffing his face with a smile.  He seemed relaxed, calm.  Angie had her hand firmly wrapped around Tony’s, holding tightly and not letting go even as they ate.

 

Peggy walked into the room, taking her spot on Tony’s other side and running her hands into his hair.  “Welcome back, Ducky.  You really had us worried there.”

 

Tony took a deep breath, his chest expanding as he tried to take in as much air as possible and then deflating with a rushed exhale.  “Yeah, I know.  But really, I’m fine.”

 

“No, you’re not.”  Steve said.  Tony turned to glare at him.  “After what you did, it’s clear you’re not fine.  You don’t have to pretend to be okay.”

 

He probably meant it to sound reassuring, but Bucky saw the way Tony’s shoulders pulled up and how his features hardened.  He didn’t like the topic of discussion.  Tony turned away from them and focused back on the food, smiling slightly as Peggy leaned forward and pressed her lips to Tony’s temple.  He seemed content on ignoring them.

 

Steve sighed and walked into the kitchen, sitting down on the other side of the table and pulling a bowl of popcorn closer to him.  Bucky sat down next to him.  He didn’t want to reach out and grab anything, fearing his arm would quit on him once again halfway through the action and unwilling to just shovel things into his mouth with his other hand.  It felt awkward, his eyes drifted back down to his hands.  They were resting on his lap, his pale flesh fingers curled around the shiny metal ones protectively.  It seemed fine, first appearances looked as if nothing was wrong.  But he could feel it when he tried to move, the loss of fluidity in his actions, the stiffness in his joints.  It was failing and he didn’t have much time less.

 

Stark Industries was prepared for something like this.  Bucky knew because he was directly involved in the creation of these prosthetics.  Howard knew that he couldn’t make something public when it had a risk of failing like this.  But the prosthetic that was made for Bucky was just a prototype, something that they hoped would work just to see if they could release it to the general public.  And it did work, and there were plans to replace the one he got with the newer, improved versions once it was all ready to hit production with the company.  But then there was the accident, things changed, and now everything was falling apart.

 

He didn’t realize he was massaging his shoulder where the skin connected to the metal until Steve’s hand fell over his and pulled him closer.  Steve was great like that, always knowing when Bucky needed comfort and offering it to him.  Bucky felt guilty when he jerked away with an annoyed huff.

 

“Trouble in paradise?”  Tony asked, his eyes sharp as they drifted between the two of them.  “Did someone leave the milk out?”

 

With that one comment, it was like half of the worry and fear and tension that had been building up seemed to suddenly drain away.  Tony was still able to joke, still a cocky little brat, and it was a relief.  Bucky had been seeing visions of the tired shell of Tony whenever he got overwhelmed, or after they first discovered what was happening, the kid with dead eyes who hardly ever moved or did much of anything.  After something as serious as this, it was good to know there was still some stubbornness and life left in him.

 

He would be okay, Bucky could get down on his knees and pray to whatever god was listening, but he would make sure that Tony made it through this.  He could make fun of him and Steve as much as he liked, whatever made it easier for him, just as long as he didn’t try to do anything like that again.

 

“Things are fine between us.”  Steve said.  This time when Steve reached out to take his hand, he didn’t pull away.  He was being childish.  He just had to calm down.  “Tony, do you want to tell us anything?  You can talk about whatever you want.  We won’t judge you or make you do anything you don’t want to do.  We just need to know if you’re in trouble.”

 

Bucky could see the way Tony’s body language changed, ready to go on the defensive and start attacking.  It was the very same as when Steve was a scrawny kid swinging at people twice his size.  Instead, Tony looked at his phone to distract himself and hold his tongue.

 

“I’m fine.”  He said.  “Don’t worry about it.”

 

“Ducky, darling.”  Peggy said, waving off Steve’s response.  “Listen, we love you.  I have cared about you since you were a pudgy little boy stumbling around and stealing cookies and pretending you could fly by jumping out of trees.  I will worry about you, always.  And I don’t want you to hide something like this from me ever again, I don’t want you to hurt yourself because you think there’s no other option, and I want you to know that I would kill everyone on the planet if it meant you would be safe.”

 

“Wow, Aunt Peggy.”  Tony said, he didn’t look up from his phone but he did smile softly.  “Hardcore.”

 

“I just showing that I care.”  Peggy said.

 

Angie laughed.  “Trust me, kiddo.  She means it.”  Tony nodded slowly, his gaze glued to his phone as it vibrated in his hand.  “Put the phone away, Tony.  We’re having a lovely heart-to-heart.”

 

Tony shook his head.  “Nope, I’m not talking about anything.  You guys are just threatening to kill everyone.”

 

“Same thing.”  Angie said, rolling her eyes.

 

The phone vibrated again and it grated on Bucky’s nerves.  He was texting someone, a small voice inside of him telling him it could be Stane.  The monster had Tony’s number and they never did anything to make sure they couldn’t contact each other.  Tony was vulnerable, Bucky wasn’t going to let Stane convince him to start it all up again.  He would sooner go to prison then let that happen.

 

“Did you guys talk to Rhodey?”  Tony asked, drawing Bucky’s attention away from his thoughts.  Tony was still staring at his phone.  “He says he’s worried about me and flying out here tonight.  Did you guys say something to him?”

 

Steve cleared his throat and glanced over to Peggy.  “I thought he could help.”  He said, his voice steady.  “He’s your roommate, your friend.  You asked for him when you were having your panic attack, I thought he could help you.”

 

Bucky frowned, he didn’t know Steve called Rhodes.  They had talked about it, but he thought they were under the impression that they were waiting until they talked everything over with Tony first.  He looked over to the kid, noticing the tension in his shoulder and the cold hardness of his face.

 

“What did you tell him?”  He said, his voice flat.  Steve opened his mouth to answer but Tony shook his head.  “Fuck, you guys told him, didn’t you?  No.  No, he’s going to think I’m a freak.  Why did you do that?”

 

He was panicking, his chest heaving as he struggled to breathe, his eyes wide as he stared down at his phone.  Bucky was in front of him, projecting his movements and trying not to surprise him, and took the phone from his hand as Tony clenched his fist.  He set it on the counter and reached out to put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

 

“Don’t touch me!”  Tony shouted, pushing himself away.  He stumbled, in his attempt to escape, and fell.  On the ground, he kicked at the legs of everyone too close to him.  They all backed away slowly, Tony was terrified and he was on the defensive.  He scrambled into a corner and curled up to make himself small, his breathing heavy and rapid.  He buried his face in his arms as he ducked his head down and whispered to himself.  “You ruined it, you guys are ruining everything.  He’s my friend, you can’t tell him that.  Can’t know.”

 

“Tony.”  Steve said slowly.  Tony shook his head and curled up to try and make himself even smaller.

 

“Hey, kiddo.”  Bucky said, crouching down a few feet in front of Tony.  He wasn’t going to touch him, or get too close, but he was going to let him know that he was there.  “I know you’re scared right now.  Probably have been scared for a long time and now everything is changing and you don’t know what to do.”

 

“Nothing’s changed.”  Tony whispered softly.  “You guys think so but it’s going to be the same.”

 

“No, it won’t.  You’ll see.”  Bucky said.  “And we didn’t tell him anything.”  He looked over to Steve for confirmation, pleased when the man gave him a small smile and nodded in agreement.  “Yeah, he doesn’t know.  He just knows something is wrong and he’s coming to help you.  He cares about you.  You are surrounded by people who care about you and love you and aren’t going to let anything hurt you again.”

 

That seemed to calm Tony, just a fraction so his whole body wasn’t trembling anymore.  He still stayed curled in the corner and his face was hidden in his arms.  It was a small progress, but it was more then they could ask for.

 

“Don’t tell him.”  Tony said.  “Please don’t let him find out.  I’ll tell you guys whatever you want but don’t let him know.”

 

“Whatever you want, Tony.”  Peggy said, stepping forward.  She reached out to him and Tony unfolded, allowing himself to be taken into her arms.  He started sobbing as he pressed his face into her shirt and once again, looked like a terrified, hurt child.  Bucky ignored the rage that went flaring through him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for sticking with this story for so long. You're all amazing and I'm so thankful!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony talks in this chapter. For the first time he's really going to sit down and talk about his experiences in a calm manner, without feeling attacked or frustrated. Some of it might be triggering, so read at your own risk. I'm sorry.

Angie and Peggy left for the airport, going to pick up Tony’s friend and bring him back.  Tomorrow they would be heading out to Colorado, Rhodes coming along as well.  Bucky couldn’t wait, the sooner they got Tony out of the city and away from Stane, the better.  This would help, it had to, because at the moment Tony was sitting on the floor in the corner of a spare bedroom with a blank look in his eyes.  It was hard to tell if he was scared, tired, content, or a weird combination of it all.

 

“You won’t tell him?”  Tony asked slowly.  Exhausted, that was probably it.  Tired of everything and everyone and just waiting to see how things turned out.

 

“I promise, we won’t tell Rhodes a thing.  He’ll just think he’s going on a lovely vacation out into the mountains.”  Bucky said.  “If you want him to know, then you can tell him.  It should come from you.”

 

Tony didn’t move.  “You mean that?”

 

“Of course.”  Steve said.  He was sitting farther back.  Both of them wanted to give Tony space, not wanting to crowd him while he spoke.  It was going to be difficult enough without them hovering over him.  “I promise, we won’t tell him.  Your secret is safe with us.”

 

Tony didn’t look convinced, but his eyebrows drew together and he nodded.  “What do you want to know?”

 

This was probably a bad idea.  Tony wasn’t in the right frame of mind, he wasn’t stable.  His hands weren’t as steady as they should be, the trembled as he held them close to his chest, his rapid breathing moving them back and forth.  Tony was close to panic, had been since they had brought him home the day before.  They shouldn’t be doing this now, but Tony had insisted.  He didn’t want to talk about it once his friend arrived.

 

“You said…”  Steve started, pausing momentarily as he thought.  They didn’t have a lot of time, just a few hours until Peggy and Angie got back with Rhodes.  They had to choose carefully what topics to discuss, they didn’t know if Tony’s promise to tell them anything would last after today.  “What happened?”

 

“Pretty broad there, Rogers.”  Tony muttered.  “Got to be more specific.  Do you want to know what happened with me or what happened during the siege of Vicksburg?  What do you want?”

 

The words echoed in Bucky’s head.  Tony was always asking that.  _What do you want?_ It could just be an innocent phrase, but that was unlikely.  “Do you trust us?”  Bucky said.  A pointless question, he already knew the answer.

 

“No.”  Tony said without hesitation.  “I’ve been waiting and nothing’s happened, but I know it’s gonna happen so I’ll just keep waiting.”

 

Steve reached out to grab Bucky’s hand, he pulled away.  It was the same, no matter how often they promised Tony that he would be okay, that they would protect him, and that they would never hurt him, he was still waiting.  People had hurt him before, destroyed his trust and now it was slow going trying to rebuild it again.  Bucky felt like there was no point at all, Tony might never look at them and feel safe.  He might not ever be able to sit near them and feel like they weren’t going to reach out and harm him.  It hurt, Bucky didn’t know what to do.  He didn’t know what was best for the kid.

 

“What do you want to know?”  Tony asked, he pulled his hands closer to his chest.  His wrists were pressed firmly into his shirt, protecting them from view.  “I said I would tell you everything you want to know.”

 

Bucky didn’t move, he didn’t speak, he didn’t breathe.  He didn’t know what to ask.  He wanted to know everything, when it started, who knew, what had happened, how often, how did he feel.  Bucky wanted to know nothing.  He was tempted to call the whole thing off and walk away.  He didn’t want to force Tony to talk about it, didn’t want to hear about the tortures their kid had been forced through.  He just wanted to go back to how it was before, when he thought he hated the kid and knew nothing was wrong.  The thought of it all going back to how it was caused a shiver to go up his spine, if that happened how long would Tony last?

 

“Tell us what you want.  Whatever you have to say, we’ll listen.”  Steve said.  Bucky felt grateful, he almost felt bad for all of his frustrations towards the man.

 

Tony didn’t do anything at first.  He pulled his hands away from his chest slightly and ran his thumb over his healing cuts.  It was going to scar, the doctors and surgeons said there was nothing they could do to prevent a permanent mark.  Bucky doubted that, but Tony didn’t really seem to care.

 

One shaky breath at a time, Tony willed himself to calm down.  His hands gradually stopped trembling and his breathing evened out.  He looked calm as he stared down at his wrists.  No sense of regret or pain evident on his face as he turned his wrist to analyze it better.

 

“I didn’t understand at first.”  He said slowly, not glancing up to Bucky or Steve as he spoke.  “I was just a kid, you know.  Desperate for someone to give me the time of day, Mom was busy, Howard had other things to do.  Neither of them really thought I was that important.  But Obie, he was great.  He would come pick me up and take me to the zoo or the fair and told me how amazing my science projects were.  I adored him, so when he first asked me to do him a favor, I just thought it was nothing.  I thought it would be okay.”

 

Bucky wanted to stop him.  He didn’t want to know what the favor was, although he technically already did.  The details weren’t all there and he didn’t know what he would do if he heard too much.  It wasn’t something he wanted to find out, he was already angry, ready to kill the man if he had the opportunity, but getting lost in his rage with Tony so close and so vulnerable would simply make things worse.

 

“It didn’t start out too bad, really.  He just wanted me to lie there, be still, while he did his thing.  Sometimes he wanted to touch me but it was mostly just himself.  I didn’t understand.  He said he took care of me, so I had to take care of him.”  Tony said, still sounding calm.  He wasn’t moving, not a muscle as his eyes bore into his hands.  “It made sense.  He was the only one who paid attention to me, if letting him do that meant he wouldn’t ditch me then I could have lived with it.  He made me shower after, I was a mess and filthy and I had to get clean.”

 

A pause, Tony frowned and crossed his arms.  He glanced up, the clock hanging on the wall was ticking away.  Not much time had passed, but they still couldn’t waste time.  Bucky didn’t know what it would be like once Rhodes got here, what affect he would have on Tony, but hopefully it wouldn’t make things worse.

 

Tony hummed.  “Happened about once or twice a week after that, always had to shower after.  Didn’t work as well.  I felt like I wasn’t getting as clean as I should have been.  Like all the filth and dirt had gotten under my skin and couldn’t get out.  I had to take more.  Didn’t work.”  Tony said slowly.  That made sense, Tony did shower often and now Bucky knew the reason.  He didn’t know how to fix it.  “It wasn’t really all that bad though.  He would touch me, and if I was still then it would be quick.  If I moved too much he would get angry.  I don’t like it when he’s disappointed in me, so I just let him hit me.  It made him happy so I didn’t care.  He said he loved me, that I was a good boy and that he was proud of me.  Meant the world to me at the time.”

 

“He was lying.”  Bucky said.  Tony looked up at him, acknowledging them for the first time since he started talking.  He seemed almost surprised.  “Stane, he was manipulating you.  He knew just what to say to you to get you to do what he wanted.  But you are good, you’re a sweet boy who deserves better.  You shouldn’t have had to do that.”

 

Tony blinked slowly.  “Well, yeah.  I knew he was manipulating me.  I didn’t care though.  I just… needed him to be proud of me.  Does that make sense?”  He said.  Bucky nodded and Tony looked relieved.  “Okay.  Where was I?  So, he was touching me.  It was like that for quite a while.  It felt really weird, and my mom didn’t believe me so it took me a while but I eventually told my nanny.  She freaked out and promised it would be okay.  I don’t know what happened, but she was fired a week later.  I knew her since I was in diapers, I don’t know what happened to her or where she is, but I never heard from her again.  Obie was angry, really angry and it was bad and things went farther than they had before.”

 

For a moment, Bucky was worried about how specific Tony was going to be.  Whether he was going to describe the act in graphic detail or gloss over it completely.  Tony was biting down on his lower lip, his fingers tapping against his ribs, deep in thought.  Bucky had an idea of what it was.  Tony had described his experiences before in a fit of frustration.  The major events happening at ages eight, ten, and twelve.  All the way up until his overdose at age fourteen and then moving in with the two of them at sixteen.  A long time for something like this to be going on.

 

“My skin didn’t feel right after that.  Well, it already felt off.  But now it felt too tight and I couldn’t hold down any food and I was throwing up and the taste in my mouth was terrible.  The dirt inside just kept building up and I couldn’t wash it away.  I had to let it out somehow.”

 

Steve tensed beside him and this time when he reached out to take Bucky’s hand he didn’t pull away.  They both needed the support, they needed that point of connection otherwise they might just fall apart.  He could feel Steve’s pulse under his fingers, rapid and jittery, adrenaline running high.  “Is that when you started hurting yourself?”  Steve asked.  Bucky squeezed his hand.

 

Tony nodded.  “Yeah.  It was nice.  I felt better after that.  I let it out and I was clean.”  He said, his voice flat.  “Gradually, it kept getting worse.  More violent, more demanding, and eventually I figured it out.  What exactly was happening and that it was wrong and illegal and that I should tell someone.  I was relieved actually, because that meant it could stop.  Obie would have been mad, and I almost didn’t say anything because if they took him away then I would have no one.  But dad also started sending me off to spend time with Peggy and her roommate, Angie, because he and Obie were busy with the company and I had met them on a few occasions but I didn’t care.  I thought they would get sick of me, but they kept inviting me back and spent time with me so I decided to give it a shot.  I just didn’t want to be alone.  I told my bodyguard, I didn’t want Peggy and Angie to get sent away too.  He’s supposed to protect me, he didn’t.  I didn’t trust him much anymore.  Telling him made things worse.  I put a lock on my door after that.”

 

The implications were loud, screaming inside of Bucky’s head even after Tony had finished saying them.  The man had put his hands on him as well.  Tony, young, confused, and desperate to be protected had gone to the one person who was literally paid to do just that, and he had been betrayed.  No wonder the kid didn’t trust them.  Bucky’s hands were shaking, all the trembling nervousness Tony had displayed before they began had apparently transferred over to him.

 

“That happened a few times.  The Financial Officer at the company, the intern, my tutor.  Every time some man found out, he was sent away or he either ignored it or joined in.  Women didn’t do that, they usually just ignored it or got sent away.”  Tony said slowly.  “I didn’t tell any of them.  Not after.  They all either just found evidence, or walked in on it.  Happens.  Nothing changes.  I think Peggy figured out something was wrong, she always asked questions, like you guys do.  I never answered them.”

 

Tony paused, his head whipping around to look at Steve.  “She talked about you.  Said her boyfriend was great, a hero who protected people and did what he could to help those in need.  Off with the army doing one thing or another.  She was proud of you.”  He said, his face pinched up.  Bucky glanced over, Steve’s face a soft red.  “I thought she meant you were going to come save me, but I didn’t expect much.”

 

“Tony, I’m-“

 

“I don’t expect anything from you, Rogers.  You can’t do a damn thing.”  Tony said, his tone not nearly matching the anger and frustration of his words.  He still sounded calm.  “Nothing ever changes, Obie just takes what he wants and that will be that.  If I want things to change, I gotta do it myself.  I almost pulled it off too but I wasn’t deep enough.  Next time, just leave me alone.”

 

Bucky shook his head.  “I’m not going to let you die, Tony.  You’re my kid, I care about you.  I want you to be safe, I want you to be happy, and I’m going to do everything in my power to help you get to a point where you feel that way.”  He said quickly.  Tony sighed.

 

“I’m done talking.”  He said.  “No more.  I shared enough, told you everything.  Mostly.  You knew most of it anyway so it doesn’t matter, but hey I do kinda feel a bit better so maybe there really is something to this whole thing.  Good talk.  Let’s never do it again.  One is enough, nothing at excess.  Now that you know, you are not allowed to tell Rhodey a thing and you will leave me alone.  I talked about it, so you guys can stop asking questions all the time.”

 

Bucky nodded.  Hopefully they’ll be okay after this.  Maybe letting the pent up feelings and emotions out was relieving some of the stress and pain he had accumulated over the years.  Tony didn’t often tell the truth, but hopefully he had when he said he felt a ‘bit better’.  Even if everything else was a lie, Bucky just wanted Tony to feel better.

 

A door opened downstairs, murmured voices carrying up to greet them.  They all went rigid, time had passed by too quickly and Bucky was relieved.  He did not want to hear any more about Tony’s ordeal.  He had more insight, more understanding, and maybe now Tony would trust them a bit more.  If not, at least they knew a bit more about his mental state.  He felt hopeless, he was deteriorating, he needed help.

 

Tony was on his feet and rushing out the door before Bucky and Steve even shifted to move.  He was excited, or panicking.  It was hard to tell because he was gone before they could check.  They were quick to follow him, taking the stairs slower than the kid did but making it to the living room just in time to see Tony literally leap into his friend’s waiting arms.

 

“Hey, Tones.  Thanks for inviting me along to the mountains.  Never been.”  The boy said, smiling fondly as Tony buried his face into his neck.  Bucky was confused, Tony was never that affectionate, not even with Peggy and Angie.

 

“If I got to pick the vacation spot it would be way cooler than the mountains.  Like Fiji.  Or the moon.”  Tony said, he was still hiding his face but he almost sounded happy, relieved.  Like all the built up tension, worry, and fear had disappeared into nothing.  “Yeah, definitely the moon.  Only the best for you, honeybear.”

 

Bucky watched.  Tony gently slid off of Rhodes, but they didn’t stop touching each other.  He kept his hand wrapped around a portion of his friend’s shirt and Rhodes had Tony’s wrist in his hand, cradling it gently.  His thumb brushed over the healing scar, but he didn’t comment on it.  Instead, a flash of concern crossed over his face and he leaned in closer to Tony.

 

He didn’t say anything, just let his eyes wander over Tony’s face.  The made eye contact, perhaps some understanding passed between them because suddenly Tony was pulling Rhodes by the arm up the stairs, rambling on about projects and files and everything else he had to see.  Tony didn’t once glance at Steve and Bucky, instead he seemed to be avoiding their gaze.

 

Bucky smiled at the two of them, pretty soon they would leave for Colorado, get Tony away from all of these people while the rest of the team worked on finding them a consequence free way of getting rid of Stane completely.  Bucky wasn’t going to settle for the monster going to prison anymore, he wanted the man dead and gone forever.  Tony muttered a joke as he went, Rhodes laughed and threw an arm over Tony’s shoulders.  They looked calm, Tony leaned into the touch without an ounce of fear or hesitation.  Tony trusted him, more than he trusted Bucky and Steve, probably as much as he trusted Peggy and Angie.  Tony’s trust was hard won, so he must be a good kid.  He was glad the boy was there, Tony seemed to need him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rhodey's here! I didn't have much time to write him in, but definitely more of him to come! Thank you! Please feel free to comment!!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, I am garbage. I got caught up in finals and holidays and now I finally have time to write. So here is the long awaited chapter and they're finally in the mountains and hopefully things work out between them.

By the time they landed in Colorado, it was too late to do much of anything.  They all entered the house, Rhodes smiled and commented about how large and fantastic it was, Tony rolled his eyes, and Bucky and Steve went off to bed.

It was a dream that woke him.  Bucky knew it was a dream because it was the same as every other one.  Gunfire and explosions, people screaming in pain and his mission a failure.  He didn’t get it, why did he have to keep dreaming of Howard.  The man was dead, the mission didn’t kill him, a stupid car accident did.  He should not have to see it every other night, Howard lying in the sand.

Still, when he woke up he was shaking.  It felt colder than it should for the middle of summer, even if they were in the mountains.  After moving halfway across the country for a temporary getaway and carrying all of their luggage into the large house and getting things ready, Bucky had thought he would die from the heat, now he felt like he was freezing to death trying to sleep through the night.

Steve was fast asleep next to him, his slow and steady breathing indicating that he hadn’t woken up.  Usually Bucky would curl up against him after a nightmare, but now he couldn’t.  Cuddling with Steve seemed like the least calming thing on his mind at the moment.  He tried to wrap the blankets more firmly around him and warm himself, but the feeling of shrapnel tearing through his skin and the sight of Howard dead in the sand every time he closed his eyes kept the chills coming back.

He sat up slowly, careful not to jostle the bed too much.  He didn’t want Steve to wake up just yet.  With the blanket wrapped firmly around his shoulders, Bucky stood up and carefully made his way to the door.  He was cold, he was trembling, the best medicine would be hot chocolate.  Steve’s ma had a special recipe that she showed Bucky once or twice, it would do him some good right now.

The house was dark and quiet, not a single sound could be heard besides the whir of the air conditioning.  As he passed a thermostat, he turned it off.  The house was cold enough as it was, he didn’t care how high the thermostat said the temperature was, it was cold.  His steps were soft as he made his way down the stairs and towards the kitchen.

He stopped, the light was one.  The small lamp over the stove had been turned on to give the kitchen enough light to see but not enough so it lit up any other part of the house.

“Couldn’t sleep?”  Tony asked him slowly.  Bucky shook his head.  “Me neither.  Come, drink with me.”

Bucky frowned at the bottle sitting on the kitchen island and sighed.  “It’s one in the morning on a tuesday and I thought you promised not to bring alcohol into the house.”  He said slowly.  Tony shrugged and Bucky just decided to walk around him and look through the cupboards.  He came here for hot chocolate.

“It’s summer and technically I didn’t bring the alcohol here.”  Tony said, his smile a wide grin.  “It’s my dad’s house, did you honestly think he wouldn’t have booze here?  I may have said I wouldn’t bring any into the house, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to take advantage of it already being here.”

“Whatever.”  Bucky said.  The house had been prepared for them, cleaned and fully stocked by whatever professions Howard always had for the upkeep of his homes.  He didn’t quite know how they were contacted for this house in particular, but Bucky wasn’t going to question it just yet.  “Just keep it away from Steve.”

Tony looked up, as if surprised by the statement.  “Is that it?”  He asked.  “No yelling?  No anger?  No finding all the bottles and destroying them?”

“I’m tired, Tony.”  Bucky said.  He was still trembling slightly as he held on to his blanket with one hand and reached into the cupboard with the other to grab the cocoa powder.  He would have to add milk to it and heat it on the stove, a few secret ingredients and it’ll be just perfect.  “Honestly, I hate that you’re drinking.  You’re too young to be doing anything like that and I’m worried about you.  But tonight I’m just not in the mood for the argument.  I’ll yell at you in the morning.  Do you want hot chocolate?”

Tony glanced at the ingredients he had set out on the counter next to the stove and shrugged.  Instead of answering he put the bottle to his mouth and took a long sip, his shoulders rising into a defensive position.  When Bucky didn’t yell at him, Tony seemed to relax slightly.

“Alright.”  He said.

Bucky went back to work.  He couldn’t let the milk heat up too much or else it might turn into gravy.  That was the opposite of what he wanted.  So he stirred it slowly, making sure it didn’t boil.  Once he had it all ready with all of the ingredients he remembered Mrs. Rogers putting in he tried it out, it was as delicious as he remembered.  Bucky divided it into two mugs and placed one on the counter in front of Tony.

“Do you want to talk about it?”  Bucky asked.  He sat down in one of the stools surrounding the kitchen island.

“Talk about what?”  Tony said.  He took his mug and drank.  “Holy shit, that’s some good cocoa.”

“Secret recipe.”  He said.  Tony had let go of the bottle to wrap both hands around his mug.  “You’re up in the middle of the night drinking alone.  Something’s bothering you.”

Tony took another sip and then put his mug down, sparing a quick glance at his bottle.  “Even if there was why on Earth would I talk to you about it?”  His movement was slight, Bucky almost didn’t notice how one of Tony’s hands went from being wrapped around his mug to lightly stroking over the delicate and still healing skin of his wrist.

Something was clearly bothering the kid.  After everything that had happened, Bucky was trying to be careful when noticing something was wrong.  There was always something these days, he was starting to wonder if there was ever a time when the kid was actually alright.

“What’s going on with you and Steve?”  Tony asked.

Bucky raised an eyebrow.  “What are you talking about?”

“Ever since it happened.  You know, when you found me like that.”  Tony said slowly, his fingers still running over the soft pink scars on his wrists.  “You and Steve have been tense.  You always look uncomfortable when he tries to touch you, you’re pulling away from him, he keeps looking at you with either a sad or annoyed face.  What’s up?”

 “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”  Bucky said.  He didn’t want to have this conversation, not with Tony and not now.  “It’s none of your business.”

“My whole life is none of your business, but that doesn’t stop you guys from meddling.”  Tony said quickly.  He pushed away his mug and went back for his bottle.  “You’re an asshole.  What, so you’re the only one who is allowed to keep secrets?”

“It’s not like that.”  Bucky said shaking his head.  “I’m just having a fight with my boyfriend, it’s nothing you should concern yourself with.”

Tony was looking at him, his eyes wide and his mouth pressed into a firm line.  He wasn’t drunk, not yet, but Bucky could see the way he was swaying a little bit from side to side and the slight unfocused look in his eyes.  If he kept up his drinking he would get there soon.  Bucky didn’t want Tony to be drunk, he wasn’t okay just yet, he wasn’t ready to take care of himself if all his inhibitions were down.  The last thing he wanted was Tony getting hurt.

“Is it my fault?”  Tony asked.  “Are you fighting because of me?”

“No.  Shit, no we’re not fighting about you.  None of this is your fault.”  Bucky said quickly.  He leaned forward and took the bottle from Tony’s hands, he’s had enough.  He didn’t care if it lead to a fight anymore, Tony wasn’t okay.  Alcohol would just make it worse.

“But you guys were fine until I showed up.”  Tony said.  His shoulders slumped and he looked defeated.

Bucky sighed.  “Can I hug you?”  He asked.  Tony shook his head.  “Alright, but I don’t want you thinking like that.  This isn’t your fault.  Sometimes adults fight.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m an idiot.”  Tony said quickly.  “I’m not a baby.”

“I know.  This isn’t your fault Tony.”  Bucky wanted to sound sincere, reassuring.  But his voice was rough and shaking and he mostly sounded afraid, even to himself to do anything to be of comfort.  “Just trust me on this.  It’s not your fault.”

He didn’t wait for Tony to answer as he turned towards the sink and dumped the contents of the bottle into the sink.  He would have to throw it out before Steve got up.  Tomorrow he’ll see if he can find all the alcohol in the house and get rid of it.  Steve and Tony would both have to be distracted.

“Do you think I’m messed up?”  Tony asked.  Bucky turned around and looked at him.  “Howard said I was once.  After I overdosed.  I heard mom and him fighting outside my room.  He said I was messed up and going to get myself killed.  They were always fighting.”

“That’s not your fault.”  Bucky said.

“It was though.”  Tony shook his head and was now rubbing at his wrists repeatedly.  “If I hadn’t tried to do any of that then they wouldn’t have fought so much.  If I hadn’t tried to pull this shit again then you guys wouldn’t be fighting.”

“We’re not fighting because of you!”  Bucky said, his voice came out louder than he intended but he couldn’t listen to Tony talk like that anymore.  “We’re fighting because Steve has too much faith on his own sense of what’s right that he doesn’t ask for anyone else’s opinion and because I’m too stubborn and bitter to actually mention things to him.  It’s not because of you.  You’re not messed up.”

He shouldn’t be getting so emotional after a nightmare.  He should be trying to relax and breathe and calm down.  It didn’t quite work out, Bucky was trembling and his legs felt about ready to give out under him.  He needed to relax or else he’ll start breaking down, but he couldn’t do that with Tony upset.

“Go to bed Tony.”  Bucky said.  “You’re tired, we just moved to across the country, I know your friend is exhausted so you probably are too.”

Tony shrugged.  “Rhodey has had two flights in the past 48 hours.  Of course he’s tired.”  He said slowly.  “You haven’t actually introduced yourself to him yet, in the morning talk to him about the military.  He likes that kind of thing.”

Bucky nodded.  “Alright.  I can do that.  I look forward to getting to know him.”  He said.  He just wanted Tony to go to bed.  He needed the rest.

Tony stood up and slowly made his way towards the door.  He stopped for a moment and looked back, Bucky was sitting at the kitchen island and swirling his now cold drink with a frown.  “Hey, beefcake.  Thanks for the hot chocolate.”  Tony said.  “It was alright.”

“It was delicious.”  Bucky muttered.

“Nah, just alright.”  Tony said as he turned to leave.  He would probably go upstairs and lie down.  Maybe wake up Rhodes and hopefully go to him for comfort.  Bucky had seen the guy only a few times and each time Tony had been latched onto him in a way he never did with anyone else.

It had been a busy few days, Tony had talked to them about what happened, Rhodes had flown out to meet them at Peggy’s, and then they all made it out here to Colorado.  This was their first night in the house, hopefully things would get easier from now on.  The mountains were supposed to be relaxing.  Hopefully now they could start working things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it. It was just their first night on their little get-away so maybe things will be easier on them after this. Sorry for the wait, hopefully the next chapter comes faster. It'll have more Rhodey in it, so that'll be a plus.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, more Rhodey. As promised.

It was like living with a whole new person.  Tony wasn’t the arrogant teenager Bucky had first met, or an angry asshole setting out to piss off everyone around him.  Tony wasn’t aggressive, he was scared and lashing out.  He didn’t understand what was happening to him and now didn’t know how to cope with it.  All the little things seemed so obvious now, the locks on his door, the smoking, the drinking, anger and uncertainty, Tony was terrified.  Bucky wanted to go back in time and punch himself for not noticing sooner.

They were sitting on the deck, Tony and Rhodey lounging in a few chairs close to the failing and looking out over the mountains.  Bucky watched them from the kitchen as he poured the last few bottles down the drain.  He would go looking again later, just in case he missed anything, but he was sure he got the last of it.

Tony was sitting back in his chair, a slight slump to his shoulders.  He looked tired.  Not just physically, although Bucky was suspecting he wasn’t sleeping well judging by his pale and clammy pallor and the dark circles under his eyes.  There was a sort of exhausted resolution in the way he held himself.  Tony looked about ready to fall over, he was leaning too far towards his friend.  Rhodey put a hand out to steady him.

“Do you think he’s okay?”  Steve asked, stepping up next to him.

Bucky hesitated and continued looking at the scene.  In the general sense, Tony wasn’t okay.  Not at all.  But in this moment, sitting out on the deck as he whispered to his best friend, Tony was doing just fine.  He was smiling.

“For now.  Hopefully things will be okay for a little while.”  Bucky said.  Someone must have said a joke, both of the boys were now laughing.  “I think things will be better now.”

It was nice to see Tony smile, laughing and joking with one of his friends in a safe place.  Bucky didn’t know how much of a relief this trip was going to be, he didn’t realize how much stress he had built up until he slowly felt it drain away.

“Are we okay?”  Steve asked slowly.  “I don’t know what I did, but I get the feeling you’re mad at me.”

Bucky could tell the truth, clear the air and settle things.  It would be easier on all of them.  It would be better for Tony, for Steve, and maybe Bucky could let go of some of that pent up anger.  He wanted things to be okay, to be able to relax here just like he was hoping Tony would.  Steve reached out slowly to take his hand and Bucky had to remind himself not to pull away.

“Back at the hospital, you left Tony alone.”  Bucky said slowly.  “They were going to stitch him up and he asked us to leave and you just agreed faster than I could even process the request.”

“He wanted us to go.”  Steve said.  He squeezed Bucky’s hand as if he were afraid he would pull away.  “Tony didn’t want us there and I didn’t want to force our presence on him.  He wasn’t stable, I didn’t want to make him any more uncomfortable.”

“I know, I know.  But I would like to have been included on the decision.”  Bucky said.  He was surprised that he couldn’t do more than whisper.  Tony and Rhodey were still out on the deck, just on the other side of the wall and visible through the window.  Bucky could see them, no longer laughing and smiling, but leaning in close to each other as they whispered, like a pair of thieves in the midst of scheming.  “I found him like that, bloody and dying.  I pulled him from that tub and held him like the child he is.  I wrapped my hands around his wrists and tried to stop him from bleeding as he begged me to let him go and to let him die.  I did all that and all you had to do was say that Tony could be alone and I was forced to leave.”

Steve seemed stunned, his eyes wide as Bucky spoke.  “I didn’t think it was important.”  He said.

“Well, it is important.  He’s my kid too.  I love the little guy.”  Bucky said.  He pulled his hand from Steve’s and took a step back.  “I would have agreed with you, but I want to be included in on the decision making.”

There was a small moment of silence as Steve just looked at him before he jumped forward and took Bucky into his arms, holding him close and leaving a trail of delicate kisses over his face and neck.  “I’m sorry.  Of course I’ll talk to you about these things.”  He whispered.  “I just didn’t think about it, didn’t think it mattered.  I’m sorry.  I know you love Tony, I love him too.  He’s our kid.”

“Yeah.  He is our kid.”  Bucky said.  It felt so nice to be held and to be loved.  Things were going to be okay.  They were going to keep Tony safe now, they were going to start working on this.  Bucky still felt angry, bitter about what had happened, but now that Steve understood they could get passed it.

Steve pulled back just enough so that he could see Bucky’s face.  His smile was warm and large as he kept trying to pull Bucky closer.  He hummed as he brought their mouths together, still smiling as he kissed Bucky slowly.  It was a good kiss, warm and casual.  There was not much to it, just a gentle press of the lips, but it felt right.  It didn’t fix things.  They would probably have to talk more about it later and Bucky still needed to apologize for all the time he spent brooding bitterly instead of just talking to Steve.  But for now it was enough.

“You know.  It’s been a few days since we had sex.”  Steve whispered, pulling back slightly.  “We’re technically making up.”

Bucky laughed.  “One-track mind.  It’s a bit ridiculous.”  He said.

“That’s not a no.”

“What about the boys?”  Bucky asked.  “They’re outside.”

Steve nodded as he tried to go in for another kiss.  “Yeah, they’re outside.  We’re inside.  It’s amazing how these things work.”  He said softly.  “And this house is large enough for us.  If you don’t want to go back to our room we could go to the home theater, or the upstairs little hot tub room, or somewhere.  Tony and Rhodey could go for a walk, there are dozens of trails on the property.”

“We’re doing what?”  Rhodey asked as he walked into the kitchen.

Steve pulled away from Bucky, the look of a dejected puppy on his face.  “We thought you two could go for a walk.  Spend some time together.  Tony’s been having a bit of a tough time recently so I bet that would be great.  Might help him relax.”  He said.  He took Bucky’s hand back in his and squeezed it tightly.

Rhodey laughed.  “You think getting Tony into nature will help him relax?  He’ll probably great out into hives the moment a leaf touches him.”  He said.  He walked up to the fridge and grabbed a juice box.  “If you want Tony to relax you got to light some candles that smell like lavender, it works wonders for him but he’ll deny it completely.  Also, order some greasy foods and make sure you have good wifi.  That’s the best recipe for getting Tony to relax.  Sending him out on a hike through nature will just annoy him.  Trust me on this, I tried to take him camping over Spring Break.”

“Okay, that sounds great.”  Steve said.  “The Stark’s built this place so we know the wifi is amazing, so why don’t you guys order pizza and light some candles and hangout in the theater?  Have a Star Trek marathon or whatever the hell the kid is into.  Bucky and I have plans.”

Bucky shook his head.  “No we don’t.”

“Well, Tony and I aren’t going for a walk, that’s for sure.”  Rhodey said.  “And we might have to wait for a little while for any candlelight dinners in a private theater.  Tony said he wanted to be alone.”

Tony was still sitting out on the deck.  He had moved from the lounge chair so he could fit his legs between the railings on the deck and just stare down at his phone.  He didn’t look like he was upset, at least not from the minimal view they had from the kitchen.  He was turned slightly away from them, his forehead resting on the rating around the deck with his legs swinging slightly, and what they could see of his face he appeared relaxed and calm.

“Is he alright?”  Bucky asked.

Rhodey looked out the window to look at him.  “Yeah.  He seems to be okay.  But something’s bothering him.”  He said.  “I mean, of course something’s bothering him.  He’s always been a bit moody, but right now he just seems worse I guess.  Well, of course he’s feeling worse if he did that to himself.”

Bucky remembered when Angie and Peggy picked up Rhodey from the airport.  Tony had jumped into his arms with excitement and Rhodey caught him with ease, as if it was something they had done a thousand times.  Rhodey had seen the healing cut, had brushed his fingers over it gently, but didn’t say anything.  He didn’t seem surprised, only concerned.

“He won’t tell me what’s bothering him and that just makes me worried more.”  Rhodey said.

“Has something like this happened before?”  Bucky asked.  He didn’t know all the details of what had happened at MIT.  He didn’t know how Rhodey and Tony became friends, how they ended up so close, why of all the people in the world for Tony to give his trust to he chose this boy.  Bucky didn’t know the details, but he did know that Tony got away from Stane by going to rehab and then immediately going to MIT.  It was a lot for one kid to go through alone, he was happy that Rhodey was there to help him, but Bucky didn’t know just how bad things were as Tony went from one stressful situation to another, all while trying to escape the abuse.

Rhodey sighed.  “I can’t say anything.  You’ll have to ask him.”  He said slowly.

Steve took a step towards the door, ready to head out the door onto the deck and talk to Tony.  Bucky put an arm out to stop him.  “Later.  Rhodey said Tony wanted to be alone.”

Steve hesitated, looking at Bucky’s hand laying gently on his chest to stop him from going out the door and Tony through the window.  He was still sitting against the railing, his shoulders slumped and his head down, phone still in his hand and his legs swinging like a child in a seat too large for him.  At first, Bucky thought Steve would ignore him and just head on out to check on Tony.  He didn’t though, Steve simply sighed and nodded, reaching up to take Bucky’s hand in his, and nodded towards the kitchen table.

“Come, sit with us Rhodes.  Tell us all about how interesting it was to have Tony as a roommate for a whole year.”  Steve said.

Rhodey’s face seemed to light up.  “Oh, the stories I have.  We didn’t get along at first, he seemed to want to avoid me most of the time, but he eventually warmed up.”  He said as he followed Steve and Bucky to go sit down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They've been relaxing a bit in their little vacation home. I hope the happiness and relaxation lasts. Tell me what you think! Please, I'm desperate for attention.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to Shay, who left me a series of awesome comments which finally gave me the motivation to finish this chapter. Sorry for the delay.

“So, when I first met Tony we were moving into the dorms.  First day there and he hated me.  Wouldn’t even look at me.”  Rhodey said once they sat down around the kitchen table.  “I thought he was a dick.  He was a huge asshole, in the beginning it seemed like everything he did was just to drive me crazy.”

Bucky smiled at that.  “Yeah, that must have been so tough.”  He said.  They might have been getting past that point.  Tony was calmer now, Bucky liked to think Tony was warming up to them and no longer actively trying to antagonize them.  “When did the two of you finally become friends?”

Rhodey actually shrugged.  He smiled softly as he looked towards the window to see Tony still sitting out on the deck.  “I have no idea.  One day he hated my guts and screamed at me every time I tried to be nice and the next day he was hugging me and calling me his best friend.  I have no idea what’s going on with that kid, but I’m glad he finally decided to let me in.”  Rhodey said.  “I don’t know what I did, but I’m glad I did it.  Tony’s a great kid.”

No one argued him on that point, Steve gave a small smile and Bucky relaxed as he settled in to listen to Rhodey continue talking.  Most of them were just simple stories about Tony’s engineering projects that left their dorm covered in scraps, or how Tony ate at odd hours and fell asleep more often on the floor than in his bed.

The whole time Bucky couldn’t help but notice the relaxed and fond look on Rhodey’s face as he spoke.  He waved his hands a bit as he spoke, slowly to explain just another story about what it was like having Tony for a roommate.  At first it sounded like a nightmare, stubborn arguments and scornful shouting, and Bucky found the stories familiar.  But then they gradually transformed into Tony stealing his clothes, taking him out to dinner, hugging him often and sneaking into his bed at night when he drank too much.  It was so strange hearing about Tony like that, actively seeking out someone for comfort when Tony still seemed to lash out at the two of them.

Bucky listened to every story carefully, not even pulling away when Steve reached out to take his hand.  Things were going to work out.  Rhodey talked more and more about Tony, about the times where he was actually happy and at peace and not on the verge of falling apart.  Bucky wanted to see that more.  If he never saw Tony sad and upset and afraid ever again then it would be a good life.

“What are you guys talking about?”  Tony asked, appearing in the doorway.  He looked alright, just tired and a bit pale, but not upset.

“I was just telling them about that time you stole my MIT sweater and refused to give it back.”  Rhodey said, smiling over to Tony and waving him closer.  “You said it was warmer than yours so you gave me fifty bucks for it and then bought pizza.”

Tony smiled at that, but his eyes darted up to look at Bucky and Steve.  “Yeah, because your sweater was definitely warmer.  Which should be impossible since we both had similar ones anyway.”  He said.  He shifted his weight from foot to foot and Bucky got the feeling that he was getting ready to make a run for it.  “Why are you telling them about that?”

“Because it’s cute.  You were adorable and a little drunk and ordered too much pizza and gave it to the janitor.”  Rhodey said, his smile widening the more he spoke.  “And you were ignoring me, so now you have to sit here while I show them your embarrassing baby pictures.”

Tony didn’t laugh at that, his smile relaxed and became more natural, but his whole body still seemed a bit stiff.  “Alright, you can show them but first I need to talk to Bucky.  For just a minute.  Alone.”

“Really?”  Bucky said.  He leaned back in his chair as he looked over to Steve to see if he had actually hear correct.  There was always the possibility that Tony was starting to trust him, he didn’t seem as put off with Bucky’s presence as he was in the beginning.  Tony nodded and Bucky stood to follow him.

They left the kitchen and went back outside, closing the doors behind them.  Tony returned to his seat by the edge of the deck, slipping his legs through the railing and letting them hang.  Bucky sat down next to him, his legs couldn’t fit between the wooden bars so he simply crossed them and looked out over the surrounding wilderness.

Neither of them spoke for a few minutes, the only noise was the chirping of nearby birds and the buzzing of insects and Tony’s foot tapping against the wood as he swung his legs back and forth.  For some reason, Bucky got the odd feeling that Tony was going to confide in him, finally bridge the last gap of trust so they could be closer.  Tony could learn to trust Rhodey, maybe he was ready to trust Bucky as well.

“Can you break my phone?”  Tony asked, breaking the silence.

“What?”  Bucky said.  “You want me to what?”

Tony held out his phone, a thin and slick smartphone that probably cost more than his and Steve’s house.  “Break it.”  Tony said.  “Right in half, you’re a strong guy so I know you can do it.”

“Tony, why do you want me to break your phone?”  Bucky said, he reached out and took it.  “Don’t you need it?”

Tony shook his head quickly.  “No, we’re on vacation.”  He said.  Bucky could hear a slightly frantic note in his voice, the way his words seemed rushed and he was slightly breathless.  “Just snap it right it half.  It’ll be awesome.  I’ll get a new one when we go back.”

Bucky held the phone gently.  “Are you okay?  What’s wrong?”

“Fucking nothing.  Just break my god damn phone.”  Tony said, faster this time.  His face was scrunched up in annoyance.  “If you’re not going to do it then I’ll go ask Rogers.”

Tony reached out to take the phone back but Bucky pulled it closer to him.  He took it in both of his hands and snapped it in half, the plastic and bits of metal breaking easily.  The sound of the screen cracking apart and the phone crumbling was like a switch going off and suddenly the stiffness in Tony’s body relaxed.  He nodded slowly, looking at the broken mess in Bucky’s hands.

“Okay, good.  Now throw it out into the woods.”  He said slowly, his voice flat.

“No, we’re in nature.  I’m not going to litter because you want a new phone.”  Bucky said, he slipped the broken pieces into his pocket.

Tony rolled his eyes.  “Fine.  Just throw it into the fire then.”

“We’re not doing that either.  We’re going to go recycle it.”  Bucky said.

“Wow, okay.  Hippie much?”  Tony said.  “Just as long as I don’t see it again.”

He leaned forward and let his head rest on the railing, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.  His hands were shaking slightly but he seemed calmer than he had in a while.  No tension built up in his shoulders, no slight downturn to his lips, and no fear written across his features.  Bucky didn’t understand.

“Did something happen?”  He asked slowly.

Tony shook his head and took another deep breath.  “Nope.”  He said.  “I’m just on vacation.”

It was probably the best answer he was going to get so Bucky turned to look back at the view.  He could see the lake, just down the path, and the dock with the fishing boats.  All of it was still on Stark property so they were free to use it as they saw fit.  Steve liked fishing more than he did though, he could probably take Tony one of these days.

Gradually, Tony shifted to lean his weight against Bucky and rest his head on his shoulder.  Bucky didn’t move, he didn’t want to startle Tony and ruin things.  This was as close as they were probably ever going to get and Bucky wanted to take in the moment.

“I’m tired.”  Tony said softly.

“Go take a nap.  We don’t have to do anything today.”  Bucky said.  “You’re allowed to relax.”

There was a short pause as Tony shook his head, not lifting it from Bucky’s shoulder.  “No, that’s not what I meant.  I’m just… tired.”

There wasn’t really an answer for that.  What was Bucky supposed to say?  That things will get better?  That after the rain there’s always a rainbow or some useless bullshit?  None of that worked and it certainly wouldn’t help Tony.  He wouldn’t believe it anyway, he had no reason to trust that things would get better just because Bucky said they would.

“Your friend seems nice.”  He said.  Bucky grimaced, he couldn’t think of a damn thing to say to Tony to help him.  He felt so useless, he couldn’t even make his own kid feel better.

Tony chuckled, the sound was soft and light.  “Yeah, he is.”  Tony said.  “He knows something’s wrong though.  Well, he always figured there was something wrong but he always used to drop it when I told him to.  Now he just keeps asking.”

“He’s worried about you.”  Bucky said.  “He seems to care about you a lot.”

“Yeah.”

Tony didn’t say anything more and Bucky got the feeling that it was the end of the conversation.  Still, Tony didn’t move and neither did he.  They just sat there and watched the view.  He wondered what Steve and Rhodey were talking about, if they were watching from the kitchen and trying to figure out what they were doing.  They didn’t come out to join them, they just left Tony and Bucky alone.  He was glad for it.  This felt like a step forward, Tony was trusting him with this small piece of contact and he wasn’t going to ruin it.

Eventually Tony pulled out a cigarette and leaned away from Bucky.  He didn’t look over to him as he lit it and started swinging his legs again.  The action still made him look like a small child waiting around in a seat too big for him where his legs couldn’t touch the ground.  It was endearing to see. 

“Well, that was a good talk.  I feel like we had an awesome time.”  Tony said casually, he sounded alright.  He seemed relaxed and calm.  “Thank you.  I don’t need you anymore.”

“No problem.  Anytime.”  Bucky said, he meant it.

Tony nodded slowly.  “I still don’t like you.”  He said, not even looking over to him.

Bucky waited for a little while longer to see if Tony needed anything else.  When he just continued smoking and looking out over the forest Bucky took his leave, giving a short goodbye and heading back into the house.  He turned around to look back through the window.  Tony was looking up, it was slowly getting dark and thousands of stars were beginning to litter the sky.

He would be alright, Bucky decided and walked towards the living room.  Steve and Rhodey were no longer in the kitchen but he could hear their soft murmuring.  They were sitting on the floor and using an ottoman as a table, steaming cups of cocoa resting next to him as Rhodey held up several photos of a fat cheeked baby with dark hair.

“Buck!”  Steve said, looking up at him.  “He wasn’t kidding.  I have no idea how, but he really does have Tony’s baby pictures.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a step forward! I hope you guys liked it, things are going to go interesting places while they're on their little vacation. I'm excited to show you guys more.  
> Thank you for sticking around this long, sorry this story is turning out to be a monster.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am writing!! Look at this, you didn't have to wait a month for it. Yay.

“I can’t believe you convinced him to go out there.”  Rhodey said.  Bucky nodded slowly as they looked out the window, down that path, and saw the lake.  Steve and Tony were both sitting on the dock, their legs dangling off the side into the water, with fishing poles in hand.  “Tony hates outdoor activities.”

“Yeah, but Steve likes fishing and he has these puppy eyes that you can’t say no to.”  Bucky said.

He wondered what they were doing down there.  If they were talking, if Tony was complaining nonstop about how stupid fishing was.  If they were having a heart-to-heart and Tony was finally opening up more.  If they were just sitting in tense silence.  Bucky felt like he was waiting on the outside, watching as the two people he cared about most were having a moment without him.  He supposed it was fair enough.

Rhodey shifted slowly from foot to foot, watching them in the distance as he tried to squint and see what they were doing.  “The moment he gets back he’s going to whine so much.”  He said as he turned away and headed out of the kitchen.  “One time I tried to take him jogging and when we got back he laid on the ground and said he was dying.  He had been running for about five minutes.”

“Well, he never took me for the athletic type of person.”  Bucky said.  He followed Rhodey out, intent on waiting until the others came back while not staring at them through the window.  “I’m surprised he agreed to go anyway.”

They went into the living room and Bucky sat down on the couch and turned on the tv.  Nothing was good on, just news programs that were talking about presidential candidates or disasters.  There were a few cartoons, none of which he recognized but he noticed the way Rhodey seemed to perk up at the sight of them.  They just sat there for a moment.

“Yeah, Nora thought it was a good idea.”  Rhodey said.

“Who’s Nora?”  Bucky asked.  He leaned back onto the couch, trying to at least pretend he was interested in whatever was on tv while he waited for Rhodey to tell more stories of Tony.  “And why on Earth would she think it was a good idea to get Tony to go running.”

“She’s the psychologist back at school.  Thought exercise would help him with… stuff.  Did you not know this?”  He said, turning to Bucky quickly.  Bucky shook his head, his expression matching Rhodey’s as the boy frowned deeply and leaned away from him.  “Is he not seeing anyone for this?”

Bucky was surprised, this wasn’t how he had expected this conversation to go.  While Tony and Steve were out fishing and bonding Bucky thought he could hear more stories about how Tony was at school, if he was happy or if he lost his keys often or what he was like when he saw cute girls.  He didn’t expect Rhodey to look at him as if he had basically just said he was feeding Tony to the wolves.

“What?”  Bucky asked.

“Is Tony not talking to anyone about how he’s feeling?”  Rhodey said, he stood up and walked towards the kitchen again. 

Bucky followed behind, a sick feeling curling in his stomach.  Something was wrong.  “He talks to us sometimes.”  He said slowly.  “Not often, but I think he’s getting better with that.”

They went back to the window, quietly looking down the path that led further down the mountain and towards the lake.  Everything seemed fine, Tony wasn’t fishing anymore.  Instead he was laying back across the deck, his arms folded behind his head.  Steve was still fishing though.  They both seemed relaxed, alright.

“He’s not okay.  He’s not talking to anyone about this?”  Rhodey sounded surprised and shocked and concerned.  Bucky couldn’t help but wonder just how much he knew about what was going on with Tony.  “I mean, he’s an awesome guy and I love him, but needs help that you and I can’t give him.  Is he at least taking his meds?”

“Tony’s on medications?”  Bucky asked.

Rhodey didn’t answer.  His body seemed to tense up as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  Then he turned around and walked back into the living room towards the stairs.  Bucky couldn’t help the feeling he was just being led through the house like a dog looking for a treat, but Rhodey knew something that he didn’t.  He knew it was about Tony and it was serious.  He refused to just turn a blind eye when Tony always seemed to be on the verge of breaking down.  He had already failed him, he didn’t want to do that again.

Surprisingly, Rhodey went straight for Tony’s room.  He pushed open the door, took in bare walls and still packed bags, and went straight for the suitcases.

“What are you doing?”  Bucky asked.

“Going through his stuff.”  Rhodey said simply.

“Aren’t you supposed to be his friend?”  Bucky said quickly.  “Aren’t friends supposed to respect each other’s privacy?”

That appeared to be the wrong thing to say because Rhodey’s head snapped up immediately and glared at him.  “Aren’t parents and guardians supposed to care about their kids enough to get them professional mental help when they need it?  Jesus, Tony’s sick and you guys don’t give a fuck.” 

Anger welled up inside of him.  “Don’t you ever say something like that to me again!”  Bucky said, his voice rising into a shout.  “I love that piece of shit, you don’t know anything.”

How dare he say something like that?  How dare he imply that he didn’t care about Tony when he was the one who carried him to the SHIELD doctor after finding him with Stane?  When he sat through each one of Tony’s tantrums and breakdowns or when he held Tony’s wrists tightly as he bled slowly and they had to wait for paramedics?  After everything he did for his kid he resented that.

“Don’t call him that.”  Rhodey said, he looked back down at Tony’s open suitcase and continued to rummage through it.  “Do you really not know about all of this?”

“I know nothing about any therapists or medications.  He talked to a few psychologists at the hospital, but he keeps lying to them and telling them he’s okay.”  Bucky said.  His body was shaking slightly, his hands trembling as he thought back on everything.  “I didn’t see the point of sending him to professionals when Tony wasn’t ready to cooperate with them yet.  From my experience, you can’t force people into therapy.”

Rhodey pulled a shoe out of Tony’s suitcase, patted it down as if looking for something, and then tossed it aside.  “I guess that makes sense.  But Tony still needs help.”  He said slowly.  “And relax.  He made me promise to make sure he doesn’t do this shit again, and gave me permission to do this if things ever got bad.”

He pulled another shoe out at that, feeling around it until the heel came loose and he pulled back a small baggie.  Bucky felt his stomach drop as he looked at it.  “Please tell me that’s not…”  He said slowly, but he already knew the answer.

“Yeah, it is.  Tony always keeps a stash handy just in case.”  Rhodey said as he walked over to the bathroom.  “Pissed me off the first few times I found it, but Tony kept insisting that it was none of my business and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.  I still flush it every time though.”

“I thought he went to rehab.”  Bucky said slowly.

Rhodey nodded as he dropped the contents of the bag into the toilet and flushed it.  “He did, and he’s been doing great, but he always keeps some.  ‘For emergencies’ he always says and I never get what he means.”  He said.  He turned back to look at Bucky and gave him a hopeful smile.  “You know, one of the reasons he got to go to MIT after getting out of rehab was because he promised to talk to a counselor and take his meds.  He was doing great for a while, once we became friends and he was having a good day he made me promise that I wouldn’t let him take it.  You understand?  Tony said having it around made him feel safer, but he was scared he would take it some day.  He’s not doing good right now, we have to get rid of it if we see it.”

“That… doesn’t make a lot of sense.  Am I missing something?”  Bucky said.  In the span of half an hour he not only learned that Tony still kept drugs around, but he was also supposed to be on medications and was speaking to a therapist back at MIT.  All of this information would have been incredibly helpful over the past month, back when they were struggling to understand and help the poor kid.

“Yeah, you and me both.  I’ve already said too much, and he’s going to be pissed that I told you all of this because if Tony didn’t tell you himself it means he didn’t want you to know, but there’s a lot of stuff I’m worried he didn’t tell you about.  A lot of stuff has been going on and I know things are getting worse.”  Rhodey said slowly.  He started putting all of Tony’s things back into his suitcase, careful with each of Tony’s things.  “I’ve never seen him this bad before.  You see him, right?  He looks terrible, he’s acting like he’s tired of everything and just falling apart.  He won’t tell me what’s happening.  It has to do with his parents right?”

Bucky didn’t say anything.  It wasn’t his place, and he knew Rhodey was keeping secrets about Tony from MIT.  “You should really talk to Tony about this.  It’s big, and incredibly personal.”  Bucky said.  “He cares about you.  If you were to find out it should be from him.”

“So, it’s really that bad?”  Rhodey asked.  He zipped up Tony’s suitcase and made his way to the door.  “I’ll talk to him, ask him what’s going on, but I won’t expect much.  He’ll tell me if he’s ready.”

They left Tony’s room and went back downstairs. Bucky had no idea what was going on, everything Rhodey had said and did was tumbling around in his head and he couldn’t quite make sense of it all.  Of course they hadn’t known about Tony’s medicine and psychologists.  Stane had been the one in charge of Tony’s doctors and neither he nor Steve had thought to take him to see anybody.  They hadn’t even taken him to get his glasses replaced.  They just kept failing the kid and Bucky didn’t know what to do anymore.

“If he does tell you when he gets back, try to stay calm.”  Bucky said.  Rhodey looked even more concerned, but nodded.  “He’s going to try to make it seem like it’s not a big deal, and if you react how you’re going to want to react then it’ll just make him feel worse.  And don’t ask too many questions.  I have a nasty habit of just continuously trying to get information from him and Tony hurts himself when it gets to be too much.”

Rhodey nodded.  The cartoons were still on and Rhodey sat down on the couch, Bucky taking the seat next to him.  “When he talks to me, I think we all need to have a big chat about what to do.”  Rhodey said.  “I don’t know everything that’s going on, you don’t know everything that’s going on, and Tony’s sick.  It’ll be best for him if we all know everything we can to help him.

Bucky agreed.  There wasn’t much left to do now except worry and wait for Steve and Tony to get back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, more stuff next chapter. Tony seems to be really good at keeping secrets from people, hopefully he starts trusting everyone more.


	26. Chapter 26

“How was the fishing trip?”  Bucky asked when they walked through the door.  They both looked relaxed enough, Tony actually smiled sincerely and shrugged.

 

“It was a loud of shit.  We didn’t catch any fish and we were just sitting out there doing nothing and Big Bird here wanted to talk about our feelings.”  Tony said, rolling his eyes.  “Remind me never to do that again.”

 

Bucky felt like his stomach was doing backflips, he couldn’t get the mind off of the drugs.  Rhodey had known they were there, he said Tony always had some, but he only went looking because he was worried.  Tony wasn’t alright, his own best friend could see that he wasn’t alright, and Bucky didn’t know how to help.

 

Tony seemed to notice something was off, Steve did too.  Bucky and Rhodey were just sitting on the couch waiting as if they were staging an intervention.  Maybe they were, Bucky had no idea what was going to happen, but Rhodey was desperate for answers and worried about his friend and Bucky couldn’t stop the image of the drugs from flashing through his mind.

 

“I think we need to talk, all of us.”  Bucky said softly.  Rhodey nodded.

 

There was a moment where time seemed to stand still.  Bucky made eye contact with Steve, silently letting him know that this will be a serious discussion, but one they needed to have.  He nodded and moved to sit down next to Bucky, taking his hand and holding it tightly.

 

Tony didn’t move, he stayed standing as he looked at all of them.  “No, I don’t think we need to.”  He said slowly, his tone suspicious.

 

“We kinda do.”  Bucky said slowly.  “Please sit down, Tony.”

 

He didn’t, instead he took a small step back and crossed his arms.  He turned to look at Rhodey, his eyes narrowed in suspicion as they looked at one another.  Bucky smiled softly to himself, seeing the two of them have a silent discussion of their own.  The knowledge that Tony had such a good close friend didn’t make this any easier as Tony tensed up and his whole body language shifted from suspicious to defensive.

 

“You’re fucking shitting me, really?”  Tony said, turning away and running a hand over his face.  “It’s not what you think.”

 

“Not what I think?  Tony, you brought drugs out here.”  Bucky said slowly, Steve’s hand squeezed his as his head whipped around to look at him.  “Rhodey said you probably didn’t take any, and I get that you need something familiar to make you feel safer, but having heroin nearby isn’t safe or healthy.”

 

Steve looked back at Tony, his eyes wide.  “What’s going on?”  He asked softly.

 

“Nothing, okay!”  Tony said, his voice growing louder.  “I wasn’t planning on taking any of it.  I just need it nearby, you know, for ju-“

 

“Just in case?”  Bucky said.  “In case of what?”

 

Tony squeezed his mouth shut as he looked between Rhodey and Bucky, his eyes wide with fear.  “What did you tell him?”  He asked, turning back to Bucky.  “He’s gonna think I’m a freak now, you promised you wouldn’t.”

 

Rhodey stood up and walked up to Tony, his hands up in a placating gesture as Tony looked at him and took a step back.  The poor kid was jumpy, his breathing was rapid and he was rubbing his hands together to stop them from shaking.  Tony was probably just a few minutes away from panicking, they should probably just stop and defuse the situation.  Is that what their life was going to be?  The two of them completely ignoring the fact that Tony is in possession of drugs or alcohol or breaking who knows how many laws and rules simply because they’re afraid to set him off?  Bucky didn’t know how to fix this.

 

“It’s okay, Tones.” Rhodey said as he took another step towards Tony.  “All he told me was that you weren’t talking to your therapist and not taking your meds and that scares me.  Usually I trust you to take care of yourself, you know your business more than I do, but I know you’re not doing okay right now.  You’re falling apart and I have no idea why or what’s going on or how to help.  Okay, so I found it and I flushed it.  I’m sorry I told Bucky that you like to keep a secret stash for ‘just in case’ but I had to get rid of it.  I can’t lose you to that, I won’t let it happen.  Please, just tell me what’s wrong.  I won’t think any different of you if that’s what you think, but damn kid, I care about you.  Please.”

 

He had his hands on Tony’s shoulders, gently rubbing up and down his upper arms to try and help calm him down.  It worked for the most part, Tony looked less like he was going to panic and just had a confused and scared look in his eyes.  His hands were still shaking slightly and his eyes jumped from one person to the next before landing on Steve.

 

“It’s not my fault.”  He said softly.  “Right, you said it’s not my fault.”

 

Steve paused as he turned to look at Bucky, his eyebrows drawn together.  “Uh, yeah.”  He said.  Then his attention snapped back to Tony.  “Yeah, it’s not your fault.  Remember that.”

 

“Yeah, yeah.”  Tony said as he nodded.  “It wasn’t my fault it happened.  I didn’t do anything to provoke it.”

 

Steve squeezed Bucky’s hand as Tony spoke.  If Bucky was going to guess Steve had one of his famous “nothing you could do to stop it” speeches.  Bucky had heard plenty of those back when he first had his injury.  Tony must have listened to a good one, because he kept whispering the words over and over again as if he was trying to believe them.

 

“It wasn’t my fault.  I’m gonna tell you.  Yeah, I can do that.”  Tony said softly.  Rhodey squeezed his shoulders and nodded.  Bucky waited, his heart picking up as he thought about what was going to happen.  He didn’t know how Rhodes would react, or if Tony would even tell the truth, but either way this was going to change things.  “You’re gonna think I’m a freak, but that’s okay because none of it was my fault.”

 

Tony’s voice was rough, shaky as he reached up to take Rhodey’s hands off of his shoulders and hold them tightly in his own.  Rhodey squeezed them back.

 

“I don’t think you’re a freak, Tones.  I would never think that.”  He said.

 

Bucky got the feeling that he was watching something personal, that he should leave and let these two boys work things out for themselves.  He looked over to Steve, who nodded, and they both went to stand up.  The movement caught Tony’s eye and his attention snapped towards them.

 

“No!  You sit, assholes.”  Tony said quickly.  “Can’t do this by myself.”

 

Bucky fell back into his seat.  They still had to talk about the drugs, but at this moment when Tony was willingly putting himself out there and sharing this with his closest friend, Bucky was going to silently support him.  This could end so many ways, with Tony screaming and crying and trying to fight them all or with Rhodey leaving in a disgusted rage or with acceptance and peace.  Rhodes didn’t seem like the kind of kid to make things worse, he might ask too many questions, might push too far, but he probably wouldn’t be disgusted with Tony.  Still, it was always a possibility that he had to be ready for, he wouldn’t let Tony get hurt because of this.

 

“What do you think sex is?  Just like… penetration, right?”  Tony asked, his voice shaking.  Rhodey shrugged and then nodded.  “Okay.  So how old were you when you first had sex?”

 

Rhodey paused, his mouth falling open slightly as he thought.  Clearly this wasn’t a question he was expecting.  “I haven’t yet.”

 

“Really?  You’re a seventeen year old college student at an Ivy League school and you can’t get laid?  Nerd.”  Tony said, forcing humor into your tone.  “Well, anyway.  I guess the first time I had penetrative sex I was ten.”

 

“What?”

 

“Yeah, and that was just my mouth.”  Tony said, he was speaking faster now.  He was staring at a spot on the ground, his whole body tense as he tried to sound relaxed and failed.  “When I was twelve he finally decided to just go all the way with it all.  Before all that he just liked to touch me.  As you can imagine it was a bit awkward, but what are you gonna do when a forty year old man likes the way you look and decides to just hold you down.  It’s not my fault though, Steve said it wasn’t my fault.  Bucky said it was never going to happen again.  It’s fine.  I’m okay so you can stop freaking out.”

 

Rhodey didn’t say anything for a moment.  He just stared with wide eyes and a horrified expression.  He blinked a few times and held onto Tony’s hands tighter as he tried to pull away.  “Wait, no.  It’s not fine.”  He said.  “This is illegal, this is wrong.  Tony you were-“

 

He cut himself off, his eyes flashing over to where Steve and Bucky were sitting and then his whole demeanor changed.  He stepped between Tony and them, gently easing him out of their line of sight.  Bucky was about to stand up, see what was wrong, and help but Steve held onto his hand tightly and shook his head.

 

“Who did it?”  He heard Rhodey whisper.  “Tell me who hurt you.”

 

“It wasn’t one of them, relax.”  Tony said.  He sounded tired now, his whole body going slack as he leaned forward against Rhodey’s chest and wrapping his arms around him to hold him close.  Rhodey held him too, his hands rubbing soothing circles into Tony’s back.  “And I’m fine.”

 

“Let’s talk about this in the other room.  Okay?”  Rhodey said slowly, throwing one last glance over his shoulder and where Bucky and Steve were still sitting and then leading Tony away.  Tony didn’t fight, he just stayed wrapped in Rhodey’s embrace with just sheer exhaustion and what Bucky thought was relief, this didn’t end nearly as bad as it could have.

 

They were left sitting there, processing what had just happened.  Tony seemed okay, Rhodey seemed to be handling the news well.  They might just get this to work out just fine, as long as Tony continued to relax and heal during their little vacation.

 

“What was that?”  Steve asked quickly.  “Did you really find heroin?  What the fuck?”

 

Bucky shrugged.  “I’ll explain everything that happened, Rhodey insists Tony just keeps it in case of emergencies, and I’m not sure what that means but I’m worried.”  He said, reaching out for Steve to try and take his hand again.  “But we can talk to him about this later.  Tony needs to know he can’t bring drugs into this house, shouldn’t even be thinking about going near that stuff, but right now let’s give those boys time to talk.  Now come here, it's been a long day and I just want to hold you for a little while.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all things considered, I think this is a nice little chapter. It's not happy, per say, but it is definitely hopeful in my opinion. What did you guys think? Did you like it?
> 
> More coming soon :)


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't responded to your comments. Things just got a bit hectic and I lost track of everything. At least I'm finding time for writing though. Thank you for sticking around.

Bucky watched the television screen in horror.  He knew how bad the media was, how they would twist any story they had to make it so much worse, even at the expense of others.  He had hoped that maybe they would spare a child, but no such luck.  There it was enlarged on the screen, blurred out screenshots of video footage that broadcasted Tony’s abuse.

It had to be Stane’s doing.  Even if he didn’t post the video online, it was him in the photos.  Bucky couldn’t even look at them, his eyes dropping as soon as one appeared on the screen, all of the parts considered ‘inappropriate’ were blurred away but he still caught that brief glimpse.  He sneered at the thought, at least they had the decency for that, but apparently not enough to think about the child being attacked in these photos.

From what he could tell, in the few seconds he had to see the photos before he could look away, the photos were cropped just so that the only glimpse of the man hurting him were the knees and occasionally hands.  No one would be able to tell exactly who it was without a clear view of their face or chest.  All anyone knew was that some adult, white man had forced himself onto a very young Tony and ignored all of his cries and whimpers.  It was disgusting, the way these people could look at it as if it was just a big thing in news, act as if it was a tragedy as the gawk at what had happened, completely disconnected to the fact that a child was raped.  Bucky turned it off barely half a minute into the broadcast.  He had only wanted to see the weather, but now he didn’t care.

“Fuck.” Bucky said, jumping up from the couch and immediately connecting his fist with the nearest thing he could think of.  The metal of his hand went easily into drywall, the broken pieces of it falling to the ground in dull thump and the smaller bits stuck to his shirt.  “I can’t believe he released this shit, Stevie.  What are we going to do?  What if Tony sees this?  The whole world knows what happened, that piece of shit made sure everyone knew what happened to Tony while keeping himself cut from the picture.  I’m going to kill him!”

Steve hadn’t moved, his eyes still wide, his mouth hanging open, and his body tense.  “Yeah.” He said slowly.  Then he blinked, his eyes snapping to Bucky as if he had just realized he was there.  “What?”

“Stane.  We’re going to kill him.”  Bucky said quickly.  “He can’t keep torturing Tony like this.  He’s our kid, we’re not going to let it happen.”

Steve kept staring at the blank screen as if it would give him more answers, a battle strategy, some idea of what he should do to handle this impossible situation.  “Tony’s going to be upset.”  He said, looking back to Bucky when nothing came.  “How are we going to tell him?”

Tony had to know about this, it was his life that was being blasted all over the news.  Their first priority had to be their kid, to making sure he’s safe and alright and cared for.

“We’ll just talk to him.”  Bucky said.  “Sit him down and explain the situation and let him think about it all.”

Steve nodded and stood up.  Tony and Rhodey were up in the movie room, a large screen hanging on the wall as a projector showing some movie Bucky didn’t bother to try to recognize.  They waited, watching the two boys whisper to one another as they watched the film.  It was a nice scene, the two had been attached at the hip for a few days now, ever since Tony had found the courage to tell him.  Bucky was relieved that Tony could trust his friend and that Rhodey was about as protective of Tony as the rest of them, Tony needed the support.

“Hey.  Buddy.”  Steve said slowly.  The two boys looked up at him, pausing their whispers and waiting.  “Can we talk?”

“Yeah.”  Tony said.  He raised the remote and paused the film.  Bucky didn’t understand the technology, but if Tony could pause a projected film on a giant screen then it was amazing.  “About what?”

Steve sat down first, in one of the plush couches across from where Tony sat and Bucky took a seat by his side.  Tony leaned back and crossed his arms.  Bucky could understand, every couch in the room was arranged in a horseshoe facing the screen for whenever someone wanted to watch a film, but today the affect made it seem like they were staging something dark and serious.  It was appropriate, considering that this was dark and serious.

“Did you know there were videos?”  Steve asked carefully.

Tony didn’t answer for a moment.  “Yeah, if there weren’t we wouldn’t be able to hang out in the movie room, watching movies.”  He said.

“No.  I mean videos of what happened.”  Steve said.  Tony waited, raising an eyebrow.  “With Stane.”

That seemed to click in his head.  Tony’s tired looking eyes widened slightly as he pressed himself back and further into the couch.  “Oh.  Those.”  He said, moving his hand to scratch at his elbow.  “I was hoping you wanted the videos of my graduation.  Or birthday parties.  Or anything really.  He released them, right?”

“You knew this was going to happen?”  Bucky asked.

“He said he was going to if I didn’t come back.  But I didn’t want to go back okay, you guys said I didn’t have to go back.”  Tony said quickly.  “He kept calling me and texting me and telling me that if I didn’t come back he would let the whole world know what happened.  He would show everyone and no one would look at me the same but you said I didn’t have to go back.  Okay?  You said.  They’re all going to look at me now and see what he did, but I couldn’t go back.  You promised I wouldn’t have to go back to him.  I just wanted him to stop calling me.”

Bucky reached out to Tony slowly, his hands in front of him where Tony could see and once the boy pulled away he stopped.  Tony didn’t want to be touched, Bucky pulled back and waited.  “I broke your phone.”  He said.  Tony nodded.  “That’s alright.  You’re right, you didn’t have to listen to him anymore, or talk to him, and you never ever have to go back.  We can handle this.”

“But everyone knows now.  Whenever they look at me they’re going to see that.”  Tony said.  “Which video was it?”

Steve shook his head.  “I don’t know.  We only saw a single image of it.  Only for a few seconds.”  He said.  “We can’t look at something like that.”

“You didn’t watch it?”  Tony asked.  Steve shook his head again.  “Oh.”

It was hard to see what was going on inside of Tony’s head.  He seemed alright, his eyes a bit dull and his whole demeanor more tired than scared or upset, but he was relaxed.  That was what they wanted, wasn’t it?  For Tony to relax and not be afraid anymore?

“We’re gonna take care of it.”  Bucky said quickly.  “Don’t worry about a thing.”

“Okay.”  Tony said.

He didn’t sound enthusiastic.  He didn’t sound like anything.  Just tired.

Bucky followed Steve out, his hands clenching into fists and his body tensing.  They didn’t speak as they walked further away, the sounds of the movie resuming following them down the hall until they went back downstairs.  The house seemed too large now, especially compared to their little place back in Brooklyn.  Bucky would have to talk to Steve about that, find someone to sell it to because he never wanted to go back there.

“I’m going to call Nat.” Steve said slowly.  “I want her to get rid of Stane.  I don’t care what she does anymore, I just want to make sure he never hurts our kid again.”

Bucky didn’t even have time to nod before Steve was pulling out his phone.  They had let this go on for too long, fuck the plans and the schemes and finding a way to ruin him and lock him away.  They wanted the world to know what he did, but he somehow still hid that.  No one knew what he did, just what happened to Tony.  It wasn’t fair.  Bucky didn’t care about court cases and justice anymore.  He just wanted the endless torture of his boy to stop.

“We have forty three missed calls.”  Steve said as he looked over his phone.  “Mostly Peggy, some from Tony’s school, our friends, reporters, police.  How are we going to fix this?”

Bucky didn’t answer.  No one else mattered, just Tony.  Bucky tried to uncurl his fist, relax and take a deep breath so he could think clearly, but his fingers wouldn’t.  The metal joints were locked and dead, not a single movement out of any of them.  The whole thing felt far heavier than it used to.  It was perfect timing, everything falling apart, Tony had seemed so through with it all, Steve was pacing back and forth with a manic energy, and Bucky’s arm was dead.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

Bucky stared down at his unmoving hand as he left the room.  He had known this was going to happen, he had just hoped he would have more time.  Howard was the greatest mechanical genius of his time and he had built a fully functioning robotic prosthetic just for him.  Bucky had foolishly assumed that even though it was clearly deteriorating it would last a bit longer without regular maintenance.  Now it had completely broken down, nothing not but a dead weight pulling at his shoulder.

He left Steve, he had to think of a way to fix the larger and far more important situation on their hands without needing to worry about what was happening to him.  He left the sound of Steve shouting into his phone as he walked away to find somewhere quiet and private to hide.

His breathing was coming in shallow gasps now, the skin tightening painfully as his body shook.  The shoulder was the worst.  The seam of metal and skin felt as if they were tearing each other apart as his body fought off the metal invasion that no longer belonged.  It was all in his head, nothing was happening, but Bucky was sure the pain and the damage was there.

There had to be a way to fix it.  Either whatever problem there was would be sorted out or he would get a saw and cut it off himself.  He couldn’t have it like this any longer than it needed to be.  There had to be a solution.  Howard had built it, why couldn’t he still be here to fix it?  Why did he have to go and abandon him with this?  Howard built it, Howard knew how to fix it, now that he was dead the arm was too and Bucky couldn’t think of a solution.

Tony could probably fix it.  Their boy who had inherited his father’s brilliance and talents.  He would know.  He had to know.  But he wasn’t in the movie room anymore, sitting on one of the plush couches and enjoying the company of his best friend.  The room was dark and empty.  Bucky turned away as quickly as he opened the door and continued looking.  Tony had to be somewhere and Rhodey would probably be nearby.  They had to be close.

Rhodey was sitting with his legs crossed in the hallway, on the ground and against the wall as he stared into Tony’s open bedroom door.  He didn’t seem distressed in the slightest, just concerned.  Things were probably okay.  As Bucky approached he saw Tony in his room, sitting on the floor as well as he went through his suitcase.  Most of his clothing was torn up and tossed aside, only a few shirts and pants carefully folded and saved.  Bucky didn’t know what he was doing.

“He’s clearing it all out.”  Rhodey said when he glanced up to Bucky’s confused expression.  “He’s always been weird about his clothes.  I’ve stopped questioning it, but usually it means he’s doing okay.”

“You think so?”  Bucky asked, his hand shaking as he curled it into his own shirt.  “It looks to me like he’s trying to tear stuff apart.”

“Yeah, but he knows what he’s doing.  I don’t understand it but he’s been living with what’s been happening longer than I’ve known about it, I’m not going to stop him from doing the behaviors that seem to work for him.”  Rhodey said.  “As long as he’s not going to get himself in any kind of trouble then he can do whatever.”

Bucky could understand that.  Tony has adopted a lot of bad coping mechanisms but also some okay ones, he knew what worked and what didn’t and as long as he stayed in a place where he didn’t go for his dangerous ways of coping then they had no place to question it.  Bucky wondered if Tony would still be alright if he stepped in and asked for help, if Tony was too busy dealing with his own issues to even care about Bucky’s.  Tony seemed to be working on something, ripping apart one shirt with an angry expression and then moving on to the next.

Bucky took a deep breath and stepped into Tony’s room.  He didn’t close the door, just let Rhodey continue watching with a concerned expression and waiting for anything that might need his intervention.  Tony didn’t look up at him until Bucky was barely a foot away, his expression surprised but still so dull and tired that Bucky wanted to shake him until the passion and anger came back.  For some reason he felt like the Tony that shouted and broke things was better than the Tony that was just exhausted and blank.

“I need your help.”  Bucky said, his voice too soft to carry into the hallway to Rhodey.  He gestured to his arm and took another deep, shaking breath.  “It’s not working.  It’s dead.  I can’t move it, I can’t do anything.”

Tony glanced down at the arm and nodded.  “I have tools in the garage.”  He said simply and stood up.  He shook his head at Rhodey when stood to get them.  Rhodey looked like he wanted to argue, but sat back down and let them leave.  It was silent between them as they went back downstairs, they could still hear Steve however shouting into his phone down the hall.  Tony didn’t mention it, but Bucky had to explain.

“He’s trying to make it right.  Not that this is something any of us can just magic away.”  Bucky said slowly.  He wanted to make Tony feel better about this somehow, make it less painful that something so deeply personal has been blasted all over the internet and on tv.  “A lot of people are on your side, most news networks didn’t show a single thing, just talked about what a horrible thing it is that someone would hurt you.  All the other networks are taking them down either from legal means or hackers wanting that off the air.  People are on your side, Tony.”

Tony didn’t answer at first, he just lowered his head and continued to head towards the garage.  He didn’t answer until Steve’s voice had died away.  “If people are taking sides that means both arguments have merit.”  Tony said softly.  “He raped me.”

The garage was large considering that it had nothing inside, just the car they were using while they were in town.  Tony gestured over to a large table with several tool boxes sitting around it.  Bucky sat down and propped up his arm on the table, the metal cold and still in a way it had never been before.  It wasn’t his arm at the moment, Bucky had gotten so accustomed to it being, and now it was just the prosthetic.  Nothing more.

Tony pulled out some tools to open it and carefully shifted the paneling.  Some of them popped right open for Tony to see inside.  He poked around for a few minutes, getting a feel for the technology and an understanding of how to fix it.  Hopefully he could. Howard had said many times that his son was brilliant, he had to fix his arm.

“It’s shit.”  Tony said after several long minutes.  “The wires were getting into the joints, the gears were pinching them too much.  Howard made it?”

“Yeah.  The most innovative and advanced prosthetic in the world.”  Bucky said softly.  “Can you fix it?”

“Of course I can.  It’s garbage, I’ll have to rebuilt it for you but I can rewire it and that will last you for a few more months.”  Tony said.  “Stay still.”

Tony leaned over the arm and went to get a separate set of tools.  These ones were smaller, Bucky didn’t recognize them but Tony seemed to know what he was doing as he started to once again poke around in there.  Bucky didn’t feel a thing.  Even when the arm was in working order he didn’t feel anything.  Sometimes if he watched something touch the metal he could swear there was a sensation, phantom warmth or ghost touches.  Most of the time there was nothing.  Tony kept looking up at him as if to double check there was no discomfort, but there continued to be nothing.

“Did he ever talk about me?”  Tony asked.  Bucky looked over and raised an eyebrow.  “Howard.”

“All the time.  He used to tell us how proud he was of you while you were in school.  Used to spend hours worrying about you.  He told me once that you were the greatest thing in his life.”  Bucky said.  It was the truth, Howard adored the kid.  “I remember when we rescued him, he vowed to be a better father.  Said he couldn’t dream of dying without making everything up to you.”

“He never told me any of that.”  Tony said.  “I guess he was around more after.  Came to visit me in rehab, but still not that often.  He usually just called me.  Didn’t know what to say.  I was a shaking mess in my room and he called me to ask about the weather, it was really awkward, but one of the best things he ever did for me.  No, I think rehab was the best.  I overdosed because I couldn’t take it anymore and he sent me to rehab.  I thought he would just try to cover it up, but no.  He saved my life.”

Once he got started, it seemed like Tony couldn’t stop.  His voice was flat, but his eyes were red.  Bucky didn’t know what to say.  He was scared that if he said anything then Tony would stop talking all together.  He wasn’t about to ruin this, not when Tony thought it important to share it.

“Do you think he knew?”  Tony asked, pulling back slightly as he kept his gaze fully on the open panels of Bucky’s arm.

“No, he didn’t.”  Bucky said.  “He used to call Steve, drunk out of his mind because he was scared for you.  If he knew I’m sure he would have beat the guy to death.”

Tony laughed, it was more of a weak chuckle, but it was real and honest.  Tony had laughed.  “Maybe.  I like to think Aunt Pegs would have killed him first though.  Like the moment she found out she would hunt him down and burn him at the stake.  I’m actually surprised she hasn’t already.”

“There’s still time.  She almost did when she first found out.  We stopped her, wanted to think of a plan that wouldn’t get us all thrown in jail, but that’s out the window now.”  Bucky said.  Tony seemed relaxed now, more relaxed than he had seen him all week.  “I don’t think any of us care anymore, we were mostly trying to think of something so you wouldn’t have to reveal what happened, but now that that’s gone I think we might just kill him.”

“Jesus, you guys are weird.”  Tony said.  “Can’t just kill people like it’s no big deal.”

Tony went back to the arm and Bucky thought about it.  Peggy would kill him, she might just be doing it right now after the video was released.  Steve probably didn’t even need to tell her it was okay.  After he was gone they needed a new plan on how to prove his guilt so no one looked too deeply into his death.  Stane dying wasn’t good enough, he needed his name dragged through the mud.

If they could get Tony to testify then that was the best way.  If Tony said Stane abused him then that was it.  Tony kept working, taking out the older, pinched and broken wires and carefully replacing them with new ones.  After a while Bucky was able to twitch his fingers, then wiggle them, and eventually he was even able to open and close his fist.  Tony slowly started closing the panels, making Bucky test as many movements as he could to make sure nothing was still messed up. 

“Thanks.”  Bucky said.  Tony nodded.  “Can I ask you something?”

Tony hesitated.  Of course, given how much he had already shared he might still want to keep a few secrets.  “I don’t see why not.  I always talk too much anyway.  What do you want to know?”

“Are you alright?”  Bucky asked.  “After everything, you seem tired and I just want to make sure.”

“Yeah, I’m okay.  And I am tired.”  Tony said slowly.  He put down the tools and pulled his hands back.  “You know, it’s weird.  Since the video came out, and you guys didn’t watch it, and now I think everything will be alright.  I never thought that before.  Even at MIT when I managed to avoid him I thought it was just a matter of time.  But now things are okay.  I’m not scared anymore, I’m allowed to just be tired.”

Tears started to spill over and drip down his cheeks.  Tony cursed and rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes until there were red and puffy.  Bucky didn’t quite understand why after something so horrible had happened it would cause Tony to finally feel safe, but he wasn’t going to question it.  He had worked so hard to make sure Tony knew he was safe and this was the best he could ask for.

“Can I hug you?”  Bucky asked.

“Fuck it, sure.”  Tony said, his voice shaking as his hand shot out and latched itself onto Bucky’s shirt. 

He pulled him over and buried his face into Bucky’s shoulder, his body shaking as he was reduced to sobs.  Bucky wrapped his arms around him and held him close.  The fear of his broken arm had disappeared, now he just held his crying boy tightly as he wondered how he was going to keep this feeling of safety and security going.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay.

Tony didn’t let go for a long time, he kept his hold on Bucky’s shirt tight and his chest heaved with each wave of tears until he fell asleep from exhaustion.  Even then Bucky didn’t want to let go, he held his boy close and slowly rocked him back and forth.  They were in this too deep and now that the whole world was falling apart at the revelation of what had happened they had to find a way to dig themselves out.

Steve walked in and stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of the two of them.  “Am I missing something?”  He asked slowly.

“He let me hug him, then he cried himself out.  I think he’s going to be okay, Stevie.”  Bucky said, his voice was flat and hollow.  He still didn’t quite believe it and Tony would still need a ton of help and support after he had put up with this for half of his life, but this was a great first step. “He said I could hug him, he trusted me with that.”

Steve didn’t move for a while, just stared at the two of them with wide eyes fidgeted awkwardly like he used to do as a kid.  “Oh.”  He said.  “Well, at least he’s sleeping.”

The sentence was clipped, rushed out as if it wasn’t what he wanted to say at all. Bucky opened his mouth to question him, see what was wrong, but Steve simply held up a hand and shook his head.  Tony was warm against him, he could still feel the kid’s steady heartbeat with his hand on his back, and he knew Steve was right.  At least Tony was sleeping peacefully, now wasn’t the time or the place to talk about anything serious.

“We should put him to bed.  He needs his rest.”  Steve said softly, his voice barely above a whisper.  “We’re heading home in a few days.”

A cold chill fell over his body and Bucky tightened his hold on Tony, just enough to make the kid stir but not enough to wake him up as he was lifted into the air.  They couldn’t talk about it now, Tony needed to be in bed sleeping.  He needed to rest.  He needed to be safe.  He needed to stay here, far away from New York.

Bucky was the one to carry Tony, his arm in working order, the wires coming alive to allow him to move freely again.  It still felt stiff, it was just a quick patch job, but it was still a miracle.  Tony stayed asleep the whole way up to his room and Rhodey was still in there, cleaning up the shredded pieces of his clothes and throwing them out.

“Stay with him?”  Bucky asked, glancing over to him as he laid Tony into his bed.  “It going to be pretty weird for him waking up in bed when he doesn’t remember falling asleep there.  He’s been jumpy the past few days, make sure he feels safe when he wakes up.”

Bucky didn’t want to think about all the times he woke up forgetting he was here in this house, one of the places he felt the safest and happiest after that mission, and panicked over the very brief period of grogginess and confusion that came with just waking up.  Tony would be just fine with Rhodey, he was going to be alright.

“I’ll never leave his side.”  Rhodey said.

“I don’t doubt it.”  Steve said.

The both turned to leave, the last thing they saw was Rhodey sitting on the edge of Tony’s bed and not daring to reach out and touch him.  They headed back to their own room and closed the door.  Bucky could feel the tension rolling off of Steve, his shoulders hunched and his hands shaking with energy.

“We can’t go back to New York.”  Bucky said.  “And I’m never stepping foot in that house again, not after what that bastard did to Tony under our roof, we should have never stayed there to begin with after we found out.”

“I know, we’ll find a new place.  Somewhere that man has never stepped foot in, never even thought about.  But we have to go back.”  Steve said quickly.  He was pacing across the room, back and forth as he continued to fidget and run his hands through his hair.  “I just got off the phone with everyone.  Lawyers, the FBI, Child Protective Services, News Networks, Peggy, Jarvis, The Commandos, Tony’s professors, everyone.  CPS wants Tony back in New York, they want to take him in, interview him, find out who it was in that video and we’re not trusted with him until they find out the details.”

“They’re going to take him from us?”  Bucky asked, he felt like his heart had stopped and all the air was sucked from his lungs.  They couldn’t do that, they wouldn’t know he was safe if he was gone.

“Not permanently.”  Steve said.  He stopped pacing, his body relaxing and his arms going limp at his sides as he just stared out the window into the woods.  “It’s a high profile case, they said.  They have to investigate all potential abusers to make sure he’s safe.  I think they’re more interested in the public thinking their doing something productive than actually helping him, but I can respect the effort.  Once we’re cleared we can have him back.  That’s not the worst of it though.”

Bucky closed his eyes and dropped his head into his hands.  “What’s the worst of it?”  He wasn’t sure he was ready for the answer.

“Stark Industries is trying to take away Tony’s rights to the company.  The board of directors think he’s too unstable to take over when he comes of age.”  Steve said slowly.  “Apparently since the video was leaked people started digging around and got wind of Tony’s overdose and rehab stay.  Luckily for us the people at that place are professionals and aren’t making statements.  Also, no word from Tony’s psychologist at MIT.  They’re not speaking to the press, we owe these people fruit baskets or something.”

“They can’t take the company from Tony.  Howard built Stark Industries, it belongs to him.”  Bucky said.  It had been a long day, less than twenty four hours ago he never would have pictured something like this happening and now it was all coming at him at once.  “They can’t lock him out.”

“They can if they have reason to think that Tony taking over in the future would hurt the company.  They’re making the case that he’s not mentally sound.”  Steve said.

“That’s bullshit.”  Bucky said, standing up quickly and opening his eyes to stare at Steve.  He hadn’t moved from his stop near the window.  “Tony’s fine.”

“I know.”  Steve said.  He hesitated a moment before finally turning around to face Bucky.  “Tony’s okay.  I don’t know much about what exactly he went through, but I do know kids growing up in unhealthy situation can have their moments.  I mean, he was abused.  Eight years, that’s literally half his life.  Stane put his hands on our child and hurt him.  That does things to a kid, and sure it can mean they need a bit of help and some extra support, but that doesn’t mean they can’t run a company.  That doesn’t mean they can rob Tony of his inheritance.”

“Why are they doing this?”  Bucky asked.

“Guess who gets to stay CEO if Tony is locked out of the company?”  Steve said slowly, his hands going back to his hair.  “He would have taken over when he turned twenty-one.”

Bucky felt like he was going to throw up.  He couldn’t do that, he couldn’t tear Tony apart and then pretend he was too broken to keep his own company.  Stane didn’t get to take everything away from him.  “Isn’t that bastard supposed to be dead by now?”  He asked quickly.  “Why is he allowed to convince everyone that Tony’s incompetent.  The kid’s a genius, he would do great things for Stark Industries and they’re going to lock him out?”

“Well, Nat took a temp job as his secretary to keep an eye on him and she was going to do it but then he fired everyone on his staff who hadn’t been on the payroll for at least five years and amped up security so she can’t get at him.”  Steve said.  The tension came rushing back into his body, his hands curling into fists that shook with the desire to punch something.  “Peggy called me saying she was going to hunt the bastard down but she couldn’t find a way in.  I even called SHIELD in to help, they’re staying out of it.  SHIELD would be nothing without Howard and this is how they repay him, by abandoning his family.”

This whole thing was going to shit.  Killing Stane wouldn’t make things better magically, if they thought about it for more than a minute it would probably make things worse.  Tony wouldn’t take it well, everyone involved would be arrested for the assassination of the CEO of a major weapons conglomerate, and that meant Steve and Bucky would probably end up behind bars and Tony back in the system where one of the many people supposedly in this with Stane could get their hands on the kid again.  They needed to keep Tony and drag Stane’s name through the mud.  No one would bat an eye at a pedophile turning up dead and Steve and Bucky could keep Tony’s out of danger.

“So we’re back to the original plan?”  Bucky said.  “We’re going in circles.”

“I know babe, but the video is being blasted all over the internet, the police are coming down hard on any news networks who continue to air, but it keeps popping up.  There are people out there getting some sick satisfaction in watching our kid get hurt and we can’t stop it.”  Steve said quickly, his voice shaking almost as much as his fists.  “If Tony will tell someone who did it, tell CPS or the news or anyone, then we can fix this.  They can’t take our kid away and they can’t take his company.  I want him dead and the best we can do is drag him out into the open.  Now that the video is out he’ll get pinned for child pornography at the very least.  If they can’t prove it was him in the video then we can find a way to show that he had it.  We just need Tony to tell people, then they’ll be no denying it.”

It seemed like no matter what they did or how hard they tried they just kept losing.  They would need lawyers, especially now that SI is planning to lock Tony out and CPS wanted to take their kid.  It was one step forward and then they were dragged back farther than from where they started.  Tony had finally learned to trust them and now the whole world was coming down on their heads.  If Natasha and Peggy couldn’t find a way to get to Stane without causing an incident then they needed a better way in.  They couldn’t go to prison, he didn’t doubt Nat and Peg’s ability to kill a man without anyone noticing, but someone would get pinned for this.  There would be too much of an investigation.  They needed to be here to keep Tony safe.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am alive. I'm just garbage. Alive garbage.

Bucky woke up to the sound of whispering.  It was too dark to see who it was, but he recognized Steve’s voice and he didn’t sound at all alarmed or defensive.  They weren’t under attack and everyone seemed safe.  Bucky didn’t even both opening his eyes.  It was late, he could just feel it and he didn’t want to be more awake than he had to be.

He rolled over onto his side and faced away from Steve, if he was talking in his sleep then it sounded like a calm enough conversation.  Bucky didn’t have the heart to wake him from it.  He felt an arm wrap around his waist and Steve’s chest press against his back, their legs wrapping around each other in an effortless tangle.

“Shh, ‘s alright.”  Steve mumbled into his ear.  “Go back to sleep.”

“What’s going on?”  Bucky asked.

He knew his words sounded more like a tired, angry grumble than actual sentences, but Steve answered him anyway.  “Nothing’s going on.  Just go back to sleep.”  Steve said softly.  “Trust me, love.  Things are alright.”

It was sincere enough and Bucky decided to drop it until morning.  He was still tired.  The past few days had been emotional and exhausting, Tony finding out they were going back to New York had been uneventful as if he had expected that but packing up to leave was never something good.  This house was special, they didn’t get nearly enough time here.

He fell back to sleep easy, warm and comfortable as Steve held him close.  They hadn’t really held each other that much lately, they haven’t done much of anything lately.  No dinner dates, no movie nights, no soft kisses when they pass each other in the hall.  Nothing.  This was nice.

Bucky was the first one to wake up the next morning.  Steve had his leg thrown over his hips awkwardly and his face pressed so close he was drooling onto Bucky’s neck.  It would have been annoying if not for the soft snoring so close to his ear.  Bucky actually liked that.  He liked being able to hear Steve breathe while they slept, it had been too much of a worry once upon a time.

He tried to wiggle out from under Steve’s arm, not wanting to wake the man but also not willing to stay trapped under him for the next few hours.  It wasn’t that difficult, Steve was out like a light and Bucky was able to slide free and sit on the edge of the mattress.  His eyes widened as he looked over to the other side of the bed.  In the dim light he could just make out Tony’s sleeping form, curled up with all of their blankets and he had somehow made himself small enough to not touch any of them and still share their bed.

Bucky didn’t care anymore, he reached over and shook Steve’s shoulder to wake him up.

“What?”  Steve said, his voice thick with sleep and his words a tired gurgle.

“Why is Tony in our bed?”  Bucky asked.  He nodded over to the kid.

“Oh.”  Steve said.  “He had a bad dream.”

It was still early, the alarm clock wasn’t set to go off for another two hours, and Bucky was too tired to think too deeply on any of this.  He didn’t want to think about what sort of dreams could be so horrible that Tony would come to their room for comfort.  None of this made sense, a week ago he hated them, didn’t trust them, and now he was sneaking into their room.

Of all the rooms Tony could hide out in to escape nightmares, their room was the least likely for him to pick.  Rhodey had a room not far from Tony’s and the kid knew him longer.  The kitchen was just downstairs.  Yet here he was, curled up on their bed wearing Bucky’s stolen socks and Steve’s sweatpants that had gone missing last week and a sweater that was probably Rhodey’s.

Given that they had just told Tony about how they had to go back to New York and he was going to go with the Child Protective Service for a little while, it made sense for him to be scared.  Bucky just didn’t understand why he came to them.

Having a kid was difficult.  They never did what they were supposed to do, they never behaved normally, they never stayed the same.  Kids were confusing and changed behaviors faster than he could wrap his head around and one moment Tony could hate his guts and the next he’s willingly accepting his hugs.  Parenthood was harder than it should be.

Steve was rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes as he stumbled into the kitchen not long after Bucky went in to get something to eat.  “What are you doing?”  He asked, plopping down into the nearest seat.

“Making breakfast.”  Bucky said, waving his spatula around as if it held all the answers.

“At 5:30 in the morning?”

“I wouldn’t be up this early if you had been quieter last night.  You disrupted the sleeping pattern and now it’s all haywire.  I couldn’t go back to that deep sleep.”  Bucky said.  He stirred his scrambled eggs around on the skillet and hummed softly to himself.  He was making too much for himself and by the time the boys got up it would all be too cold.

Steve let out a single, half-hearted laugh.  “That makes no sense.”

“It would make more sense if my sleep hadn’t been interrupted.”  Bucky said.  “You can cuddle up against me and give the kid a place to sleep without causing a racket.”

Bucky proportioned the eggs between them, silently making sure Steve got a little more than he did.  He’ll just cook breakfast again when the kids got up.  They sat down across from one another, the tension between them still very much alive.  Things were falling apart around them and they could try to keep their relationship in one piece as much as they like, but it wasn’t as strong as it used to be.

“I’m sorry I woke you up.”  Steve said.

“Don’t be.  This is good, right.  Tony isn’t scared of us anymore.  We’re doing okay.”  Bucky said.

Steve frowned as he took a bite of his eggs.  Still, he didn’t say anything.  He just sat in silence and looked down at his plate, ignoring Bucky’s gaze.  There was something on his mind, something important that Bucky could tell he was struggling to decide not to tell or not.

“What?”  Bucky asked firmly.

Steve took a deep breath, pulling his hands back to hide them under the table.  “Remember that nice fishing trip Tony and I had?  We did a lot of talking.”  Steve said.  Bucky put down his fork and waited, if this was about his kid then he needed to give Steve his undivided attention.  “It’s not that he thinks we’ll hurt him.  He used to think we would just turn around and put our hands on him without a care.  He doesn’t think that anymore, I know he doesn’t, but he thinks we hate him.”

“Why the fuck would he think we hate him?  We’ve done everything we can to help him feel safe and as close to happy as possible.”  Bucky said quickly.  Tony was his kid now, Bucky was his parent, there wasn’t a chance in hell he could ever hate that boy.

“He seems to be hung up on the idea that we hated him when he moved in.  We weren’t exactly fond of him or happy that he was there those first few weeks.”  Steve said.  “But a lot’s changed.  And he still thinks we don’t like him.  He thinks once CPS takes him away we won’t want him back.”

Bucky sat back in the kitchen stool and ran a hand over his face.  It was too early, he was too exhausted, for this mess.  Parenthood came with an endless array of corridors where he opened one door to find a room with a dozen more and he couldn’t find his way out.  He couldn’t find the end of the maze that lead to the happy ending.

“What can we do?”  Bucky asked.  “We’re absolutely getting him back, if anyone wants to take our kid from us they’ll have to kill me first.”

“Peggy has a few ideas.  She’s going to talk to SHIELD.  She thinks they’re up to something.”  Steve said.

“They abandoned us.”

Steve shrugged.  “Yeah, they did.”  He said.  “But when is SHIELD not up to something?  If anything they can probably get into Stane’s computers to get proof that he had the videos.  Maybe find more for evidence.  I just don’t want anyone to see that shit again.  We hand over the evidence and make sure it never sees the light of day again.”

“I like the idea where we kill him.”  Bucky said.

It was like the tension broke at that, Steve tilted his head back and laughed, reaching out to take Bucky’s hand and squeezing hard.  “Me too, baby.  But we have to be smart about this.  We kill him and then show the whole world what kind of monster he is.”  Steve said.  “I’m actually planning how to get into Stark Tower for when we’re back in New York.  Tony will be safe with CPS and we’ll have a chance to get in and take him out.  Even if Peggy doesn’t find anything on Stane I would gladly go to jail if it means that Tony will be safe.”

"So once we get away with murder we're going to get our kid back and live happily ever after, right?  If he's willing to share a bed during a nightmare then he can't think we hate him too much."  Bucky said.  "I still don't know why he didn't go looking for Rhodey."

"I think he was just embarrassed.  He's a shy kid, believe it or not."  Steve said.

"I believe it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short update. They'll be going back to New York soon and hopefully things work out for the best.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally done with my finals so hopefully I can update more often now. Thank you for your patience!

Handing Tony over to CPS was one of the hardest things Bucky ever had to do, he had been in war zones and gunfights.  Bucky had killed dozens of people, wounded dozens more, but watching Tony walk away from him with two CPS agents by his side was harder than all of that combined.  He tried not to worry, this was the Child Protective Service.  Their mission was to keep Tony safe, even if they were only working so hard to do so because of who he was.

“He’s going to be fine.”  Steve said quickly, waving to Tony one last time as they took him away.  “They just have to make sure we’re safe for him before giving him back.  And we’re safe.”

Steve didn’t sound certain, but Bucky wasn’t going to question him.  The two of them had done the best they could.  They weren’t real parents, they weren’t capable of handling everything Tony needed.  They hadn’t even taken him to a doctor since they left New York, hadn’t contacted anyone to see if he needs counseling, hadn’t even gone to get his glasses fixed.  They weren’t good parents, but they were safe.  If anyone tried to lay a hand on Tony again, even if they never got him back, they would hunt them down.

“Do you think he’ll talk?”  Bucky asked.

“I don’t know.  He said he wouldn’t.” Steve said.

It was one of the last conversations they had on the plane ride over, whether or not Tony would say anything to CPS about what Stane had done.  Tony insisted that he wouldn’t say a thing, that the less everyone knew the better.  It didn’t make sense to Bucky.  Stane was the one who released the tapes, the one who outed the situation to the public, and yet Tony was still trying to keep something a secret, uncaring that by doing so he was keeping Stane safe.

There was nothing they could do with Tony at this point.  He was with people whose job it was to keep kids safe.  If they couldn’t help him then Bucky would make sure he was safe, even if he had to hunt down Stane and anyone else who got to hurt Tony and kill them with his bare hands if he had to.

“Where are we going?”  Bucky asked. They weren’t going back to their house, he hoped they never had to go back there.  It was ruined for him now.

“Peggy and Angie’s.  Everyone’s meeting up there to come up with a plan.  We have nothing.”  Steve said slowly.  He gripped the steering wheel tightly and stared straight ahead.  “We’re going to get him back.”

There was an uncertainty in his tone carefully masked by false bravado.  There was no way to know if they were ever going to see him again, but the thought of that felt too close to a bullet in the chest for Bucky’s liking so he quickly pushed the thought from his mind.  Tony was their kid now, they were going to get him back.

Angie was waiting for them outside when they pulled up.  She immediately rushed up to them and pulled them into a tight hug. 

“It’s awful.” She said softly.  “Disgusting and terrible and I’m so sorry.”

Bucky didn’t know what she was apologizing for.  He felt like he should be apologizing too though.  He was sorry this happened, sorry he couldn’t bring Tony back with him.  He knew how much Peggy and Angie adored the kid, this whole thing wasn’t fair to them either.

They followed her inside where Peggy was sitting on her couch with a cup of tea, Clint and Natasha sitting with her.  All of them had varying expressions of anger and it was oddly reassuring.

“Alright, let’s just get to the point shall we?”  Peggy said as soon as Steve and Bucky walked into the room.  “Stane is hiding away because he knows we’re going to kill him, Tony was taken away, and SHIELD has been disturbingly silent throughout this whole thing.  Now, for an organization Howard and I started it is unacceptable that they would just ignore his son this way.  I think they’re up to something.”

“A good something or a bad something?”  Bucky asked.  He accepted the cup of tea that was handed to him and just waited.

“I don’t know yet.”  Peggy said slowly.  “But Fury knows that SHIELD was started with the one goal of protecting people.  That includes kids from their abusers.  That should be the most basic concept.  I have a meeting with him tomorrow.”

“Are you going to kill him?”  Steve asked.

“Maybe.”

“You can’t kill him.”  Steve said.

“I know, but he better get his act together and help save this child.” Peggy said.  “SHIELD would be fantastic in helping us prove that Stane is garbage and the one hurting Tony in the video, but this whole mess is going to make things difficult.  We should definitely have some focus on making sure we can preserve Stark Industries.”

Bucky frowned down at his cup of rapidly cooling tea.  Stark Industries wasn’t important.  It was the company Howard built, it was Tony’s inheritance, and it was in Stane’s control.  Yes, they should get him out of the CEO office, but their main focus should be keeping Tony safe.  If they had to choose saving the company, which would definitely take a hit once they reveal Stane’s guilt, and Tony then he would choose Tony every time.  It would make things harder, if the stock drops and the investors pull out, they could lose their funding and Stark Industries would collapse.  Tony wouldn’t have any money and just the crippling knowledge that his father’s company was gone.  Bucky didn’t want that for him.

“I’ll handle Stark Industries.”  Natasha said calmly.  “I don’t know a lot about running a company but I know a few people who can help.”

“Thank you.”  Steve said.  He put down his cup of tea and leaned back in his seat.

No one was drinking their tea anymore.  There were half empty cups sitting on the coffee table as they quickly made plans.  They couldn’t kill Stane, not with him locking himself away in his fortress of a tower, so they would have to draw him out, either with court hearings and press conferences or when he makes a run for it.

“You guys need a lawyer.”  Natasha said.

“Why?”  Steve asked.  “Doesn’t the government provide prosecutors?”

“Yes, but you don’t need a lawyer for that.  You need one to get back everything Stane and his lawyers might have taken from Tony’s inheritance, any manipulation of the will.  Most importantly you need a lawyer to prove that Tony’s capable of owning the company.”  Natasha said.  She tapped her fingers against her thighs, his features firm as she thought.  “Stane’s been working hard to make it seem that Tony’s too unstable to take the company.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s been planning that for a while, forcing drugs on him and tearing the kid down at every turn.  It’s created quite a history for Tony, one that would make him seem unsuitable.  We need a lawyer, one we can trust, that can get rid of all of Stane’s access and power over the company and prove Tony’s capabilities.”

Clint nodded.  “We also have to prove you guys are suitable parents.”  He said.

Steve reached out slowly, his hand gradually getting closer to Bucky’s as if he was going to pull away.  He didn’t, he took Steve’s hand and squeezed it.  “Are we?”

Bucky didn’t like the uncertain tone in Steve’s voice, the fear and regret there as if he had a hand in this whole thing.  “We were fine.”  Bucky said.  He tried to sound like he believed it, but he didn’t.  Good parents didn’t drag their kids away to a mansion in the mountains because they found out their kid was raped, they sent their kids to doctors and counselors and did everything possible to make sure they were alright.  All Bucky and Steve did was get Tony away from the issue and hope that time would make it all better.

“Alright, so we have the skeleton of a plan set.”  Peggy said, leaning forward and waving her hands in front of her as if there was diagrams and strategy plans laid out.  “I’ll handle SHIELD.  If they aren’t willing to help Tony then they will be when I’m done with them.  Natasha, you will get all the help you need to take over Stark Industries.  Clint, I want you to look into possible witnesses.  Any old nanny’s, school teachers, childhood friends.  Just anyone who can back up our claims, when we say Stane was hurting Tony he’s going to do everything he can to deny it.”

Bucky smiled despite himself.  Peggy was a natural leader, if anyone can get them out of this mess it would be her.  “Steve is Tony’s legal guardian.  He’ll probably be busy trying to work with CPS.”  Bucky said, nodding over to Steve.  “But I’m not, so I’m free to help however you need me.”

“Great.”  Peggy said, clapping her hands together.  “You’ll go with Natasha to find a lawyer.  Then once we get control of SI it’ll just be you and Angie.”

“Can’t we use Howard’s lawyers?”  Bucky asked.

“Howard’s lawyers are Stane’s lawyers.”  Natasha said.  “Which is a shame, Howard had a habit of buying the best in the world.  We need to find someone else.”

Bucky sighed.  This whole thing had turned into a giant mess and he wasn’t sure what he was going to do.  Steve’s grip on his hand tightened, holding on as if it was the only thing he had left.  There was so much to do, it was just the six of them fighting what seemed like an army and they had no way of getting it all done to keep Tony safe.

He was in some facility somewhere, getting interrogated by CPS workers or doctors and maybe just sitting alone and waiting.  The poor kid had to be scared, Bucky was going to get him back.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am, appearing like a goblin from my cave with a small bit of treasure. Sorry for that horrible wait. I am trash.

Bucky stared at the building in front of him.  It was run down, the neighborhood seemed to be in a state of neglect, but the people were friendly enough.  Given his previous assumptions of Hell’s Kitchen, ‘friendly enough’ meant he wasn’t bleeding out from multiple stab wounds.

“This place is going to help my kid?”  Bucky asked.

“Yes.”  Natasha said as she looked up at the building. 

The building seemed too dark, the windows empty and not a single person seemed to be inside.  It felt like the wrong place.  How was Bucky supposed to help Tony here?

“Alright.  Just let me do the talking, I know our rights.”  Sam said slowly, sharing a concerned look with Bucky before following Natasha into the building.  “Won’t let these guys play us, most lawyers are just after money anyway.  Hell, if this goes south then I’ll be the kid’s lawyer myself.”

“Sam, you don’t know shit about the law.”  Bucky said.

“I know enough to convince people not to trust a pedophile.”  Sam said, his tone low and harsh as he walked into the building.

Bucky walked a few steps behind Sam and Natasha, letting them lead the way towards the office as he scanned the area.  He wasn’t expecting any threats to jump out at him, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was in danger.  For a few weeks, since he had walked in on a nightmare, he had felt like someone was aiming at him and just waiting to pull the trigger.

Things were fine.  No one was coming after him.  He was safe, Tony was safe, Steve was safe.  Things were going to be just fine.

The lawyer’s office was small, just a few rooms and a bunch of people sitting in uncomfortable looking chairs waiting to make their case.  It didn’t look impressive.  The tiles were cracked and stained and the only fight against the summer heat was a few fans.  The woman at the front desk looked tired, but her eyes lit up when she saw them enter.

“Natasha, I’m glad you’re here.”  She said, standing up and stepping around the desk to embrace her.

“Good to see you, Karen.”  Natasha said.  “Matt should be expecting us.”

“Yes, he is.  He’s been waiting for you.”  She said, nodding over towards a nearby conference room.

Bucky tensed as she went to follow behind them.  Karen was small, slender and didn’t hold herself as a fighter.  One small shove and she would be down for the count.  Bucky didn’t think she would be a threat as she followed them into the room and closed the door behind her.

“Thank you for meeting with us on such short notice.”  Natasha said, reaching out to one of the men already waiting for them.  “Bucky, Sam, this is Matt Murdock and Foggy Nelson.  They’re lawyers and I trust them.  That’s about the best we can do at this point.  This is Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson, they’re the ones with the case I need help with.”

Matt and Foggy didn’t look like much.  They were dressed in cheap suits and their hair carefully combed.  Bucky fidgeted slightly, his weight adjusting from foot to foot as he watched Sam and Natasha take their seats across the table.

“I’m always willing to help, Natasha.”  The one addressed as Matt said.  “Though I would be more enthusiastic if I knew what we were helping with.”

Natasha looked back at Bucky, silently asking permission to tell them.  It wasn’t his place though.  Everyone knew what had happened to Tony at this point since the video leaked, but the devil was in the details.

“We need you to cut off Obadiah Stane’s access to Stark Industries.  All of his power, all of his assets.”  Bucky said slowly.  “As legally as possible, we want to be seen as competent by the courts.”

There was a small moment of silence as Matt tilted his head to the side to process the information and Foggy’s eyebrows rose high.  It was like Bucky had asked them to kill a man.  The tension in the room grew and it felt so suppressing Bucky almost couldn’t breathe.  It was impossible.  They should just go back to the plan where they killed him and hoped Tony was okay while they rotted away in prison.

“Obadiah Stane?”  Foggy said slowly.  “Impossible.  Really, every lawyer in New York knows not to go up against the Stark Industries lawyers.  They’ll tear us apart, regardless of why you want him removed.”

“He raped my son.”  Bucky said.

Foggy’s mouth snapped shut as he and Karen turned to Bucky with matching looks of horror.

“What?”  Matt asked.  He shook his head quickly.  “I’m sorry, who are you?”

“I’m the guy who has been taking care of Tony Stark since his parents died in that accident.  I’m the one who has been trying to help that kid get back on his feet when that monster had torn him down.  I saw it.  I damn near beat the guys to death and I almost wish I did, but I saw it.”  Bucky said.  His hands were shaking as he clenched them into fists.  “And since I’m not allowed to visit him anymore, Steve gets to do that, I’m the one stuck trying to figure out that man doesn’t get to get away with what he did.”

“Stane was the man in the video?”  Matt asked, his voice steady and professional.  Bucky found it oddly reassuring.

“Did you watch it?”

An amused smile brushed across Matt’s face.  “No.”  He said.

“It was him.  He’s been doing this for years.  There were probably more people, but Stane was the main one.  It can never happen again.”  Bucky said.  He clapped his hands together in an attempt to let out some of the energy he could feel building up inside of him.  He was jumpy, his body screaming out to hit something, preferably someone.  “I want him out of the CEOs office, out of the board of directors.  I want him to lose his reputation, his allies, and any pity or sympathy any human being could ever have for him so the moment he’s locked away in prison the world cheers.”

The plan sounded so simple when he spoke it out loud.  If he thought too much on it then it almost seemed impossible.  Stane had all the money and power in the world.  He still had such an iron grip on Tony’s head that he was almost positive Tony wasn’t going to confirm anything they tried to pin on him.

“Do we have any proof?”  Foggy asked.  “I believe you, but it’s going to be tough to convince everything unless there’s actual concrete evidence.  I don’t want people to start calling the kid a liar and having this backfire on him.  And it’ll certainly make our jobs easier.”

“Is the video not proof enough?”  Sam asked, leaning forward and resting his hands on the table. 

Foggy sighed and shook his head.  “It just proves that Stark was assaulted.  If we had a bit more we could get a warrant to have his computer searched.  Is the kid willing to testify?”  He asked.  “Is he willing to let us interview him?”

Bucky shook his head.  Tony would deny it.  He had been denying it for so long that even though he was being honest with him and Steve know it didn’t mean he was willing to share his story with complete strangers.

“No.”  Bucky said.

“Any other witnesses?”  Matt asked.  “Or, potential witnesses?  Anyone who might know anything, even if they say they don’t?”

“Tony’s friend Rhodes knows.  Tony told him, he didn’t see anything, but he knows the truth.”  Bucky said slowly.

“We have someone looking into potential witnesses.  We’ll let you know if he finds any.”  Natasha said.

Bucky nodded slowly.  He didn’t know what else to add.  He felt so useless.  Steve had gone in for his scheduled visiting hours to see Tony, Rhodey was back in Boston doing who knew what, Clint was looking for witnesses, and even Peggy had gone to talk to SHIELD.  Everyone was doing something helpful for Tony and all he had done was tell these strangers just who had hurt his kid.  Bucky was failing him.

He wiggled the fingers of his left hand, feeling the smooth motions of the metal and joints and he knew Tony had fixed it for him.  It was temporary, but Tony had still fixed it.  Bucky felt like he was failing his kid at every turn but Tony had gone out of his way to make him more comfortable.

“We want to interview Tony.  Get the story down before we go further.”  Matt said.  Foggy had a slightly panicked look in his eyes as he turned to him.  “Then our first step should be getting testimonies down.  You said you saw it, Mr. Barnes, so you’re a witness.  We need to know exactly what you saw.”

He didn’t want to recount the memory of what had happened.  He didn’t even see that much, just Stane dressing, Tony naked, and all the signs of violence and aggression and violation that had happened.  Bucky didn’t want to remember that it happened in his house, under his roof while he went out and left Tony alone.  There was a difference between knowing the truth and remembering it willingly.

“Okay.”  Bucky said.

Foggy nodded.  “Good.  After we have enough evidence to hopefully get a warrant to get the police to search his home and computer we can release a statement against Mr. Stane.” He said slowly.  “The biggest thing would be getting Tony’s story in his own words.  We need him to make a statement, saying it happened.  Even then, going against Stane’s lawyers will likely be a bloodbath.”

Bucky didn’t want Tony to get hurt again.  He didn’t want him dragged in front of reporters and jury’s to recount his eight years of abuse, but it didn’t matter what Bucky wanted.  What Bucky wanted was at the very bottom of the priority list.  What will keep Tony safe and what Tony wanted were the most important things in the world at this point.

“I’ll talk to Steve, see if Tony’s willing to do it.”  Bucky said.

Matt and Foggy both nodded, reaching out to Bucky to shake his hand.  Natasha gave him a reassuring smile and Sam seemed to deflate with relief.  This meant nothing, just that these lawyers would help them.  It didn’t mean they would win.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I am garbage. To be fair, I was taking summer classes and at one point was working two jobs so I feel justified.

“How is he?”  Bucky asked.

Steve looked exhausted, his shoulders slumped and his head down.  He didn’t answer for a moment as he gave Bucky a tired smile and started to take off his shoes.  There was a careful sort of hesitance in his movements, as if he was trying to take as much time as he needed to get ready for bed.  Bucky didn’t blame him; this whole mess has been too stressful but if there was something going on with Tony then he deserved to know.

“He’s alright.”  Steve said as he finally climbed into bed.  He wrapped his arms securely around Bucky’s waist and pulled him close.  “They’re sending him to child psychologist to try and help him.  They put him in a really safe foster home until they determine we’re not the ones hurting him.  You know, they won’t tell me much but he seemed alright when I got to see him.  He told me they were being good to him.”

“Yeah, but when has Tony ever been completely honest about when he wasn’t doing okay?”  Bucky asked.

Steve just shrugged and buried his face in Bucky’s chest.  It had been a while since they had done this, just laid in bed and held each other.  It’s been a long time since they had done anything they used to do.  Bucky didn’t regret taking Tony in and if given the opportunity to go back and change things the only thing he would do differently would be to kick Stane’s ass long before he ever got to put his hands where they didn’t belong.  But this situation was exhausting and it was nice to just hold Steve for a bit.

“They’re going to do a background check on both of us.”  Steve said slowly.  Bucky nodded, that sounded reasonable.  Actually, he preferred that they did; it meant they were looking out for Tony at least that much.  “And then they’re going to try and get Tony to open up about what happened.  Then we’re going to have a hearing in which we try to get Tony back.”

“I talked to the lawyers today.  They seem willing to help.  Do you think we should start attacking Stane then or after we get him back?”  Bucky asked.  He didn’t want it to seem as though they were passing the blame in order to get the kid back sooner, but he also wanted to get this process moving faster.  He wanted Stane’s name to be dragged through the mud so that when he wound up dead no one would go looking for the killer.  Bucky wanted to do it himself, with his bare hands.  He didn’t want to go to jail and leave Tony behind because of it.

“Sounds like something we would have to talk to the lawyers about.”  Steve said.

It wasn’t that late, hardly even seven in the evening and Bucky already felt like he was going to fall asleep.  When he closed his eyes he saw nothing, not even the warzones that frequently haunted his dreams.  It was a relief.  He didn’t find sleep quickly though, even as Steve’s breathing evened out against him he couldn’t fall asleep.

Bucky opened his eyes again and looked around the room.  It was small and cozy, the bed was a bit smaller than what he was used to but that meant he and Steve had to stay pressed against each other.  Bucky wouldn’t complain about that.  They were in Peggy and Angie’s home, welcome to stay for as long as they need to.  It was good because Bucky refused to go back to that house, they should have never stayed there to begin with.  They should have gotten Tony to the authorities and to therapists as soon as they found out.  Instead they put it off with their schemes and secrets and ran away with the kid.  Now it was all falling apart.

He glanced up at Steve.  He was sleeping, deep circles under his eyes showing his exhaustion, he deserved to rest.  Steve deserved a lot more than what he was getting.  Steve had always wanted a family, to settle down and relax once they were discharged.  He never got that, broke up with Peggy because he was so focused on taking care of Bucky after his injury and then they finally got their kid and he was a stubborn and angry boy who needed their held and then got taken away.  None of this is what any of them deserved.

Tony didn’t need any of this either.  None of this should have ever happened.  Tony was a kid, the most he should be worrying about is homework and vegetables.

“You think too loud.”  Steve grumbled, shifting slightly to tangle his legs with Bucky’s.  “Still mad at me?”

“What?”  Bucky asked.

“Well, back at the house you told me you were mad at me because I didn’t consult you on decision making.  You had a right to be upset, I took control and acted like Tony wasn’t your kid.”  Steve said softly, his voice breaking off into a yawn and his arms tightening around Bucky.  “I don’t want to do that again, but now that I get visitation and you don’t I’m worried you’re mad at me again.  If you want me to do something with Tony, tell him anything, just let me know.”

Bucky smiled, letting his hand wander up and down Steve’s chest.  “I’m not mad.  I used to be, but I’m fine now.  I promise that if I ever do get mad though I’ll tell you.”  He said, leaning up to give Steve a brief kiss.  “I was just thinking about this mess we’re in.  Tony deserves better.”

“Yeah, he does. He’s having a horrible time, surrounded by people he doesn’t know.  He was just starting to trust us too.”  Steve said.

“He’ll still trust us when we get him back.”  Bucky said.  He let his head fall to Steve’s chest and listened to the slow, even beating of his heart.  It was nice, the thumping both calming and reassuring.  “Tony is probably having a shit time though.  I doubt the people taking care of him are letting him smoke and you know how cranky he gets when you try to get that boy to ditch the cigarettes.”

Steve chuckled, his chest jerking around Bucky’s head a bit.  “Yeah, he’ll give them hell and find a way anyway.”

“Oh god, Tony hardly has any clothes.”  Bucky said, smiling at the though.  “Just the stuff he stole from Rhodey’s laundry.  We’ll have to go shopping for him and you drop it off at your next visit.”

“Yeah, we should do that.”  Steve said.

They laid together and whatever tension was left seemed to have vanished.  It was just the two of them, talking and holding each other just like they used to.  Bucky wanted to be doing this for the rest of his life, the two of them happy and at peace with their child safe and in their care.  That would happen one day, hopefully soon.

“I’m going to talk to the CPS agents and to Tony to see if we can get you visitation too.  It’s not fair to keep the two of you separated like this.”  Steve said softly.  It was a nice thought, but Bucky knew there wasn’t much they could do.  “It’s pretty obvious that Tony loves you.”

“You too, idiot.  He loves you too.”  Bucky said, smiling at the idea of their little family.  He wanted it now, wanted the three of them to be a family so much it almost felt natural at this point.  Tony was their kid and they would get him back and be a family.

“Well, today when I went to visit him he said my hair looked a bit less lame.  I think he misses us.”  Steve said.

Steve still looked tired, Bucky could see it clearly written on his face.  They shouldn’t be up talking about this but it was such a nice and peaceful conversation in the hell that has become their life that he almost wanted to stay awake forever.

Surely once this was all settled and Stane was dead and buried they could sleep for days and know that things were okay.  Bucky wanted to go to sleep knowing they were all safe and wake up and have breakfast with his family; with the man he loved and that annoying, smart mouth kid of his.  He looked up at Steve to tell him this, about how much of a shift his life had taken since they had first gotten Tony and Bucky couldn’t handle spending five minutes with him and right now where he just wanted to be the best dad possible to the kid, but Steve was asleep.  He had fallen asleep again in the brief moment of silence in their discussion.

That was fine.  Bucky didn’t mind.  Steve needed the sleep anyway.  He had to go see Tony again tomorrow and then they would all meet up with the lawyers together.  They had to find a way to hack into Stane’s computer to see his files, had to find witnesses and evidence.  Tomorrow they had to keep trying to build a case against this man.  The sooner they got this done the sooner Tony would be safe and sound at home with them.

That was for tomorrow though.  Right now Steve needed his rest and Bucky didn’t mind falling asleep right next to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of rest and respite before what's to come. Hopefully you guys liked the chapter.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you guys believe that I started to write this chapter three separate times but each time Word froze and I lost everything? I updated it now to the new version and finally got it done. Whoops

Bucky hadn’t been afraid running into a battlefield where he could lost his life, hadn’t thought twice about looking through a scope at someone and firing, but right here, right now, his hands were shaking.  He had been called in to meet two CPS agents about Tony.  Steve said it would be fine, that they probably just wanted to interview him since they were together and would see Tony once he was released back to them.  That still didn’t make the nerves go away.

He missed their bed, curling around Steve and listening to his calm breathing as he slept.  Things used to be so easy and so simple.  Steve would smile at him and tell him everything was okay, they would hold each other and talk about their plans for the day.  Bucky could pretend that everything was alright and that the bad things in the world weren’t really there.

“Relax, Mr. Barnes.”  The older one said.  Bucky had expected to meet with two stern looking men in suits and be interrogated on how he had failed his kid.  Instead he was facing two women, a middle aged woman with a stony expression and another woman in her late twenties who seemed to go out of her way to look kind and open.  “You’re not in any trouble.  We only wish to speak with you for a while.”

“Mr. Rogers has been very insistent that we consider granting you visiting rights to Tony, but you understand the difficult situation we’re in, correct?”  The younger woman asked.  Bucky didn’t respond, he waited for her to elaborate.  “We have a child in danger and it is our job to make sure he is safe and healthy.  I’m scared we’re failing.”

Despite her young age she seemed to have a strong grasp of control on the situation.  Bucky wasn’t scared of her, he wasn’t intimidated, but he would admit he could respect this woman if she followed through on her dedication.

“Is Tony alright?”  Bucky asked.  It was the only question that really mattered.

“He’s alive and he’s healthy.”  The older woman said, nodding slowly.  “But he’s been trouble.  Fits of angry; he yells half the time anyone tries to talk to him and he jerks away from anyone coming near him.  We’ve limited his exposure to others quite a bit to help him feel safer, not completely surrounded by strangers.  We’re not isolating him though, you understand, we’re just giving him a small group of people to be comfortable with.  Right now that group is the two of us, Mr. Rogers, and a few of his doctors.”

He felt like he was being let in on a secret, asked to join a special club, but that was childish thinking and Bucky just wanted to have his kid back.  “Are you letting me see him?”  He said.  He understood not wanting to overwhelm Tony with so many people poking him and asking him personal questions, but he wanted to be one of the people there.

“Mr. Rogers is his legal guardian.”  Said the younger woman.  “But he insists that you and Tony are close and that the child would benefit from you being there.”

The other woman quickly nodded and continued.  “We do have to take precautions though.  We need you to consent to a drug screening, a background check, we’ll have to have you searched before seeing him to make sure you’re not bringing in anything harmful.  It’s a long process if you agree to it.”

“I agree.”  Bucky said without hesitation. 

Both women paused, blinking for a moment at his insistence and then continued on.  “Excellent.”  The older woman said.  “Now, you won’t see him today.  Probably not even within the next few weeks.  These things take time, but at least you came in so you can fill out the paperwork to put things in motion.  You’re not his legal guardian, but if he agrees to see you and you help him feel comfortable then hopefully it’ll be worth it.  We just have to make sure you’re not the one who hurt him.”

“No, it was Stane.”  Bucky said quickly.  He didn’t even think before the words left his mouth, but he didn’t regret it.  He regretted the timing, the lawyers might not have all the information they would need to start to reveal Stane’s guilty and ruin him, but he didn’t regret speaking the truth to these women.

They shared a look, the older woman sighing softly as the younger woman nodded.  “Yes, Mr. Rogers has been very vocal about it being Stane.”  She said.

Bucky smiled at that.  For a very brief moment, nothing more than a blink of the eye, Bucky wondered why Steve hadn’t talked to him about it, but he hadn’t talked to anyone before stating it.  It didn’t sit right with him that they had taken pieces of Tony’s story and sharing them with these people, but he refused to ever regret saying it.  He would tell the whole world it was Stane to keep him safe.  That monster started it.  He started it eight years ago when he put his hands on a child and he started it when he released that video to hurt that kid again.

“Alright, how come you haven’t done anything about it?”  Bucky asked, leaning back in his uncomfortable plastic chair and crossing his arms.

“There isn’t proof, there isn’t evidence.”  The younger woman said.  She kept eye contact with Bucky, her gaze unwavering.  “Tony isn’t elaborating and honestly, I’m not saying I don’t believe you, but without Tony confirming and without actual evidence there is nothing anyone can do about Obadiah Stane.”

Bucky closed his eyes and nodded.  They had talked about this before, him and Steve holding each other and talking about what could happen in the future, Stane had money and Howard’s company under his control and no one was going to believe the two of them.  He wanted to see Tony, promise him that everything will be okay and that he’ll be safe, and beg him to tell people.

Bucky read each paper closely.  He wanted to trust these women, wanted to believe they wouldn’t screw him over.  They were both tired and exhausted, with dark circles and pale skin.  It would be nice to think that they were working hard on keeping Tony safe and that they cared about the kid’s wellbeing.  Bucky wanted to trust them, but he still read the papers closely before signing and consenting.

It would be a while before they would let him see Tony.  They had to be absolutely certain he wouldn’t hurt him and Bucky could respect that.  He didn’t like it, but Tony was a child in the public eye who had been hurt for so long no one could afford to take any risks.  Bucky could wait to see Tony just as long as he knew the boy was alright.

Once all the papers were signed and he agreed to a background check, drug test, psychological evaluation, and a more thorough interview, he went to wait in the hall for Steve.  They had come here together, holding hands and promising that everything will be alright.  Bucky didn’t believe it would be and he thought that maybe Steve didn’t either, but they still had to keep promising each other.

“How did it go?”  Steve asked, walking down the hall and smiling at him softly.  He looked tired too.  Everyone looked so damn exhausted these days and Bucky wondered if he looked the same.  Pale, shadows under his eyes, a constant look of worry.  Maybe parenting wasn’t a good look for him.

“Have you been pushing them to let me see Tony?”  Bucky asked, standing up to greet him.  His arms went around Steve without a moment’s hesitation.  It had felt like so long that he could just enjoy being with Steve and not feeling angry, bitter, or conflicted.  This situation was so stressful that he thought he might lose his mind, but being on good terms with Steve made it a bit more bearable.

“Well, yes.”  Steve said.  He held Bucky tightly and kissed his temple.  “He’s your kid, our kid.  I may be the only legal guardian, but that doesn’t make me more important.”

Bucky smiled and he buried his face in Steve’s neck.  He wanted to stay right here for a little while, wrapped around his lover, but the real world was calling to them and they had responsibilities that couldn’t be ignored.  They pulled apart, linked arms, and started heading for the exit.

“How’s the kid?”  Bucky asked.

“He’s looking real good.  They had him see the doctors, ran all the tests they needed to, and it’s all mostly good news.  He’s clean, but we knew that already.  He’s not on any drugs, no illnesses or diseases, no signs of self-harm since that last time.  He even got contacts and a new therapist.”  Steve said softly.  Bucky wondered how Tony was feeling, if he was safe at all or if he felt angry and scared.  He wondered if Tony looked as tired and run down as everyone else seemed to.

“A new therapist?  Tony probably hates that.”  Bucky said.

“Yeah, he does.”  Steve said.  He held Bucky even tighter as they left the clean, white building and out onto the dirty streets of the city.  It felt so weird leaving Tony behind there and not being able to take him home.  Bucky missed him.  “How’re the battle plans coming?  We ready to kill Stane yet?”

“Not yet, but soon.  Natasha tracked down Tony’s old nanny and she said she would be willing to talk to us.  Even got a few people from that rehab center Tony was at before.”  Bucky said.  He was ready for the day they all went public with the evidence they accumulated and people finally started believing them when they told the truth.  “You should come talk to them with me.”


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... it's been a while. I've had a few things, been a bit down, but things are going great right now. I'm on the upswing and I've been very busy. Thank you for the patience! <3<3

“If they find out I’m telling you all this, I could lose my job.”  The woman said firmly, her arms crossed in front of her chest.  “So unless we go to court then none of this information is real.”

Bucky shared a look with Steve.  This woman was small and looked very tired.  The bags under her eyes looked just like the ones under his own, and under Steve’s.  Everyone seemed to have the same tired look these days.

“We appreciate you agreeing to speak with us Mrs. Baker.  We fully intend to get this to court as soon as we can.”  Steve said calmly. 

Bucky reached over and took his hand.  The tiniest bits of affection they could exchange these days were enough to comfort one another but it wasn’t enough to keep them going.  Not for long.  But until this was settled holding hands would have to do.  Everything else wasn’t important.

“Call me Coretta.  Or Cora, or Cory, or whatever you want just so we can skip the formalities.  I’m here for Tony.”  She said.  Her tone was demanding and Bucky could respect that.  They were all here to help Tony.  “I knew someone was hurting that boy the moment I met him.  Little boys don’t act the way he did unless something bad has been happening.  I noticed it, the other nurses noticed it, the doctors, the counselors, everyone knew something was wrong.  We see shit like that all the time.” 

The room was already tense.  None of them had really relaxed in weeks.  That trip was meant to be their time to relax, to heal, and it was cut short by some monster with intent to hurt.  He could only imagine what Tony was like before rehab, before he got clean.  Back when he was a fourteen year old addict who hadn’t gotten a break from his abuser since he was eight years old.  If Tony was a problem child when he showed up at their door then he was probably worse when he showed up to rehab.  The kid needed help.

“When he first showed up he was aggressive.  Which isn’t uncommon for teenagers who show up there, but usually it dies down fairly quickly.  Tony though, once his aggression died down he became almost needy and affectionate.  He would find the nurses who were the nicest to him, follow them around, and he never bothered anyone, he just wanted to be in the same room.  It was always the women, the men he avoided as if they were plagued.  If he had to talk to them, like his psychologist or someone, then the aggression came back.  Not as bad as it was when he first started, but he would say such cruel things, try to push people over the edge.”  Coretta said, her hands rubbing against one another as she talked about what she remembered.  Bucky knew how Tony acted when he first got here, a brat ready to tear their hearts out if they came too close.  “If a woman in there was nice to him then he latched onto her like she was his mother.  He was desperate for the smallest gentle gestures, but he was terrified of every man he met.  He spent a lot of time following me around.  I noticed it right away, all the little quirks he had.”

“Did you have a problem with him throwing out his clothes?”  Steve asked, squeezing Bucky’s hand tight.

Coretta nodded immediately.  “Yes, that first day.  He threw them all into the trash and willingly wore whatever clothes we brought him.  If his parents sent his clothes from home then he threw those out as well.  I asked him why, he said they weren’t clean.  I told him it was nonsense, I could wash them now.  He told me it wouldn’t do any good.”  She said.  Her voice was getting soft as she spoke, her eyes looking far away.  “Children like him always find the strangest ways to cope.  They build up these ideas in their head that throwing out their clothes, or hiding their shoes, or sleeping under the bed will keep them safe.  But if it makes him feel safe then let him do it, that’s what I say.”

Bucky nodded in agreement.  They weren’t desperate for money, they could buy new clothes.  They could buy Tony anything in the world as long as he felt safe.  He liked this woman, she seemed to understand.  Tony was still a child, still young and scared and he needed people to protect him.

“I assumed he wasn’t doing well.  He had just turned fourteen and ended up with us because of an overdose.  I had to go through his suitcase to find any drugs he had hidden away.  He had a lot of heroin on him.  I had to get rid of it, of course, but he said someone would just bring him more.  He looked so sad about it.  So there were no visitors for a while but he had access to the entire staff of the place.  It was after he had been clean for a few days, when we were trying to clean out his system.  He told one of the other nurses that he needed it, that it made all the feelings easier because the hands never went away.”  This woman looked relieved, her words spilling out of her as she talked about Tony and Bucky could only understand how she must have felt, keeping all this in for so long.  “I feel like I’m rambling and like I’m not making sense, but I knew someone was hurting him.  The others saw it too but everyone was too scared to say anything in case it was the mega-wealthy Howard Stark who could ruin all of us.  I mean, it’s my fault.  I have a family, I have a mortgage, I have responsibilities.  If I lost my job because I said too much then I would be on the streets.  But what kind of selfish monster am I that I sacrificed that sweet boy to some monster?”

“But you’ll talk now?” Steve asked.

Coretta nodded eagerly.  “I will.  I don’t have any proof, but I’ve known plenty of people that went through that facility for help, I know what they do when they need extra help.  I should have done more for him.  It was someone close to him, an adult, it had been happening for a while.  I’ll tell everyone everything if you can get who did this into a court room.”  She said firmly.

Bucky didn’t think it would come to that.  He thought for sure they would kill Stane, he would beat the man to death with his bare hands if he had the chance now.  If he could turn back time he would never leave Tony alone, wouldn’t let that happen to him again.  He would kill Stane before he had the chance to get away.  It was long overdue at this point.  Bucky didn’t care if it all failed and he went to prison.  He just didn’t care anymore.  After listening to the woman from the rehab facility talk and after listening to his old nanny, who told a heartbreaking story of a happy and smiling little boy who changed one day into someone scared and angry, an eight year old who would scream and kick at people until they got away from him.  She had told them earlier about how Tony would run off and hide whenever his parents wanted to send him to Mr. Stane’s.  She said that whenever Tony came back once the weekend was over he was quiet and withdrawn, hiding away from everyone only to have an outburst at the slightest provocation.  The nanny had told them this morning, before Coretta arrived to tell them her story, about the one time Tony sought her out and held her hand and tell her that he didn’t want to go back, Mr. Stane touched him bad.

“I told one of the security guards, asked him to watch over Tony while I tried to find Mr. Stark, or anyone.  I thought they would help Tony, get that man away from him.  I was escorted out of the house and soon after that I didn’t have a job anymore.”  She had told him.  The words still rung in Bucky’s head.  Both women knew Tony, knew how this whole thing had affected him.  It would be good for them, having more witnesses in their corner ready to incriminate Stane.

The team’s plan was a very public legal battle where they got the world to hate Stane so much so that when Bucky finally killed him the world wouldn’t care.  It would be a blessing and parents would put their children to bed feeling safer. 

Coretta left soon after she was done talking, asking them to give her best wishes to Tony.  Bucky hadn’t heard back about his background checks or his drug or psychological screenings.  As of right now he’s not allowed to see Tony.  He didn’t know how the kid was doing, or if he was happy and safe.  He didn’t know if he was gaining weight or losing it.

Steve looked at him, his eyes soft as they were alone now.  He held his arms open for Bucky to step into.  There had been little more than stress for weeks, stress and anger and pain.  All that negativity was putting a strain on everything.  Bucky didn’t go to bed happy anymore being in Steve’s arms.  He didn’t wake up happy that they were all together.

“One day we’ll realize that we survived this and things will be just as they should.”  Steve whispered into his ear as Bucky sank against him.  “Tony will be happy.  He’ll feel safe.  He’s going to heal.  We’re going to be okay.”

Bucky didn’t know if any of that was certain.  He just knew that he had to see Tony again before he killed Stane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are much appreciated.  
> Sorry for the long delay.


	36. Chapter 36

The call came around eleven in the morning.  After extensive background checks and tests, interviews, and even Tony apparently insisting that Bucky was okay, he was allowed to visit.  Bucky had been in such a shock that for a moment he stood there frozen in Peggy’s kitchen as everyone drank coffee and enjoyed a late breakfast as they set him up with a time to see Tony. 

He spent a long time trying to figure out what to wear.  Tony probably didn’t care, unless he dressed like it was a special occasion.  Tony would hate that so it’s exactly what Bucky did.  He put on his nicest dress shirt and black slacks.  He combed his hair until he looked presentable and tried to calm down.  It had been just a few weeks since he had seen Tony, but it felt like years.  He wondered how different the boy was, if he had changed at all, if he was okay.

His heart was beating fast as they walked into the building and waited, as they talked to the agents in charge of Tony’s case, and it was so fast it felt like it might beat out of his chest when they led him to the room.  He took a moment to gather himself, catch his breath and calm his pounding heart before walking in.

“You look like a loser.”  Tony said calmly.  He was leaning back in a comfortable looking recliner in what looked like a large, empty lounge area.

Bucky was surprised at how different he looked.  Tony had new glasses, his hair was messy, and his cheeks were fuller.  He looked healthier, well rested, and relaxed.  Bucky couldn’t remember seeing Tony like that, he let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and felt so damn happy that the kid seemed to be doing okay.

“And here I though you would be flattered that I got all dressed up for you.”  Bucky said, smiling at the boy as he took a seat in another old recliner.  He didn’t think Child Protective Services usually let kids visit their parents in such comfortably rooms, but Tony was probably a special case.

“God, no thank you.  I hate it.  Should have come in sweats and some coffee stained shirt.  Or not come at all.”  Tony said.

Bucky felt like things were almost back to normal.  They were meeting in a lounge room at a CPS office and Bucky was getting ready to hand over information and witnesses to the authorities to bring Stane to trial, and here Tony was insulting him like he always did.  It was more comforting than it should be.

“Well this is a special moment for me, you’re lucky I didn’t just wear a suit.”  Bucky said.  “I did miss you Tony.  How are you?  Are you doing okay with these people?”

“Relax, Mama Bear.  I’m doing real good.  The lady they put me with has a few foster kids and they made me a cake for my first day.  And she also has a bunch of rescue dogs and we all got stuck doing chores taking care of them.  It’s nice in a rustic, dirty kind of way.”  Tony said.

Bucky couldn’t help but smile.  He was so damn happy to be seeing his kid again and knowing that Tony was doing okay was the best thing in the world.  If dogs made Tony happy then Bucky would adopt hundreds.  If it was the cake then Bucky would open a bakery.  Whatever it was that made Tony happy and smile that soft, real smile of his Bucky would make sure Tony had it.

One moment Tony looked relaxed and happy, if a bit tired, and then he blinked and his smile slipped off his face.  “You’re not going to cry, are you?  I’m emotionally overwhelmed and thus I handle other people’s emotions with jokes and dismissive gestures.”  Tony said, reaching up and scratching the back of his head.  “At least that’s what my new therapist said when I told her that the reason she isn’t married yet is because she dresses like an eighty year old nanny.  She’s nice though, laughs at my jokes.”

“I’m not going to cry,” Bucky promised, though the bluntness of Tony’s voice almost made him want to laugh.  “Crying won’t do anyone any good.  I’m just really happy right now.  We’re going to bring you home soon, we’re staying with Peggy and Angie right now and we’ve been talking to a lot of people who want you to be okay.  So we’re going to build our home together and you’re going to get everything that belongs to you.  You’re going to be just fine and I’m relieved.”

Tony clenched his jaw and looked down at his hands as he shifted in the seat, putting his legs up and getting more comfortable.  “Steve’s been telling me about that.  He said you guys were going after Obie.  I told him not to.”

“I’m sorry, but consider it more for my peace of mind than yours.  I would weigh on my conscience too much if that man lived a peaceful life.”  Bucky said.  He wished he had something to drink, or something to hold to keep his hands busy.  “So I’m going to tell you exactly what’s going to happen because we’ve been doing most of the work for the prosecution anyway.  We’re going to sue Stane for everything he has that belongs to you, he’s going to say we’re unfit parents and try to counter sue and win custody.  We have a whole case built against him, but our ace in the hole is you.  If you are willing to testify then he would be locked away in the blink of an eye.”

Bucky hated how Tony’s face looked when he was afraid.  It wasn’t obvious that he was scared, but his frown was stiff and his eyes downcast and he looked more sad and resigned that outright frightened.  Bucky never wanted to see that look again.

“You’re an idiot.”  Tony said simply.

“I know.  But I want you to come home and feel safe.  You can call me an idiot every day for the rest of my life if you want and it’ll make me the happiest almost parent on the face of the Earth.  I hate to admit it but you’ve grown on me.  After everything I can understand why you don’t want to.  It’s stirring trouble and you just want to keep yourself safe, but people will believe you and they will want to help.  If you can trust me when I say it’ll work out, your testimony will win the case.  All you have to do is tell everyone everything you told me.”

“You believe me.”  Tony said.

Bucky nodded.  So many people had failed Tony in the past it was no wonder he was nervous about this, but Bucky could only hope that if Tony had come forward sooner he would have been the kind of person to listen and believe him on his word.  It would have saved a lot of trouble.  Tony took a deep breath and crossed his arms, staring blankly at some part of the floor.

“And if I testify he’ll go to prison?”  Tony asked, finally looking up to face Bucky.

“If he doesn’t then I’ll kill him myself.”  Bucky said.

“I want you to swear to me.  Swear on Steve, swear on that beautiful metal arm my dad gave you, swear on everything because I promise that if you let that man touch me again I will make sure you have nothing.”  Tony hissed, his eyes wide like a desperate animal and Bucky hung on every word.  “If you swear, I’ll tell them.  I’ll tell everyone if you want.  Swear I’ll be okay.”


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive. I'm just having a tough few months. I graduated, I moved 2000 miles away, I'm technically living in a motel room, but I have gotten back into the swing of writing.

In the blink of an eye Tony had turned into the most talkative and open boy they had ever seen.  He spoke to his case workers, he spoke to the police, and he even offered to speak to the press.  Bucky had already heard Tony talk about his experiences, about the horrible things that happened, and although Tony had the strength to retell it again and again Bucky didn’t have the strength to listen to it repeatedly.

He wanted to tell himself that this was a good thing, that Tony would get the help he needed and that monster would be locked away and get what he deserved.  Or he would at least have his name soiled and ran through the mud, then Bucky could handle the rest.  But no one else seemed to see it.  No one else was as relieved to have Tony talking as he was.

“Don’t.  It’s not that they don’t care, it’s just… overwhelming.  No one wants to hear that.  No one wants to take down an industry giant.”  Steve said slowly.

Bucky didn’t feel a lot of pity for these people.  Case workers and police officers who had to figure out how to take down a billionaire for doing something so evil to a child, but Bucky didn’t care.  They could all go home safe and sound and Bucky had to take his kid and his boyfriend and rebuild all of their lives once this was over.  Or he would go to prison.  Either way Tony was going to be safe. 

“Yeah, but you know what?  Tony’s going to be okay.  The shit finally realized he was going to be okay.  He’s talking at least.”  Bucky said.  He kept their promise close.  Stane was never going to touch him again.  Tony trusted him when he promised that.

When everyone was done getting Tony’s story down and recorded again and again, drawing out the series of events that lead to this whole moment.  His testimony would be priceless and Tony didn’t spare a single gruesome detail.  Bucky wanted to take him home, he wanted to make sure Tony had a warm place to sleep and food to eat and a loving family.  He didn’t know what CPS was doing with the kid but it was probably fine.  Bucky would just feel better if he had Tony back home with them.

When Tony was done recounting his story they all had a meeting with his caseworkers.  Steve and Bucky sat on either side of the kid and faced the women who was in charge of Tony’s care.  Hopefully now that they had what they wanted they could take the boy home and let him rest.  The women looked serious.

“As we all know this isn’t an easy situation.  Something like that should have never happened and we are going to do what we can to make sure justice is served.  But it’s not going to be easy.” The younger of the two women said, her hands on the table in front of her and her eyes red and bloodshot.

“We would want to take Tony home.  If he thinks he would be more comfortable at home with us then we would want him to come home.”  Steve said.  Bucky nodded, though he wished they could go back to that cabin in the woods that they didn’t get to spend enough time in.  It was a break from it all, he just hoped they would be able to go back once this was over.

“Is that what you want?”  The older woman asked, her eyes soft as she looked at Tony.

For a moment Bucky thought Tony would say no.  After everything maybe the kid still hated them and still wanted nothing to do with them.  Maybe he held onto the bitter and angry feelings they both had the first few days they were together.  Tony might still hate them for not protecting him.  Bucky wouldn’t blame him for that.

“I want to go home please.  I won’t run off, I’ll testify and I’ll talk and whatever, but to be honest I’m getting sick of the food here.”  Tony said.  His mouth tilted up on one corner and he looked okay.  Despite the exhaustion in his eyes and the way he hung his head in what looked like defeat, but compared to how he had looked back then he looked just fine.  Tony just needed a nap.

“Well, we’ll see what we can do.  No promises, this is a very serious matter and everyone is on their toes, but you are the priority.”  They said.

It was a small hope.  A small chance that they could settle down again soon before the trial happened.  Hopefully the police had everything they needed to make an arrest.  They weren’t the best parents, they had neglected a lot of Tony’s needs and let him get hurt inside their own home, but Bucky was determined to never let it happen again.  Tony would go to every doctor and get every checkup he needed.  If Bucky had to sit in the waiting room of every doctor in New York to make sure Tony got what he needed then Bucky would happy with that life.

For tonight they had to go home alone while the beurocrats went over Tony’s case bit by bit to figure out what they could do.  The police had to risk arresting one of the wealthiest men in America while the Child Protective Service had to decide if it was in everyone’s best interest to let Tony go home.  The kid was on the cover of every magazine and on the front page of every newspaper.  He was a spectacle, the damaged and abused Stark boy.  Bucky wanted to call up every reporter and scream at them that Tony was still just a kid.

It wouldn’t do any good.  So Bucky and Steve went home and slumped onto the couch, delicious smells coming from the kitchen as Peggy and Angie enjoyed a private moment making dinner.  Bucky just leaned against Steve, resting his head on the man’s shoulder and letting exhaustion seep in and drag him to sleep.  Steve was always warm and he was always comfortable.

“This will work out, you’ll see.  We are all going to be okay.”  Steve whispered.  He kept whispering the same sentiment over and over, his large hand running up and down Bucky’s back as he did.  Bucky was so close to just dropping off and falling asleep that he was almost sure it wasn’t real. 

It was darker when he opened his eyes again.  Steve’s hand was brushing through his hair and the smells in the kitchen had only gotten stronger.  It was intoxicating, his mouth watering as he slowly eased into alertness.  Dinner was done and after such a long day he was starving.  He got up and stretched, taking just a moment to appreciate the wide, relaxed smile on Steve’s face before leaning in to kiss it.

He had gone to sleep with that man’s promises that things were going to be okay and Bucky believed him.  Tonight they would have dinner, they would wait for an update on whether not the arrest has been made, and then they would work on bringing Tony home with them.  They could just stay here with Peggy and Angie, they could all just coexist and take care of that boy.  Bucky wasn’t an idiot.  He knew he wasn’t cut out to be the parent Tony needed, no one was, so he didn’t see why they couldn’t all do it together.

Bucky walked into the kitchen where he found Peggy and Angie leaning against one another and testing the food.  Only testing, they would swear it if Bucky said anything.  He went to the cabinets and gathered a bunch of plates to set the table.  Four plates, he put the fifth one back in its spot.  They didn’t need it yet.  They had a large table that was perfect for large gatherings.  He could remember the countless times they had come over to a dinner party or a holiday feast.  The whole family would have no trouble finding a place.

“So I have an idea.  One that just popped into my head.”  Bucky said.  He put a fork and knife next to each plate.  Everyone would grab their own drinks.  “When we get Tony back, we could just stay here.  Help with the bills.  Give Tony some chores, it’ll be good for him.”

“Sounds good.  We can all keep a better eye on him then.”  Angie said as she and Peggy brought over the food and set it in the center of the table.  Oven baked chicken and instant potatoes.  The rolls were store bought but they were still good.  “We still have his room from when Howard would leave the poor boy with us for a while.  He may have outgrown it a bit but he can live with it.  How long were you thinking of staying?”

Bucky looked back at Steve and the man raised an eyebrow.  “Forever?”  Steve said softly.  Bucky nodded in agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try not to wait months for another update. I have been doing a lot of writing the past few days.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just thought I would add a bit more.

Tony coming home was a spectacle.  It was reason for a big celebration for the family but a circus for the media.  Especially so soon after the very public arrest of Stane, Tony coming home to them was like a cloud parting and letting in the sun.  They had managed to get Tony back to Peggy and Angie’s without issue from the press, but the story was on every paper and every news station.

Despite their efforts, Tony insisted on watching each news cast.  Bucky hated it.  He loved looking out into the living room and seeing his brat kid on the couch in his pajamas and a bunch of snacks sitting on the table in front of him.  Tony looked relaxed, he had been eating well since he had been gone, there was a fullness in his cheeks and he no longer looked sick.  The kid had almost changed entirely.  He looked healthier, his eyes a bit more focused, and Bucky felt guilty knowing that time away from them had done Tony so much good.  But now he was here with them, obsessively watching a few reporters try to pick apart the video and the arrest, and debating about it as if it was a mistake and hadn’t nearly destroyed a child’s life.

Bucky had been watching from the kitchen.  He was supposed to be helping everyone make dinner, but he was far too distracted.  They all were, he was just the most obvious about it.  Steve put down the knife he was using to skin the potatoes and went to stand at the door beside him.

“It’ll be less awkward if we go in there to bother him together.”  Bucky said. 

“Wouldn’t we be crowding him though?  Maybe he just needs space.”  Steve said.

Bucky rolled his eyes.  The man thought too deeply on stuff like that and right now Bucky just wanted to go into the living room and sit with his kid.  It shouldn’t be such a dilemma.  He walked out into the living room.  Tony looked up at him as Bucky got close, nodding to let him know it was okay to sit down.  The news was loud, it grated on his nerves.  When they started debating on whether or not this was all just a stunt designed because Tony wanted attention he had to turn it off.

“I was watching that.” Tony said, turning to glare at him.  It was strangely nice.

“Well, I don’t want you to and as the adult what I say goes.”  Bucky said.  He tried not to smile, he was just damn happy to have Tony back.

“Okay.  First of all, go fuck yourself.  Secondly, I’m old enough to control what I watch.  Besides, I’m not buying into their bullshit if that’s what you’re thinking.  I’m only watching in case they want viewers to call in.  One of them has the ugliest hair I’ve ever seen, like an absurd amount of hairspray.  Almost makes your mop hair look decent.”  Tony said quickly.

The rush of words made Bucky’s head spin.  He must be out of practice.  Dealing with Tony took practice and he hadn’t gotten enough of it.  Instead of being angry he felt a burst of warm pride as he laughed.  Steve had come to join them, walking slow and cautiously as he sat down beside them.

“I missed you kid.  You keep my ego in check.  Honestly my self-esteem was having too much time to grow with you gone.”  Bucky said.  His hand found Steve’s and he held it tight.

“Then I have a lot of catching up to do.  You did say in one of our numerous emotional heart-to-hearts that I could call you an idiot every day and I intend to do just that.”  Tony said with a smile.  He leaned towards them slightly, but not enough to touch.  It was something though.  “Can we turn the tv back on?  We’ll watch CNN this time.  They’re slightly less offensive.”

“Slightly?”  Steve asked.

Tony nodded, a mischievous grin on his face.  “Yeah.  I guess it depends on how you look at it.  CNN implied that shit happened because I was too desperate for attention from adults.  Which in my opinion is better than Fox News implying that I made the whole thing up for attention.  Either way, it sucks and I’m an attention whore.”

Bucky was pissed off and he was glad he had attempted to avoid the media fiasco, but if the way Steve was squeezing his hand he was enraged as well.  Bucky was already planning on killing Stane and if he had to add a few dickhead reporters to his list then so be it.  He had done worse when he was with SHIELD.

“You guys shouldn’t make that face.  I know what happened and I know why.  It’s not my fault, right?”  Tony said. 

He did seem much more relaxed about it all.  Bucky wanted to be relieved but he couldn’t quite shake the feeling of worry.  It wasn’t too long ago that he had dragged that boy from the shower, gripping tight to bleeding wrists and holding on.  Letting go meant he would bleed out.  Bucky wasn’t letting go now either.

“None of this is your fault.  No matter what, it’s that man’s fault for doing what he did to you.  You’re a child.”  Steve said. 

Bucky nodded in agreement.  It was easy to see that Tony needed attention.  He needed it because the people who mattered to a little kid, his parents, didn’t give him enough.  Bucky could see how that would put Tony in a position to be hurt, a child who just wanted someone to care enough to pay attention wouldn’t see when someone wanted to take advantage of that.  It wasn’t Tony’s fault though.  Bucky would be willing to let that tv turn on if there was anyone willing to point out that a grown man took advantage and hurt a child instead of trying to make it about how Tony put himself in that position or was lying about it happening.

“Let’s just watch cartoons.”  Bucky said.  He could see the annoyance in Tony’s face at Steve calling him a child, and he wanted to stop an actual fight from happening.  Tony nodded, letting the topic fall.  The kid was exhausted.  It was clear that Tony was tired as he just slumped against the couch and leaned onto Bucky’s arm.

It was a silly cartoon, all fart jokes and bright colors but it seemed to help sooth whatever tension had managed to seep into the room. Tony was close to falling asleep when Peggy and Angie finished dinner, both angry at Steve and Bucky’s disappearance, but he guessed that quality time with their kid was helping them out.  They wouldn’t die today.

“You two may have managed to get out of making dinner but now both of you have to wash the dishes.”  Angie said.

Steve and Bucky both groaned in unison as they asll sat down at the table to start passing the food around.  Tony was still tired, groggy, and confused as he rubbed his eyes and didn’t protest as they piled his plate high with food. Tony had put on some weight while he was gone, they wanted to keep that up.  Tony was looking healthy and rested, Bucky wanted this to be a safe place where his kid could take care of himself.  Tony looked down at all of the food in surprise but didn’t argue as he started to eat.

“Hungry?”  Peggy asked with a chuckle.

Tony nodded.  “You think I don’t know your plan?  Making my favorite foods on my first night home?”  Tony said.  The kid stuck his tongue out at them all.

“It’s only for you sweetheart.  Pegs was gone for a week for work a few months back and she had to make her own dinner.  You get special treatment you know.”  Angie said happily.

“Well I did get a different kind of treat when I got back.”  Peggy said.

Tony’s face scrunched up and he shook his head.  “Gross.”

Bucky felt warm.  He was so damn happy that they were all here now.  They had their kid, Steve was squeezing his hand on top of the table, and Peggy and Angie were laughing at their own personal jokes.  They were all here at the dinner table and Bucky hoped they could stay like this forever.  At the end of such a stressful few months it would be a great way for it to settle down.

He hoped things could stay so calm, but the news was still in the back of his mind.  Impersonal reporters with no real stake in the case just tearing down a child who got hurt.  He wanted to find all of them, give them a piece of his mind.  Bucky looked at Tony, who leaned across the table to tell a simple joke to Peggy and Angie with a relaxed smile.  He was okay, Bucky was going to make sure it stayed that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has it been six months????????????????????????????

Tony wasn’t an idiot.  He did stupid things all the time but that didn’t mean he was stupid.  He knew he was being abused almost as soon as Obie first put his hands on him.  Not immediately, but he figured it out fast enough that if he told the right people it never would have happened again.  But he didn’t and by the time he was ready to tell people it was too late.

So, genius as he was, he figured he would never see his old nanny again.  She had promised to do something and help him, but she was gone in the blink of an eye.  Tony knew that if he told more people, if he told everyone, then someone would do something.  He didn’t tell anyone else for a long time.  He didn’t want them all to go away.  He didn’t want to know for sure if his parents knew or not.

He watched the news constantly, trying to imagine what would have happened if everyone found out when he was still a kid, an eight year old when it first started.  It might have been on the news like it was now.  It would have been a controversy, more people might be more sympathetic to him.  He couldn’t imagine the things people said about him being said to an eight year old version of him.  He was an attention seeking slut, a whore who slept with business men to make a name for himself, an addict and a liar.  The most popular thing was that he fucked people for drugs.

The last one was technically true.  Obie gave it to him first, got him hooked on heroin to stop the pain, stop him from fidgeting and crying, stop him from moving too much.  Obie didn’t like that.  Obie gave it to him and Obie threatened to take it away.  Still, it wouldn’t have been said about an eight year old.

Tony saw a lot of people he never intended to see again, all on the news.  He saw Miss Judy, his old nanny before she was fired.  She looked older, her hair cut short, wearing one of those knit cardigans she always liked so much and said it was because the mansion was so drafty.  He saw Coretta from rehab, avoiding the cameras as she hid in her hotel room.  He saw Happy, his old driver who was fired when Tony was thirteen because Obie convinced Howard to hire a different one.  They were all witnesses for the prosecution, the media had blasted their names all over the place as soon as they got them.

Tony was smart, he knew Obie was doing it.  It always seemed that everything Obie did was to hurt him.  He was trying to scare them away and Tony was sure it would work.  They would all disappear as fast as they had arrived because of the reporters hounding them and their families now.  Tony watched the news, imagining an eight year old watching the news tear apart people there to testify on his behalf.

He watched the news every day.  He watched it even though everyone told him to turn it off.  He watched as people tore him apart to try and find every detail of what happened so they could report it, analyze it, be entertained by it.  He tried to tell himself it was better that he waited, he felt much better at handling it all now.  An eight year old couldn’t handle this.

He watched it because there were a lot of people on his side.  People made signs and stood outside of Stark Industries, accusing the corporation of shielding Obie.  So many people, with signs that were so nice to him and so cruel to his abuser.  He could read as an eight year old.  Seeing that would have made it so much easier when he was a kid.

It was the night before the trial was officially supposed to start.  No one was sleeping and Bucky had stared up at the ceiling for hours as he imagined what would happen.  Stane has a lawyer worth several million dollars.  They had a prosecutor, a few small time lawyers, and Tony.  Tony tiptoed into their room that night, eyes red and sleepy but refusing to close.  Bucky didn’t question him, neither did Steve.  Tony wanted to lay between them on top of the blankets and they let him without argument.

Tony told them so much.  Bucky listened as he rambled about the news and about being a little kid.  Tony was still so young.  He was sixteen but half his life had been a constant state of stress and fear and Bucky heard nothing but a little boy talking to him, telling him about how much he needed to watch the news.  Bucky didn’t reach out to touch him.  He didn’t hold him.  He didn’t say anything as Tony cried, as hard as it was.  He gave Tony the space he needed to get out what he needed to.

“It’s worth it though, right?  It’s better I waited?”  Tony whispered, his voice rough and shaky.  Bucky’s heart sank for him.  “I couldn’t have handled it then, so I’m lucky I waited.  It was worth it.”

‘Worth it’ was what Tony kept saying.  Bucky knew what he meant, Tony wanted reassurance that he hadn’t suffered eight years of abuse for no reason at all. Tony wanted to feel like he made the right decision.  Tony wanted to have peace of mind about going through it now.  There wasn’t a right answer.  Nothing was worth what had happened.  Bucky would rather go back and make sure none of it had happened at all.

“Fuck it, yeah.  I’m happy I waited.  They’re dead now.  I don’t gotta know for sure.”  Tony said.

Steve was the one to break the silence first, Tony had conquered the air with his own need to speak and neither of them wanted to stop it until now.  Steve cleared his throat and Bucky felt the bed shift as Steve moved.

“Who?”  He asked.

“Mom and dad.  They’re gone.  I don’t have to know what they would have said to the press.  Mom said told me once it would look bad on the family if anyone heard me making up stories.  It hurt then and now that she’s gone, I don’t have to hear her say it again.  I don’t have to hear her call me a liar to the world.”  Tony said softly.  “Maybe she knew.  Maybe they both knew and they just didn’t want it to get out.  They didn’t want anyone to know and I ruined all of it.”

“They’re dead Tony.” Bucky said quickly, wanting to cut off that line of thought now.  “Your mom was a bitch for saying that to you back then and I’ll never forgive her for that, but what they wanted and what they would have thought about this situation doesn’t exist anymore.  It’s all gone.  We’ll never know what they would have said or done.  I found out and beat the shit out of the guy, Steve got you to a hospital.  Rhodey came on vacation with us.  Peggy and Angie let us move in with them. People love you.”

“See, it was worth it.”  Tony said, letting out a whisper of a laugh.  “If I hadn’t waited, and they tried to cover it up or called me a liar. Fuck, if they knew.  I would have died.”

Bucky believed him.

Tony was still sniffling, but he was touching them now, his head tucked against Steve and his feet pressed against Bucky.  The bed wasn’t big enough for all of them, but Bucky was happy to see him getting comfortable.  He still hadn’t gotten under the covers, that layer was still there between them, and it was probably for the best. 

“What if he gets away with it?”  Tony asked.

“Then I’ll kill him.”  Bucky said without hesitation.

“Enough people hate him now.  Most of the world thinks he’s guilty.  When someone’s so widely hated then way more people have motive to do it.”  Steve said.  “Then we’ll go back to that vacation home.  You can bring Rhodey.”

“You promise?”  Tony said.  He sounded so tired now.  He had spent the night talking and crying and exhausting himself of all the energy he had.  He was going to fall asleep any moment now.

“Yeah, Tony.  I promise.” Steve said.

“Bucky?”

Bucky hummed.  He was trying to remember every news program he had caught Tony watching, everything they had said about him, when Tony said his name.  It took a moment to fully comprehend what Tony wanted.  He wanted Bucky to promise.  Bucky said he would kill Stane and Tony wanted a promise.  This kid tried to make himself feel better about keeping his abuse a secret by imagining an eight year old watching the news say horrible things, and Tony wanted Bucky to promise that the man who hurt him wouldn’t get away with it.

“Yeah, kid.  I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the six months of no updates. It's not abandoned, I've just had a hell of a year. We're nearing the end soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. More to come.  
> Feel free to comment or follow my [tumblr](http://aceofultron.tumblr.com/)


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